melosjournal

[melosjournal]

being upset and struggling and not being able to talk to the one person you want to because itll push them further away hurts so so bad. everything hurts. why cant i just be happy

[melosjournal]

cant bring myself to cancel this fucking airbnb. dont even wanna look at it. part of me is still holding out hope and its killing me

[melosjournal]

bought new clothes for the chappel roan concert that i havent tried on and dont wanna try on. took time off work that i now dont know what to do with. have an airbnb i have to cancel but i can barely figure out my day to day. im losing it

[melosjournal]

i was so close. i cant believe i got so close. everything i wanted was within reach and i self-destructed as if maybe that would make me feel better and more in control. now i feel worse than ever and keep spiralling and being pulled further out to sea and i dont know how to forgive myself

[melosjournal]

I have a big lesbian crush on you, whoever you are in love with is very lucky. <3

just wanted to say that i opened my inbox in the throes of really bad depression and anxiety and saw this. and it made my heart feel a bit less heavy:) whoever you are im sending you a kiss

[melosjournal]

i cant take it!!!!!!!!!! im going insane my heart hurts so bad

[melosjournal]

half a year of planning and looking forward and being so excited and one weekend to blow it all up. it hurts so bad i feel like a caged animal and i dont know where to go

[melosjournal]

dont look forward to this chappell roan concert. not sure i look forward to this trip anymore either

[melosjournal]

wish i could travel back exactly one week in time and take it all back. but i shouldnt have to feel that way either. i shouldnt have felt so alone

[melosjournal]

(self sabotages and self destructs) haha :) (it actually works) ohhh nooo

[melosjournal]

it hurts so much its almost unbearable

[melosjournal]

completely mute with shock. feels like someone hit me with a brick and then asked me to speak right after. i cant believe this is happening

[melosjournal]

Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that

[melosjournal]

the line between hard to get and hopelessly desperate is a myth. no such thing.

[melosjournal]

being in love is torture i have to physically restrain myself from sending a horny angry text demanding why tf they’re not here AARGGHHH AHHHHHHH

[melosjournal]

leitmotifs never get old to me like holy shit dude there’s this melody that corresponds to this one guy and if you hear the melody it means the guy is there. holy shit. and sometimes it refers to ideas too not just guys. has anyone heard about this

[melosjournal]

this tumblr really is like my secret little journal that only a few people follow and check .. hehehehe…. You’re all in on my evil conspiracies ….