med-blahg
med-blahg
getting there.
97 posts
Hi, I'm Justine. 24 y/o Med student, batch 2020
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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“Sometimes people just need to hear the truth”
There’s been trouble in paradise lately. The one thing that could ruin everything actually did happen.
Strangely enough, I was still willing to stay. And I also can’t help but blame myself for possibly letting this happen. So, there. Nagmukmok na naman ako sa pagpapakatanga ko. (Well, mas tanga sila.)
Of all the people -- well, maybe this is because I tweeted about it in the early hours of the morning -- the first person I talked to about it was none other than Gio.
He made me not hate myself.
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(non-verbatim)
M: I used to say non-negotiable ‘yung cheating. Ganito pala ‘yung feeling maging tanga over that.
G: What’s your reason for taking him back?
M: Because everything else was good. And I feel this one time was a mistake.
G: You believe it can be good again?
M: It’s not gonna be the same. What if I never recover from this? I want to stay. But what if the next time we get intimate, ‘yun na lang ‘yung maisip ko?
G: Iba rin kasi ang tanga sa matiyaga. If you believe you two can work on it to make things better, e di hindi ka tanga. It’s maturity. Your reasons matter. Hindi porket tatanggapin mo ulit tanga ka na or naive ka na.
M: ...Do you think I’m too forgiving? From experience din. Tiyaga ko pala ‘no. Akala ko rin pwede pa rin tayo mag-work dati eh. I was willing to fight for it. I just needed to know na hindi lang ako mag-isa in that.
G: Baka hindi too forgiving. Maybe you see the good in people. That’s not a bad quality. You give people second chances because of that. It’s not easy for sure, but if you think it’s worth it, then it’s fine... I’m not going to say “kaya mo ‘yan” because I have no idea what “yan” is. Pero alam ko naman you’re strong and you can grow through this.
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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December 3 marks our 8th month together... Which I just remembered (and briefly laughed at) literally while I was brushing my teeth, a few minutes before we met up. 🤭
(Picture taken on December 4, an unexpected date night. ❤️)
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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Thankful you’re my day one.
(My playlist is just 50% choir songs and 50% song recommendations from my boyfriend.)
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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This is one of the very few pictures I took at the opening of the Festival of Lights at Ayala Triangle last Friday.
And that is my super kulit, super kenkoy boyfriend of 7 months. "Picturan mo 'ko, 'yung noo lang kita hehe."
The day after this, he had a bad episode of migraine with aura, even with nausea and vomiting. We were supposed to go home by lunchtime, but he wasn't in the right state to drive.
And so I stayed and took care of him.
It wasn't the funnest of dates, but if anything, those hours together made me want to be with him all the more. I wanted to be a better person, someone capable of taking care of him (and as a person who has only ever taken care of myself, this is a big deal to me). I actually saw myself growing old with him.
It was also the date that he told me he loved me very much for the first time (before the migraine happened). My heart was full.
He kept thanking me after. And joked that all he remembered was my snoring that night.
God, I love this person.
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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Survey time!
In the spirit of procrastination, let’s do this survey I found on my facebook memories. Surveys were the shit back then especially in the good ol’ multiply days. I wish we still had these. Now all we have are facebook shares of viral memes and twitter tbh’s. Anyway, let’s start! (While my Anesth Case Discussion quietly displays in another window.)
Who was your last text from? My boyfriend. ❤
Where was your default pic taken? My facebook profile picture was taken in the Goa Gajah Temple in Bali, Indonesia. My tumblr display picture was taken somewhere in Manila during an event organized by our Medical Student Council. Ben & Ben was there (as well as other people heheh) and maaaan, I cried.
Your relationship status? Happily taken!
Have you ever lost a close friend? I lose a lot of friends. I’m horrible at following up. I always lose connection once I transfer schools.
What is your current mood? Procrastinate-y. Which is me 95% of the time.
What’s your brother(s)/sister(s) names? Jared and Jed. Parang kambal lang.
Have you ever been torn between two lovers? Maybe med school and choir? Or med school and mental health? Med school and all my other relationships? Hahahahaha.
Where do you wish you were right now? Laying with my boyfriend. Clingy haha.
Have a crazy side? I think we all do.
Have you ever had a near death experience? I almost drowned when I was a kid.
Something you do a lot? Procrastinate in its various forms, eat and sleep.
Angry at anyone? The state of the country.
When was the last time you cried? Yesterday, at the cemetery with my mom. I prayed for all my patients and I couldn’t help but cry.
Is there anyone you would do anything for? My family... probably. Hehe.
What do you think about when you are falling asleep? Nothing? I try to think of nothing so I could fall asleep faster. And, as Pooh said, “Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something,” which in this case I guess is sleep! Okay, when I do think of something though, I usually think of sexy thoughts (ahahah, no shame) or hospital things.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My dad. And I was with my boyfriend that time, when he dropped me off at SM to meet my mom. Cover almost blown!
What is your favorite song? Currently, my favorite song is As Long as I Have Music, because of, well, circumstances.
What are you doing right now? Answering this survey instead of doing my Case Discussion, of which I have only done one paragraph of.
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Who do you trust right now? My boyfriend. Ahahaha.
Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Bought it from a Bio org I think?
Have you kissed someone in the past week? Yep! Laplapaaan.
Who are your friends that live closest to you? My roommates haha. Practically everyone in med school.
Describe your life in one word. Pwedeng two words? Ayoko na. Haha.
Who are you thinking of right now? I think of a lot of people. Usually my boyfriend, my family, my patients.
What should you be doing right now? My part for our Anesth Topic Conference tomorrow. I was paired with someone notorious for not doing their part well, so I really should be doing that right now...
What are you listening to? The hum of the electric fan. Although the last music playlist I heard was a cool OPM throwback one they played during the Trauma OR last night.
Who was the last person who gave you a hug? Well, Jed gave me a side hug so does that count? Haha if not, I cuddled with nanay last time I visited.
Who was the last person who yelled at you? The last person who was angry at me was probably the SOD during my last Trauma duty. I kept committing some mistakes. Meh. Oh well.
What is your natural hair color? Black.
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Who was the last person to make you laugh? Duranged from Cut I guess. I wish he could be my friend.
Who was the last person to make you sad? My ex.
What do you hear? Please see #27.
Is your hair curly or straight? It’s wavy.
Has anyone ever called you “scrumptious” before? That’s an odd word to use here... Pero masarap daw ako, does that count? HAHAHA ok. :) :) :)
Do you have a best friend? Yeah, I think so.
Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days? Yiz.
Do you use smiley faces on the computer? Yep. Let’s not be too serious haha.
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yeah.
Are you happy with life right now? Hahahahhaha. Well, I am happy with my relationship, I am happy that I have a supportive family. But I’m lost. I don’t know what to do with my life.
(missing)
What jewelry are you currently wearing? My Fossil watch.
What were you doing last Friday night? Finishing some Surg requirements, specifically that OR log. Should’ve done it earlier. -_-
Have you ever had your heart broken? Yuuuhhh. See my blog.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I don’t know. Lagi kasing parang ako yung nasasaktan haha chz.
Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? You mean besides myself???? Haha.
What was the last reason you went to the doctor for? Uhm, because I was on duty???? Hehe. Hmm, last time was probably for an annual checkup.
How late did you stay up last night and why? Stayed up kinda late until around 2 am. I was talking to my ex. Which was kind of frustrating.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? No... :( I don’t know, is something wrong with me? Haha hopefully my current relationship will do. We’re 7 months as of yesterday. :) One time I did ask him if he thinks we will last long, and he just reassured me, “Andito lang ako.”
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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"So, what's your plan?" an Anesth consultant asked me during my duty at the OB Labor Room and Delivery Room.
"Di ko pa alam Sir," I uttered. My usual reply.
It is quite common not to be decided yet on what path you are to take after med school. Some interns still don't know, and they're about to graduate already.
"Ano ba 'yan, dapat may 5-year plan ka!" he jokingly replied.
So, okay.
There are some things that one will discover about themselves during the marathon that is med school. You realize what topics you're simply not interested in (ehem rule out Neuro and Ortho), some lifestyles you just can't handle (and some others that are really attractive), among others.
For me, I realized that I don't really like doing wards and SIC work. It seems that I don't like handling patients for too long, which may be why I like posts like OBAS more, where you just receive patients you wouldn't need to follow-up anymore after you've sent them upstairs for further management. I've also realized that a light lifestyle is very important for me so that I may be able to focus on other things I want to spend my time on.
With these in mind, I've decided that I will choose a path with such lifestyle. Maybe Derma (with just the right mix of patient care and histopathology!) or Anesth (if I could just be proficient with these procs huhu). And then, I'll find a choir to join. Yep, music is something I won't let go of. It makes me happy like nothing else does. I still want to learn more and improve. Maybe someday Musica Filipina (established by our Sops masterclass mentors) will hold another round of auditions and I won't chicken out of trying next time.
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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Medyo na-miss ko pala yung ospital lol pero basura pa rin ako
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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Anxiety <<<
Today's the second to the last day of freedom/elective month and anxiety's creeping up on me again.
I don't want to be that toxic girlfriend who demands communication 24/7, but waking up to something would be nice. Especially if I was the last one to message.
Well, I knew he was going out to drink with his friends, and deep inside I guess I just wanted to know what he would tell me if he had no inhibitions. I know he's going through a lot, and he does keep some things to himself. I keep assuring him that he can talk to me about anything, but I've come to accept that it's very difficult for him. There's a side to him that I don't know.
The ever present clerkship anxiety, and beating myself up for putting things to the last minute yet again. Four years into med school and I still can't get my ass to start studying and to actually do it effectively.
Domestic life haha well. I was helping out with chores earlier and was just thinking to myself how I didn't want this kind of life. I never dreamed of getting married, becoming a mother, and having a family. I can't even take care of myself. But some people do dream of this -- I talked to someone recently, a woman diagnosed with PCOS which is associated with infertility. It was only then that I truly felt how little time women in the medical field have while we slave away during our prime years.
What the hell do I do after med school? My dad asked me about the process of having clinics in the hospitals to which I am completely clueless about (unfortunately, a trend). I don't know. I just see residents seeing patients first line in our training hospital. But then I don't even know what field I want to go to. I'm out of differentials. I'm sorry for disappointing you.
On family, love life, and societal norms. How I wish I could tell my family about these things. But I'm their only girl.
Virginity and sex. I watched a lot of youtube videos last night about this because I simply had no one to talk to. I just needed to relate to someone because this is fucking painful.
Insecurities. I watched Exes Baggage with my mom earlier today, and it sucked seeing P getting no reassurance whatsoever about her insecurities. I'd get crushed.
Welp.
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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I used to hate phone calls
When I first heard your voice over the phone the day of our first date, I almost wanted to back out. "This isn't the voice I expected!" I foolishly thought, obviously just nervous about this encounter. It was the first time I had ever physically met with someone I met online -- something I thought I'd never do... ever.
I was glad I took that chance. Funny how I almost didn't choose you. But that smile definitely made me want to get to know you.
Swipe right.
And now, I found love in most unexpected of places.
I used to hate phone calls. I get ridiculously anxious whenever anyone calls me. But you lift my spirits up without seemingly trying, and you make me smile in those comfortable silences. (If only you knew how much those calls meant to me when I was completely demotivated during our ICC finals week.) That voice, which I once thought to be strange, is now one of my favorite sounds. Thank you.
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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2018, M9
I was looking back at my old blog posts and realized that some things have changed greatly. Take my birthday, for example:
In 2015, I became seatmates with a guy who would eventually break my heart.
In 2016, I had a good day, until he greeted me a few minutes after my actual birthday, while I was studying for an exam. These were the days when I was practically begging him to talk to me and give me an explanation to why he left me just like that. (And he consistently avoided me until half a year after that.)
In 2017, it was my first time to actually have sort of fancy birthday meals out. I had brunch with friends in Marikina and on another day I had lunch with my extended family, together with some relatives from Canada. I celebrated with people who loved me.
And finally, in 2018, I had let someone new in my life. Someone who knew how to treat me well. Someone really weird, and with his own weaknesses, but someone who always makes me laugh and somehow knows how to comfort me just by the sound of his voice. Someone I always feel at home with.
Someone I deserve.
(Thank you, Lord.)
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I haven't posted in so long, I almost forgot my secret blog url! Hopefully I get to update more, especially about my clerkship chronicles.
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med-blahg · 7 years ago
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2018, M3
From the second week of the year... to the third month of the year. So much for resolutions!
Life update: I’m in a very different place now compared to where I’ve been in my previous posts. Mainly because of meeting someone new. More on that later. :)
Acads
Unfortunately, I failed to write about recently finished modules, which I had wanted to do so that the experience would have still been fresh. I’ve only written extensively about OB, our first and undeniably still the best one yet, perhaps mostly due to the first rotation syndrome. Bibbo ICC’s excited for learnings.
For the second semester, we went through the following rotations:
Management - I have mentioned this before. Leadership styles, budget challenges, basically our reality check module. We also went to Unilab which was so beautiful and seemed to care for its constituents well. Even the climate seemed different there, haha. They also had a lot of food, because they believed that hungry people can’t work efficiently. *stomach grumbles*
Surgery - The field of very short histories. I was actually surprised at my difficulty with suturing, which I was initially excited about. Unfortunately, I didn’t assist much in the OR. I also made a major booboo at advising my patient due to miscommunication with the resident. :( I hope he’s okay. This was also a prime for our block bonding, with our high yield pata party and Tagaytay walwal. Hehehehe.
Internal Medicine - IM is the perfect example of something I love which doesn’t love me back. It’s really the only field that piqued my interest before entering med school, but it’s also very hard to digest and understand, especially with it exemplifying how the body works as a system. One needs to have a good fund of knowledge for this. And who was I but a mere average medical student? Fortunately, this was indeed a high yield rotation, with a nice balance of SGD’s (a lot of SGD’s) and patient interaction, with a touch of evidence-based medicine (which we realized is actually really useful) and community-oriented medicine. Some cases in particular touched me deeply (hello kay nanay na nagka-emphysema and misdiagnosed for heart failure for years). This module seemed very long because of the number of discussions that we had to read up on, but I’m glad I emerged from this still wanting to be a nephrologist.
Derma - Basically a repeat of the same LU4 module, but in the outpatient setting, hence more patient interaction and shadowing. I loved the histology part, though, where we could all simultaneously look at the same slide while the resident (?) orients and explains it to us. We also got exposed to outpatient procedures and I got to witness a nail avulsion. *cringes and remembers my dad*
Pain - My LO-ship! Low yield though hahaha. Anesthesiology in the outpatient department is inadequate. However, actually seeing patients in 10/10 pain is another slap to the face. Naghihirap talaga sila. Also, a learning unrelated to pain -- be polite and introduce yourselves. Just because others said this was a chill rotation doesn’t mean you literally shouldn’t do anything on your post.
ORL - The week of essentially practicing for the ORL OSCE -- therefore, a lot of gagging. I also got sick by the end of the rotation, allegedly because of the inadequately cleaned instruments being shared around by the students and patients... Ummm. Hehe. I miss the CLAP baby. BABYYYY.
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med-blahg · 8 years ago
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2018, W2
01/07 - “For us, it means letting go of the shackles of the negative feelings brought about by hurtful experiences. Not forgetting, but freeing yourself and moving forward to better things.” Ben&Ben, when I asked them over a Twitter DM on what it means to forgive.
01/08 - Reality check c/o this Management rotation. We had an assignment on creating an annual budget for the next 15 years after we graduate on 2020. It’s so hard to make one considering that that’s the time where major changes in life are made. Plus, I am so financially illiterate it’s not even funny.
This is where we see the numbers change based on the career decisions we make. Even if serving the underserved is our mission and is what makes most of us students happy, it’s very hard to compromise and adjust your life because of the repercussions of this path. It’s all the more challenging once you realize that the number of people depending on you (aging parents, young children) increase through the years.
Also, I know paulit-ulit na, but I’m finally ready to move on. It’s just a little annoying that I was subconsciously waiting for him to do it first.
Also pt.2, I really wanna know how to invest now, so I added a bookmark on how to invest in the Philippine stock market.
01/09 - I was actually willing to cheat my diet for some movie churros.
01/10 - I discovered a website that actually streams well and has complete episodes of Rurouni Kenshin, something that I randomly craved for also tonight haha. Goodbye, gogoanime. Hello, anime nostalgia. (Too bad I still can’t find complete episodes of Mirmo de Pon.)
Oh, and the many types of leadership! There’s not actually a single best type, but a good leader must adapt depending on the task at hand and on the competence and commitment of his/her constituents.
01/11 - Parang wala ata akong role models growing up? Yeah, I was just living life. Super chill. But now my extra responsibilities are creeping up on me, especially this sem. Woooo. Let’s add those deadlines to the calendar.
01/12 - Home on a Friday night!!! Automatic cars have fins while manual cars have antennas! Also learned about my mom's first time investing in the stock market. It was exciting, parang laro, checking on them and seeing stock dividends, kapag nanganganak yung stocks mo. It's recommended to trade them once you get 15% returns. I want to try investing already. Need to learn about possible sources of income na because it was a real challenge in our budget projection activity. I had a negative net somewhere during fellowship and trying to establish my own clinic and I had to sacrifice a lot of my wants.
01/13 - Ayala Feliz definitely rushed its opening. It was practically empty. Also I'm still iffy about handling rejection (and being referred to as "doc"). Context: One of my project babies got cancelled because all of our partner performers declined. Oh well, I still have a lot of other projects lined up for this sem.
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med-blahg · 8 years ago
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2018, W1
In line with my single New Year’s resolution of writing more this year, I’ve decided to do this thing where I just take in the little lessons I’ve learned each day, no matter what they’re about, and take note of them, hopefully to be remembered forever. Sayang learnings eh.
01/03 - Taking H2 blockers like Ranitidine 30 minutes before drinking alcohol can reduce or delay the Asian flush.
01/04 - Japanese siomai tastes good.
01/05 - “Don’t expect to see yourself in others,” on leadership. Also, this ipon challenge.
01/06 - Physical touch really is my love language. 😭
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med-blahg · 8 years ago
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2017: Year in Review - Firsts
I like to cheat. Upon looking back at the survey I was supposed to do, I felt bored with a lot of questions which seemed quite repetitive and thought I’d list my 2017 firsts instead! I’ll just keep updating this as I recall things.
1. First time to have really nice birthday lunches! I invited some of my 2020 friends over to Marikina for a birthday brunch, my treat. I unfortunately lost my wallet just the freaking day before, but I was glad they were still game, even if I couldn’t libre anymore. My family followed shortly afterwards.
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My beautiful friends and family. Hihi. (c) Bana
It was also my first time to actually ask my family to eat in a nice place out for my birthday. Some of our relatives from Canada also visited the Philippines around this time, so they got to join in! We ate at Locavore in Kapitolyo. I’m not much of a restaurant and food reviewer but I must say the food was great, and the aesthetics were nice! The picture doesn’t do justice to the place, but I think it captured how happy we were. :)
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Featuring our special guest, Ate Allyn. HAHA. Look at how cute Tatay’s smile is!
For an added bonus, it was also my first time to receive birthday greetings of me sleeping courtesy of MedChoir. I was honestly expecting these from any of my friends for the longest time already, seeing as I exude an irresistible and exquisite charm whenever I doze off.
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1) Posted in the MedChoir LIVE group for all members and some tanders to see. A picture of me sleeping in a car, slowly zooming in, along with a sound clip of a soprano-less quartet singing Happy Birthday.
2) Posted in the #clingy2020 chat. An artwork featuring my peaceful nap during the best elective ever, Patho... *cringe*
2. First time to dye my hair (on my own pa!)
3. First time to play Poker and Mahjong during our little trip to Markyn’s house in Tagaytay.
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4. First time to do an IE, a DRE, a blood extraction, an IV line insertion, an intradermal injection, an OGT insertion, a one-on-one history and physical examination on a patient, practically everything done in ICC so far.
5. First time to engage in... post-”closure” momol. Twice. HAHA. Fuck.
6. First time to friendzone.
7. First time to watch a concert by the Philippine Madrigal Singers! (And invited Mommy and Nanay Daisy!)
8. First time to have a high yield session. Looking forward to another one next week, hehehehe.
9. First time to do a face with full makeup! We got invited to join the makeup workshop with another choir.
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The steps in this look that I have never done before or don’t usually do were actually moisturizing and priming my face before putting any makeup on, the instagram brows complete with cleaning up with a concealer, baking with a translucent powder, applying brow bone highlight, and contouring with a legitimate palette. I won’t be able to recreate this look anytime soon since this simply takes too much time, which we don’t have the luxury of especially before concerts, and since I don’t have the money to complete the tools for a comprehensive makeup routine. Nevertheless, ganda ko.
10. First time to adapt a skincare routine (that’s more than facial cleanser and toning). By the end of 2017, I got as close to the 10-step Korean skincare routine as I think I will ever be -- a makeup remover, a water-based cleanser, an exfoliator (if the occasional clay mask and/or scrub foam do suffice), a toner, an essence, a serum, an occasional sheet mask, an eye cream (actually an anti-aging cream that my parents didn’t use after I bought it for them in Korea), a moisturizer, and an SPF (well, there’s something like that in my BB cream). I got some questionable brands (I once tried a Miniso toner which didn’t seem to do anything, and Mumuso essence and serum which don’t have a final verdict yet) and some real Korean brands. The best part of this is having completed the magical trio of the Innisfree Jeju volcanic pore line, with special thanks to my trip to Korea for the clay mask, Beauty MNL’s free shipping promo for the toner, and my friend Randell’s trip to the land which sells Innisfree products (”Keep up naman, Philippines!”). I also bought the CosRx pimple patch, although I rarely have the need for it, as I don’t get those annoying ripe pimples anymore. Hihi.
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med-blahg · 8 years ago
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2017: Year in Review pt. 1/??
After compiling most of the notable pictures of the year and hoping to make a nice twitter thread as is the bandwagon, I’ve decided to do this year-end reflection survey instead, since a) I was a bit too lazy to organize my thoughts, and b) surveys!!! This was the shit back in the multiply days.
What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?
I’m going to cheat on this a bit because two events came to mind.
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TRP - Two-peat Championship! Once again, batch 2020 proved itself legendary. TRP chorale season was extra memorable this year because I ran for the position of Music Head. Fed, my predecessor, warned me that scheduling rehearsals was especially a logistical nightmare, with last year’s different schedules for Blocks A and B. What more for LU5′s eight blocks, right?
I think there were three main challenges we had to go through for this to happen. The first was the very beginning -- the creation of the song itself. There was an added pressure since our piece last year was deemed the best, and even the same composer and arranger had a difficult time creating one for our last chance to grace the stage. We had two nights of brainstorming at Fed’s place (with free Angel’s pizza... and an out-of-post PER ICC huhu).
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As far as I remember, he was already on his fifth or so attempt to make a song as the first ones garnered negative reviews. It was hard to get inspiration unlike last year where he was just especially moved after a lecture in Ther. In his words, pigang piga na siya. We were also having creative differences which really hindered us from making any real progress. Fortunately, on the second night, we finally overcame this with a switch to major chords and a great concept from James, giving birth to our wonderful chorus with the lines,
Bawat segundong nilaan, bawat hirap nalampasan,
Katumbas ng buhay na maliligtas.
...which tied very well with the theme, Orasa: Ang Dakilang Maestro.
The second challenge was actually a personal one. I got a taste of this logistical nightmare that Fed spoke of. It was particularly nerve-wracking especially for an irresponsible person like me, who has always clung to the clutch life. Getting venues for rehearsals was the main problem for this. Our choices were limited (MSU, Paz Men, Student Lounge, Tipunan) and in high demand, because many groups had to rehearse for TRP. It was my first time to attempt reserving a Paz Men room, which was surprisingly a lot of work -- needing to go to the Dean’s Office to check the availability of the rooms, go all the way up to the eighth floor of PGH to get it approved, go to the Cashier’s Office in OUR, and then go back to the Dean’s Office for them to confirm the payment, and then finally to Paz Men to submit the permit. But wait, there’s more! It actually cost a lot of money, which was the worst part, for me. #WeNeedSpace !!! I used my own money, which I was going to reimburse, but then we won, so... yeah, my treat then. (No one knew anyway heheh.) After all that, Paz Men obviously got scrapped from possible venues. I then had to coordinate with the MSC and MedChoir to get the free ones, being careful not to affect the batch dance schedule as much as possible.
You can then imagine getting all that work done, albeit very crammed which was entirely my fault, and then getting a poor turnout for rehearsals with just mere weeks before the competition (oh and that stupid ASEAN week which took more precious time away), to be quite disappointing, to say the least. The schedules of the different blocks and other TRP practices just couldn’t fit. This leads us to the third problem, which was to get the class motivated. This was my first reason for running to head the whole thing anyway -- I really just wanted to get the class together and to sing their hearts out once again! Thankfully, with a few motivational messages from me and our conductor, Joker, that I’m sure every one in the batch admired and respected, the attendance started going up, with one week to go.
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My babies. (Sorry for the distorted faces.)
One of the final practices in particular really just transformed the song. I asked the class to do a simple exercise of singing to each other. They had to stand in a circle so they could look at each other’s faces. It was funny and awkward at first, but it was the first time I heard the piece sung with heart, and I knew they felt it too!
There were some issues with the final scoring during the competition itself, and I honestly wasn’t quite sure how to take it. But seeing how my batchmates rejoiced and hearing the audience do the winner clap (THIS IS LEGIT THOUGH HEHE) made me feel like we really deserved the win. Very grateful for the talented and hardworking music team and my bibo batchmates!
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Abendlied: An Evening of Songs for the Benefit of Patients with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus -- our year-end concert for A.Y. 2016-2018. It was my first time to sing for a benefit concert. We took this opportunity not only to share our love for choral music, but also to spread awareness of SLE, a rather common condition found in PGH. I was very proud of how big this event has gotten -- thanks to sponsored boosts and our first time to get media partners (and, admittedly, our high ticket prices), we were able to procure a few hundred thousands, a part of which was donated to the PGH Lupus Club.
UP MedChoir always has a lot of major and minor events like these, but I’d choose this to share to my grandkids because in this concert, I really felt that I was blessed with talent that could help others. (Oh, which just reminded me of something, haha. Maybe it’ll get featured later, or in some other post.)
If you had to describe your 2017 in 3 words, what would they be?
Mistakes, lessons, cycle. I repeatedly did a shit ton of mistakes this year, with repercussions not only for me, but regrettably to the people around me. This came with the responsibilities I chose to accept this year. But heck, I’m proud of myself for accepting and embracing these new roles. I was brave enough to challenge myself. #characterdevelopment
What new things did you discover about yourself?
Oh, man. Haha. One of the things I discovered was that I am quite quick to forgive and forget. And then one day, some stimulus will come that will take me all the way back to when it hurt. A lot. Many of the tears shed this year were still in relation to the past aches of 2016.
What single achievement are you most proud of?
I am proud of always finding reasons to stay.
For one, there was a time when I really, really wanted to quit MedChoir. I felt that it was taking too much of my time and energy, and was also taking a toll on my mental health. There were many days with triggers, days where I just couldn’t manage to perform well, days where I was always on the brink of crying during rehearsals. It’s not supposed to be that way, I thought. There has to be another reason of staying besides the fact that I was needed. But then I saw some post saying that continuous pressure can make you hate doing the things you love. I have forgotten what turned me around during this time -- probably my friends, or taking a step back to appreciate the music like I once did. Or just the energy that we get from each other. Whatever it was, I’m glad I stayed.
I’m also proud of myself for staying in med school. Not that I actually have the choice to leave anyway, what with the millions my family would have to pay. But the thing is, I actually want to stay now. (Well, most of the time.) I’ve always feared that maybe the doctor life isn’t for me, but this ICC year has proven otherwise. Although a big factor of this is that we’re still babies in the hospital, the mere baby steps of actually enjoying interviewing, examining, and just getting to know patients was life-changing for me.
What was the best news you received?
I can think of two off the top of my head. The first, that one of our Christmas gigs got us an unexpected @@ thousand pesos (so that was around @@ thousand per song... what???), and the second was the news that one of my aunts was going to adopt a baby. This has some MMK style plot behind it, by the way -- politics, cheating, and whatnot. It didn’t push through, though. I hope that baby lives well.
What was your favourite place that you visited in 2017?
South Korea, no question!!!
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1) Day 4 - The Garden of the Morning Calm. This day was my favorite. Our morning was spent in the astoundingly beautiful Nami Island. Picturesque. Trees, nature, ...and a very ideal place for dating, haha! For all ages pa. We saw couples young and old, holding hands while walking. This was where we made a pact that we’ll go back to Korea when we all got our own SO’s. That night we went to The Garden of the Morning Calm, where I thought the expanse of land decorated with lights just wouldn’t end! It really seemed like a different world back there.
2) Day 2 - Palace hopping! We went to the Gyeongbokgung and Changdeokgung Palaces. We joined the free English guided tour of the places and learned a lot. We even joked about making it like an SGD, like the bibo kids we are, hungry for learning. Haha! Photo (c) Bana
3) Day 1 - My travel buddies, Bana and Reg. For our first day, we walked around the makeup and skincare heaven that is Myeongdong and ate a lot of oh so glorious streetfood.
4) Day 3 - We went to the Namsan Tower to cap off the day... Featuring the toilet that got away.
I’m so so so glad this trip pushed through, na nakaldkad ako nina Bana and Reg to this land! I wasn’t even a hardcore Kdrama fan and I think I was initially invited just because Gio was supposed to go as well, haha. But these two welcomed me to their group, and it was such a beautiful experience! Lots of walking, sites, damn Korean couples, and food!!!!!!!!!!! These pictures are just a preview of the places we’ve been to, and the photoshoots we have so shamelessly done. Here’s our itinerary from Bana’s blog, and photos from Bana’s album, and my album!
Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?
I honestly don’t know, haha. Whenever I’m asked about my strengths, I tend to think of my weaknesses instead. For this, maybe the best answer is my openness to try new things. Or just that I really tend to appreciate some people and experiences in my life. I’m in no way consistent in any of these qualities, but during the occasions that I am such, I could really feel the difference.
Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?
This constant used to be Gio. After he left, I can’t say that I really have that single go-to person. Nevertheless, I could often rely on #clingy2020 and our thorough SGD’s whenever we’re going through a rough patch. I will specially mention my beshie Ian, who could always make me have a good laugh and at the same time discuss the not-so-lighter things in life.
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Okay, I didn’t expect this post to be this long haha. I haven’t even gone through half of the questions yet! I guess I’ll do this in parts instead. Next year na yung iba. (He he he.)
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med-blahg · 8 years ago
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A surprise for me in our choir email drafts
<(1)  Kay lamig nitong Disyembre. Sa kaibuturan ko'y tumatagos ang panginginig. Ngunit nalalapit na rin ang April>
<(2) Ang April na senyales ng tag-init, ng nalalapit na sinag ng araw na kung dumampi sa aking balat ay napakatamis>
<(3)  Ngunit ang buwan ng April ay di sapat, sa ningning na taglay niring bulaklak na nagngangalang Justine April>
<(4) Ikaw na nag-iisang bulaklak na sa munti ngunit nang ang Panginoo'y lumilikha ng kagandahan ay marahil si April ang pinakanalalapit>
<(5) Ika'y tila sirenang ang tinig ay ikabibighani nitong taenga kong hindi karapat-dapat na ika'y maulinigan>
<(6) Ang Pasko ma'y kay sigla, ngunit ang puso ko'y sa saya magliliyab pagdating ni April at masilayan ko ang mga bituin sa karimlan ng iyong mga mata>
A little context: I assigned Gino, one of our trainees and actually our 2020 batchmate, under my externals team for our Valentine’s concert and asked him to edit and attach outgoing letters and save the drafts in our email. This is totally unexpected, though! Hahaha. The last time someone wrote poetry for me was some eight years ago. Highly appreciated!
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med-blahg · 8 years ago
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Read this if you’re thinking of doing something you’ll regret.
You had doubts from the start. It wasn’t perfect. Even when it was going well, even before everything bad happened, you weren’t sure.
He left you hanging. He lied to you. He made you feel like shit. You cried in his arms, you cried in front of him, you cried while you were trying to talk to him and just asking why, you cried when he carelessly told you hurtful things again and again, you cried questioning what went wrong, you cried while he was ignoring you all the time and yet you were nothing to him. And he keeps returning like nothing happened.
Stop letting him hurt you.
You deserve better.
You’ve been doing well recently. Just keep on. One small mistake will send you all the way back to square one. You know you’ll only betray yourself. Don’t.
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