maybemonica

[maybemonica]

EXACTLY!! You nailed it. Everyone loves to dance in their soul but they don't like being looked at by other people which!! Fair!!! But trust me, you just gotta move! Even if you do end up looking a little bit silly, at least you won't be as silly as the people who don't even try 🤯 It seems like you and I are on the same wavelength! Hopefully you successfully track down these parties so that 1) I can come 2) it proves that you aren't just hearing voices in your head.

REALLY?!?!?!?! Really??? Omg, that's sooooo relieving to hear you don't even know. Invite as many people as you want! Well, maybe not like the whole town or anything. Not that I wouldn't want them there, but I'm sure having that many people in one room would be a safety hazard or something.

Oh, you've defo not met some of my friends and loved ones, LOL! You'd think I'm inviting them to be tortured whenever I ask! But you know, your assumption should be the correct one, always. Like, I don't think people don't like to dance, they're just embarrassed to do it. Or feel like they don't have "rhythm" or know the right moves. If they freed themselves from expectations, they would have way more fun. I would love to invite you! If I knew when they're being thrown. I swear, sometimes it's like I'm making those parties up in my head. But I hear the music!!!

Do they? That's super cool. You know, I actually I met someone recently who was gonna sign up for one, they're pretty young, I believe. So your advertising is totally working. I'm rooting for you to get those slots! Maybe I'll invite some buddies.

[maybemonica]

Oh I will take it SO seriously 🫡 I can take someone trying to start a fight with me but trying to defame my online persona?? Hellll no.

Like what?? I hate rules but I still try to respect them so I need to learn all of the human rules!

No, no. You can laugh. I can see that it is a bit funny. (Though less so when it happens to you.) So long as you take my warning seriously, I do not mind a bit of light fun at my expense.

Probably not every rule, right? I know of several others. Now, anyway.

[maybemonica]

Geese??? Um, yeah they're real!!! I actually saw one the other day here [user inserts picture of goose about to peck the camera] I think it wanted my fries :(

I guess they are! I could definitely try the opposite of that. Do you think geese are real?

[maybemonica]

23! Turning 24 in a month or so.....what are you getting me for my gift???

How old are you? 28 is young. Spry. Lively. Well, I suppose I'll find out for myself, won't I? With my free class. For my gift. [user never forgets a gift.]

[maybemonica]

Wouldn't life be sooooo much easier if you could just dump a bunch of salt into your existing pool and bam, saltwater pool. I mean, I know that isn't how it works, but like, what if.

I would like to convert my pool into a saltwater one. If anyone has recommendations on an enterprise or feedback on the matter, I'd love to hear it.

[maybemonica]

OMG I would support you as a Superman fancast 1000%!!! Now if you were real Superman....that would rock too! Only if I get to be your Jimmy Olsen though.

Now I kinda want every movie to make me feel the way the new Superman movie did, tears and all. Man, that's the dream right there. Acting wise, obviously, although I wouldn't say no to legit being Superman. Or... probably not? Sounds kinda stressful, actually.

[maybemonica]

Yeah that's totally fair and valid!! Well, if you know anyone else who would like to dance, please spread the word for me! [...] Oh! Mister Emilio are you doing okay??

Hi. You don't not need to use that many of the !s. I appreciate that. I think dancing is just [...] not for me. Not everything is for everyone. [user tries to think of what he does for fun. realizes his answers are 'fighting' and 'fucking' and that neither are something he should say here.] I drink.

[maybemonica]

Tbh I usually just assume everyone loves to dance until proven otherwise! That's not me up there but it sounds suuuuper fun and I would loooove an invite to these attic parties. Zumba is super trendy right now!! Trust me, you only ever see the old people but young people come into my class and by the end they're like 'whoa that was more intense than I thought!' I teach 3 days a week atm but they say if it's a hit then they can give me more slots! I only have like 4 students right now but I still have faith

Wait, I love to dance, how did you know? Are you the one hiding in my attic, starting rave parties? And I especially love dancing if it tricks me into working out, cause you'd never catch me in a gym. I've actually never zumba'd before. It always felt like the type of thing I'd get into when I'm old and retired If that If I even Those old ladies make it look like the best of times. What's the schedule like for this class? I'm a busy gal, I gotta add it to my calendar. [user means her notes app]

[maybemonica]

[pm] EEEE I LOVE!!! [user inserts Snoopy gif] It's your birthday and here you are spoiling me with gifts hehe. And phew, that's like super relieving to hear. I would say tell him I said hi but I guess I get do do that on my own today!

And that's why you're the best <3 I'M OUTSIDE NOW PLEASE LET ME IN.

[pm] I did buy pjs that we could match in... they are snoopy themed with ice cream! [link] But I am good with anything! I don't think Henri could forget who you are. I talk about you legit all the time!!

[user inserts another Mamma Mia gif]

I LOVE YOU MORE!!! I'll never let the sun hurt you!!! At least I'll do my very very best. The sun loves you a lot.

[maybemonica]

Oh wow! Me and my roommate's trash can just kinda sits there on the curb. Would you recommend bolting it? Bolted to the ground kinda sounds super intense

[...] No!!!! You can't put a baby in there!?!?!?!? Babies barely know how to walk or like, even be human. There's no way it'd know what to do if you sent it in there! Please tell me you didn't actually put one in there!

It is locked to the ground with bolts.

[user could probably rip it out of the ground, but ew]

I will be surprised if someone fit inside when the hole is so small. Think maybe only a baby can fit and the screams sound more like animal.

Maybe we should put a baby in there and see if it can get the animal out.

[maybemonica]

Woohoo!! Any luck finding a roommate since??? And we all have to start somewhere! I'm like a super chill non-picky eater so I'll eat anything you throw my way. Well, maybe don't actually throw it

Hey, no worries. I don't want to get between you and your super awesome roommate. I'd be willing to let you try the food, anyway, though. I'm kind of working my way up from the bottom cooking-wise, so I need all the opinions I can get.

[maybemonica]

28!! Whoa!! Can you believe you've lived 28 whole years on Earth?? [user ignores the next part hoping that Baz has forgotten about their 'gift' after a week] I think I'm a totally great Zumba instructor, and my students would say the same! I even have professional dance experience if that helps convince you.

Oh, good, I'd be excited whether you allowed it or not. I passed twelve some time ago, I'm afraid. I've just turned twenty-eight. I've never been much of a video game person, but if you'd like to send me money for Robux, I'd give it a try. [...] Zumba? Suppose I'd be willing to give that a try, too. Are you a good Zumba instructor? [...] Your motivations matter less to me than the fact that you're agreeing with me!

[maybemonica]

Hi Emilio!!! You seem very sure in your stance, which I guess I have to respect! But I can't imagine a life with no dancing D: What do you do for fun then??

I don't think I will change my mind, but I don't really want you to call me mister either way. My name is Emilio.

[maybemonica]

Eek!!! I don't like that fact at all! I guess they really are like mini vampires...well, to answer your question, maybe if you eat something super stinky then it'll make your blood super unappetizing?

I honestly don't know but for the sake of my argument let's go with yYes! That's how they find you.

[maybemonica]

LMAOOOOOOO sorry I don't like laughing at strangers but this is too funny. Wdym you went through all the effort of typing in a link to a sketchy website that you had no idea was even legit???? Even I know that goes against like every online safety rule! [user ignores the fact that she frequents sketchy forums]

Fellow citizens of this fair town, I come with a warning. I was hacked, I suffered a loss, and it could all happen to you.

There is a foul individual posting scams on the community bulletin board. When you type the link to his "website" into your browser, your data is stolen. "Diego," you might ask, "what data? I reasonably keep all of my information stored in, say, notebooks and hidden in vaults." Commendable, yes, and I, too, could have lived with mere hacking. Nothing of mine was useful to him.

But I was wrong! He used my computer—old and trusty—for something far more nefarious than mere hacking. Have you heard of ZilchBucks (known sometimes as $ZBUCK in certain circles)? These "cryptid coins" have "arisen" from the depths of the "dark web" and must be "invoked" on others' devices. What's more, they burn energy so fast that my computer burst into flames from the sheer power of it.

Warn your friends. Warn your neighbors. This must not stand.

[maybemonica]

Oh man, I would've offered but I already have a super awesome roommate and I don't want to leave him BUTTT I'm hoping you find someone as cool as him!! And not super annoying or weird. I'd be willing to try your cooking though! I love any free food

Now taking applications for roommates. Requirements:

If you're weird, don't be weird in a weird way, you know?

Must like cats! I don't have a cat, but I want to get a cat. And I kind of am a cat. Also if you have a cat, you have to be prepared for it to like me more than you.

Don't be, like, super annoying. A little bit annoying is okay, but not really annoying.

Be willing to try things I cook. I know it looks bad, but it tastes fine! Usually!

If you think these things apply to you, hit me up! You can also hit me up if you see something funny on the street and want to tell someone, btw. Like, a toddler falling over or whatever. I'd totally love to hear about that. I need friends.

[maybemonica]

You should've kicked it over to see if someone fell out!

The trashcan outside my business has screaming in it. Someone make this stop because I will not dig into trash myself.