medicatedmaenad

[medicatedmaenad]

I am robbing myself of the present by worrying over the future

[medicatedmaenad]

I am judging myself based off societal expectations.

[medicatedmaenad]

Been doing good for the past two weeks but I’m starting to hit a slump again. Hope it’s just my period. At the very least it’s been easier for me to bounce back and I haven’t spent an entire day crying.

[medicatedmaenad]

Went to bed at 11:30

Woke up at 4:00 fell asleep at 5:00 woke up at 7:23

[medicatedmaenad]

In bed 8:54 settling down took 1 hydroxyzine

9:56 took 1 hydroxyzine and startled sleep

Woke up at 2:14 fell back asleep around 3:50

Woke up at 7:23.

[medicatedmaenad]

Had a bad day yesterday had a better day today. No crying, no meltdowns.

[medicatedmaenad]

Still in a depression coma.

Edit: took a nap and felt better.

[medicatedmaenad]

Had a lot of bad episodes today. Even a moment where I drafted out a suicide note but realized I couldn’t do that to my family and friends so I called my psychiatrist instead.

[medicatedmaenad]

Had another bad episode last night.

[medicatedmaenad]

Reframing Exercise

“What if I experience cognitive decline later in life?”

“I can’t worry over something that may or may not happen. There are things I can do to help my mind stay healthy”

[medicatedmaenad]

I’m not going to be mad at myself for being sad.

[medicatedmaenad]

Reframing Exercise

“I feel a mild pain in my body and I’m worried it might be some serious underlying condition that might kill me”

“I wrongly believe that being hyper vigilant over my health will lead me to discover some life threatening condition when the momentary discomfort I’m feeling is most likely nothing serious. It’s okay to get it checked out by a doctor but frantically looking everything up on the internet is unproductive and contributes to my feeling of helplessness.”

[medicatedmaenad]

Reframing Exercise

“Why am I not excited about the weekend? Will the weekend be unpleasant?”

“I am anticipating an unpleasant weekend based on a momentary feeling. There is no logical reason to expect anything will go wrong. I am most likely scared of the unpredictability of my emotions because I have been in a vulurnable state lately but I’m working to improve.”

[medicatedmaenad]

I did it. I had another bad moment but i didn’t give in.

[medicatedmaenad]

Reframing exercise

“I’m upset that I still get negative thoughts and judge myself.”

“It’s unrealistic to expect these thoughts to just disappear over night. How I handle these thoughts is me making progress. Life is hard and I’m doing my best. My best should be enough.”

[medicatedmaenad]

Reframing exercise

“Sometimes I wish I was a normal person with kids and a husband and booming career. I feel like a failure for not achieving these things.”

“ I am going through a mid life crisis but I’m getting better everyday. I need to stop comparing myself to others. These thoughts are not helping me achieve any goals.”

[medicatedmaenad]

Some stuff my friend gave me.