maythefloorbewithyou-blog

[maythefloorbewithyou-blog]

This will be my last confession of love for a lil bit. Its currently 3:49am and I can't sleep. The only thing that I can think about is you. You make every aspect of my life so much better than It was before. Now when I smile the reason isn't to mask the pain. When I laugh, it's because I'm enjoying myself and/or you said or did something funny and I couldn't control it. When I kiss you, I can feel myself melting with every wave of sensation our lips create whenever they touch. For starters, I live in the moment and I appreciate the little things now. I try to at least.. and i know i come off as a weird, but when I stare at you intently it's because I don't truly believe any of it is actually happening. None of it feels real to me. I feel like I'm dreaming or something. I also feel like I have to memorize your face as much as I can with as much detail as I can just in case I may never see your smile ever again. A thought that has crossed my mind over the last 24 hours. I was broken all day until I realized how much I truly love you. I told you this entire time I was willing to go through hell and brimstone and today isn't any different. You made a decision that made you happy. And you made it all by yourself without anyone impacting the decision you made. YOU did it. You've grown so much and I'm so proud of you. You're literally the most beautiful soul that has ever been in my life and I can't thank you enough for being in my life and making it better. Holding me accountable. Holding me, in general. Your love has nourished me back to health and I feel like I can take on the work and I fear no one. Your love is single handedly the most import thing to ever happen to my poor and lonely life and you have given me a reason to appreciate and learn every day. I love you very much and I can't wait to spoil you with love and admiration and respect for years to come. Its always been the small things. Its always been about how I treated you. I've always wales through life putting people above me, but from the very beginning you have been my equal. You and I stood side by side and look at the magic we created. Every second of it was beautiful. Every choice we made was ours alone and we made them together in such unity... no matter what we did I knew I had your back and you had mine. The trust I gave you was not only reciprocated but it was praised. It was glorified. For that I can only say one thing: thank you. Thank you for putting yourself first. Who you've grown to become has been a vital part of my own personal growth and I couldn't imagine this life with you and your love. Thank you for being my other half. My best friend. And thank you for loving me. Because I will never stop loving you and will always praise the love you stand by and protect your dreams with the same intensity that I love you with. You are mother nature's greatest creation and I stand by that statement. I always will. I cannot wait to see the women you will become one day and hopefully you don't forget about me.

[maythefloorbewithyou-blog]

Dear April- Frank Ocean

When does this become normal? I can't even sleep in my own bed without feeling what I felt. Holding you. Watching you smile without changing your facial expression. You were focused. You knew what was happening. You were fully aware. 1 year before, and we are strangers passing by. Life was simple. We were going through the storm as if no one could feel our pain. We felt alone. We felt like nothing would change. Little did we know. I was working 2 jobs. Trying my hardest to stay afloat. I made my mind up. It was set in stone. I preferred my decision ultimately in the end. I could never imagine what happened a year later. From Sade and target trips. Still going through the storm, but I'm not alone. My pain was established. There could have been no way. You must came through and made all 24 years of pain disappear. With a single touch. Single kiss. Little taste. Then it happened. You gave me nirvana. You made me feel like nothing else mattered. Nothing else existed. It was me and you intertwined into the fabrics of time and the fabrics and cottons and coils of my mattress. I sank down to the bottom. I was lost. Nothing mattered in that moment. That's a common theme amongst you and I. The blunt before and day after made it abundantly clear. When it's just me and you. Carelessly loving. Just living. Our vibe is undefeated. I got 4 steps forward and 9 back almost every time. Without your love, I decay. I feel like I'll decay until I am nothing once again. That's not fair to anyone. You've got me hooked. I'm sorry. No matter what I say, it matters not. You are an angel and a temple. You are definitely underrated and should have to live life without know how amazing you are. You deserve nirvana. You deserve so much and I cant give it to you. Carelessly I get so hooked. Just dont forget me. Just dont forget our love. Dont forget the sweet music we make. The magic. Dont forget how much you mean to me. And this will not be in vain. See you later.

[maythefloorbewithyou-blog]

Before all of this happened, I gave up. I accepted defeat and was ready for the ultimate decision. It was silly of me, but I was prepared to live this life alone. I felt like my love was a foreign language to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried. How hard I went for somebody. No one ever gave me what I gave them in return. Except for you. You made me smile. I made you smile. It's always been 50/50 between you and I. Yesterday for the first time in my entire life, I had nothing I wanted to say. I was just enjoying the moment. I wanted to enjoy the moment. I know I walk around with all the confidence in the world, but without you...I have nothing. I'm scared constantly. I'm scared of being happy, because I don't want to lose it. I'm scared of needing someone because when they leave then I'll just need them while they live their life without me. People don't stay in my life often so please dont take offence when I can confidently say I believe you when you say you're not going any where. Every one has left and have had better lives without me in it. I let them leave. But I know it's me. I love so hard I dont ever give nobody a chance to breathe or to think or to just vibe. And I cant help that. I feel everything so amplified and I try so hard. With you, It doesn't matter if i try or not, i feel like i have to give you everything you want in life that i can give you. Especially if I can give it. I will try for you as long as you need me to try. You make me extremely happy and extremely aware of my surroundings. Normally I'm tunnel vision. But not with you. With you, I'm learning constantly everyday. I'm sorry for putting you on the spot all the time. And for making you feel like you have to give me everything in return. I understand what you're going through. You dont have to explain anything to me. Just dont push me away. Just dont forget about me. And we will be okay. You can be as indecisive as you want. You can be as wish wash-y as you want to be. Just let me know how I can help. How i can make a difference and let's do this thing together. What can I provide that will make life a little less complicated without having to hurt us both. Because right now your hurt cause you think you hurt me and I'm hurt because i hate the fact that you think you hurt me. So let's get back on the same page. I'm not saying that so we can continue to do everything and be all cute and whatever. I mean it. I want to be the bestest friend you've ever had. I want to put in that hard work and dedication. I want all your insecurities and all your bad thoughts and nightmares and I want to help you fight them and beat them. You deserve nothing less than that. Just take as much time as you need and when you're ready to let me know you can, but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to fold under the pressure. I'm here for you, nothing else. This will be the last thing I say for a minute. So I wanted to get it off my chest now that I had time to think about everything. I constantly do. But yesterday was an eye opener. And the one thing you want is the one thing you need. Which is to be alone. So I'll see you later. If you need something do not hesitate. Still send me music. Good morning. Good night. I do love you very much. This isn't forever. You just have a lot on your plate and you need to be with you. I get that. I'm here for you regardless.