maxter112233

[maxter112233]

Breakdowns strike again

I am saddened you had a breakdown yesterday. I am sad to know that after my research you fit the criteria very well. You have past trauma and this triggered you to be resentful to some things and become a SMW/WLW. You have PCOS to make things worse.

I hope you are not troubled by my presence and I am not causing you confusion. I know you are very attached to her but we have been talking each other deeply for many months now. We have known each other for almost 2 years. We have been keeping it to ourselves most of the time. You are my secret and I am a secret to you also.

But just like the past few months I am hoping and waiting for your message. Hoping you are physically and emotionally well.

[maxter112233]

Valerie for the nth time

I've known a lot about you ever since you gave me your full name. You are beautiful and your life so far is colorful. 2016-2019 your family is still intact and you are on your K12 years. By the time your parents separated, your life has drastically changed. I can sense it. You knew your so called special someone of the same sex and according to you she is your cousin. I can sense that she is obsessed with you. LOL

2021-2024 you are on your college years and you are living with your brother wherein I can sense the difficulty of making it through life as narrated when we chatted in Voya and via texting. I know life is hard and you had it harder. But thanks to your special set of friends you are making it through. If this special cousin of yours did not arrive for you maybe you would have been with the wrong guy. And I know you will not settle for less.

Oct 2023 we knew each other via the Voya app and we welcomed each other through our lives. You and I were somehow comfortable with each other. You stopped messaging by January 2024. I greeted you on your birthday and I got a reply. Then something came to my mind and I messaged you again on May 4, 2025. You replied a day after. Then I knew how hard life has been to you and your brother. You stopped going to school which made me sad. May 2025 was a busy month so I messaged you again on June 4 2024 and we knew each other deeply.

By then I had vowed that I will always help you. Till you finish your mission. It has not been easy for me emotionally and mentally since it can take time for me to understand what you were going through. I will admit that during the times when I was doubtful of you. And during those times made me uneasy and wanted to give up. But your words which do not lie soothes it. You are always honest. Honestly speaking not replying or slow replies make me anxious due to past experiences. You have so called red flags yet I chose to ignore it. Why?

Because I love you. I care for you. And I will always do my best to be at your side. We may be apart yet you are close to my heart.

3.13.25 8:37pm

[maxter112233]

Dear Valerie,

I hope one day you will be able to read everything that I posted on this blog.

Ever since the day I knew you i thought to myself that you were special. I an happy that I knew you and made me fall in love again. I finally got to get the feeling after almost 10 years. But loving you means getting hurt myself in the process (since its love). You had many red flags; your past, the people surrounding you and your sexuality. I have been getting jealous of your girlfriend. And since its midterms where your replies are so seldom and we are not talking like we used to, I have been thinking of another woman again that should come to my life to fill ip a huge hole in my current situation. However the mission to help you finish till you get a stable job is still there. I would be guilty if I cant finish what I started. Every late reply or none at all has made me think of just marrying someone who can give me peace right away. One whom I can lean to every time i get home from work. At this age I am still working on myself to be a better person than yesterday so that when that woman comes along she would be fortunate to have me. I have had enough of girls not replying fast or not replying at all.

3.12.25 8am

[maxter112233]

Figure things out. 3.10.25 950pm

Okay this might sound creepy.

But I am trying my best to understand everything.

You are trying or have become a lesbian as a revolt to this world. You have read too many wattpad stories that it affected how you view males and men. Add to that the trauma you experienced. You always wearing color black shows it. It seems you have a quarrel with your close friend. You now hate your brother. You wanna separate from him somehow

Maybe those things weighed you down these past months. I know how your mother looks like, she is as pretty as you. You have her eyes. And you have the lower face part of your father.

The curse of wattpad has affected you that it warrants a high standard male for yourself. Me too, I would not deny that my standards are high.

I am trying whatever I can to appease you. To make you happy. To give you peace and security. I love you.

[maxter112233]

3.5.25 618pm

Dear Valerie, you have not replied to me again. Again this is driving me nuts. Crazy. It’s making me worry.

I kinda somehow predict why you are not replying.

Lost phone. Beef with brother about family matters. Sick. Mentally ill or undergoing an emotional breakdown. This does not affect you only but to me as well.

Whatever weighs you down pls have the courage to speak to somebody. There are people who genuinely care for you and they will be there for you anytime. Me included. You need a hug. A nice chat. You need to learn how to open up. Otherwise its gonna clog up your chest real good that its gonna cause some breakdowns to yourself. I hope i get a reply tomorrow or the next day or sooner.

I love you.

[maxter112233]

A not so normal morning 3.5.25 733am

As i woke up my 1st thing to do is take my supplements or greet her a good morning.

I was so used having it all the time or most of the days that if I don’t get it drives me crazy.

I am imagining a lot of things but at the same time trying to understand what is happening.

The person you love can be your source of inspiration and happiness or cause of your anxiety or is the one driving you crazy. Crazy isn’t it?

[maxter112233]

Torn

Sometimes I am torn if I should continue or not. Why? Because of trauma.

Not getting a fast reply or something makes me anxious. It’s giving me mixed signals.

The 1st woman I fell in love with was like that. Later I found out that she was with another guy. So as you can see its not easy for me.

But she explained to me a lot of reasons as to why she cant or wont:

1. Sleeping right away

2. Getting away from gadgets

3. Mood swings

4. Event with family or relatives

5. Trouble with her brother which disrupts her mood

And sometimes I would find out on socmed

6. Being with her besties or rumored girlfriend

She explained it to me but due to my bitter experience I am finding it hard to believe.

And if I would stop helping her it would mean a huge guilt on my end. I started it and I should finish it. If she would like to be with me, or not so be it. Last night as I was travel I was thinking if someone who would be as pretty as her and having the same vibe would come, I would marry that woman right away. Maybe I am too selfish or just desperate to have someone in my life whom I can lean on. But yeah, the urge to help her finish is still there. In this very moment, I love her. And I am imagining a future with her.

[maxter112233]

Valerie

1st of March 2025 530pm. As we are wrapping slowly finishing our clinic duties I texted her as to how is she. It has been worrying that she is sick again. She might not reply making me worried about her even more.

I went to her city 2 weeks ago and I was able to see her. She is beautiful yet insecure as to what had happened on her body. I never met on her birthday/Valentines due to her mother, and I was never able to say goodbye to her personally which truly left me devastated. Hours later she would tell me the truth that she had fallen asleep hard and she slept at 3am because I made her overthink by not replying. That evened the score for both of us.

I love her dearly and would do anything for her. Aim is for her to finish school so she would be able to get out of situation which has been causing her stress. I want to help her.

Of course there is this part of me which is bitter because of her actions especially by not replying fast. No reply is a trauma for me courtesy of the 1st ever person that I loved.

All I would ask is somebody to talk to, one that I could lean on after a hard days work. One who could give me peace when I get home. I would provide the freedom and peace that she has been yearning all through the years. My provider instincts have kicked in 2-3 years ago and I always feel fulfilled whenever I am able to help somebody.

I love and care for her. How I wish I will be able to spend time with her again.

*ps i am not a sadboi this time :)

[maxter112233]

Valerie 3

2.11.25 7:49am. I opted not to have breakfast yet. I am still waiting for an honest reply. All I get are just plain greetings. I can sense that you are sad. That you are plunged into depression.

You told me last week you are not confident in meeting me because of the negative changes PCOS had brought upon your body especially to your self esteem.

I want you to know that I got some supplements hoping to balance your hormones and improve your mood. I want to call you just to clarify some matters regarding my arrival to ZC this Friday to Sunday. Will you be able to meet me on the 14th or do you have other plans? Please be honest with me. I am sacrificing a lot for this. Do you have someone to meet up with you? Do you plan to have your friends if we would be going out?

I read a lot about PCOS lately and a lot of them are your symptoms. I know very well depression and anxiety can put you so low since I was there nearly 11 years ago. I did not want to communicate and I shut myself down from the rest of the world.

I am sad to know that your breakdowns are causing you so much trouble. Your attitude had changed so much and it causes you to stop going to school. I still could not get over the fact that you stopped last year. Had you communicated with me and stopped your shyness and let your eagerness take over you would have been in your final year.

I have the supplements and I have the ticket and I have booked a hotel for a place to stay. I hope we can talk properly about the itinerary. I am here to stay. I am here to help. I care for you.

[maxter112233]

Valerie 2

2.5.25 2pm

I have not taken my lunch yet as of this time. I had not been in the mood for so many days since you did not messaged me back. Being in this obscure blogging site means that I am sad.

I may be called tanga by most standards. I guess this is how love is. I would like you to know that I am slowly procuring your supplements that could aid you. Somehow I regretted at that time when I hesitated to get those things for you.

As I am not getting any leads as to how you are as of this time, I searched every nook and cranny on the internet about you. Yes everything about you. I have come to accept the person you are. From your belly fat and pimples and your background.

I would love to help you get out of your situation. What struck me is beyond infatuation. I will try to help you out of your mission. All I wanted as of this time is that I would get a reply from you. And be able to see you next week.

But PCOS would have its dark side named mental health disorders. I have seen them from close people last year up close and I did not expect I would face this kind of dilemma again now. Then I come to realize as I had been reviewing your messages before and the blogger Mila Magnani quoted.

You are shutting communication. You do not want to talk. You are easily irritated. This is much worse in you since you grew up with trauma. I know mentally you are not ok.

Your symptoms such as irritability, not wanting to communicate, poor body image, low self esteem, poor mental health, weakness, sleepiness, fatigue, bloated are all related to your PCOS as what most health vlogs on social media would say. I am disappointed as to how the OB GYN handled and never suggested tons of supplements worth trying.

With your current situation, I know handling PCOS is way harder and add to the fact that you are still in school. I would like you to know that I am always willing to help you out. Please do not be shy to ask help from me. I would be sad if your needs are not provided.

By the time around the pandemic something in me has changed. I would love to provide to someone. To somebody whom I love. Somehow I want to be responsible, I want to take care of somebody. Years later I never thought I would meet a woman online whom I would like so much. And in the past few months I had fallen in love.

I am waiting for your message everyday Valerie..... I love you.

[maxter112233]

Valerie

2.3.25. 803pm. You had not replied to me for nearly a week. I know you are shutting communication due to fear of possible rise of depression spikes and mood swings. I do not know if you are cutting me off or not. I fear that you are annoyed or bored with me.

But still I am hoping that you would text or message me again. I would be flying next week to you and I am hoping I would be able to meet you.

I am not in the mood the past few days because I did not get any word from you. I was worried, I am anxious.

Here I am waiting. Hoping. I care for you. I love you.

[maxter112233]

Valerie

As I was able to receive your reply from my dummy account this 10:35am Jan 20, 2025 after not hearing from you for nearly 3 days, I was glad. I do not know if you are ignoring (blocking) me or you are just having an emotional breakdown due to your long standing condition called PCOS. All I want to know is that you are still there and your phone is not lost. I know you had a bad experience in your past which can explain your behavior today, and I know very well that the pain that you suffered and the emotional baggage that you are carrying right now is heavy. And this is not ideal. For some experts they may consider this as a red flag. I have chatted with a lot of women in the past but I never cared for them as much as I cared for you.

As I knew you day by day and little by little you opened up your life to me, I felt something different. Your past is not ideal. We are not coming from the same background. You have lots of issues to deal with. You can be stubborn. You can be prideful. Yet I did not stop communicating and helping until know. If we would meet I would not care about the fats that you gained or the pimples on your face or the fact that you would snore during sleep. None of those would matter. Because I care for you.

I would like to you to know that I would be always willing to help. To help you out from your situation. And help you finish your mission. But as they say, I should not expect you to be with me. I should not. After all the help that I gave you the past months were coming from my heart and I never cared how much I gave. I never cared what other people would say. What matters is that I was able to help you out. Somehow in my own little ways. When problems arose, you would always contact me and I would have wished I would be there beside you. When I 1st knew you on that app, I was just seeking some chatmate, never thought I would feel like this for you.

May it be known that you are always welcome here with me. To stay with me and heal our medical conditions together. I am hoping we could travel together. Should you need help I will be there as long as I would not be tied up with a woman (should I be married soon). I realized the longer we were conversing, the more I was falling. I am hoping to meet you soon, and I booked a flight already on your birthday. I am hoping you will be able to communicate with me like the way we used to in the coming days.

The ball is yours. I cannot decide for you and after all what I did was out of love.

Should you choose me, I shall give everything what I got for you. To give you peace and happiness. I love you.

[maxter112233]

It's that time of the Year

Jan 19, 2025

I've been blogging here again to vent out so many things that burdened me since Friday.

#1

The business financial have been struggling since December. So many payments left and right. 13th month pay for people and all the big bills were due on that month. We were so down. But at the very least we were able to pay off rent, taxes, employees and suppliers.

Hoping we can bounce back. Looking for funds to patch the funds lost.

#2

The schedule in my other workplace seems unfavorable. Underload and on top of that I am not on my preferred schedule. I have been hoping that there would be a pretty sight on those scheds at least and the load would be enough too.

#3

A. Gathering/Off to Somewhere

B. Lost Phone

C. Not in the mood/Emotional breakdown

D. Staying away from phone.

E. Ignoring/Testing

These are the choices that's been running on my mind as to why I am not getting any response. It is traumatizing. All I wanna know is if she is okay or not, safe or not.

I have been so willing to help her out get unstuck of her current situation. She has been moody because of PCOS and there have been behavioral changes. I hope she is not bored or mad at me. Hoping the best for her.

The chatmate has evolved inside myself I guess.

[maxter112233]

Gamay mi ug grado kay gamay mo hatag si sir

NO. You are the ones who are making your grade. This is not your basic ed level school who is gonna pamper you. Enough of your shades of western progressivism bullshit.

Instead of making a lot of scenarios which requests compassion (aka excuses) why not make ways instead?

Getting a line of 1 was never difficult. All a student does need to do is go online and answer and be present each class and contribute in the seatwork. Get a decent score in the exams and that's it!

If you are grade conscious and college made you realize that there are more harder topics than there is, well let me tell you that your previous schools just fooled you. If you want a grade in the line of 1.5 above and your neurons cannot cope up with the topic, its sad to say that your previous school sugar coated your grades to appease you. Curse those schools that's been giving students some form of false academic achievements. If guardians of students want some real education go for science based curriculum high schools.

This has been an observation among graduates of certain high schools here in the area. Only a few schools can truly teach proving the speculation that only a few are qualified. And of course, a good number of households and basic ed institutions cannot ingrain some good manners (courtesy, respect, etc) to their pupils!

You want compassion and consideration? You better prove it. A lot of pupils are just using these words as a scapegoat of their irresponsibility towards their task. Yes we do not have the same privileges or brain power but we need to be responsible towards our grades.

[maxter112233]

The Month of June 2024

The month of June 2024 marked new beginnings. This is a month of transition.

Last Feb 2024, our business partner in the island in the northern part of the province had a spat with his girlfriend that lead to tantrums which spelled the ruin of their business. Months before the dilemma, unresolved issues within them surfaced that affected their shop negatively. I asked for advice and I was told to transfer. Which I did.

On the day that I got the advice I went on to do a house service 2 hours later. The house service was for a top client of ours. This client had lots of purchases from our business partner's shop. Since the shop of our ally posted that they will be closing, this client was on the verge of an idea to build a shop of their own. He was asking me to be an advisor for their shop and for a man who is looking for a new place to transfer it, the stars were aligned!

They started to put some construction work on the new place weeks later and by 1st week of June 2024 the new shop was ready to take its flight. It still needed some things to be at 100% but at the very least the papers were complete, something that the former shop never had. This new shop vowed to operate with no kinks on their armor and will correct the mistakes made by the old one. This new shop made a promise to be complete to provide the needs of the clients. They are serious and only wanted the best for everybody. The Portal for the Pets in Cebu is born!

In our main branch, a long time silent feud by A vs R had finally erupted courtesy of A. A was frustrated with how the clinic was managed by R during her time. The irony of it all was A who was very critical of R had been secretly building an enterprise that would rival ours. R accused A of unethical doings making A enraged. May 31 2024, A would end her partnership with us.

A build a shop of their own and supplanted our establishment and while doing her duties in ours she was found out to be secretly enticing clients to her new shop. She was putting some cards and contacts to our clients even messaging them privately. Most people would call this betrayal. Imagine our establishment gave the needs of A and her family members when she was with us.

R and myself would be back to the time when we managed the clinic together. With all due fairness on our part we managed it very well. And we are hoping to do well so we could always thrive.

Transition was made on both fronts. Most people would see this one as a very stressful event for one person, but thanks to Form and Function, I was able to cope up with it.

This is June 2024.

*On a sidenote, my former boss split her ties with one of her business partners (a former employee of hers), they were on business for 12 years. Change indeed!

[maxter112233]

It seemed I was so carefree about money. It seemed I was giving way too much. So yesterday I got victimized by being so overly generous and naive.

And I cannot afford to be stingy, or else the flow wont be the same.

Im hoping the schedule this time around will work out fine. Im hoping to get a full load. Im hoping earnings will be higher but with lesser stress on my part.

[maxter112233]

It was a roller coaster week for me. Was receiving dough left and right but used it to pay bills outright upon receiving.

Finally got my project salary but the other half of my main salary has not yet arrived. I worked on that clearance as fast as I could and really hoped things would turn out well but to my dismay the money has not been credited yet.

Ive still got two thirteenth month bills to cater oh well and Ive got to put myself last again.

This may have been the most tiring year and im hoping we could get a proxy or a person who could work well for us.

Ive got some friends too who really need money. Oh well thats life I guess.

All I want is a nice vacation to recharge myself.