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like your blog but no offense how are you on Tumblr in ur late 20s?

Good question anon! Here’s my secret: the old folks home lets us out for an hour of water aerobics every day and while the other residents are huffing and puffing like a bunch of suckers I’m off to the side of the pool with everything I need for posting quality content to Tumblr Dot Com.

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Your annual reminder to not donate to Salvation Army!

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I honestly never questioned Kent sending me bombs in the mail until I saw people pointing it out. I mean people send me batteries, sea urchins and whole dishes in the mail. The bombs really didn't seem that odd in comparison.

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There is only one reason people date Sam in Stardew Valley

To my two friends who are aware of my Tumblr, yes I am absolutely calling myself out here, no I am not ashamed. To everyone else, your words are but fiction on my screen. Who am I to believe your thoughts when my own are already the truth of my mind?

I'm getting off track.

The only reason (aside from being good looking and really cool) I would date Sam is so that I can get it with his dad. I mean, have you seen him?

HE'S THE DILF THAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND.

I WOULD WORSHIP HIM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES TO BE WITHIN 10 FEET OF HIS GLORY. FORGET ROBIN, KENT IS THE TRUE QUEEN.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, ON MY FIRST PLAYTHROUGH, I WAS NOT EXPECTING THE RUGGED MAN TO ROCK UP AT MY DOOR TO SAY HI. HE CAME TO SEE ME ON THE FIRST DAY HE WAS BACK. I ALWAYS WONDERED WHERE SAM GOT HIS HOTNESS FROM AND BOOM. QUESTION ANSWERED.

Also, he sends you bombs through the mail. This man has balls of fucking titanium. The government bows to his will. He wants to send explosives to the local farmer through the mail service? Fucking let him, just make sure that the mailman is well insured. I will die to be with this man.

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Sam: So, what's your type?

Farmer: Broken red flags that leave me unable to walk for the next 5-7 business days.

Sam: ...I have someone who you might want to meet

*the next day*

Shane: Who tf are you?

Farmer: He's perfect

Alternatively

Farmer: Who's that tall blonde guy who showed up a few days ago?

Sam: That's my dad

Farmer: ...

Sam: Please don't-

Farmer: Nice to meet you, son.

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Perceptor, looking around: Is something burning?

Brainstorm, pulling Perceptor closer: Just my desire for you.

Perceptor: ...Brainstorm, your workstation is literally on fire.

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Ultra Magnus: *Notices Brainstorm and Perceptor*

Ultra Magnus: They’re cute. I would put them on a boat.

Rodimus: You mean... you ship them?

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reading mtmte with my friends and oh my god this is the funniest fucking response to bullshit I've ever read I'm taking this NOW

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reblog to smash megatron's old man pussy

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Keep on trolling in the free world

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We watched Ponyo every day as a kid

I near feel bad for the parents 💀

-Moth

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Love these dogs so much

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what no one tells you about being autistic is people just don’t like you. maybe you make friends, but they get tired of you fast. even if you’re not actively bullied, your peers just…. don’t pay attention to you. something about you is offputting and weird to mostly everyone, and you literally cannot stop it no matter how hard you try.