mazziewritesthings

[mazziewritesthings]

hi guys.

so, I really doubt this will be seen- which is okay. but just in case it is, don't take this as a dampener to your own motivation. this post is really just a space for me to vent and, frankly, to show that to have negative feelings in regards to your own shifting journey is completely okay and normal.

i never have dreams about my dr s/o. ever. it's kind of a thing. for whatever reason, he just doesn't show up in my dreams. and YET.

for about a week straight- five consecutive days- in which i attempted to shift, i would have dreams with him in it. even if i didn't see his face, there was just that part of my brain that knew he was there. that he was in it. and I have to tell you, this was pretty damn motivating for me as someone who solely uses asleep-methods. i was like, yes GAWD FINALLY.

and then.

nothing.

it feels like i hit a wall.

the last few days, i go to sleep with my intention, and wake up right here, with my very first thought being "why am i still conscious here? i don't WANT to be conscious here. i want to be conscious of HOME, and this is not it."

i feel like i hit a snag in progress, even though the more logical part of my brain knows that's not how it works. there's not some kind of meter bar measuring my ability to shift that depletes when it feels like nothings happening.

something very well could be happening! and i know that my ability to shift isn't hindered by this in the slightest! it's just a bit demotivating to wake up in the same reality day after day. it makes me question, am i doing something wrong? is there something im missing?

the answer to that is no. there's nothing I'm missing, or doing wrong. and this is where our lovely friend persistence kicks in.

i guess all of this to say, if you're out there somewhere struggling in the dark because you feel like you've hit a wall, or like you're not getting anywhere in your journey, i see you. i feel you. (not in a creepy way).

it's in times like this where all we can do is take a breath, accept and feel that frustration, that demotivation, maybe even a little sadness. and then pick ourselves back up, take a sip of your favorite beverage, dance it out to a good song, and then give it another shot.

and y'all, we are some powerful mfers. realize that.

anyways. wishing you all the loveliest of days. mwah love you

mazzy