maybeitsalive

[maybeitsalive]

Van Heflin on playing Philip Marlowe.

[maybeitsalive]

Because the original post is long and made of pictures instead of links, ive re-transcribed it and removed the non-resource and non-working links-

camelcamelcamel - shows amazon price history and gives an alert when the price drops

whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner - Profane recipe suggestion generator 

accountkiller - shows you how to delete social media accounts forever

skyscanner - lets you search flights by date, price, and budget

downforeveryoneorjustme - tells you if a site is down or not

printfriendly - makes any website print-friendly

chessacademy - teaches you how to play chess

typehere.co - can leave typing here and come back later

rasterbator.net - make a printable poster out of any image

gutenberg.org - free e-books

spreeder - improve your reading speed and comprehension

infinitejuke - loops a song indefinitely

myfridgefood - tells you what you can make based on the ingredients you have

asoftmurmur - ambient noise

ripetrack - tells you when your favorite produce is in season

manualslib - pdf library of user manuals

wolframalpha - computational knowledge engine, solves problems for you

[maybeitsalive]

In light of some of the many things happening across the world this year, I thought this Pride Month needed a special illustration.

Happy Pride Month, may we all stay safe, look after each other, and keep painting our rainbows, no matter what. 🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

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I think the hot new trends for this summer should be reading comprehension and critical thinking skills

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philip marlowe is like. he's bisexual. but he's too homophobic to be in a relationship with a man. and he's also too misogynistic to be in a relationship with a woman. you see where this is getting him

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Oh, may I interest you in the novella The Shadow Kingdom?

It’s written by Bob Howard, better known as the daddy of Conan the Barbarian. This novella is about his ancestor Kull, a barbarian who’s just become king and everyone’s uncomfortable about that, him included. Fortunately, there’s a mysterious warrior who hates him but is still willing to help, coming into his room by the balcony in a night like a very manly-man Romeo, giving him a bracelet for protection, fighting by this side etc etc, and they’re basically married for the rest of the Kull series. In a very manly-man way. I don’t know how interested by low-fantasy you are, but I think you’ll find plenty of things that make you tick.

Also it’s public domain and a 1 hour-read.

toxic hypermasculine media my beloved

[maybeitsalive]

So! To his relative defense, most of Lupin girls look the same: they’re tall, slender ingenues with a sad smile and deep thoughtful eyes, showing off how sensitive and tormented they are and how eager they’d be to be saved by a big strong man who read the script in advance is a bold genius. Most of the time they’re blonde, too.

Can you blame him if he gets confused sometimes? It’s not as if they had a personality*, after all.

(spoilers)

In fact, The Woman with two smiles is about him seducing one blonde before realizing a hundred of pages later there were in fact two, and of course he slept with the wrong one. He loved the other, because she’s pure and stuff, she blushes and says no when she means yes. That's it. That’s the plot of the novel.

Well, most of the plot. It’s also the book where A Meteor Did It.

Did you think it happened only once? Cue The billions of Arsène Lupin. This time, the (blonde) Love interest got kidnapped, oh no! To comfort her after her rescue, he sleeps with her in a remote place. Unfortunately, in the morning she gets mauled by a tiger strolling by (yes, in France). Oh no again! Fortunately, it turns out that he confused the Love interest (a woman he had a crush on and lived with during several weeks) with another. For a whole night. Ooopsie! At least the other was also hot, so that wasn't a complete waste of time. She got killed, but hey, she was evil, so who cares?

The love interest resents this by the way, so he threatens her new pet to force a kiss on her: problem solved.

(/end spoilers)

Because if you believed that Lupin was a smooth elegant gentleman who’s kind to women, I’m terribly sorry. You’ve been lied to. The truth is, he treats women like things and most women* are cardboard figures only there to be saved and kissed. They resist him before falling into his arms during/after the climax, and they all want him after five minutes because he’s that irresistible. (He’s also terrible with men that he treats like inferiors. They’re all here to emphasize how Better he is (stronger, smarter, etc), and he delights in humiliating them, including allies.) He’s a pop man from La Belle Époque, and it turns out his original character hasn’t aged particularly well, even in his lifetime.

Don’t get me wrong, there are good things in the Lupin books! I’ve read nearly most of them for a reason! But characterization isn’t one of them.

*To be fair, there are exceptions, so let me talk about them.

The countess of Cagliostro is a glorious counterexample. She’s a fascinating character, ambiguous, ambitious, and one of the only characters who ever challenged Lupin. Her novel is into the public domain and it’s also one of the best Lupin stories.

I always had a weakness for Véronique d’Hergemont, too. Lupin barely appears in her novel, she’s not a Love interest and is basically the real heroine. Her story verges on horror, and let me assure you: if you’re into Gothic stories/whump, you have to read this. It’s also in the public domain.

Maurice Leblanc was perfectly able to write interesting women, but he chose not to with the Lupin books, to show how much better this guy was than every other human on the planet. It's also possible that he felt he had to stick to the formula that got him read.

Pick a batshit crazy thing that happened in the Arsène Lupin books and I’ll tell you the story behind it:

He stole the Marie-Antoinette’s necklace when he was six

He forced a princess to marry him because he was after her fortune

He escaped 150 policemen and 40 gangsters by riding a tiger

He ordered to crucify a man and let him die like that

He made and conquered an empire in Africa with 60 guys

He mistook his Love Interest with another woman more than once because they all look the same

The German Emperor wanted to make him the chief of his personal guard/police (yes, knowing who he was)

Once discovered that a meteor did it

Nearly all his pseudonyms are anagrams and everyone is shocked by his incredible genius

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Anyway. 17K+ words later...

It's probably 50% typos, but it's done.

Made with one brain cell and a queer agenda.

The urge of making a The Long Goodbye detailed recap/script vs. my lack of stamina

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Here's a fascinating article about the writing process of The Long Goodbye and its early drafts.

The author is also the current owner of Chandler’s typewriter and wrote about it here. If you don’t need your heart today, there’s also an article about how Chandler and his wife were reunited in 2011.

[maybeitsalive]

Pick a batshit crazy thing that happened in the Arsène Lupin books and I’ll tell you the story behind it:

He stole the Marie-Antoinette’s necklace when he was six

He forced a princess to marry him because he was after her fortune

He escaped 150 policemen and 40 gangsters by riding a tiger

He ordered to crucify a man and let him die like that

He made and conquered an empire in Africa with 60 guys

He mistook his Love Interest with another woman more than once because they all look the same

The German Emperor wanted to make him the chief of his personal guard/police (yes, knowing who he was)

Once discovered that a meteor did it

Nearly all his pseudonyms are anagrams and everyone is shocked by his incredible genius

[maybeitsalive]

Sometimes I remember that Arsène Lupin is considered as a charming smooth gentleman (instead of a smug Marty Stu treating people like things) and Philip Marlowe as a macho action man who has zero feeling (instead of the beautiful complex mess he is) and I need to stare into the void for a little while

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okay I've been biting my tongue on this one a bit but the odds of any money you give to a uk trans or especially LGBT charity reaching a single uk transfem is vanishingly unlikely. the primary "resource" these orgs provide is jobs for trans people who can make it in a professional environment, and the vast majority of trans hires are tme (and thus unaffected by the judgement!).

if you know a charity run by transfems take a punt but otherwise please donate to fundraisers instead.

[maybeitsalive]

hey! donate to uk trans charities today because it’s gonna be a rough one

[maybeitsalive]

this is dumb this is so dumb what a waste of energy and time no one will read it the fandom is too niche aaaand I'm already 3K words in.

The urge of making a The Long Goodbye detailed recap/script vs. my lack of stamina

[maybeitsalive]

Changed my mind.

What they have in common is a deep fear of sexuality, partly due to trauma, in a society where you have to marry to be a good little housewife, or a strong protective man lording over your adoring family. They can be a meek secretary/tough PI all they like, they're not performing well enough. They're not allowed to be themselves, sure, but most of all they're not allowed to be hurt. For people who succeeded, Merle is a frigid virgin who will never get a life. Marlowe is a worthless cheapie.

But maybe if they hold hands it will be a little better.

In my heart, Merle and Marlowe are Aspec/Bi Solidarity ♡

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Philip Marlowe, being relatable.

(He does get out of this, but he'll complain the whole time.)

[maybeitsalive]

The urge of making a The Long Goodbye detailed recap/script vs. my lack of stamina