may-bee-its-just-me

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Artist and her sona(ish)

Get in here @mocha-sees-most

if you're seeing this pretty please make yourself in this picrew it's really pretty I'm begging you

just in case the link doesn't work

and tagging: @silly-gizmo @donaviolet @the-deceived-deceiver @in-a-mello-mood @mythicalcoqui @kamelthemammal @katslitterbox and anyone else please

edit lmao I love how this already has 65 notes and mello hasn't even touched it yet

[may-bee-its-just-me]

I CAN DENY IT NO LONGER!

I am old

[may-bee-its-just-me]

To be loved is to be loved more when its messy --- for reassurance to be doubled during rough nights, and a firm hand help hold your body upright. for tough truths to be heard without petty fight, and soft words to open your eyes toward the light.

To be loved is to be loved harder when it's stubborn --- the walls you put up when your body throws a fit, because needing help feels shameful to admit. met with patient hands that just won't quit, your walls broken down tediously, bit by bit.

To be loved is to be loved quieter when it's busy --- A warm glance from afar leaving feelings that last, and a soft brush against your back when we pass. Squeezing your hand briefly between tasks, and holding each other, dropping our mask.

To be loved, is to simply be. Loved.

-🐝

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Idk who needs to hear this but...

Your burdens were never meant for you to carry by yourself - You were not created to suffer alone.

You were not brought into this world for no reason.

You are here for a purpose.

Your life DOES have meaning.

And there is always someone out there who loves you so very much.

Whatever season of life you're in right now, be it rain or sunshine, you're in good hands.

The world is moving faster everyday, but you can keep moving at your own pace and in the timeline that's right for your life.

You do not need to be endlessly productive for your time to be well-spent.

Take care of your body - Stretch, drink water, eat something even if it's small, get your rest.

Take care of your mind - Listen to music, make or look at art, study something fun, go outside.

Take care of your soul - Let tomorrow's worries be dealt with tomorrow, stay in the present; not your past, read, ask questions, and learn about the one who created you

God bless yall <3

[Brought to you by the lessons I've been learning this week month year]

[may-bee-its-just-me]

AHHH they're so precious

fuck it. worm on a string picrew chain. let's fucking go

happy worm creation my friends

tagging @areyoudoingthis @cursed-coat-of-homosexuality @peanutbutterex @tfemteach @piratecaptainscaptainpirates (no pressure 💛)

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Tagged by @noxs-mun (So sorry, its not your fault! Thank you for saying something because i didnt realize i had that turned off)

I tried my best to make lemon lol

Tagging @doeblossom @temper-temper B)

fuck it. worm on a string picrew chain. let's fucking go

happy worm creation my friends

tagging @areyoudoingthis @cursed-coat-of-homosexuality @peanutbutterex @tfemteach @piratecaptainscaptainpirates (no pressure 💛)

[may-bee-its-just-me]

MLP Human design dump:

I've been working on these for a long time now, and I'm still working on AJ and have yet to start rarity but thought I'd share what I have so far! The main designs are the first two - The ones following are intended to get me out of my comfort zone and expand on some minor headcannons I have, and others' headcannons I saw and vibe with!

More fanart with these girls:

That last image with discord has spawned so many angsty au ideas in my head lol i love them together

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Another personal art dump 👀

And, of course the more venty angsty stuff;

Note that some of these are much older than others! the last image was drawn tonight :]

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Trying to do much of anything in my body these days feels like the full-body equivalent of those funny videos of kids trying spicy food.

[may-bee-its-just-me]

update!!

Heat is back on baby! Mom was able to replace the furnace, using prior mentioned "will still need later" money and had it express delivered, but its replaced nonetheless! Great timing because yesterday we got a lot of snow, and all of today, temps were in the teens and tweens outside all day (in single digits in evening, -1 as im writing this at midnight woo!).

Woke up this morning to a frigid home, having to get out my warm blankets and step into the unforgiving 50ish (probably, dont have a way to measure exact in my room) degrees, then out of my piping hot shower with wet hair into, again, 50ish degreees. Then got to come home to wARM TOASTY GOODNESS, LETS GOOO

i have never been more thankful to have household heating.

Mmm i *love* winter but...

Welcome to another life update woah...really just more of a minor vent about current situation. :]

...Sooo my house's furnace crapped out on us shortly before christmaaaas...and we haven't had heat since. My mom hired an older guy to come fix it a few days after christmas - he tried, it worked for a (singular) day and then crapped out again. .-. FIrst because my mom doesnt technically have the money to replace the furnace - Second, after my mom decided to use money she'll need very soon for the heat, we found out he's gotten sick. Like, cold/flu type sick but because he's elderly, he may have to get some extra help for it and will definitely need a good bit of recovery time before he can even come back to take another look (and subsequently order the part/parts/whole ass furnace needed so we can wait another weekish for it to arrive).

so basically

im not gonna have heat in home for another few weeks, probably.

in the middle of winter....in Northeastern US...and the kicker? the first night without heat was THE coldest day/night of the season so far in my state (to my knowledge), and we have since had multiple snowy days (not horribly, thank God. Only one day was bad enough i almost couldnt go to work) and most days have been sub freezing temps through the daytime. Thankfully, our home is not THAT cold, but we needed to get a space heater for the living room where our rabbits are to keep it from getting too cold for them there.

Thankfully also, my one brother already had a heated blanket, i have a heated pad (that i had abandoned until this incident and had not yet discared), and my little brother can sleep on the couch with the space heater. Its not much, its still uncomfortably cold ,but we are able to make-do for the time being.

It just makes focusing on much of anything difficult to keep up with ^^; and also makes staying asleep through the night hard. My heating pad shuts itself off after 2 hrs, so eventually that nice toasty goodness on my chest or legs fades into the unforgiving cold of "frick you for trying to be comfortable" so i keep waking up every couple of hours to turn the pad back on. I'll be in a pinch if this pad breaks from overuse or if i break it while asleep with it :']

Speaking of sleep though...

After seeing a video from a girl in TN i'd been watching clean her family's home and trying to make it liveable, share videos of her house having burned down completely after a leak caused an electrical fire - and after seeing news of the wildfires in CA;

I had a dream last night that while i was out with my family having a grand ol time (and feeling anxious over something i couldnt place), we came home in the evening to see the upper floor of the house in flames. .-. Which had me waking up both upset from watching my childhood home (and all my art history in it) burn with no funds to start over, and also paranoid that my house too might have a ticking time bomb problem.

So this, and other reasons, make sleep REALLY not my friend the last few weeks.

I dont know if i mentioned it here before, but im also 99% sure i have a condition called Reynaud's Syndrome because 1. My mom has it, 2. its hereditary, and 3. her symptoms for it line up with mine (she thought i was also officially diagnosed, but i looked at my records and i dont think so unless im looking in the wrong place). Regardless of diagnosis - My hands and feet are sensitive to temperature extremes, particularly cold, and this has caused extra stiffness in my fingers, pain in my hands at times unrelated to or exaggerating my other pain issues, and also has my digits lookin kinda zombie-ish at times (reynauds causes discoloration at times). Thankfully, I'm also not in a flare up for my reynauds, which has happened while at work before this, so my experience typically is mild and has been through this ordeal. I do experience worse symptoms while working and being exposed to the outside cold and wind in bits, then returning to room temp/warmer air and having the flip flop cause weirder symptoms, all of which are a side tangent.

I'm mostly doing fine otherwise tho

My boyfriend-not boyfriend (the boyfriend that broke up with me ish but we've still been friends and clearly were still interested and didnt really want to split) took me back up as his on new years, making a childhood dream come true (I had my first new years kiss tee hee). I'm also working on a project that may or may not be finished in time to submit it to a contest. I did actually buy a car a (few?) month(s?) ago now, i think i said that here before. Trying not to succumb to the feeling that I'll be stuck in a never ending cycle of everything more personal going on that i will not be traumadumping here while also preparing to celebrate and reflect on 4 years post choosing life over death very shortly (Yay me).

I've been learning to not care as much about the opinions of those around me. I've also been learning to get back in touch with my inner child because dammit she deserves a chance to live and breathe. I'm learning that writing poetry is something I want to explore more, and I'm learning that I actually do like drawing myself and I like to explore personal themes and inner struggles through drawing myself in new inventive ways (and making an experimental drawing out of it). I'm learning to be comfortable in my changing body while still understanding that some of my habits are unhealthy and, when I have the control to do so, should be altered. I'm learning to give myself grace, and through giving myself grace and room to breathe, its easier to do so for others.

Lots of good stuff with the bad ^^

but im gonna end my ramble here

Update's over, goodnight, everybody go home.

-Bee

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Mmm i *love* winter but...

Welcome to another life update woah...really just more of a minor vent about current situation. :]

...Sooo my house's furnace crapped out on us shortly before christmaaaas...and we haven't had heat since. My mom hired an older guy to come fix it a few days after christmas - he tried, it worked for a (singular) day and then crapped out again. .-. FIrst because my mom doesnt technically have the money to replace the furnace - Second, after my mom decided to use money she'll need very soon for the heat, we found out he's gotten sick. Like, cold/flu type sick but because he's elderly, he may have to get some extra help for it and will definitely need a good bit of recovery time before he can even come back to take another look (and subsequently order the part/parts/whole ass furnace needed so we can wait another weekish for it to arrive).

so basically

im not gonna have heat in home for another few weeks, probably.

in the middle of winter....in Northeastern US...and the kicker? the first night without heat was THE coldest day/night of the season so far in my state (to my knowledge), and we have since had multiple snowy days (not horribly, thank God. Only one day was bad enough i almost couldnt go to work) and most days have been sub freezing temps through the daytime. Thankfully, our home is not THAT cold, but we needed to get a space heater for the living room where our rabbits are to keep it from getting too cold for them there.

Thankfully also, my one brother already had a heated blanket, i have a heated pad (that i had abandoned until this incident and had not yet discared), and my little brother can sleep on the couch with the space heater. Its not much, its still uncomfortably cold ,but we are able to make-do for the time being.

It just makes focusing on much of anything difficult to keep up with ^^; and also makes staying asleep through the night hard. My heating pad shuts itself off after 2 hrs, so eventually that nice toasty goodness on my chest or legs fades into the unforgiving cold of "frick you for trying to be comfortable" so i keep waking up every couple of hours to turn the pad back on. I'll be in a pinch if this pad breaks from overuse or if i break it while asleep with it :']

Speaking of sleep though...

After seeing a video from a girl in TN i'd been watching clean her family's home and trying to make it liveable, share videos of her house having burned down completely after a leak caused an electrical fire - and after seeing news of the wildfires in CA;

I had a dream last night that while i was out with my family having a grand ol time (and feeling anxious over something i couldnt place), we came home in the evening to see the upper floor of the house in flames. .-. Which had me waking up both upset from watching my childhood home (and all my art history in it) burn with no funds to start over, and also paranoid that my house too might have a ticking time bomb problem.

So this, and other reasons, make sleep REALLY not my friend the last few weeks.

I dont know if i mentioned it here before, but im also 99% sure i have a condition called Reynaud's Syndrome because 1. My mom has it, 2. its hereditary, and 3. her symptoms for it line up with mine (she thought i was also officially diagnosed, but i looked at my records and i dont think so unless im looking in the wrong place). Regardless of diagnosis - My hands and feet are sensitive to temperature extremes, particularly cold, and this has caused extra stiffness in my fingers, pain in my hands at times unrelated to or exaggerating my other pain issues, and also has my digits lookin kinda zombie-ish at times (reynauds causes discoloration at times). Thankfully, I'm also not in a flare up for my reynauds, which has happened while at work before this, so my experience typically is mild and has been through this ordeal. I do experience worse symptoms while working and being exposed to the outside cold and wind in bits, then returning to room temp/warmer air and having the flip flop cause weirder symptoms, all of which are a side tangent.

I'm mostly doing fine otherwise tho

My boyfriend-not boyfriend (the boyfriend that broke up with me ish but we've still been friends and clearly were still interested and didnt really want to split) took me back up as his on new years, making a childhood dream come true (I had my first new years kiss tee hee). I'm also working on a project that may or may not be finished in time to submit it to a contest. I did actually buy a car a (few?) month(s?) ago now, i think i said that here before. Trying not to succumb to the feeling that I'll be stuck in a never ending cycle of everything more personal going on that i will not be traumadumping here while also preparing to celebrate and reflect on 4 years post choosing life over death very shortly (Yay me).

I've been learning to not care as much about the opinions of those around me. I've also been learning to get back in touch with my inner child because dammit she deserves a chance to live and breathe. I'm learning that writing poetry is something I want to explore more, and I'm learning that I actually do like drawing myself and I like to explore personal themes and inner struggles through drawing myself in new inventive ways (and making an experimental drawing out of it). I'm learning to be comfortable in my changing body while still understanding that some of my habits are unhealthy and, when I have the control to do so, should be altered. I'm learning to give myself grace, and through giving myself grace and room to breathe, its easier to do so for others.

Lots of good stuff with the bad ^^

but im gonna end my ramble here

Update's over, goodnight, everybody go home.

-Bee

[may-bee-its-just-me]

I love my bf <3

i was thinking about starting a series of taking things my bf says out of context but while looking for sus phrases to take out of context i was scrolling thru our texts and he's so damn sweet??

most of the jokes and out of pocketness happens irl, and upon second thought - Even though context would have been provided at the end, I'd much rather openly admire my doofball.

Like how he brings veggies to munch on with his crew meal at work, and he usually has offered me a few pieces of veggies - Recently I've started actually accepting the offer more consistently and I low-key noticed him bringing more with him, and then he would leave whatever he didn't eat with my stuff. He even offered one morning to bring me my own bag of veggies. Not only that, but while he loves to eat the leafy part of celery, he remembered that when I tried it I didn't like it, and purposefully left those parts out of my bag. ^^

He frequently gives me lil massages on the neck/shoulders when we're hanging out, or as a grounding/comfort method at work when my issues are flaring up. Its a major way he shows affection, and he knows that my shoulders/neck in particular need some help relaxing. Speaking of my issues, despite dealing with his own pains and physical limitations; He always keeps an eye out for mine and tries to help me through it when he can, and comfort me when he can't.

He's very mindful of even my smaller triggers, and makes a point to reassure me even when i might not really need it. Example; He doesnt reply to a text for a little bit, for whatever reason, and he'll reply apologizing and explaining why it took so long. (I have told him that he doesnt need to worry about it, but he still provides that reassurance anyway ^^) Another example; We're working in kitchen, chatting it up with some other coworkers when one makes a teasing joke to me and, feeling mildly triggered, I go quiet (both to not respond overly defensive/emotionally, and out of now feeling othered from the group because the joke didn't immediately register as a joke). It doesnt take long before he gives me concerned looks, and then at the soonest opportunity, he'll come over and check on me quietly. 😩makes me mElt

He's recently asked me to log my food cravings and/or what I eat through the month, specifically so that he can better figure out food date stuff and how that may or may not correlate with my cycle. I have a hard time remembering these kinds of details, and if the log is detailed enough, not only will it help him help his indecisive gf - But it may actually help me better track my PMS and have common cravings ready. Either that or it will just show how horribly I can hyperfixate on foods lol He also just generally likes the idea of logging my mood and symptoms through the month for similar "i want to know how your support needs from me might change depending on your hormones" reasons. (nerd <3)

He bought me chapstick a few days after I had offhandedly told him i lost mine, and also that I liked the one he uses after needing to borrow it. Bro was paying attention :'}

Also, last thing bc this is getting long: Every night, he reminds me not to go to bed horribly late. Does this always help? No (its 12:20am at time of posting oops), but it does help sometimes and there's a noticeable difference in me remembering not to stay up till 3am when he does not remind me... There have also been nights where he stayed up to make sure I actually stopped doomscrolling on Insta before he went to bed himself... Instagram keeps ratting me/us out with the little green circle status. He will also guilt trip me (/j) when Instagram says I was online insanely late, tho sometimes it isnt 100% accurate (like...he wakes up at 7-8AM and it tells him "last online 4 hrs ago" but i could have sworn I didnt pick instagram up past 12am)

I love him so much and he takes care of me and makes me feel very mushy on the inside. The end, thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Happy new year! ^^🎉

Thank you~~ ^^

[may-bee-its-just-me]

Merry late Christmas! How was your Christmas?

It was good! I got to see my baby nephew and how cheesy my eldest bro is as a dad lol

[may-bee-its-just-me]

63 and 195

63-A quote you try to live by:

Oh there are many that i dont remember off the top my head but do run through my head when i need them. The kinds i try to hold onto tho even when i dont actively need it, and one i've shared with those who struggle accepting the same things -

"Shared Joy is doubled joy, shared burdens are half a burden" - Meaning, when you share joy with others that joy is multiplied. Often we think then when sharing our troubles with others, it just spreads misery, but in real relationships founded on love and respect - the Burden is halved, and made easier to bear.

in the same lines, "You find joy, peace, fulfillment and purpose through supporting your friends and being there for them, why should you rob them the joy of reciprocating that to you" - A quote from a funny tiktok that has still stuck with me even if it is still difficult to accept.

"Its not fair for us to laugh together but for you to suffer alone", same as the previous two.

195-If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?

ratatouille /hj

[may-bee-its-just-me]

201

201-If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?

i wouldnt know,, im not a physicist.

tho i would make sure it had the full torso harness, i havent the slightest idea why they do only lap bars on so many rollercoasters. The one rollercoaster i went on with friends (and had a mini panic attack in line for) that did not have a harness, only a lap bar - I could have easily gotten whiplash from being tossed about like a ragdoll, I did almost faint, and my friends were in tears from both the adrenaline and the lack of torso support. :]

Will not be doing that again. Harness or im not riding that rollercoaster.

[may-bee-its-just-me]

208 - Five things within touching distance :3

Easy - Candle, sticky notes, headphones, phone and lighters