mayuraprisma-blog

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lazarus boy or something

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Duke is 1000% sure he does not want Bruce as his dad. Whenever he’s asked about it he rearranges which family member Bruce is. Everything but a father

Reporter: Mr. Thomas, have you officially been adopted into the Wayne family?

Duke: Why would my great uncle adopt me? You sound dumb.

Reporter: I– what?

Duke: Bruce Wayne's my great uncle, twice removed. He doesn’t need to adopt me. Plus I still have a dad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Teacher at a parent teacher conference with Bruce and Duke: Mr. Wayne, your son–

Duke: He’s not my dad.

Teacher: excuse me?

Duke: He’s not my dad, he’s my half brother.

Teacher:… Huh?

Duke: what? you don’t see the resemblance?

Bruce pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling a mirage brewing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Villain of the week: Why don’t you fly back to Papa bat, Day bird. This isn’t a kids game.

Duke: Excuse me, Batman is my great grandmother five times removed and you’ll respect that.

Villain, beyond confused: I– I don’t even know what to say to that man.

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I think it'd be funny if the bats often forget that Duke patrols during the day, and not during the night like them.

Bruce is out on a mission with Damian by his side. They require assistance, and he reaches out to Barbara.

Bruce: "Oracle. Send for backup."

Barbara: "On it. Who do you need?"

Bruce: "Call in Signal."

Barbara:

Barbara: "Signal? Are- are you sure?"

Bruce: "Yes? What's the problem?"

Damian, rolling his eyes: "Batman, Signal is sleeping."

Bruce: "Why would he be sleeping?"

Damian:

Barbara:

Bruce: ??

Dick and Tim, chillin up on a rooftop eating Batburger

Dick: "Man, this new burger recipe is awesome."

Tim: "Yeah, Duke would like this one."

Dick: "You're right. We should've invited him."

Tim: "Yeah, we should've."

Tim:

Tim: "Wait. Something's wrong here."

Dick: ??

Tim: "I feel as though I'm forgetting something.."

The bats are leaving from an all hands on deck situation, minus Duke. They're regrouping up on top of a building.

Jason: "What does Duke even do during the night?"

Bruce: "Codenames on the field-"

Jason: "What does Duke even do during the night?"

Damian: "Well, he sleeps, of course."

Tim: "Yeah, he has to."

Steph: "You're not the best example for that."

Tim: "Well I- yeah, I guess."

Cass: "He relaxes. Possibly."

Dick: "Does he not have any friends?"

Jason: "Guys, does Duke not have a life?"

Bruce: "Codenames on the-"

Steph: "Of course he does! Why wouldn't he?"

Jason: "He literally patrols during the day."

Bruce: "Does.. does my kid really not have a life?"

Damian: "For shame, father. You have let Thomas get to this point."

Cass: "Shame." *Shakes head disapprovingly*

Bruce: "I.. I am ashamed."

They all try to figure out what Duke actually does with his time, and they follow him one night when he leaves the manor. He goes into a sketchy looking place, and they follow him in a few minutes after. To their shock, they walk into a club, and immediately see Duke in a dance off with Harley Quinn.

Bruce: "Duke? Harley??"

Harley: "Oh hey batsy! In the middle of somethin here-" *Twirls*

Duke, shimmying down to the floor, not even looking at them: "Yeah, aren't you supposed to be somewhere else right now?"

Dick: "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping right now?"

Duke, switching to a simple side step to look at them: "What? I come here every week."

Tim: "Every week?"

Duke: "I have night classes for pottery on Wednesdays."

Damian: "What?"

Duke: "Book club on Thursdays."

Jason: "Oh shit, yeah I do that with you."

Bruce: "Jason!"

Jason: "What? Can't a guy forget some possibly helpful information?"

Duke is very confused, because his nightly outings were not new information. He's spoken about it before. He's mentioned his dance rival. He posts about it on his Instagram. He doesn't understand the shock. Why is his family of detectives so stupid?

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Jason, about Tim, after the TT incident, and he's trying to make Tim less wary of him, and Dick is dropping info like any good brother: This kid is like a traumatized feral cat in a hoodie.

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Based off of a real conversation I had the other night:

Damian getting explained new slang

Damian: *Sitting in a chair with Alfred (the cat) on his lap*

Duke: Dude, you have crazy aura like this.

Damian: ... Aura?

Duke: Like plus aura? Minus aura?

Damian: Is this a stat that I have to upkeep?

Duke: Sort of, it's just like if you do something cool or look cool you gain aura. If you do something embarrassing or something you lose aura.

Tim: *Enters the room* What's going on?

Tim: *Sits down on a broken chair and nearly falls*

Duke: See that was negative aura.

Damian: Thank you for the application of vocabulary. This would also be the same as he lost aura?

Duke: Yeah

Tim: Have you never heard of aura before?

Damian: As a concept, yes, but not as a slang term.

Tim: Really?

Duke: He says "very well" and "naturally".

Tim: You know, that's a good point.

Tim: Do you know what "rizz" is?

Damian: ... I know that it's short for charisma?

Tim: Oh boy...

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GUESS WHO FOUND their Tumblr password after 2 years ...me

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Damian giving people the nastiest reads ever for no reason at all, is so fucking funny. He's just that friend that takes it to far...

Bruce: This case at Wayne orphanage–

Damian: You know, it's disconcerting you own a building full of potential back-up Robins

Bruce:...

Stephanie: Union makes strength, Damian, we are better together

Damian: Is that why you and Tim are breaking up?

Tim:...

Bruce: I'd like you to have friends you have more in common with than killing

Damian: We have more in common than that, we all have poor relationships with our fathers too

Dick: I've been doing high-wire acts all my life, I'm the fastest in the air

Damian: You sure you're not scared of heights, Ric?

Dick: That's just mean...

Bruce: You are acting like a 10 year old heartless brat

Damian: And you were easier to look up to when you weren't around

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steph, at a gala being interviewed: this is my girlfriend

cass: *waves*

steph: and this is my other girlfriend

tim: im a boy

steph: and this is my girlfriend's boyfriend

kon: sup

interviewer: ...

interviewer: i asked you who you were wearing

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Batfam headcanon

So, I've seen posts of Bruce forgetting his kids are adopted, but what if the batkids forget they're adopted?

Jason and Tim: *fighting*

Jadon: You're adopted!

Tim: *gasps* >:0

Tim: So are you!

Jason:

Tim:

Jason: Damn, you're right.

Dick tries making fun of Jason before Jay brings up that one time they were seeing pictures of toddler Bruce with his baby curls and Dick said "Oh, so that's where I got mine from."

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racist gamer man: I’m not racist I just care about historical accuracy in Assassin’s Creed being preserved. I just want realism!!

the second ever Assassin’s Creed game over 15 years ago:

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bok bok bok bok baaawk 🐔

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Bruce: *under the Batmobile, doing repairs*

Bruce: Can you hand me the 9mm?

Jason: *hands Bruce a 9mm pistol*

Bruce: *takes it, looks at it, and hands it back*

Bruce: I meant a ratchet.

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"Damian accidentally reveals Jason is alive" except Bruce and Dick got therapy and are having a heart to heart about their Jason hallucinations:

Bruce: *stoically fighting tears* He follows me around reminding me that it was my fault he died...

Damian: Ah yes, he does ramble often about how Batman failed him. Pathetic.

Bruce:

Dick:

Dick: Dami? You hallucinate him too?

Damian:

Damian: ... yes... hallucinate...

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Pale, Pale Moon

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Wonder Woman: this feels… unethical.

Red Hood: don’t care, we’re settling this debate once and for all!

Batman: get me out of this thing!

Spoiler: not until you tell us who your favorite kid is.

Nightwing: the lasso only works if you ask it like a question.

Robin: father, please tell the others that I am your favorite child so we can put this ridiculous debate to rest.

Nightwing: once again, question.

Batman: Diana! Get me out! Now!

Wonder Woman: I’m also curious, and they paid me.

Batman: I can promise you, I can give you more than what they offered.

Batgirl (Cass): now, Batman, out of all of us, who is your favorite child?

Batman: *all but bitting his tongue off*

Red Robin: you know you’ll have to say it. Just say it. Just say “Tim.”

Batman: it’s Ace!

Everyone: …

Batgirl: the dog?!

Signal: yeah, that tracks.

Robin: you mean you love the dog more than your own blood?!

Red Hood: this hurts less than if you said Damian, so I’ll take it.

Spoiler: I knew you wouldn’t say me, but wow.

*Later*

Batman: *paying Diana* thank you for not using your real lasso.

Wonder Woman: I don’t believe it should be used for petty purposes… however, I have to ask, do you have a favorite child?

Batman: of course I do. It’s-

*a loud train passes by*

Oracle: *listening over comms* Dammit. Don’t worry, Cass. He’ll admit it’s you one day.