menhera-jellyfish

[menhera-jellyfish]

[menhera-jellyfish]

Everyone's like ohh nooo Akutagawa's dying!!! While I know he won't die and I'm rather like... Idk, this Akutagawa does something to me. I want to eat his splashed brain. As Akutagawa simp I'm rather weirdly excited about him dying (because I know he won't die for real anyway) and like, it just gives me some good necro scenarios in my head. AASAAAAJAAJJAJABDJAKXBWIJZK I want to do stuff with Akutagawa's corpse... And eat his brain. And then he would magically heal and be alive because something idk and he will be like. The fuck did you do with my body?... ?!?

[menhera-jellyfish]

I "wish" my main F/O's existed but I'm aroace spec fictosexual/fictophile and that sucks 😭 I know that if they existed I wouldn't feel the same... (Not even mentioning that I would hate Akutagawa irl since he's like. A murderer and stuff?? XD)

[menhera-jellyfish]

I love fantasizing about these stuff with my F/O but if it's about irl people I was way more comfortable with being hurt in the past that I am now but I still want it somehow but like idk how. I mean anyway even in the past it's not like a lot of people wanted to hurt me and did that consensually but it's more about the feeling of wanting someone to do this?? That it was strongest in the past and idk.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not a masochist enough, like ofc I don't like when people hurt me without my consent, I hate that, but if it was with my consent and stuff it was easier for me to wanted to be hurt by others in the past but now I don't feel that way anymore, like I feel I would need to have stronger connection and bond with the person and it makes me feel weird because since I was a small child I was a masochist so like I feel like a part of my identity is ripped away from me?? Idk XD And like it's not like I don't want to be consensually hurt anymore, it's like it's harder for me to feel comfortable enough around others to feel that I want to be hurt by them, idk if that makes sense... And I feel like my masochistic urges were way stronger back then too.

[menhera-jellyfish]

Sometimes I feel like I'm not a masochist enough, like ofc I don't like when people hurt me without my consent, I hate that, but if it was with my consent and stuff it was easier for me to wanted to be hurt by others in the past but now I don't feel that way anymore, like I feel I would need to have stronger connection and bond with the person and it makes me feel weird because since I was a small child I was a masochist so like I feel like a part of my identity is ripped away from me?? Idk XD And like it's not like I don't want to be consensually hurt anymore, it's like it's harder for me to feel comfortable enough around others to feel that I want to be hurt by them, idk if that makes sense... And I feel like my masochistic urges were way stronger back then too.

[menhera-jellyfish]

Ughh I hate cishet men, I hate them so much.... And humans in general, why are they so vile and cruel? I hate that. I can't live normally in this world because I'm disabled/mentally ill I can't work because I'm disabled/mentally ill, I'm not sure if I'm capable of living on this world or if it would be a necessity for me to kill myself in the future but I'm trying for now, I wanted to earn money in the easiest way possible I thought, but of course I had to be scammed. I hate that so much. Why humans are just evil and can't be trusted. I don't get it I genuinely don't get it I hate humans. When I die I hope I'll reincarnate in some better place because I won't gonna deal with this shit anymore. I've lived enough lives on Earth 💀 And I really hope the things I sent won't end up on the internet...

[menhera-jellyfish]

I know that's fucked up but I have a fantasy of dating my own cousin. I have a fantasy of sibcest but I don't have a sibling. I'm also not attracted to any of my cousins. What I mean is that I wish I met someone new that is my cousin. And then we would have the same vibe and we would date... Pls. Pls let me meet a distant cousin that is cool and wants to date me. I feel so dirty thinking about how I want to travel in the summer to the family from my mom's side that lives far from us (a few hours by train) with the thought of possible dating. I don't really know the family from this side, I don't know the cousins. And I genuinely want to meet the family and have nice holidays in the mountains but. But also I have the thought of what if I meet a cousin my age with my vibe... I doubt so but... It would be so hot. We would be connected by blood so if we roleplayed as siblings it would just feel different. Like, sibcest roleplay with your cousin... But the chance I meet someone exactly my vibe who is also my cousin and is into it is almost non existent... But. But please.... Auagahs

[menhera-jellyfish]

I crave close connection. When I was a child I was always complaining to my mom why I'm the only child because I just craved company and understanding. It may be why I have a fauxcest kink now. Family is someone very close to you who lives with you in the same place, who knows you from the home version of you not the you that goes out. So the fantasy of dating my own sibling is just so hot to me... I crave someone who I could call my "sibling", I need an older sibling... But also I don't mean it as only sexual things, in fact I'm ace-spec I just crave the fauxcest relationship dynamic in daily life, to just pretend with your partner that your siblings, not literally by lying to others but like. Do you see my vision.

[menhera-jellyfish]

Sometimes I'm scared that I'll end up alone. That I'll never find this perfect person that will be beside me. I just want someone with whom I have deep connection and to have this person beside, for them to support me and be here... Is there something wrong with me that nobody (except some creeps) wants me?

[menhera-jellyfish]

" i can handle you " even when i have extreme mood swings??? even when i'm extremely jealous??? even when i'm going to be annoying??? even if i spam you??? even if i depend on you in the true sense of the word?? even if i burst into tears in front of you out of nowhere?? even if i complain too much???? even if i constantly apologize??? even if i need reassurence all the time because i fear that you hate me somehow?? even if i can't fully get better, but also won't try to get worse???

please mean it

[menhera-jellyfish]

I wish I had someone who cared for me... Who could support me, who I could be depended on, someone who could be my owner (not necessarily in a sexual way), someone who could be my caretaker (also in a agere way)... I wish I had someone who was my everything and who would make me finally feel understood and not alone. Someone with whom I could feel the actual, real connection. I basically just wish I had a soulmate. I hope I have. But finding them is so hard...

[menhera-jellyfish]

I wish I had someone with whom we could mutually (CONSENSUALLY!) stalk each other. I wish I had someone obsessed with me in the first place 😭 Like, I would talk with them and they would know so much without me telling them...

[menhera-jellyfish]

I wish I matched aesthetics with my future FP but in like, opposites way. It'd be just so cool. I'm the blue one and they are the pink one. (In fashion) I'm the pastel one and they are the dark one. Or I am the pastel blue one and they are the pastel pink one. It would be so fucking cool.

[menhera-jellyfish]

Oh, goodness. I need a yandere so bad...I want to feel loved for once in my life and to have someone obsess over me like I obsess over them. I want someone to see my terrible obsessive side and still choose to interact with me. "I want someone to love me without me feeling like I am begging for it." Said a post and I feel exactly that. It is really hard to find yan4yan, but if anyone sees this post, then you have no competition and I easily submit to anyone who shows me affection. If you are over the age of 18 and a girl, then please PLEASEEEEE talk to me. I am desperate!

[menhera-jellyfish]

Okay maybe another problem is that I'm aroace spec so for me dating looks different and I'm more into queerplatonic dating ig, whyy 😭 I just want to have someone close. That genuinely understands me and won't leave me. And it's a plus if they can be mean too. But consensually and not in a way that actually is harmful for me. Fjwokdusoshs9a Maybe it's too many things... (There's more...) But still, it's not like I even have any choice I can turn down except for occasional cishet males, like 😭 Why ;__; Maybe that sound self centered, sorry ;__; And it's so difficult to find people like me, rather irl, on the internet it's way easier but still... Well...

It's so tiring that I don't have anyone to obsess over... Why it's so hard to find someone who's a weirdo/freak like me and wants to date me ;__;

[menhera-jellyfish]

It's so tiring that I don't have anyone to obsess over... Why it's so hard to find someone who's a weirdo/freak like me and wants to date me ;__;

[menhera-jellyfish]

I want to be someone’s favourite PLEASE

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please