meowkusunoki

[meowkusunoki]

haa… hakike suru kimochi warui

[meowkusunoki]

I'm made up of zig-zagging apathy No matter how hard I try, I can’t smile from the bottom of my heart Why? Why? Why? Why? This heart puzzle I tore down into shreds is never filled in no matter where I search I know no love, it’s not enough anymore

[meowkusunoki]

Trial 2 - 019 Memory report

Record no.5

▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆? It's going to rain soon. What are you doing here then? Got expelled by your friends? ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ You came here in such a rush though. Ack, there is a really strong wind. No normal person would visit the rooftop during this kind of weather.  Did you forget? I can't even protect myself. ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ You must know a lot about that. Those people are well-skilled at chasing, but they care about their own comfort too much; in this kind of weather, ▆ can't be found here. ▆ can't be found here either. Ah, if only the whole world would stop nagging ▆, and there was a way to hide from it with someone who understands. It's really annoying. As if you don't understand what it's like. ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ ▆▆▆▆▆ ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ ▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆ ▆ falls onto the ground with a short breath.  Ah, it's not raining. It's snowing. The start of winter.

Record no.6

— Do you know why the fencing gets bigger and bigger? I stare through the small windows of metal rods, holding onto them with scratched fingers as if I'm afraid to fall back; even though I should be scared of falling forward instead. — Because it's easy to use this place for suicide, right? Why does everyone enjoy keeping a conversation with me without me? Wow, that's an unsettling thing to say. A quiet girl in the center of the classroom, no one has any idea what grades she gets; her dark hair is fluttering in the faint breeze as she says all that with a detached smile.  I might seem confused, but it's hard to frighten me. At the very least, after all that happened… Stay here and observe, you never know what other people are, how pointless it is to have a selfish narrow mind. I wouldn't exchange it for anything else. — Why are you talking to me? She takes a bit to answer. I'm looking at the people below me, trapped in the small windows of metal rods.  Why would you giggle? The secret that everyone keeps hiding from me, it must be funny. — You're weird. So, I got a bit curious what your voice sounds like. It's ringing in my ears.  — Is this uniform more comfortable to wear? Well, not that it would matter to me. I've never looked at her properly, nor noticed her sight on me— who are you leaving notes for in the morning air? Hm… I might have picked this habit from someone I could never become…  Come to think of it, her own voice has no color. I wonder if this person ever existed. — But it's not a bad thing. I'm also weird, this is why no one likes my presence.  —I know, I remembered. The quiet girl that gets bullied in our class. Not that it's my business, though? I only hang out with my own people, I don't get involved in such malicious things. I'm staring down… It's nice that the sky is bright blue at times… — This kind of feeling, when you're talking to a random person in the train, you want to expose everything, because you'll never meet again. Finally, I turn my head sharply to the right. Her voice with no sound vanishes, and I'm the only one who's left on the rooftop. … Huh, I wonder… What was her name…

Record no.7

The skies are grey today, but though hours and hours pass, there's no rain yet. With the corner of one's eye, you can notice a lightning flashing among the clouds, with no thunder to be heard. — Huh, Nishiyama-san? The student who is being talked to is not moving, staring straight ahead. — Hey. — It's surprising to see you here. They're now standing near each other amidst the people gathering around. One has brought a bouquet of white flowers; the other has her arms behind her back. — What happened to him? — You don't know? She lowers her voice before speaking further. — I thought you'd be already dragged into it. — Why? — I think you were seen with those guys from time to time? Like you have a team or something, right? — Yeah, I appear here and there for business. It's not like we're dear friends. Pause. — Well, if they ask me about their personalities, I can tell. Are you going to stay with mother?  The older girl crouches and grips the younger one by her shoulders.  Let's not start this again. You'll understand when you grow up. See, haven't I grown up into a fine girl?  The younger girl is not moving, staring straight ahead. There's not a lot of space to move in this small room, either way. The furniture, the entrance, the closed windows, and the faint voices in the next room — everything is grey and smudged in the dim lighting; her face with no expression doesn't look out of place at all. — But the kind of girl that you are, - she says in a flat voice, — and the kind of girl that mother is, are those I hate the most. The older girl immediately stands up, almost jumping, as if those shoulders she was gripping have burned her hands. “You're heartless!” — You know, I kind of envy you, Nishiyama-san. The student who is being talked to doesn't answer, only slightly raising her face to stare at the storm clouds. — You're always keeping your calm, even during such hard moments. — But you would hate it if I actually haven't felt anything about it. — Huh? I guess… That would just mean you have no heart, right? 

[meowkusunoki]

Trial 2 - 019 Voice drama: "Azazel"

Hiiro: Since the new rules go as far as locking Perpetrators up, isn't it unreasonable to be in a closed room with a Perpetrator all alone?

Echo: Weren't you the one repeating to others that physical violence is not allowed? 

Oh, but one time you threatened to use it once I look away, right? Do you only break rules when there's no way to be caught? It’s not very rebellious of you.

Hiiro: Where does the assumption that I'm trying to be “rebellious” come from?

Echo: Your dreams.

Hiiro: That’s a weird source of knowledge, but sure, you do you.

Echo: For example, it seems you got into a lot of physical fights and participated in group bullying.

Hiiro: Is this what you find “rebellious”?

Echo: It's not law-abiding behavior for sure.

Hiiro: So what. It doesn’t make it inherently black or white. Even your system doesn't include only two options.

Echo: Haha, what, do you mean that beating up others is morally grey? 

Hiiro: I don't care about the moral side of things that much.

Echo: You know, saying this is basically a confession. Many consider it a crime to not actively choose to be a “good person”.

Hiiro: You're the warden, not those “many”. Do you think of lack of active choice as a crime? 

Ah, right, you do. The guy called himself a “bystander” and you put him in a cage.

Echo: You're still getting angry on his behalf?

Hiiro: It doesn't particularly matter to me. But I've never found him a bother, so it’s annoying, the way you pick on the wrong people.

Echo: Oh? Please teach me what are the right people to pick on.

Hiiro: Besides, I don't know how you extracted or interpreted my dreams, but who said I beat up others? 

Echo: You avoided my question!

Hiiro: It wasn't a question, it was a request, and I'm not here to provide you services. Now, what I just said was definitely a question, yet you're not answering.

Echo: Tsk. I see. You want to defend yourself as another “bystander”.

Hiiro: …

Ahh, no, forget it. You imagine being in a court and continue to force your concept of social dynamics onto me.

Echo: Well, you don't seem to mind being a “Perpetrator” either.

What if you get three Perpetrators in a row and receive the death penalty? Are you not scared?

Hiiro: Can you stop with all these what-ifs? 

Echo: Taking note that you hate thinking about the consequences.

Hiiro: No comment.

Echo: Hehe. You know, Hiiro-chan, you always have such a flat expression on your face that others can't resist teasing you. 

Hiiro: Yeah, yeah. What is the point of this conversation? 

Echo: Hm, right. We’re here to talk more about what I've discovered about you.

Hiiro: …

Echo: Oh, sorry. You're pretty shy when it comes to talking about yourself. No worries, I'll do my best to be soft and considerate!

Hiiro: If you ask me, you're looking too hard into the circumstances.

Echo: It's because you're refusing to share anything about your crime with me. You're going as far as denying that it happened. 

Hiiro: It's none of your business. My life, my circumstances, what kind of person I am, and the “crime” that you're talking about.

Echo: I'm the Warden, of course it's my business.

Hiiro: Haven't I said that I have no interest in your social dynamics? To me, you're just some random girl.

Echo: Hmph. First of all, I'm not “just some girl”. I'm smart, good at communication, and my smile is pretty. There's a reason why I was given this job.

Hiiro: …Huh?

Echo: What?

Hiiro: Have you always had a superiority complex?

Echo: I guess? —Ugh, no! It's not a “superiority complex” to acknowledge your strong sides.

Hm, are you the type of person to be modest, Hiiro-chan? Say, what would you consider your strong sides? 

Hiiro: …

Echo: Eh, none? Your self-esteem must be in shambles… I'm sorry…

Hiiro: You do enjoy being special a lot, huh. It definitely makes sense that out of us you were assigned to be the Warden.

Echo: Who wouldn’t enjoy being special?

Hiiro: …Uhm… Hotaru?

Echo: Ah, right, I guess they’re like that… W-wait, how do you know what they said to me?

Hiiro: I don’t. They’re constantly dumping all of their thoughts on me. I’m never listening, but to my dismay, subconsciously I still memorize some parts of what they’re saying.

Echo: Haha.

Hiiro: Not funny. You’re wasting a lot of time on idle chit-chat.

Echo: Well, even if I try to get any actually useful information, you’ll just say “no” and fall quiet. And last time you tried to leave too early, the door was locked.

Hiiro: That’s right. How about we just sit in silence until the interrogation is over?

Echo: About that…

Hiiro: What?

Echo: I don’t think the interrogation has a time limit… I think the door opens because of something that the prisoner says…

Hiiro: …

The hell? I have to tell you something important, or we’ll be just trapped here forever?

Echo: It’s merely my guess…

Hiiro: Wait, that means that someone is listening to us right now, and they open the door when they decide it’s time. 

I mean, it was obvious that there must be an authority above you, but it’s unsettling to realize that we’re watched by several people… 

And you don’t know who they are, right? Well, you could always be lying… You could have lied about the door, too…

Echo: Hmm. 

Hiiro: What?

Echo: It’s the first time I see you being openly scared.

Hiiro: Huh? I’m not scared. Just surprised.

Echo: You have no choice but to tell me about your crime now, don't you?

Hiiro: Ugh…

Echo: Okay, okay, let’s start with something simple. Could you re-introduce yourself?

Hiiro: What?

Echo: It’s supposed to be a part of every interrogation, but I was enjoying our conversation so much that I missed it at the start.

Hiiro: Is your memory so bad that you forgot my personal information?

Echo: Maybe~

Hiiro: Then I would rather have you forget it.

Echo: Do you want to be Miss Unidentified just like Hotaru?

Hiiro: …

Echo: Haha!

Hiiro: Not funny. Stop bringing them up.

Echo: Why do you dislike them so much?

Hiiro: They’re annoying. They put all hope in the possibility of others thinking “you’re one of us” while not making their own effort to stop being out of place, then complain that they’re not accepted. I’m trying hard to not be like them, so stop comparing us.

Echo: Do you think that people must conform to their environment? You don’t seem like a very conforming person though… Quite the contrary…

Hiiro: There are some environments that I fit into, and there are some I don’t. It’s only natural.

Echo: Is this why you were bullying others? Because they didn’t fit?

Hiiro: It’s not enough of a reason for me to hate someone. But if you are out of place, you have to be prepared that people in this group wouldn’t want you to be one of them, yes.

Echo: Hmm. So you did just watch the bullying?

Hiiro: Quit changing the topic to what you want to hear. Why do you even care about figuring this out?

Echo: Huh? Because it’s my job as a Warden, isn’t it? I take even small tasks seriously.

Hiiro: I see. In other words, you don’t have a choice not to do it. Then you’re also just conforming to the system that you can’t change.

Echo: Umm. I mean, you're not wrong. I was performing well at school, too.

But, although I might be conforming, I don't think anyone who doesn't must be chased off. 

Hiiro: Should people keep the details that are meddling with the inner work out of pity? Do you accept that Chise refuses to be a “prisoner”? 

Echo: …

And why did we suddenly start talking about Chise?

Hiiro: Ohh? Why do you dislike her so much? 

Echo: Okay. Fine. I apologize for teasing you earlier.

Hiiro: I don’t care about apologies. Don’t bother.

[bell rings]

Echo: Hmph. Enough. We still haven't talked about your crime at all. Even if I try to get the conversation back on track, you keep on avoiding the topic. 

Hiiro: I'm not particularly trying to avoid it. But I don’t see any substance in deciding what is right and what is wrong in the first place.

Echo: We’re talking about something that is most likely a murder! That’s heartless!

Hiiro: Where does the conclusion that it’s a murder come from?

Echo: From what I’ve figured out about everyone else so far and your reluctance to share any information. 

Hiiro: I see.

Echo: “I see”? That’s it? Do you not care at all?

Hiiro: Right. You people always talk about that. Justice, empathy.

Shaming those who want to get something in return for their kindness. Not listening to their feelings when the person is still a child, yet expecting them to understand the feelings of others when they grow up.

As if just because we're a social species, it means that reaching out and caring for someone other than yourself must be our natural state. 

But the world is still cruel. It's okay if you want to change it, but since you haven't shown to this day that it's possible, don't obligate me to do it too.

Echo: Stop right here. Is this a lecture?

Hiiro: Isn’t this what you’re interested in? Learning about my thoughts. 

It’s not like I think that being indifferent makes me smarter than you. But I know you think you’re smarter than me. That's why I want to explain.

Echo: …

Hiiro: You were chosen as the Warden. Someone so special that they consider themselves to have power over others' lives. If you decide to simply kill everyone here, there's nothing I'd be able to do to stop you; if we get death penalties even though the reason we're here is still unknown, you, as the Warden, also wouldn't say anything against. Because it's normal for a prison. 

Chise, too. Even if she finds the one behind it all, the system won't stop working. She's one of those who think they can achieve something great by being out of place, so she can’t realize this yet.

The one who is supposed to watch and observe us. Aren't you a bystander?

Echo: Hah.

Hiiro: Being aware of that, you can keep your right to pretend that you're better than me. And I'll keep my right to be a heartless person, being aware of everything that comes with it too.

Echo: Then why are you trying to hide your crime? You feel guilty. Even if you're only worrying about yourself, you don't actually want to look harmful in the eyes of others.

Hiiro: …

Echo: Awkward, huh?

Hiiro: I don't know if that person is alive or dead. I haven't seen their body.

Echo: Oh? Now you're suddenly admitting that you murdered someone?

Hiiro: I just told you I haven't seen it. No body, no crime.

Echo: And what was all that “it’s my right to be heartless” for?

Hiiro: …Echo.

Echo: What?

Hiiro: ...

Weak people are the most dangerous. Because they’re constantly trying to have a heart.

If they get mad, they won’t back down. Their anger has the power of all the years they’ve spent not expressing it.

Echo: Huh? What is that about..? 

Hiiro: …That’s enough. 

Echo: It’s not at all! Wait!

Hiiro: …Once again. Just because you’re in the role of the Warden, I’m not obligated to cooperate with you and tell you about my life. Neither do I want to know anything about a person like you.

I won’t agree to be involved. Stop trying.

[meowkusunoki]

》 muu. she's sitting on your dash. aren't you lucky? feel free to take some time to sit with her. she'll be here for as long as you need. she's very kind like that.

[meowkusunoki]

Amane would be 17 if time flowed normally in Milgram.

She would be older than some of you.

Respect your elders.

[Image ID: Amane Momose aged up to 17. She has shoulder-length hair and a pouty expression. She is wearing a light teal shirt and a dark turquoise jacket. /end ID]

[meowkusunoki]

This is a conversation we might not be ready for, but Muu probably struggles with intense internalized xenophobia from growing up as an ethnic minority in Japan which went unrecognized for a majority of her life. She registered her treatment as an "outsider" as normal, causing her to believe so strongly in heirarchy. She had "won" the game and metaphorically ascended to the throne by overcompensating for the things about herself that she couldn't change. She doesn't believe she has the right to oppose the wishes of others because any signs of being opinionated or disagreeable would mean that she is not a "good" foreigner. She showers her friends with gifts as a way of rewarding them for hanging out with someone like her, because being liked for who she is seemed like an impossibility until she met Haruka.

And despite everything, others will continue to deny her the privilege of true belonging (See: the girl with bobbed hair), which causes Muu to become frustrated and lash out because no matter what lengths she goes, no matter how many sacrifices she makes, it will never amount to the fee of having her differences overlooked and being seen as anything aside from an "outsider".

[meowkusunoki]

Pit stop

[meowkusunoki]

milgram t3 album cover propeller hat icons!!! f2u no credit needed they’re literally stupid edits

[meowkusunoki]

Thank god Mu's third song is called "Pain". Now we can say stuff like "omg Pain in 3 months", "only a few days until Pain", who else is ready for Pain", "Pain tomorrow"

[meowkusunoki]

any suggestions. im taking song release date into account

[meowkusunoki]

MUU KILL THEM KILL THEM ALLL

[meowkusunoki]

rocking back and forth... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...

[meowkusunoki]

rocking back and forth... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...

[meowkusunoki]

rocking back and forth... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...

[meowkusunoki]

rocking back and forth... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven... she should've been forgiven...

[meowkusunoki]

Have to wait until October 💔..