mellowshitpxsts

[mellowshitpxsts]

╲⠀╲⠀╲ ╲

⠀⠀╲⠀╲⠀☆ ⠀ ╲ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀☆⠀ ╲⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ★

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀★

I do. I do think about him. But will I tell him that?

We both laid there with our backs against the grass, allowing whatever slight breeze there was to crack the silence. What was I thinking? Inviting him to stargaze with me? I was insane. Except…it wasn’t really to stargaze. I didn’t bring my tools nor my sketchbooks. Myself and him plus a blanket - that was all. What made the experience even more strange was that he agreed to it. I laughed. Not because it was funny, but because I wasn't expecting him to say yes to me. Instead, I imagined the scenario before it even happened. I would be standing there in the middle of the walkway, pursing my lips as Scaramouche waves me off - turning the other direction. Here I am rambling again. Regardless, I can’t say I was a hundred percent truthful with him. You know what, I’ll admit it to myself; I straight up lied to him. This wasn’t to get my mind off things. Needless to say, it was the mere thought of him alone that was enough to wash all of my troubles away. Not that I’d tell anyone that though. The fact was that I just…I wanted to spend *time* with him.

I still couldn’t decipher the feelings behind my reasoning. Was I comfortable in his presence because he saved my ass one too many times? Or was there a deeper meaning? I remember a smile forming across my face, and I was blessed enough to have the clouds block out the moonlight the second it happened. It was a slip-up. I knew that if Scaramouche were to catch my expression, one of three things would happen. He would tease me about it and make a snarky comment, something to which I’d retaliate, and we’d huff it off. Or he would send me a face of disgust as if I was the most hideous human he’d ever laid eyes upon. Like I said - he wouldn’t truly like a girl like me. My pride got in the way, though; never in a million years would I say I felt just a *tad* bit of insecurity around him. Or the third option…he’d simply ignore me and carry about his evening, thinking about whatever else was more entertaining to think about at the moment.

“What's on your mind,” was what he asked me. But, how could I sit here and explain to him how I was having a war with my inner demons? The demons that had control over my romance ordeals at least. I didn't like him. It wasn't like that. I sighed and allowed all the negativity to wash away. Instead, I simply shook my head. “I'm just trying to...find a certain constellation. It's hard with the clouds and all...” I was the worst liar. Scaramouche knew me better than that. I felt his body shift beside me. I didn't need to look at him to know he was on his side - a palm against his head. Great. Things were about to get serious. “No Mona. I mean like...what’s on your mind?” I darted my eyes in every which direction, searching the corners of my brain for any excuse I could muster up. But I couldn't. I just turned my head to face him. I knew he was studying me, the way his eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?” I sputtered out. But for some damn reason, Scaramouche wouldn't drop the subject. He let his hand fall in front of his chest. I watched as he drew circles against the grass. For a second, I swore nervousness washed over his face. But then again, I was delusional after all. “I'm sure an intelligent girl like you could come to a basic conclusion of what I’m thinking.” He tilted his head, and the only thing I could allow myself to do was mock his actions. “What I mean is…do you think about me?”

[mellowshitpxsts]

╲⠀╲⠀╲ ╲

⠀⠀╲⠀╲⠀☆ ⠀ ╲ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀☆⠀ ╲⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ★

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀★

What really happened that night ;

Suddenly, my body stopped. I FROZE. An icy tundra coursed over the room. The only thing I could manage to move was my eyes. My body came to a direct halt and my feet firmly planted against the floor. There was a suffocating feeling, an unwelcomed emotion that I allowed into my body. Anger. But more predominately, hurt. The drink in my hand spilled over my dress and washed right down to my ankles. I could feel the cold sensation, but what bothered me more was the sight before me. A sight I didn’t think would stab me as much as it did.

There he was. Scaramouche. Who happened to be standing in the middle of the dance floor with that girl. Ayaka was her name. Their fingers interlaced, their lips collided. Something I knew I would never get the chance to do. Was I upset by it? Most definitely. His hair illuminated against the soft light, his frame was beautiful. It was a shame he didn’t care about his actions, how could he? He had one of the most beautiful girls right within his grasp. And unfortunately, to him, that wasn’t me.

I thought to myself, ‘After all that bullshit we’ve been through together? Hell. We almost fucking DIED together.’

He was the campus asshole, and I knew I should have listened to her when she was poking jokes at me in the library. I never told Scaramouche about that day. But then again - why would I? She was right. Honestly, a girl like me could never fit into his league. No. It was girls like *her* that caught his attention. The party type. And I was by NO means the party type.

There was a shift within my body. I stood still only to feel every single muscle within me tearing apart. Especially, my heart. Piece by piece it was clawed like, like some vicious animal excited for its next meal. That was the only way I could describe the pain, and that didn’t even meet a quarter of my emotions. The world around me seemed to have slowed, as I didn’t even notice Fischl’s fingers wrapping around my shoulder. In fact, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to feel. So, I did the only thing I could. I raised my head and wiped off the pathetic tear that was racing down my cheek.

Simultaneously, their heads shifted towards me. I saw the smirk on her face, but all I could do was stare in awe at the two.

His sparkling eyes glued onto mine, and I could see the instant regret that soared within him. But it was too late. I whipped my body the opposite direction, forcing everyone around me apart. Gasps filled my ears, and the tears caused all the beaming lights to mix together. My senses were completely blocked. My arms fell forward and everyone became swished to the side. I didn’t care anymore. The pain continued to tug at my heart. Scissors cut each and every individual string. But…I didn’t like him, right? That was bullshit and I knew it. I had been lying to myself the whole time. I liked him. A lot.

[mellowshitpxsts]

╲⠀╲⠀╲ ╲

⠀⠀╲⠀╲⠀☆ ⠀ ╲ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀☆⠀ ╲⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ★

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀★

“Let’s go, team!” Razor blurted out. He bolted for the door, unaware that his most pivotal piece of equipment for ghost hunting wasn't even turned on. The only excuse Mona could chalk up at this point was maybe, MAYBE, she’d run into a place that had been used by WHOEVER she was looking for; she still didn't have a single clue on who this person was. Even then, she had to deeply convince herself there had to be some clues lying around in one of these places. Abandoned buildings were the best places for attempting ghost possessions after all, at least, that's what one would assume. And IF she were lucky enough, Albedo would be able to help her somehow. Mona followed behind the group. ‘This is hopeless,’ she thought while mustering the energy to pursue the two.

‘This is hopeless,’ she thought while mustering the energy to pursue the two.

As the trio approached the door, something tingled at the back of Mona’s neck. She wasn’t aware, but almost every strand of hair stood up. Seriously, what was she thinking? These guys, Bennett and Razor, are completely hopeless. They didn’t know the first thing about ghosts. The building ahead gave off an eerie aroma even though it wasn’t haunted. However, Mona decided to let the boys have their fun. They didn’t need to know what actually existed out there. At best - the group would find some runaway teenagers stowing away their beer.

. * . * .🌙 * . * * * ☄️. * * . 🌍 . ·* .      ✵.　       　 ✧✵ .· 　　   ✵  ✫˚            · · .             ·✦ ˚  　· 　 .           ⊹   · 　 . *        　    　.. 　　 　  .　　.　　°　   ·  ✦ 　　　　　 ·* .  •   　 ·  •.   ✶˚  .　  ·*✧* ˚  　　 · . ·* .      ✵.　       　 ✧✵ .· . . * 💫 * . * . . *. ✨ * . * . * ☄️ * . * 🌕 . 💫* . * . * 💫. *. * * . . * 🪐. * . * .🌙 * . * * * ☄️ . ·* .      ✵.　       　 ✧✵ .· 　　   ✵  ✫˚            · · .             ·✦ ˚  　· 　 .           ⊹   · 　 . *        　    　.. 　　 　  .　　.　　°　   ·  ✦ 　　　　　 ·* .  •   　 ·  •.   ✶˚  .　  ·*✧* ˚  　　 · . ·* .      ✵.　       　 ✧✵ .· * * . 🌍* . . * 💫 * 🪐. * . . *. ✨ * . * . * ☄️ * . * 🌕 . * . * . * . *. * * . . *