megan-jules

[megan-jules]

One of my coworkers, a woman in her early 60's, had to report for potential jury duty today. She walked into the room and saw a younger lady sitting all alone. So, in her words, " I plopped down right next to her and started chatting". After a few minutes the younger lady said " I'm transgender you know." And my coworker says " I thought you might be. I work with a trans woman. I just thought you might like the company." They sat together most of the day. I'm so proud of my coworker. I have been in that very same situation, it's really uncomfortable. An ally helps so much!

If we all make ripples, soon enough it's a tidal wave.

[megan-jules]

I acquired a new client at work about 5 months ago. They took some "winnings over" but have since become a good customer. It was an odd fit as they offer faith based care and I'm openly transgender, but now they are comfortable with me.

So comfortable, in fact, that the receptionist has suggested a regime of ivermectin for my type 1 diabetes. She means well I'm sure. She really believes that it will cure me.

As a service rep I can't really tell her how I feel about most things. If I did we could lose the account and my job is in jeopardy. So I just smile and excuse myself, lots to do.

I struggle with people who just parrot what they hear. Both as a trans person and as a diabetic I encounter people every day that just accept what they are told by the media they consume. They never question or look for opposition, they just.... accept.

I may never understand.

[megan-jules]

The link for the announcement and my profile for my photo exhibit!

https://www.osceolaarts.org/post/art-in-public-places-madison-wilkins-at-hart-memorial-library

~Madison

[megan-jules]

I went to a street fair today to see a friend who has a small shop. She does scrying, so she did a reading for me. I didn't really know what to ask, so she asked the spirit board if there was something to tell me. First it said job, then it said change. When I asked what I should do next the board said jump. Next the board said journey. When I asked if it was my gender journey the board said valid. Finally she asked if there was something else the board spelled out " no one is unlovable".

I think my life changed today.

[megan-jules]

I had my twice a year trip to the endocrinologist 4 weeks ago. After an exam and lots of questions he ordered blood work. It turns out that my estrogen levels are at 300. That's too high for someone my age. So the doctor lowered my dose to 2 mg per day. At first I was distressed by this. I want all the changes that come with higher estrogen levels. But what I was getting was puberty. That was starting to be too much. So back down the ladder I go. More blood work in August.

[megan-jules]

Just in case you forgot

Don't forget.

[megan-jules]

Happy TDOV!

I spent the day with my daughter in Dallas being out and about. And wow were we busy! It was so nice to see and be seen. And even in terrible Texas I felt safe and welcomed. We are going to get through this. I'm not saying it won't be rough, but I believe we are going to make it. And for as long as I can I will remain old and awkward and visible. It's important to me as an older trans person to do what I can for those who are younger than me. I've been given a great gift. And with whatever time I have left I intend to use it to help others.

[megan-jules]

What are the side effects?

Voice training so I can sound like a neutral happy emotionally dead narrator on an advertisement for a prescription antidepressant.

[megan-jules]

I'm trying to put together clothes for an upcoming trip and the goal here is to avoid the obviously queer stuff. After about 2 hours of "packing" I have 1 pair of jeans and 3 shirts. I also have a huge pile of queer ass shirts and skinny jeans. So my decision is screw it! I'm coming into Texas burning! Either that or naked. Yee Haw!

[megan-jules]

I turned 58 years old last October.

58

The strangest thing seems to have happened. It appears that I have grown up.

I think when I grew into my genuine self it fired off something inside me. I felt my own power for the first time. That is a genuine high.

Then came the reality of everything I missed out on. It took me some time to realize that I needed to grieve that loss. I am still going through that, it's something more people need to do. It lets you release, to grow.

That leads me to the inevitable question, one that we all get asked from the time we are young. What do you want to be when you grow up?

The only answer, at least until recently, was a woman. Well, I got that down. But it's not an answer, not really. It was more a means to an end.

I've had 3 careers. I was a DJ on the radio for 15 years. I lost that one when I was outed. I was (am) a certified parts and service master. Registered with both Mercedes and VW, Audi, Porsche. But no mechanic or dealership will hire a trans woman. Lastly I worked for years as a union stage hand in theaters and areas. I had to let that go, I'm too old. I'm a service rep in the medical field for the last 12 years. It's just a job for me, that's all.

I have spent the last 45 years working or going to school. But now, finally, I'm a grown up. So what do I want to be?

What indeed!

[megan-jules]

Congratulations Maddie (

0 days to go

My 100 days are now completed. My goal achieved.

Here are some interesting figures from my weight loss journey.

My step meter shows I took 1,304 235 steps. Which translates to 607.92 miles of walking!

My weight is now 201.2

A loss of 62.6 lbs.

Which is a loss of 23.7% of my body weight since I started.

I didn't keep track of any measurements along the way, but I do know the skirt size for my work costume is down by 5. 24 to 16

Was it the healthiest way to go about losing the weight. Most likely not.

Did it work?

Obviously, yes.

The goal now is to maintain and slowly get down to 195.

Then keep it off.

Because as I said when I started:

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

So true!

~Madison

[megan-jules]

Occasionally I stop at a fairly large OB/GYN office for work. We have someone on site who is a good friend. While we were talking yesterday I was introduced to a new doctor. She is very nice and chatted with us for a bit. After she left my friend chuckled at me and said "I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that you're trans". It turns out that she really didn't figure it out. But I don't think she would have cared anyway. Honestly I worry about it more than any of my clients do. And it feels really nice to say that.

[megan-jules]

Not to be a downer, but it occurred to me how unsafe I am at work. My service calls take me to dark, secluded places on a regular schedule. Anyone who knows my movements could pick me off with little trouble and never get caught.

These thoughts are in direct conflict with my desire to never back down. I can't let fear rule me.

I believe in God.

But I don't want to die a martyr's death.

[megan-jules]

Occasionally I find that my age has given me wisdom. Any significant changes require a reconning. Much like a death one is required to grieve. How much and how long depends on the change. But it is fair to say that grief is a natural part of life and is healthy for you.

I find myself grieving over my job of 12 years. I love what I do. But the current management structure is corrupt, so it's time to move on. Growing out of my grief is a new resolve, a feeling of power if you will. I'm actually looking forward to a change.

This time I will feel confident in my own self worth. I'm ready to go!

[megan-jules]

He wanted to be a flash in the pan!

White boy shocks everyone at the restaurant by emitting a massive electromagnetic pulse

[megan-jules]

Yesterday was a very busy day for Miss P and I. So much so that neither of us had the energy to cook. So we went out for a bite. As we were walking in a man with a walker was leaving. We each held a door for him. He looked at us both and said "thank you ladies".

So, so valid!

[megan-jules]

By the numbers

As I enter my 12th year of work with my current company.

I have worked 3400 days

Best guess puts me at 60,000 service calls

I have driven around 700,000 miles

All of us that do this job have seen someone's last ride. That's the day when you get out of your car at the end of the day and you just can't go anymore. There's a look in your eyes that's unmistakable. Anything after that is just miserable.

This job has served me well. I have been through a lot of stuff behind the wheel all alone. In a very real way I've driven through hell and come out the other side.

Now I'm at the top of my game. I have the respect of my coworkers and enough accumulated knowledge to be the teacher. I could stay in this spot for another 10 years.

But I feel it coming. I've been feeling it since late summer.

This is usually the time of year that can break a service rep. Dark and cold. It takes lots of energy, both mental and physical, to keep going. These next 3 months are the hardest ones.

But on top of that I'm just plain ready to take on new challenges. Plus regular hours and weekends off would be nice too.

So the race is on. I know it's one I can win!

Thanks for letting me vent.