men-and-masculinity-blog

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

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[men-and-masculinity-blog]

i’ve been feeling suicidal

and if i need remind you

it’s not the coming of my heart and my brain

i was thinking about how great it would be if i could make the tightness in my chest go away

it’s been a while since i’ve seen god

and i’m not trying to lead him on

but he's always trying to fuck me

to the tune of my favorite song

and they're playing “the '59 sound" in heaven

while the angels were drinking up whiskey and cokes

it’s hard to freeze your anxieties

when your best friend’s torching your coat

your coat

drop that phone, drink a glass of water

and call me when you get in your bed

i’ve seen inside your head

and i’m doing the surgery on the parts

that still wish you were dead

cause i’ve lost too many friends

so i’ll say it again and again

and again and again

and again and again

and again and again

i’m not trying to say it's easy

but i’m trying to say it's fine

i’ve still got your demons

and they're not gonna be leaving any time

any time soon

any time soon

any time soon

any time soon

i’m not trying to say it's easy

but i’m trying to say it's fine

[SPOKEN WORD:

since i was thirteen i’ve dealt with manic depression and i had a difficult time comprehending the things that i wanted to be and i lived a very happy life and i was turning eighteen and i was doing everything i could to try to make myself feel better but i felt an absence, i felt like i needed to die, i felt like nothing existed and i felt that i wasn't worthwhile breathing the same air as the ones i loved and my family, and then it came to the point where i started losing friends who had the same fucking ideas as myself but i have to be strong and i have to live my life as a continuation of theirs lost and i have to do everything in my fucking power to be the person that i can be and live my life the best way i fucking can and some days it's so hard to fucking stand and fucking stand and fucking stand and fucking stand]

PICTURED: sorority noise

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

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[men-and-masculinity-blog]

[gerald, what the fuck is wrong, man?

cheer the fuck up you asshole, yeah]

[VERSE 1]

we fake it til we make it

work while everyone doubts

i was dreamin of award shows

while still on the couch

fame is all so new to me

guess i’m feelin it out

man the other day my grandma said she’s selling the house, wait

see i was much more bummy and less star

when my mom’s unemployment check wouldn’t stretch far

wishin that my confidence was made out of kevlar

and i could superhero save the day, cop her next car

coming out the bay, feels like nobody gets far

feels like we’re doomed

like they’re building a death star

drink it all the way, stumble into the next bar

rap is like the lottery, we’re all tryna scratch for

but when that shit just strikes gold

you accomplish life goals

go and get that ice froze, get paid off in nice flows

it’s weird, now i got money to buy nice steez

but don’t look down

get scared of heights like these

[gerald, what you so sad for?

why the hell you got the blues?

everybody wanna be in your shoes

gerald, what you so sad for?

everything ain’t that bad

name a reason that you got to be mad

gerald, what you so sad for?

man, stop acting like a bitch

forgot you’re all famous now and rich?

gerald, what you so sad for?

man stop cryin homie, rap more]

[VERSE 2]

and in a year i went from overlooked to overbooked

you won’t ever understand the work it took

drinkin every night to celebrate what we made

but the parties have changed

weirdos crowd around and start acting strange

at the bar stress chain smoking cigarettes

and i don’t even smoke, i know i should drink a little less

but nothing can prepare you for how crazy this business gets

once again, sad boy gerald is in distress

so hard on myself, i think i’m going insane

the mind of a perfectionist is always in pain

should be happy i don’t have to set alarms to wake up

i just tour and cake up

i should probably call home so me and moms can make up

these days the only home i know is the road

and clowns are all sad inside, or so i’m told

and the girl i’m really thinking of is states away

we’ll run away and find a place to stay

[gerald, what you so sad for?

why the hell you got the blues?

everybody wanna be in your shoes

gerald, what you so sad for?

everything ain’t that bad

name a reason that you got to be mad

gerald, what you so sad for?

man, stop acting like a bitch

forgot you’re all famous now and rich?

gerald, what you so sad for?

this was everything you asked for]

PICTURED: g-eazy

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

3

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

[lost in a dark place

lost in a dark place

lost in a dark place]

[VERSE 1]

lost in a dark place

trapped in a crawl space

in my mind i get lost in

i wake up in a coffin

they tell me they care

they’re just in love with the music

so they’ll never know

about the pain i go through

it’s like a chain of reactions

all these demon attacks

from all the drugs that i’m taking

to the women distracting me

from being myself

it’s like i’m losing my traction

kiss death on the lips

i have a fatal attraction

[VERSE 2]

this is my heart

watch as my problems inspire me

tear me apart

won’t let the demons take over me

they took it too far

now i need some surgery

i’m falling apart

[VERSE 3]

it’s like i’m lost in the motions

use this song as a rope

to wrap around the commotion

tie the knot at my throat

i look at death as an ocean

i don’t want it no more

but it’s too late to reverse it

as i fall on the floor

[lost in a dark place

lost in a dark place

demons inspire me

floor]

PICTURED: juice wrld

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

4

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

[VERSE 1]

i know that it hurts sometimes, but it’s beautiful

working every day, now you’re bleeding through your cuticles

passing through a portal as you’re sittin in your cubicle

isn’t life beautiful? i think that life is beautiful

tryin to keep your cool at your grandfather’s funeral

finding out eventually the feeling wasn’t mutual

you were not invited cause you’re nothing like the usual

isn’t life beautiful? i think that life is beautiful

you wanna see your friends but you’re stuck inside a hospital

doctor walks in and he tells you that it’s terminal

tumor in your brain and they’re sayin it’s inoperable

isn’t life beautiful? i think that life is beautiful

they’ll kill your little brother and they’ll tell you he’s a criminal

they’ll fucking kill you too, so you better not get physical

welcome to america, the type of shit is typical

isn’t life beautiful? i think that life is beautiful

[VERSE 2]

wake up in the morning, now you doing the impossible

find out what’s important, now you’re feeling philosophical

when i die i’ll pack my bags, move somewhere affordable

isn’t life horrible? i think that life is horrible

you think she’s adorable, she thinks you’re intolerable

you think you can do it but your chances are improbable

once you feel unstoppable you run into an obstacle

isn’t life comical? i think that life is comical

[VERSE 3]

and if you ever need a friend then you got me

and in the end when i die, would you watch me?

and if i try suicide would you stop me?

would you help me get a grip or would you drop me?

run away, make friends with the moon

why you trippin? you’ll be with your friends soon

there comes a time when everybody meets the same fate

i think ima die alone inside my room

[isn’t life beautiful? i think that life is beautiful x4]

PICTURED: lil peep

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

5

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

[CHORUS: pray to god like allah

please slit my throat

and when you lie, i wanna die

please slit my throat

you seen me high, almost died

when i slit my throat

they gon cry when you die

cause that's just how it goes

pray to god like allah

please slit my throat

and when you lie, i wanna die

please slit my throat

you seen me high, almost died

when i slit my throat

they gon cry when you die

cause that's just how it goes]

[verse 1: lil xan]

yeah, no more heartbreaks

i made so many mistakes

like this bitch might just be the one

they use me, they wanna be someone

like "go and get yourself a job"

i cannot be compared to y'all

and if i do not make it, tell my mom this life is fake

and i don't wanna seem to seek same ones i made when i was basic

yeah i rap, but i still fly coach

yeah i’m rich, but i still don't boast

yeah i’m sad, please slit my throat

yeah i’m sad, please slit my throat

heartbreak soldier, caffeine, drinking soda

flip her like some yoga

stuck inside my mind, i need some peace, i need a dojo

said i’m stuck inside my mind, i need some peace, i need a dojo

[CHORUS]

[verse 2: lil skies]

okay, so this little light of mine

tattoos all down my spine

everybody know that i’m on my grind

always at a place where the sun don't shine

the media wanna make me a bad guy

i don't know if i’m happy or right

i stay inside and i pray up to christ

hoping one day i don't end my life

way too depressed to express how i feel

hoping one day i don't end my life

way too depressed to express how i feel

only smoke weed, sometimes on pills

just a nightmare, i don’t know what's real

she came back around since i got that deal

i don't want friends, i want happiness

she did me dirty, it's "fuck that bitch"

i was so broke, but now i’m rich

still the same gang, still the same clique

xanarchy shit, tell that hoe make a wish

from the touch when we kiss

my hands on her hips, fell in love with her lips

make her swallow my kids

the world is so evil, while we lost in the mix

tryna make it make sense

so i wanna know does it matter to you

that i don't have no fucks to give?

bitch!

[CHORUS]

PICTURED: lil xan (left) & lil skies (right)

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

6

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

are you alright?

i’m alright, i’m quite alright

and my money’s right

8... (yeah)

countin them bands

all way to the top til they be fallin over

{CHORUS: i don’t really care if you cry

on the real, you shoulda never lied

shoulda saw the way she looked me in my eyes

she said, “baby, i am not afraid to die”

push me to the edge

all my friends are dead

push me to the edge

all my friends are dead

push me to the edge

all my friends are dead

push me to the edge}

phantom that's all red, inside all white

like somethin you ride a sled down, i just want that head

my brittany got mad, i'm barely her man now

everybody got the same swag now

watch the way that i tear it down

stackin my bands all the way to the top

all the way til my bands fallin over

every time that you leave your spot

your girlfriend call me like, "come on over!"

i like the way that she treat me

gon leave you, won't leave me, i call it that

casanova

she say i’m insane, yeah

i might blow my brain out (hey)

xanny, help the pain, yeah

please, xanny, make it go away

i’m committed, not addicted, but it keep control of me

all the pain, now i can't feel it

i swear that it's slowin me, yeah

{CHORUS: i don't really care if you cry

on the real, you shoulda never lied

saw the way she looked me in my eyes

she said, "i am not afraid to die”

all my friends are dead

push me to the edge (yeah)

all my friends are dead, yeah, ooh

push me to the edge

all my friends are dead, yeah

all my friends are dead, yeah}

that is not your swag, i swear you fake hard

now these n***as wanna take my cadence

rain on em, thunderstorm, rain on em (ooh, yeah)

medicine, lil n***a, take some (yeh, yeh)

fast car, nascar, race on em

in the club, ain't got no ones, then we would beg them

clothes from overseas, got the racks and they all c-notes

you is not a g though

lookin at you stackin all your money, it all green though

i was countin that and these all twenties, that's a g-roll

{she say, “you're the worst, you're the worst."

i cannot die because this my universe}

PICTURED: lil uzi vert

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

7

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

they keep telling me to love myself

how the fuck do you love yourself

when you don’t even know

who the fuck you are anymore?

like you feel like you’re reaching your breaking point

every fucking day and it’s just...

it’s hard, man

{HOOK: they don’t wanna talk, they don’t wanna feel

the voices in my head saying

i don’t think i’m real

they don’t wanna talk

they don’t wanna feel

the voices in my head saying

i don’t think i’m

they don’t wanna talk, they don’t wanna feel

the voices in my head saying

i don’t think i’m real, i don’t think i’m real

i don’t think i’m real, i don’t think i’m real

i don’t think i’m}

i don’t know where my head’s been at

and i’ve been feeling like a nuisance just because of that

it’s like a headache but the funny thing about it’s that

the pain won’t go away til my brain go splat

and i’ve been trying to decode myself, figure my shit out

get a better grip and spark the spliff that’s in my mouth

i can’t cope without the dope and time’s just runnin out

losin my patience, i’m vacant, a hollow body now

i’m finding other ways to try to cope with all the pain

and if i’m being honest with you, baby i am not okay

the fucking voice inside my head is driving me insane

and silence kills me, lately it just hasn’t been the same

lost in my head, lost in my mind

telling myself that i’ll be just fine

nothing’s okay, nothing’s alright

smoking all day, crying all night

and what the fuck do you expect from the kid

i got demons in my orbit that i’m tryin to rid

of all the shit that i deal with, i act on a whim

i’m like a fish outta water trying to swim

bedroom dweller, i’m feelin so fucking stellar

when i empty my clip into the chest of the teller

killed the man inside of me that’s been lane switchin better

grab the 9, grip the trigger, this my suicide letter

{HOOK}

PICTURED: guardin

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

8

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

the pain in my heart just won’t end

the words that i find just don’t seem to compare

waiting til my death in the end

alone, i must seek out the end to begin

so nobody wants death

cause nobody wants life to end

i’m the only one stressed

and the only one tired of having fake friends

put the noose on my neck and the hole in my back again

i’ll be waiting on death with a smile on my face

this is the end

waste of tears

waste of years and months

face my fears

loving her for what i have

hurt me

break my heart

worthless

can’t keep love at all

spinning, twist myself

worthless

can’t keep love at all

at all

PICTURED: XXXtentacion

[men-and-masculinity-blog]

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