mercnotfound

[mercnotfound]

tear you apart part three | ellie williams

˗ˏˋ"you're a charmer, aren't you?" ´ˎ˗

pairing ellie wiliams x fem reader synopsis ellie owns her own vinyl store and the day you wander in changes both of your lives forever. she quickly becomes infatuated with you, desperate for your love that she believes is meant to be. when things in your life begin to spiral, ellie is there to catch you, but you'd never suspect she was the reason you fell in the first place. wordcount: 3.1k warnings: murder 😱 and stalking both cyber and in person, ellie is obsessive, manipulative, a gaslighter, a pervert lowkey, possessive and easily jealous, shes also so delusional like top tier delulu, shes based off joe goldberg so i mean put the pieces together. this is all from her perspective, most if not all of the inner monologue is ellie's thoughts about you, the italics is verbatim what she is thinking in that very moment if that makes sense. like joe, all of her actions are justified in her mind, and she doesn't see anything wrong with them. reader has a dysfunctional family. pls lmk if i am missing something! an: i cannot express enough how thankful i am for all the love for this story really it means so much. obsessive ellie nation rise once again, i come before you with this part and i hope it was worth the wait :) xoxo

watching you cry yourself to sleep on your couch made ellie’s heart throb. she wanted to be there for you, to hold you, to tell you everything was going to be okay, that she was going to make it all okay. but she knew better than to expect that you’d let her, after all, you still barely knew her. so how is it that she could lead you straight into her arms, where you belong? 

it was the next day, and although your state of mind was completely shattered by the events of the previous night, ellie was wide awake, ecstatic at her new idea on how to make you all better. she would hope that your encounter with her helped you, as much as it could but she couldn’t just rely on that, ellie had to take action. she never wanted to see you in tears over someone like that again. 

starting her day in the shop as normal, she filled orders, fixed a few finicky records and sold boring albums to boring souls who she wished was you. she spent the better part of the morning fantazizing about you wandering into her store yet again. needing help finding an album, or better yet just to talk to her. it hasnt even been more than twelve hours and she missed your voice already, replaying your conversation over and over in her head like her favorite movie. 

while the traffic in the store died down, ellie did more research on the newly found suzanna mavis. formally known as suzanna hardwick, she grew up in a cushy home, with preppy parents who supported every endenvour she seemed to possess. her facebook was littered with photos of shuana in every aspect of her life, along with her prized possession; a baby blue mercedes benz. but, there seemed to be someone missing, her husband of twenty five years was seemingly no where to be found on her social media. when ellie searched his name alone, mr. mavis seemed to have no social media at all. 

thats fine, ellie only needed suzanna. 

finding out where she worked required no effort at all as it was displayed clearly on her facebook profile. she was the assistant to some shareholder, blah blah boring. but the company name was one she recongized, their office building was just a few blocks down from her store. she passed it nearly everyday on her commute to see you. 

for ellie’s plan to work, she had to close the store early. it was barely noon when she found herself in the parking garage to suzanna’s building. there was a guard booth, but no guards and the garage itself was a ghost town of rich people cars. she spotted the blue mercedes, and her plan was in motion.. 

thanks to you so graciously and unknowingly, giving her suzanna’s personal cell phone number, she dialed and it only rang once, her preppy voice ringing in ellie’s ears. she almost felt her stomach whirling in anticipation, but the sensation quickly washed away into something more sinister. no. protective

“suzanna mavis speaking,” 

ellie paced back and forth near the elevator in the garage, “hey, mrs. mavis,” she rolled her eyes at her own voice, trying to sound not like herself, “i’m one of the guards down in the parking garage, looks like someone keyed your benz this morning.” 

ellie heard a loud sigh, then the distant sounds of heels clicking on the ground. “are you kidding me? you didn’t stop them?” 

ellie suppressed a sigh, “i was on lunch–” 

“your job is to guard our cars, if you can’t even do that–” her voice was shrill, and ellie’s patience was running low.

“ma’am, just come downstairs, the police need a statement.” 

ellie heard a few curses string from the phone before the call ended, she chuckled to herself before sliding her phone into her pocket. ellie slowly walked over to the blue mercedes, examining it up close. she crouched down, removing her small switchblade and flinging it open. she almost didn’t do it, it was unnecessary really. but the image of you so broken by her made ellie’s mouth twitch. how she had smiled at you while speaking about her husband, ignoring you, leading you on, preying on you. the switchblade moved as if it had it’s own mind, scratching the car from back to front in one swift movement. 

breathing out in relief, ellie heard the ding of the elevator behind her. 

she watched from behind a nearby car as suzanna stepped out of the elevator, a sour puss on her face as she made her way towards her car. she groaned when she saw the long, deep slice into the side of the car. ellie pulled up her handkerchief over her nose and while suzanna was busy inspecting her car, ellie pounced. 

she had a hand covering suzanna’s mouth, her switchblade pressed against her neck with the other. suzanna thrashed in her arms but ellie held her ground, “shh, shh!” ellie hissed in her ear, whisking her around and pinning her to her own car. “i’m not going to kill you, shut up–” 

ellie kept the switchblade at her throat, quickly looking around. with the coast clear, she slowly removed her hand from suzanna’s mouth. “take my money, please i don’t–” 

“i don’t want that either,” ellie looked suzanna up and down. her? you’re losing your mind over her? “i want you to speed up your big family move to california. leave tomorrow.” 

suzanna’s eye furrowed as if she was confused, “w-what?” 

“you’re moving to california at the end of the summer, are you not?” ellie’s paitence was growing thinner by the second, and the switchblade was pressed into her neck so deep any movement would draw blood. 

suzanna was shaking underneath ellie, and as she spoke her voice was weak, “what? my family was never moving to california, please i’ll give you anything!” 

shauna lied? why the hell would she lie about that?

“go anyway. leave the city.” leave you alone.

“i can’t just pick up my whole family and move to another state, we-we have a life here.” suzanna was trembling now, her voice shaking just as much as her legs.

well, if you won’t leave on your own. “i really didn’t want to have to kill you,” ellie said casually, almost annoyed. she moved quickly, snatching a clump of suzanna’s hair in her hand and whipping her around. ellie barely blinked as she slammed suzanna’s face into the baby blue mersedes. once. harder. twice. harder. three times. even harder. four times. as hard as physically possible. blood stained the blue on the car, and suzanna’s body fell to the ground as ellie let go. limp. dead. 

out of your life. 

– later that day 

ellie realized she had fucked up big time when she got back to the store.

the night she saved you, she shouldve given you her number. she had no way to check up on you, to make sure you were okay with the news to come. she would have to go back to her tried and true; “accidentally” running into you. before she could see online which bar you and your friends would overdrink at tonight, ellie found you standing outside her store. you came all this way to see me. 

“hi ellie,” you smiled brightly, illuminated by neon red sign on her store. you must not know yet. poor baby. 

“hey stranger,” ellie kept her voice calm, but she hoped that her bodys reaction to seeing you wasn’t visible. she could feel her face grow hot, and she did her best to hide it by keeping her back to you as she locked the stores door. she could smell your sweet perfume from here, and she cleared her throat before speaking again, turning to face you now that the redness in her face had diminished, “if you’re here for a vinyl, i’ll ring you up still–” 

“no, no, i came to see you.” you replied shyly, quickly glancing at your feet before meeting her gaze again with your soft eyes. while you had glanced away, ellie took you all in. she admired the dedication you put into your outfits, and she liked to believe you picked this one out just for her.

“oh?” was all ellie could say. she was busy imagining you standing in front of your mirror, trying on a thousand different outfits. ellie would’ve loved every single one of them regardless, as long as they are on you. she thought about you doing your makeup all pretty, how long that must take. detailing your face for hours, just for me. 

“yeah. i wanted to see if you’d like to get drinks with me tonight?” 

oh.

her eyes widened, never did she think that you’d ask her out. she wanted to be the one to wisk you away for a perfect date that you deserved. but ellie would settle for drinks for now, until she finally could take you on a real date. she composed herself, remaining casual. as casual as she could be. “yeah, i’d love that. we could go now, i’m done with the store for today.” 

“yeah, let’s go,” you flashed another smile at ellie, which she returned. it was like the universe was rewarding her for her good deed. you coming to see her, to ask her out. it seemed like everything was falling perfectly into place. now that suzanna was gone. 

ellie had been racking her brain all day about what suzanna had told her. that there was never any intention to move at all. that shauna had lied, for what? a reaction? why would she even want that kind of reaction out of you in the first place? 

what was shauna hiding?

“so, why’re you in new york? are you from here?” ellie inquired, for no other reason that to hear you talk. you’re here for your art.

“not from here, i moved here to hopefully make a name for myself as an artist. what about you?” ellie didn’t want to talk about herself, not when you were so lovely. but you were asking about her, and she couldn’t say no to you if she tried. 

“i moved here a few years ago,” ellie revealed, but immediately diverted the conversation back to you. “you’re an artist? well, now i have to see a piece of yours.” ellie’s looked through your instagram enough, she’s seen every one a million times already.

you laughed, looking away sheepishly. “i’m no picasso,” 

“no, but you’re you. so, they can’t be that bad, can they?” 

again, you blushed, giving ellie a shy smile. “you’re a charmer, aren’t you?” 

“i try, what can i say.” ellie shrugged, and you pointed out the bar to her.

she held the door open for you, the music already defenening her ears. it wasn’t a regular bar where you could sit and talk, it was a dancing bar. the bass in the speakers rumbled at her feet, sending shock waves up her spine. this wasn’t ellie’s crowd by a mile, but you looked back at her with the face of an angel and grabbed her hand softly to lead her towards the bar. ellie wasn’t going anywhere, not as long as you were here. 

reaching the bar, you asked for four green tea shots, two each. “yuck, green tea shots?” ellie teased, basically yelling over the music. this time ellie wasn’t worried if you wanted to over indulge, this time she could watch over you for real. and she wasn’t about to make the same mistake your friends made. 

you leaned into her so that you could speak into her ear, and ellie’s heart fluttered in her chest. you were close, very close. the top you were wearing exposed the entirety of your upper torso and she found it hard not to stare. “yes, green tea shots! keep up, ellie.” you laughed, pushing two of the shots to her that bartender left on the counter. 

ellie picked one of them up, holding it out for you to cheer to with your own, “i’ll do my best,” she responded, looking into your shimmering eyes. the things i do for you. you tapped her shot glass, and you both took down the shot with ease, although ellie’s grimaced face told you that she did not like shots, but she picked up the second one before you. 

her grimace didn’t go away with the second one, it actually went down worse for ellie. but it seemed her reaction made you laugh, and ellie was okay with the burning in her throat. before she could recover from the back to back shots, you took her hand again. the same electricity as before stirred inside of her at your touch and she barely noticed you brought her out to the middle of the dance floor, people on all sides dancing to the beat of the very loud music, that seemed to only get louder. 

but you started to sway your hips to the beat. 

and ellie’s breath caught in her throat. 

she realized way too late that she hadn’t eaten today, and those shots were already starting to make her head feel fuzzy. and now here you were in front of her, moving your body in ways that ellie had only dreamed of witnessing firsthand. literally. 

with the alcohol swiftly entering her system with every second that went by, she started to move to the music with you. only a minute went by before her hands were planted on your hips, unable to stop herself before doing so. though, you didn’t seem to mind, if anything it looked like you had closed the remaining gap between the two of you. not ellie.

with your bodies touching with every movement, and ellie’s hands on your hips, it became very intimate. very fast. ellie’s mind was no longer racing at the thought of you being this close to her, instead, it felt like it ignited something inside of her. between the sensual music blaring, the alcohol and most imporantly your chest brushing against ellie’s own every chance it got, she was losing control over herself. 

finally, ellie removed a hand from your hip, bringing it up to your cheek. she held it there for a second, looking into your eyes as she did. you stared back with the same intensity and ellie knew she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself. she watched as you glanced down to her lips, you saw the makings of a smirk before her lips were on yours. 

for a second, ellie thought she was going to wake up. that this had been a dream somehow, she’s had a similar one before with you in it, but when she felt your hands lightly tugging on her hair she knew she couldn’t be fake. ellie pulled you closer, the people around you both be damned, she just wanted more of you. her hands were now wrapped around you, resting on your lower back while your tongue slipped into her mouth. 

ellie groaned. which you shouldn’t have been able to hear, but you felt the vibration on your lips. ellie didn’t care anyway, not when your body was pressed against hers and she could feel very inch of you. 

ellie was no where near finished, but you had pulled away. the music was no longer muffled in her ears, and she was desperately clinging to the sensation you left on her lips. but your attention had been moved to your phone. 

“sorry, i could feel it buzzing non-stop in my pocket. my friend’s calling me, can we go outside?”

shit. shit. shit. shit. “yeah, no problem,” big problem. big big problem. 

ellie followed you outside, preparing herself for the worst. as the night air slapped ellie in the face, her thoughts became more clear. i kissed you. you kissed me back. 

you put the phone to your ear, and ellie made herself busy by pretending to look at her own phone, scrolling through her settings. 

“hey shauna, sorry i didn’t see your calls, i’m on a da– what?” your voice, that had been caring a rather happy tone turned cold, and undeniably shocked. 

“do they know who did it?” you asked, turning away from ellie and slowly pacing as you listened to whatever shuana was saying. you nodded your head a few times before speaking again, “do you want me to come over?” your voice started to shake, and for a second ellie regretted her decision. this will be good for you. in time you’ll realize she was no good for you. 

“okay…if you need anything, i mean anything shuana, please call me.” 

ellie looked up from her phone, an eyebrow raised slightly. “everything okay?” she chirped, sliding her phone into her pocket. you turned around, those beautiful shimmering eyes glistening with tears. “hey, whats wrong?” ellie moved closer, her tone soft and welcoming. 

“my best friends mom was just murdered,” you managed to choke out, and before you could say more, ellie’s arms were wrapped around you tightly. she knew you’d hurt for a while, and that was okay. she would be kind of weirded out if you weren’t, but with time she knew you’d be better. you’d both be better with each other. your face was buried in ellie’s neck with tears marking her shirt while she rubbed your back slowly. 

ellie was calming you the best she could, whispering a soft ‘it’ll be okay’ every few seconds that you remained in the crook of her neck. 

you spoke against her skin softly, your voice sounding weak and defeated, “can you walk me home, ellie? please?” 

“of course,” she kissed the top of your head, not letting you out of the hug until you pulled back. you locked your arms around hers, using her for support as she walked you home. 

ellie had to remind herself to ask you how to get there, after already taking one right turn by accident she was scared you’d question why. but obviously your mind was elsewhere. 

ellie knew her night with you was over, that she would remeince on your shared kiss for days to come until you felt well enough to see her again. to kiss me again. the walk was silent, not an uncomfortable silent but a shared understanding that the mood was low, and ellie was content just being with you, she didn’t need to talk. she was prepared to walk you all the way up to your door, and tell you to call her if you needed anything but when she stopped at the main door to your apartment, you looked back at her with doefully sad eyes. 

“can you stay with me?” 

can you stay with me. rang in her ears like a song. don’t smile. dont fucking smile.

“yeah, i’ll stay with you.” 

you brought her inside, and ellie looked around like she had never been here before. the apartment was dark, and you didn’t go to turn on any of the lights. instead, ellie followed you into your room, choosing to ignore the mess that was your apartment. she decided to focus on you, and when you sunk into your bed, ellie was next to you in a heart beat. 

she didn’t move to cuddle you, fearing she would be over stepping. im in your bed. and youre in it too. like a kid on christmas morning, but your soft crying brought her back down to reality. you shifted, bringing your body up against ellie’s for the second time tonight, resting your head on her shoulder with an arm draped over her. ellie wanted to hold her breath, scared you’d move at the slightest movement from her but you were leaning on her for comfort. her whole plan was to comfort you back to normal. 

her hand moved to your back, and the slow circles she rubbed lulled you to sleep. but ellie was still wide awake. 

[mercnotfound]

Invisible String

pairing: college!ellie williams x reader

summary: a week in your life where someone leaves you an anonymous note and you also meet a cute girl in one of your classes.

author’s note: this is un(necessarily) LONG, so take your time to read it. i hope you still enjoy it !! <3

• • • •

monday

you were in front of your dorm, digging for your keys in the mess of your backpack when a high-pitched voice yelled your name. of course, it could only belong to you best friend, blair. you prepared yourself to receive one of her bone-crushing hugs.

“there you are! i sent you like a million messages!”

“everything okay?” you asked before pulling away.

“yeah, i just have a little proposal.”

you narrowed your eyes at her, “what are you scheming?”

“you see, my gorgeous boyfriend is throwing this massive party on friday—”

“immediately no.”

“oh, c’mon!” she grumbled. “it’s been like five months since the last time we went out together. i miss my drunk little partner,” she pouted, pinching your cheek.

you let out a laugh, softly pushing away her hand out of your face. “i’m not exactly in a party mood, blair. i’m sorry.”

you made a poor attempt to avoid eye contact, but the weight of her stare was a difficult one to ignore. you looked back at her, already defeated.

“it’s nothing serious, but i’ve just been feeling a little insecure. and i’m okay,” you were quick to clarify, “i just want to stay in my dorm and watch a movie or something. it’s only temporary, i’ll feel better soon. you know i always do,” you opened the door and waited for her to inside first.

“how many times do i have to tell you you’re gorgeous for you to believe me? look at you!”

“blair—”

“i’m serious.”

“i know you are. thank you,” you replied softly. “forget about it, let’s just go inside. i’m tired and i wanna sleep.”

your friend had a worried look on her face, but decided to drop the subject, “still no roommate?”

“nope,” you grinned, closing the door behind you. “i’d invite you to live with me but you’re too busy staying at your boyfriend’s,” you teased her.

“can you blame me? his apartment is the size of a million of these dorms combined,” she exaggerated. “besides, he’s the sweetest man to ever exist. he’s every girl’s dream.” she sighed dreamily as she threw herself on the unoccupied bed. you raised your eyebrows at her, to which she rolled her eyes. “if he were a girl you’d be after him, too.”

after your friend bragged about her boyfriend for a few more minutes, both of you ended up falling asleep, totally drained from your long, boring classes. you woke up two hours later thanks to blair’s boyfriend who called her wondering where she was.

“wanna go grab some coffee? he’s paying!” blair offered with a big smile, which you returned.

“maybe he is every girl’s dream after all.”

you and blair headed outside shortly after, gossiping about people you didn’t even know. suddenly, your sleepy eyes spotted something strange on the door, more specifically, on the whiteboard you had outside. someone had left an anonymous message on it.

the prettiest girl on campus (and of everywhere else too) i wish i could come up with the courage to talk to you. guess i’ll just admire you from afar

ps: not in a creepy way

ps2: seriously sorry if this is creepy

you stared blankly at the message, reading it over and over again.

“did you do this?”

“hold on, i’m looking for that one tweet i saw. i’m telling you, she’s cheating on him—”

“blair!”

she finally looked up from her phone, “what?”

“did you do this?” you pointed at the board.

her expression comically changed from confusion to extreme excitement, eyes widened and mouth hung open. an over exaggerated gasp left her lips before she grabbed you by the shoulders.

“oh my god! you have a secret admirer!”

“no, i don’t. that’s probably not for me. someone must’ve mistaken my dorm for somebody else’s.”

“your name is literally on that board. besides, you are the prettiest girl to ever exist, so, i’m pretty sure they’re not mistaken.” blair kept looking at the note, meticulously analyzing it. “let’s pray it’s not a man who wrote this. imagine if he confesses his feelings for you in person. he’d be in for a very awkward rejection.”

you tried to downplay the situation by telling blair it was probably just a joke, but on the inside you couldn’t stop wondering who did it. as you walked down the hallway, you discreetly checked the whiteboards from the other dorms. all they had were random doodles and people’s names, nothing else.

tuesday

you were currently sitting under a big tree, admiring the sunset. birds chirped softly at the distance, adding even more magic to the beautiful scenery in front of you, but even the peaceful atmosphere that surrounded you wasn’t enough to calm your racing mind.

the anonymous note was certainly the most interesting thing that had happened to you in a while, but you were a serial overthinker. besides making you feel extremely curious about the identity of the person who wrote it, it had also made you spiral about the way you acted towards strangers.

being content with your small circle, you never put any effort in starting conversations with someone you didn’t already know. you felt as if you didn’t need anyone else in your life, but was that a mistake? what if the mystery person tried talking to you but you acted uninterested? what if they attempted to make eye contact but you were too busy staring down?

the most important question spinning around your head was how many special bonds had you lost simply because of your behavior?

as your silent crisis continued, the sun began to disappear on the horizon until it was fully dark. your eyes quickly found the moon, with the sky being clear, you could see her perfectly.

you took out your phone to take some pictures of the satellite, as well as everything else around you. the trees, your coffee cup, an empty bench and an orange cat that was laying next to it.

just as you were taking photos of the cute animal, someone crouched down next to him to pet him. that was the moment you saw her. a girl you had never seen before, but who managed to catch your attention right away. she was simply beautiful. many people, places, art pieces and more had been described with that adjective, but in your mind, that unknown girl was the first being in history to be worthy of it. you were completely mesmerized.

you put down your phone and watched the sweet moment develop in front of you. you could tell she was speaking to the cat, who seemed to really enjoy her company. the girl got up after a few minutes, giving the cat one last scratch between his ears before leaving. a frown instantly appeared on her face the moment she looked away from the animal, making you chuckle. she looked absolutely intimidating, the total opposite of what you had just witnessed.

your eyes followed her until she disappeared from your sight, but her image stayed on your mind for the rest of the day.

wednesday

you were having one of those days when everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. you had slept through your alarm, didn’t have time to have breakfast, couldn’t find your books and forgot your jacket on your way out. one may think it couldn’t get worse, well, unfortunately, it could.

you felt your soul escape your body when the, feared by many, physics professor laid his demonic eyes on you. you were certain you looked insane; hair a total mess, completely out of breath and slightly shaking from your nervousness.

“class started ten minutes ago,” his strident voice echoed in the big classroom. you didn’t even need to look to know everyone’s eyes were on you.

“i know,” your voice pathetically quivered. “sorry.”

“for your information, if you have somewhere to be you wake early enough to make it on time. it’s not rocket science, all of your classmates did it.” when he got no reply from you, he sighed. “there’s only one more seat available at the back. lucky for you, you’ll be sitting next to one of my best students. maybe you could be friends, she could teach you how to get here on time.”

with your eyes glued to the floor, you walked straight to where the professor pointed to without making a sound. you tried your best to ignore your classmates’ stares, but they lacked discretion.

fortunately for you, a nice surprised awaited you. the student the professor mentioned was none other than the girl you had seen the day before. she was even more beautiful up-close, which wasn’t exactly a good thing. she had just witnessed your most embarrassing moment. still, her eyes radiated kindness.

“this guy’s an idiot. you were only a few minutes late and didn’t even miss much. he was just struggling to turn on the projector the whole time,” the girl whispered at you once you sat down.

you were ready to reply with just a ‘yeah’, but the crisis you had the day before stopped you.

“he’s the worst,” you replied instead. “i always feel on the verge of puking whenever he looks at me,” the regret you felt after saying that was immediate, fearing it was too much information.

you felt yourself relax at the sound of her laugh, and of course it had to be the most heavenly sound you had ever heard.

“i’m ellie williams,” she leaned in, reaching over for your hand. you introduced yourself as your brain started mindlessly picking up details about her, like the fact that she had many freckles scattered all over her face.

you held her gaze for a few seconds before looking back at the professor, who had begun talking about punctuality. he sent you multiple looks during his whole speech, you found it hilarious. he looked like as if his eyes were about to pop out of his sockets.

trying to act as normal as possible, you grabbed your water bottle and took a sip in an attempt to calm down. you realized that was a huge mistake once you glanced at ellie, who was trying her hardest to hold in her laugh. you almost spit out your water when she made eye contact with you, causing you to choke.

“shit, you alright?” she leaned in, now fully laughing, and patted your back.

“yes— yeah,” you managed to say in between your coughing and laughing. you looked around, noticing how quiet the classroom had gotten. yours’ and ellie’s voices were the only thing cutting through the deadly silence. “sorry, i choked on water— sorry,” you apologized to the professor, who was impatiently tapping his foot on the floor.

“may i continue, ladies? is that okay with you two or should i wait for you to be done?” neither of you answered, so he let out one of his classic sighs. “as i was saying…”

the moment he looked away, you covered your face with your hands, trying to muffle the giggles that were escaping your lips. ellie was in the same state as you, which only made things worse.

“if he didn’t hate me before, he sure does now,” you whispered, eyes sparkling with amusement. “why does he have to be such a dick? it’s not like a choked on purpose. i could’ve died,” you dramatized.

actually, it’d be very rare to die from choking on a liquid, ellie almost said, but she didn’t want you to think she was a smart-ass. instead, she just kept laughing.

silence grew between the two of you as you came back to your notes and tried to pay attention to the class. ellie’s eyes inevitably fell on you again, trying to come up with something to say to keep the conversation going.

“you know, i, personally, wouldn’t take advice from a person like him, but i think he’s right about us being friends.”

“yeah, i think he is,” you warmly smiled before looking down at your notes again, unable to hold her gaze.

having fun in physics class seemed impossible at the beginning of the semester, but it had actually happened. you and ellie talked the whole time, which made the minutes go by faster than expected and also annoyed everyone around you.

“see you next wednesday? try to be on time, though. i don’t want him to kill you in front of the whole class.”

you laughed at ellie’s words and nodded, “see you next week.”

i really hope it’s sooner than that, the thought appeared in your mind without warning. you watched ellie go, a shy smile appeared on your lips when she glanced back at you and caught you staring.

the rest of the morning felt boring and uneventful in comparison to physics class, so you were really excited to finally be back at your dorm. your tired eyes fell on the whiteboard, no message from the mystery person. you tried to ignore how weirdly disappointed you felt and went inside, telling yourself it had been, probably, a one time thing.

thursday

shyness had never been a problem for you but, still, socializing wasn’t really your thing. if there was a chance for you to avoid interaction with strangers, you took it, so it was certainly weird seeing ellie at the dining hall and feeling an intense need to say hi. good thing she wasn’t exactly a stranger, right?

she was sitting alone in one of the most secluded tables, eyes focused on her phone. without giving it much thought, you walked towards her, but you began second guessing your decision once you realized she probably wanted to be alone. your steps became more hesitant the closer you got to her and just as you were about to turn around and leave she looked up. her surprised expression quickly changed into a delighted one.

“hey,” she greeted as she took off her headphones.

“hi,” you smiled back as a feeling of panic started setting in. you had absolutely no idea of what to say to her.

“you can sit if you’d like,” she offered, gesturing to the seat in front of her.

“you’re not busy? i can leave if you alone if—”

“no way,” ellie shook her head and, with her foot, pushed the chair towards you before looking up at you. “c’mon, sit.”

the moment you sat down, she leaned forward. you, instinctively, leaned back, but kept your hands just a few inches away from hers. you bit the inside of your cheek, trying your hardest to hold her gaze.

“so, how you’ve been? had any nightmares about our beloved professor yelling at you?” ellie asked, amused. you internally thanked her for starting the conversation.

“i can see his spit flying at me in slow motion whenever i close my eyes,” you replied, making ellie laugh. “that was definitely the last time i’m late to class. i hate attention, if i have to go through something like that again i’ll just die on the spot.”

ellie’s smile hadn’t faded since the moment she saw you, “just try not to be late to any of his classes, he’s the only one who gives you shit for that,” she adviced. “i knew he was insane because i’ve heard about it, so i tried to get on his good side by always being early. i considered sitting at the front, too, but that was too much.”

“you always sit at the back?”

“yeah, i don’t like having people behind me. for some reason, it really freaks me out knowing someone is staring at the back of my head.”

you hummed in response, mind deep in thought. you never looked at the back when you entered the classroom, in fact, you kept your head down, but ellie had always been there.

how many special bonds had you lost simply because of your behavior?

“hey, my friend’s boyfriend is throwing a party this friday, i was wondering if you’d like to go.”

“cool, yeah, of course,” ellie quickly replied.

“yeah?” you beamed, biting down your bottom lip.

“yes,” she nodded, the corners of her mouth quirking up again, “can i bring a friend?”

“sure,” you smiled. you took out a pen and a post-it from your backpack and wrote the address before sticking it on her hand. your eyes wandered further and ended up on her watch. without a second thought, you grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer to you, tilting your head to see the time. “shit, i gotta go to class, but i’ll see you friday?”

“see you then,” ellie said, but she didn’t want you to leave, and you didn’t want to go either. she hesitated before calling your name, making you turn around. “can i walk you to class?”

the question lingered in the air as you processed it. it had caught you completely off guard, which ellie could tell just by seeing your expression. fearing she messed up, time began moving slower and slower to her until you finally accepted her offer with a huge grin on your face.

ellie released the air stuck in her lungs before catching up with you. anyone with a pair of working eyes could see how nervous the two of you were, except yourselves. you were too busy focused on not to embarrass yourself by tripping and ellie was trying to regulate her breathing. neither of you dared to talk because it would make it too obvious, but ellie finally broke the silence once you stepped outside, asking you what class you had.

you had always hated small talk because you feared there’d be a point in which you wouldn’t know what else to say, but that moment never came with ellie. the conversation flowed smoothly between smiles and chuckles from the both of you.

“oh, look!” she suddenly said, casually grabbing you by your shoulder as if she had done it a thousand times before. you followed her line of sight and gasped when your eyes spotted a familiar orange cat. it was the same one you had seen ellie pet when you didn’t even know her yet. “wanna go say hi?”

“how is that even a question?”

ellie was the first one to approach him, crouching down in front of him. you copied her action a second later, already eager to pet him.

“his name is orange. original, right?” ellie sarcastically asked, gaining a laugh from you. “i didn’t name him, by the way. he has a tag with his name.”

“hi, little guy,” you pouted, scratching the back of his head.

“he must live nearby because he’s always here,” ellie told you. “he’s missing an eye, but he’s still cute, right?” she glanced over her shoulder.

you two were close. closer than a simple girl like ellie could handle. your perfume was all that she could smell, you were the only thing she could look at and her own heartbeat was the only sound she could hear.

“he’s the cutest,” you chuckled.

you stayed there for a couple more minutes. ellie told you about the first time she saw orange and you told her about the pets you had back home. it was such a sweet conversation, both of you using soft voices to not scare the cat away.

“alright, let’s go. i don’t want you being late to another class,” ellie told you as she stood up. “see you later, dude,” she waved at orange. surprisingly, the cat meowed back. “we’re best friends,” ellie jokingly bragged as both of you began to walk again.

“do you think he’ll accept me as a friend, too?”

“oh, absolutely. he loves you already.”

you ended up getting to class just in time, but you wouldn’t have cared if you were late. if it were for you, you would’ve skipped it just to keep hanging out with ellie.

“see you tomorrow, then?” you asked, hopeful.

“see you tomorrow,” ellie confirmed as she took a few steps back in your opposite direction, her eyes never leaving you until she fully turned around.

friday

it had been a while since you’d last chosen an outfit with someone in mind, wondering if they would like it. it took a while, but you finally settled on one. it was neatly laying on top of your bed.

“she’ll totally fall in love when she sees you in that,” blair’s voice cut through the silence, startling you.

“i’ve no idea who you’re talking about,” you obviously lied.

“maybe the girl you’ve been talking to me about since you met her?” blair guessed, “or is it the mysterious person who left you that note on monday?”

“it’s not weird that i still think about who could it be, is it?”

even if you had many other things to think about, the identity of the secret admirer, as blair had called them, was something that you were still curious about. it was difficult not to overthink every interaction you had with strangers, especially those who you’d catch staring or were friendlier than normal with you.

“are you kidding? if i were you, i would’ve asked every single person on campus if they knew anything about it,” she sat down on your bed, next to where your clothes were and handed them to you with a wink. “both ellie and the secret admirer will die when they see you tonight.”

a pathetic giggle escaped your lips on the way to the bathroom. you quickly changed into your chosen outfit, a rare feeling of exciment growing on inside you.

once you arrived at the party, you wasted no time and started looking for ellie. there were many familiar faces in the already drunken crowd, some of them even waved at you, but you didn’t even notice. between the lights and the loud music, you could barely pay attention to your own thoughts.

“what was she like again?” blair asked you, trying to help you find her.

“hot,” you replied, still scanning the room.

“right, thanks. that really helps.”

you laughed, “she’s—” your description was cut short when you suddenly locked eyes with her across the room. there was someone by her side, a girl who looked familiar but you couldn’t pinpoint where you knew her from. “she’s here.”

ellie leaned into her friend’s ear to say something, but her eyes never left yours. you tried to remain calm as you watched her walk towards you, looking annoyingly attractive.

“hey, there you are,” she greeted once she was close enough for you to hear her.

“hi! you came,” you beamed. “this is blair, my best friend. blair, this is ellie.”

“it’s really nice to meet you,” ellie shot a quick glance at your friend before glueing her eyes on you again.

knowing that that was her cue to leave, blair gave you a squeeze on your arm, “if you’ll excuse me, i have to go find my boyfriend. enjoy the party,” she wiggled her eyebrows at you before disappearing into the crowd.

“shouldn’t you call your friend over?” it was a genuine question, not wanting ellie to ditch the person she was with for you, but you also needed to know if she was really just a friend.

ellie looked over her shoulder and let out a chuckle, “i think she’s pretty busy.”

confused, you looked behind her. all of your doubts were cleared once you spotted her, she was making out with some girl.

she was definitely just a friend.

“oh,” you let out a short laugh. “good for her.”

ellie nodded at your words before looking back at you again. you were still distracted by the show ellie’s friend was giving and were completely oblivious to the spell you had put her under.

“you look really good,” she blurted out.

you broke into a sweet smile at the sudden compliment, “oh, thank you. you do too. really, really good.”

the fluttering of your heart made you want to burst into giggles, feeling extremely giddy. it was obvious how flustered you were, but seeing ellie in the same state as you made you feel slightly better. you would’ve never guess she’d be the type of person who blushes.

“wanna go for something to drink?”

you nodded at her question before reaching for her hand with the excuse of not losing each other on the way to the kitchen. ellie’s fingers quickly intertwined with yours as you started to lead the way. you offered many apologizes to the people who you accidentally bumped into, the place was absolutely packed and it was difficult to move. the kitchen was no different, you had barely any place to walk.

you grabbed two beer bottles and handed one to ellie, who looked a bit flushed from the previous interaction.

“next time someone doesn’t move after i say ‘excuse me’ i’ll just hit them on their ribs,” you furrowed your eyebrows. “where did they put the bottle opener?” you muttered to yourself, but ellie seemed to have heard you.

“here, let me help.”

you passed her the bottle and watched as she opened it against the table, taking the top off immediately.

“impressive,” you praised her before taking a sip. you grimaced at the taste.

ellie leaned back on the kitchen island, keeping her eyes on you. there was an amused smirk on her lips, “you don’t like it?”

“not really. i mean, it’s not like i hate it, but i only drink beer when there’s no other option,” you shrugged your shoulders. “i think there’s more to drink over there but there’s too many people and i don’t feel like getting trapped between sweaty drunk dudes.”

ellie swept her gaze over the kitchen before walking towards one of the many cabinets. “there’s gotta be something else in here,” she said as she opened every single door. “there it is!” ellie turned around and your eyes fell to her hands, she was holding a bottle of vodka. it was almost empty. “shots, anyone?” she offered.

a guy who was at the kitchen cheered, “hell yeah!”

ellie frowned, disgusted. “not you. go get your own bottle.”

a laugh escaped your lips at how disappointed the guy seemed to be, he immediately left after ellie’s words. “that was kind of mean,” you chuckled lightly.

ellie couldn’t tell you that she actually blew him off because of how shamelessly he checked you out the moment you entered the kitchen, so she just shrugged her shoulders. “he didn’t find it. open up,” she commanded you, placing a hand on your chin. you opened your mouth and felt how ellie poured the liquid down your throat.

“gross,” you wrinkled your nose. you grabbed the bottle from her hands and copied her action, softly grabbing her by her chin. she drank what was left of the vodka and you left the bottle on the counter behind her.

ellie smiled at you as she swiped her fingers across the corner of her lips. she gave you one last glance before walking past you. you watched her open more drawers and cabinets.

“psst, come here,” she called you over.

“what did you find?”

ellie looked around to check no one else was listening. you laughed at how secretive she was being. “look,” she whispered, she had found a box of chocolate covered strawberries. “shall we?” she offered, eyebrows up.

“absolutely,” you accepted, laughing. “but not here. let’s go to the balcony. it’s closed but i know where they keep the keys.”

ellie pushed herself off the table she was laying on and grabbed your hand, “i’ll lead this time, i know where it is.”

you stared down at your hands, blindly trusting her to guide you.

“how do you know where it is?”

“well, i kind of looked everywhere for you when i got here,” she admitted. “thought you stood me up.”

“sorry, i took forever to get ready,” you apologized, embarrassed.

“don’t worry, it was totally worth it,” ellie shot a quick glance at you as she said that, knowing it would mess you up. her personality changed from shy to flirty in a matter of seconds, so you didn’t really know what to expect of her.

you let out a sigh of relief once you were on the balcony, grateful for how muffled the people and music sounded from outside. “i remember why i haven’t gone out in months now,” you rolled your eyes.

“not a party girl, huh?” ellie let out a chuckle, leaning against the wall. she offered you a strawberry, which you gladly took.

“not lately,” you replied after taking a bite.

“so what made you go out tonight?”

you shrugged, “it was an impulse,” your answer was honest, but it was missing the rest of it.

because i wanted to see you again.

“it really helps you’re here, though,” you clarified. “actually, it doesn’t only help, you’re the only reason i’m enjoying this.”

“same here,” she smiled at you before looking up at the sky, she got lost in her thoughts for a moment before speaking up again. “it sucks that city lights don’t let us see the stars properly.”

you scoffed at her words, “i know, but hey, at least we have the moon,” you pointed at the satellite. “she never disappoints.”

there had been a few times were you felt as if the universe was on your side, somehow listening to you. that night was the moment you confirmed your theory because, coincidentally enough, the lights went off in what it seemed to be the entire city. a collective scream was heard from inside the apartment, along with multiple curses.

you took out your phone and turned on your flashlight, accidentally pointing it at ellie’s eyes.

“ow!” she let out, squinting her eyes. you couldn’t help but laugh, to which she complained.

“sorry, didn’t mean to blind you. especially now,” your excitement was enough to spark ellie’s curiosity.

“what do you mean?”

“come with me,” you grabbed her hand for the third time that day, knowing you’d miss doing that when the night came to an end. you still hadn’t gotten used to the weird, almost electric feeling that tingled in your palm whenever you touched her.

you guided her through the disappointed multitude, letting out apologies every now and then and also pushing those who didn’t move after you politely asked. you couldn’t blame them, though, they had used the darkness to their advantage and were shamelessly making out.

the air was ten times colder on the terrace than it was on the balcony, but neither of you cared because once you looked up you forgot about everything else. well, except maybe each other.

the view was completely breathtaking. without the light pollution, the sky looked straight out of a painting.

“it’s like looking straight at space,” you whispered, eyes sparkling with excitement. you had only seen the stars like that once in your life when you were a kid. it was as magical as you remembered, and the person you were sharing the moment with only made everything more special.

“i know,” ellie gazed at you before looking up again. “it blows my mind.”

as the night went on, you talked about many different things whilst laying on the floor; how your lives back home were, your friends, your families, favorite movies and songs and of course, with both of you being astronomy students, space-related stuff. you two were interested in each other’s point of view about everything, so you discussed many different subjects, enjoying the freedom to be incredibly nerdy about it.

“our lifespan is way too short. i mean, think about it. look at how many things have changed and advanced in only a hundred years. can you imagine how the world will change in, like, a thousand years?”

“maybe in fifty more years scientists will discover the key to immortality and we’ll be able to see everything,” ellie shrugged her shoulders. “or we could try to discover it ourselves once we graduate.”

you let out a laugh, “such an easy thing to do,” you sarcastically said. “i’m in, but maybe we could try with something easier, like, finding extraterrestrial forms of life, perhaps?”

“apparently, they are already here,” ellie pointed out.

you turned your head at her, “we’ll be the first to make friends with them, then. we’re pretty nice people, they’ll warm up to us.”

“deal,” she smiled at you, inevitably glancing at your lips for a second due to the proximity.

you kept enjoying each other’s company. there were moments in which neither of you spoke but, surprisingly enough, you didn’t care. even silence was fun with her.

neither of you had experienced a connection as strong as the one you had, especially in such a short amount of time. you didn’t question it, thought, it just made sense.

after a while, the power came back. the city was illuminated and the music from the party was back on. you two sat up, a little saddened that you couldn’t stargaze anymore.

“it was fun while it lasted,” you commented, ready to return to the apartment. you picked up the beer bottles from the floor, along with the empty box of chocolate strawberries.

“we can always go camping,” ellie suggested. “the sky will look even better than tonight.”

“i have zero survival skills, so you’d be in charge of everything. i can interest you with some random facts, though.”

“sounds good,” she laughed as she stood by the door and opened it, waiting for you to go inside first. the walk to the apartment was quiet, hating the fact the that night was coming to an end.

the loud music welcomed you again, people were even crazier after having to wait half an hour for the power to come back. it surprised you to see the same amount of people, apparently, none of them had left.

“i know it’s a friday night but, how the fuck has your friend managed to not get kicked out yet?” ellie leaned into your ear.

“this building is mostly occupied by other students, so they are probably at the party, too,” you explained, raising your voice a little so she could hear you.

everyone was euphorically dancing, making up for the lost time. you glanced at ellie before grabbing her hand and dragging her to the improvised dance floor. she instantly followed you, completely mesmerized.

“oh my god, there you are! i thought i was imagining things when i saw you earlier,” a familiar voice said from behind you. it was tara, you shared some classes and had been partners in a project once. “you look so good.”

“oh, hey, tara. this ell—”

“yeah, hi,” she interrupted you, only glancing at ellie for half a second. “could you walk me to the bathroom? i– i don’t know where it is and i feel pretty sick.”

your eyes flickered between the two girls. you obviously wanted to stay with ellie, but tara had put you in a really awkward position.

“uh…” you hesitated, “where are your friends?”

“they already left,” she frowned. “c’mon, babe, come with me? please.”

the nickname she used echoed in ellie’s mind.

“i can’t, i—”

“you should go. i should check on my friend, so…” ellie’s lips were in a straight line, but she forced a smile when you looked at her.

“why don’t you come with us?”

ellie would’ve agreed if she hadn’t seen the nasty look tara had given her. she wasn’t intimidated by her in the slightest, but the thought of being a burden and indirectly forcing you not to leave her alone was enough to let you go, even if she didn’t want to.

“no, really. i need to go see if she’s okay. i’ll find you later.”

you didn’t have time to respond, because you had already been dragged away from there. tara started chatting your ear off about stuff you didn’t care, you could only think about ellie.

“do you want me to call you an uber or something?” you asked her.

“why would i wanna leave?”

“you said you were sick and you’re pretty drunk, you should go home.”

“oh, no, silly. i live in this building, maybe you could walk me to my apartment?”

you refrained from rolling your eyes in front of her and realized that the sooner you got rid of her, the sooner you could go back to the girl you actually wanted to be with.

“c’mon, let’s go,” you said. on the way out you messaged blair to find ellie and tell her you’d be right back, to which she answered she was on it.

you took the elevator to her floor. you could tell tara wanted you to initiate a conversation by the way she was looking at you, but you couldn’t care less about her. she hadn’t noticed, apparently, because she started talking about god knows what as you walked behind her, completely zoned out.

“wanna come in?” she asked you once you were outside her apartment. her intentions were crystal clear but, as flattered as you were, you couldn’t help but feel completely uncomfortable.

“uh, no, thanks,” you awkwardly said.

“you sure? i’ve got—”

“yes, tara, i’m sure. i gotta go, i’m sorry. you’ll be okay, though, right? see you around,” you took a step back with each word you said, by the end of the sentence you were in front of the elevator. you heard tara let out a very confused ‘bye’ before the doors closed.

you impatiently tapped your foot against the floor, wondering why was the elevator taking so long. once you were back at the party you immediately searched for ellie, but she was nowhere to be found. instead, you saw blair, who had a worried look on her face.

“hey,” you approached her. “did you talk to ellie?”

“i couldn’t. i saw her leave with that girl she was with like a minute after you texted me,” she grimaced. “what happened? why were you with tara?”

you sighed, “i’m so stupid,” you groaned. “tara found me and she put me in this really difficult spot, so i had to walk her to her apartment because she was pretty fucking drunk and feeling very sick, or at least that’s what she told me, and i did it as fast as i could, but—”

“okay, okay. stop. why don’t you text ellie and—”

“i don’t have her number.”

“try instagram?”

“i tried finding her on instagram the same day i met her and i couldn’t,” you awkwardly confessed. “she probably thinks i blew her off for stupid tara.”

“hey, calm down. i’m sure you’ll see her soon.”

sadly, that soon never came. saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday went by painfully slow. there was no sight of ellie.

wednesday

you were a hopeless romantic, even if you didn’t admit it out loud. deep down, you knew that meeting ellie wasn’t a coincidence. it could’ve happened at any given moment due to being classmates, but it did when you needed it the most.

it was unexpected, but as said before, you felt as if sometimes the universe was on your side, listening to your deepest desires, the ones you didn’t know needed to be fulfilled.

you had never felt a connection as genuine as the one you had with her. everything seemed easy with her, making you feel you’d known her for longer than a week.

that doesn’t happen often, especially to you, so you would do anything in your power to fix things.

you were currently in physics class, counting down the minutes for it to end. you had to fight the urge to look at the back to see if ellie was there.

the thought of her being mad at you for practically abandoning at the party you invited her to made you sick. you also feared she didn’t care at all, which was a hundred times worse.

once the class ended you waited for her outside, trying to calm down your racing heart. the majority of students had already come out. you had just started to lose hope of seeing her when you finally heard her voice. she was saying goodbye to the professor.

“hi,” you nervously smiled when she was in front of you. her looking as good as always didn’t help you calm down at all. “i’ve been hoping to see you since friday. i wanted to apologize—”

“oh, you don’t have to do that. i get it. i saw you leave with that girl, tara, was it? it’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything—”

“no, no. i didn’t leave with her,” you clarified. “she wasn’t feeling good so she asked me to walk her to her apartment, which was in that same building, and i only did it to get rid of her. i know i sound like a major dick, but i wanted to go back to you as soon as possible,” you confessed, heart beating a hundred miles per minute.

“you did?” there was a smile hiding on her lips, you could tell by the tone she used. she was amused and obviously enjoyed seeing you flustered.

“yes, and i told blair to find you and tell you that i’d be right back, but when i did you had already left and i had no way of communicating with you, so…” ellie was quiet, so you continued. “i’m sorry.“

it felt like an eternity until she spoke again. “i’m sorry i left.”

“it’s not your fault,“ you mused. “it’s tara’s.”

“it so is,” ellie let out a chuckle. “i’ll fuck her up.”

you laughed, which made ellie’s stomach flip. both of you became numb to your surroundings as you stared into each other’s eyes, dumb smiles plastered on your faces.

“hey, about that paper that we have to do on electromagnetism. would you, maybe, uh, want to do it with me?”

“yes, i’d love to,” you grinned. “we could meet at the library tomorrow. do you have any classes in the morning?”

“just one, it ends at 10.”

“see you at 11?”

“yeah,” ellie nodded.

“oh, i almost forgot,” you said before taking out your phone. ellie curiously watched you type something before you handed it to her.

an adorable smile formed on her lips when she saw you were asking for her number. you had already typed in her name with the alien emoji next to it.

“thank you,” you mused when she gave your phone back to you. you instantly sent her a text so she could save your number on hers, too.

“see you tomorrow :)”

ellie looked up from her phone, mouth upturned. “see you then.”

tuesday

“the library’s closed,” ellie announced the moment she saw you.

the lights were turned off and there was a sign on the door that read ‘closed for reparations’.

“awh, man,” you complained. “why didn’t they tell us sooner—”

“actually, they did. i just checked and they sent us an email about a week ago, we just don’t check our inbox,” ellie interrupted you, grimacing.

“oh, our fault then,” you shrugged your shoulders. “um, maybe we could go to my dorm? i don’t have a roommate so nobody will bother us,” you offered.

“woah, i’d give everything to have my dorm all to myself,” she groaned, tilting her head back. “why don’t you have a roommate?”

you didn’t realize you had already started walking together, mindlessly leading the way to your dorm.

“i had one at the beginning of the semester, but then she dropped out or something. they told me i’ll probably get one next semester, so i’m enjoying it while it lasts,” you explained.

ellie huffed, “my roommate is a music producer. she’s pretty considerate but sometimes she has to listen to her songs without headphones,” she rolled her eyes. “i think i’m gonna find a job and move out to an apartment.”

“you totally should. i’d do it too if i were capable of balancing work and college,” you told her. “you’re welcome to stay at mine’s for as long as you want and whenever you want, by the way.”

“really?” she grinned. “you’re already asking me to live together? i haven’t even met your parents, yet.”

you rolled your eyes, a playful smile growing on your lips, “fine, my offer is off the table, then.”

“oh, no. now it’s too late. i’m moving in tomorrow morning.”

ellie spent the entire walk planning an itinerary for when she moved in with you, which basically consisted in eating breakfast together, go to class, come back and have lunch together, have more classes, come back and have dinner together then have a sleepover every night.

“sounds fun, huh?”

“super fun,” you chuckled as you opened the door for her. “guests first,” you stepped aside, inviting her in.

“hey, this is practically my dorm, too, now,” ellie joked, curiously looking around as she scratched the back of her neck. she was trying her hardest not to show how nervous she actually was, but the fluttering on her stomach made it really hard.

you were in the same state as her, trying not to freak out. your eyes discreetly checked every corner of the room, making sure everything was in order and there was nothing embarrassing laying around.

ellie chuckled to herself when she noticed the ceiling was decorated with a bunch of stickers that glowed in the dark. stars and planets were placed all over.

“i know they’re childish,” you wrinkled your nose, visibly cringing.

“are you kidding? i love them. these will be the first thing i’ll buy for my new place,” her gaze fell from the ceiling to your eyes, a genuine smile spreading across her lips.

ellie kept looking around your dorm, grabbing stuff that caught her attention. it was funny seeing her ask for permission each time, looking back at you and pointing at the object she wanted to check out.

you took out your laptop from your backpack and sat down on your bed. it immediately bummed you out when you remembered that you had to do an assignment and weren’t just hanging out for fun.

“i’m gonna create a google drive file so we can both edit it later in case we don’t finish it today,” you informed her.

“yeah, that’s a good idea,” ellie replied, focused on a bracelet she had found on your desk. then, she continued snooping around your things, sometimes mumbling cool and i’m going to borrow this.

you checked the questions you had to answer and immediately sighed, “i’m completely lost.”

“want me to explain it to you?” she offered and you obviously accepted. ellie looked at the big whiteboard behind her and grabbed a marker from your desk. “okay, so you know that the earth’s core is mainly composed of liquid in the outer core and solid iron in the inner core?”

you tried your hardest to keep your attention on what she was saying, but the task turned impossible. her voice sounded muffled and you could only focus on how good she looked. you let out a few yeahs and rights when you thought it was appropriate, but the truth was that you didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.

“and this field has existed for at least three billions years, which is nuts, right?” you ears managed to make out of all the things she was saying. you saw how she laughed, clearly enjoying talking about the subject. you probably would too if you could be capable of actually listen and process what she was saying.

you watched as she continued to write and draw stuff on the board at the same time she explained something to you, but you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her.

“that’s about it, got it?” she asked, turning around.

“uh…” you let out, not being capable of forming an actual sentence.

ellie chuckled, amused, “you alright?”

“yes, it’s just—”

“was there something you didn’t understand? i can go over it again,” ellie kindly offered, but you could hardly hear her over the loud beating of your heart.

you weren’t really planning to, but you stood up. it was as if you were on autopilot, there was something else controlling your body and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. you walked closer to ellie, who looked confused.

“if i’m being honest, i didn’t listen to a word you said,” you confessed, smiling guiltily. “i swear i tried to, but there was something else on my mind.”

“what’s that?” ellie asked in a whisper, eyes scanning your face. you were extremely close to her.

“i don’t think i can go another minute without kissing you,” you softly confessed, looking up into her eyes. her pupils were dilated and a light blush had started to color her cheeks.

“no one is stopping you,” she replied, wholly captivated by you.

not even a second later, you crashed your lips into hers. ellie joyfully giggled, but that didn’t stop her from hungrily kissing you back. her hands found their way up to the sides of your face while yours ended up tangled in her hair.

ellie broke the kiss first, but your lips were still touching. “i’m still deeply disappointed you didn’t listen to my physics lesson.”

“i’m sorry,” you chuckled. “i heard some parts, you were great. i learned a lot.”

ellie smiled before leaning in again, bringing you impossibly closer to her as she gave you a breathtaking kiss. you melted against her, already eager for the kiss to end just so you could do it over and over again.

“this would’ve happened sooner if it weren’t for tara,” ellie joked, reaching over to grab your hand.

“i’ll kill her next time i see her,” you were standing so close to each other that you replied with a whisper.

ellie frowned, “you’re not seeing her again.”

“oh? i would’ve never guessed you were the jealous type,” you teased her, placing your arms on her shoulders again and bringing her even closer to you. ellie looked even better than before. her lips were reddened, her hair was a mess and her eyes had become even more hypnotic.

you could’ve stayed admiring her for hours, but a glance over her shoulder was all it took for you to wake up from your trance. you walked past her to take a closer look at the whiteboard she had used. it wasn’t what she had written that caught your attention, but the handwriting itself. it looked incredibly familiar.

your mind quickly came up with a crazy theory, which ellie’s expression confirmed the moment you looked back at her.

“you were the one who left me that note on my door?”

ellie’s confident and teasing demeanor was long gone. she looked panicked. her heartbeat accelerated significantly and she felt as she was running out of air.

“oh my god,” your mouth fell agape, a smile creeping up on your lips. “you did!”

she covered her face with her hands, letting out a groan, “you weren’t supposed to know that.”

“why?”

“it’s embarrassing! we didn’t even know each other when i did it. it’s weird—”

“it’s sweet!”

“it’s weird,” she repeated, not being able to look at you.

you smiled fondly at her, reaching for her hand and giving her a squeeze, “it really helped me, you know? it was as if you knew i needed it.”

ellie grimaced, “well, i actually kind of did…”

“what do you mean?”

she sat down on your bed, making you sit next to her. you didn’t let go of her hand. instead, you played with her fingers in an attempt to calm her down.

“i visited my friend that day, her dorm is across the hall. i was just about to leave when i saw you coming. i panicked, so i hid and accidentally overheard what you were saying to your friend,” she admitted. “i meant what i wrote. i’ve thought that way about you ever since i first saw you. it seemed like the perfect moment to tell you, at least indirectly.”

“but why didn’t you tell me in person? or at least, talked to me sooner.”

“i’m not as brave as i look and you’re fucking intimidating.”

you let out a laugh in disbelief, “me, intimidating? look at you!”

“no, look at you. you’re way to beautiful for me to just come up to you and tell you that. who could have the guts?”

“oh my god, shut up,” you hid your face in your hands, feeling how your heart fluttered like crazy at her words.

“i couldn’t tell you after we began talking, either. we were just getting to know each other, it would’ve been weird,” ellie stared down at your intertwined hands. “it’s still kind of weird,” she mumbled more to herself than for you to hear.

not being able to take it anymore, you succumbed to the urge of throwing yourself at her, leaving many kisses all over her face. the sound of her laugh made the butterflies in your stomach to fly all over the place.

“you’re the sweetest girl i’ve ever met.”

“don’t say that about me. i have a reputation to maintain,” she jokingly rolled her eyes. “so, be honest, you don’t think it was weird?”

“of course not. i think it was fate.”

“fate?”

“wait here.”

you quickly walked over to your desk where you had left your phone. you immediately searched for the picture you had taken of her last tuesday and almost ran to show it to her.

“is that me?” ellie grabbed the phone from your hands and zoomed in the picture.

“yup,” you nodded. “this was the day before we first talked. i was taking pictures of orange and you appeared, out of nowhere. you looked as you’d beat the person who dared to speak to you,” a laugh escaped your lips. “i thought about for the rest of the day and hoped to see you again, and guess what? i did. see? it was fate.”

ellie warmly smiled, she caressed your cheek with her fingers before bringing you closer to give you the softest kiss ever given, “i guess it was.”

[mercnotfound]

~ I Think I'm Okay ~

Music Producer!Ellie Williams x OC

I Think I’m Okay {Part 3} NSFW

Music Producer!Ellie Williams x OC

Word count; 2.062k

[Ellie is a successful music producer who is in a slump, carving her way through a hundred and one different highs to try and find her next hit, until she meets her.]

Ellie gazed at herself in the mirror, frowning as she swapped between attempting to smooth out the front of her waistcoat and adjusting her hair. She and Jesse were attending an event tonight, one where she had to sip champagne rather than chug it and make eye-rolling small talk. I might die tonight she thought to herself before sighing and stepping away from the mirror; she was wearing a black button down with the sleeves rolled up, revealing her tattooed forearms, and a forest green waistcoat over the top with black slacks. No doubt Jesse would laugh when he saw her in her attire, but she didn’t have time to think about that now - she was late. 

Hurriedly, she snatched up her phone, her keys, and headed out.

Now, something about Ellie - she hated functions. She went, of course, to every event Jesse forwarded her an invite to, and she knew they were important for networking and gathering new clients, but the tightness of them, the stiff etiquette, the clique-y vibe, Ellie hated it, she hated all of it. She was right, Jessie had laughed at her clothes like he always did when she dressed up and she’d already sip sip sipped her way through two glasses of champagne, now she was headed for the food table.

This particular event was being held in a lounge bar; dim lighting, stools and booths and too much polished wood and leather. Drinks were on the house and along the back wall ran a table covered in ‘finger-food’ that Ellie had been eyeing up since she arrived, now, she’d piled a paper plate into an almost mountain, and just as she turned to find a place to eat it in peace, she knocked into someone.

“Fuck, sorry.” Ellie muttered, her right hand coming up to adjust a rogue sausage roll.

“That’s okay, Ellie.” Ellies head snapped up, who-

Rain. She stood there, tight white shirt and black skirt, tiny bow tie-

“You- You’re a waitress? I thought you worked in a cafe?” The words tumbled out of Ellies mouth like a swig of champagne she’d forgotten to swallow.

“I do event waiting on the side.” Rain shrugged, but she had a slight smirk on her face. “You here on business, or just for the food?” She gestured to the plate, grinning fully. Ellie felt herself flush a little.

“Business… mostly.” Ellie smiled sheepishly, then she held the plate out. “Want anything?”

“I can’t,” Rain shook her head. “Boss will get mad.” She stared longingly at the plate. “I am starving though.”

Ellie brought the plate back to her chest, then looked over Rains shoulder. “Come with me then.”

“What?”

She took Rains wrist, smirking. “Come with me.” Then she tugged her along, weaving through the throngs of people and leading her to the bathroom.

Rain raised her eyebrows. “This where you take girls to hang out?” Ellie grinned, pulling her inside the bathroom and locking the door behind them. 

She put the plate of food down and slid it along the marble counter under the mirror towards Rain. 

“Eat.” Rain did as she was told, clearly not lying about being starving hungry. As Ellie watched her, she felt some strange heat climbing up her skin, seeing Rain eating the food she’d got, letting Ellie drag her in here- she shook her head, willing the heat to go away, God I’m a fucking perv.

“Good?” She asked. Rain nodded, still chewing.

“Very, I’m still a little conflicted about the scenery though. I mean, I wonder how many people have hooked up on this counter.” She grimaced, pushing the plate away from her a little and looking at herself in the mirror, checking for loose crumbs and adjusting her hair. As she leaned against the counter, the material around her chest became taught, the button almost clinging on for dear life- and Ellie didn’t miss it, she dragged her eyes away desperately but they found their way back to Rains chest, her waist, her ass. 

“Fuck.” She muttered, shaking her head like she could flick the thoughts out of her ears.

“Hmm?”

“I said, a lot, probably. Bathroom of an upscale bar? Yeah it’s fuck-central in here.” Ellie lifted herself up to sit on the marble, her feet swinging.

“Is that why you brought me here?” Rain teased. Ellie rolled her eyes.

“Nah, not my thing.”

“Oh, I don’t believe that for a second, I’ve heard the songs you’ve written.”

Ellies eyebrows flew up in surprise. “You’ve listened to my stuff?”

Rain blushed, suddenly looking shy. “Yeah.. after you mentioned it last time I went home and looked you up.” She shrugged. “A lot of red carpet pics, a lot of scandalous headlines, a lot of girlfriends…”

Ellie waved a hand dismissively, “That’s bullshit.”

“Really? Because I distinctly remember seeing something in your apartment-”

“The girlfriends, I mean.” Ellie turned her head to look directly at Rain, holding her eyes and biting back a grin as she watched a blush rise on the other girls cheeks. “It’s bullshit.”

Rain nodded slowly, “Okay.”

“And… I’m not against bathroom hook-ups, but.. I’d prefer a bed, a couch, somewhere I can take my time.” She didn’t break the eye contact, and the heat on her skin only got hotter; she’d never felt this before, not without snorting or smoking or swallowing something, and she loved it, she felt alive.

“Makes sense.” Rain said weakly. Ellie could see her words were having an effect on her. She broke the eye contact and looked at the ceiling. 

“So what did you think? Of my work I mean.”

“It’s.. really good, you’re really talented.” 

Ellie frowned, looking back at her. “But..?”

“No buts.”

“I can hear it in your voice Rain, come on, what?”

“Just…” Rain moved her hands around in the air as she searched for the right words. “Your older stuff seemed way more inspired, I guess. The newer things are still good, and it’s obvious how talented you are but there’s something missing, I think.”

Ellie considered this for a moment. It hadn’t surprised her, she knew it was true, but nobody had actually said those words to her, not even Jesse or Dina, and it was a little tough to swallow.

“Yeah, you’re right, I guess.” 

“Did you lose your passion? I’ve heard it’s an easy industry to burn out in.”

Ellie shook her head. “No… I- actually, my dad, he- he passed away.” Why did I say that.

“Oh.”

Ellie cringed, squeezing the counter so hard her knuckles were white as she waited for Rain to properly say something.

“Well, that’d do it, I suppose.” She looked at Rain, who had a solemn look on her face as she said this. 

“Jesus, way to kill the mood, huh? Go me.” Ellie chuckled dryly.

“In all fairness, I did ask.” Rain laughed softly, then, “I’m sorry, Ellie.”

“S’okay, I’m- I’m okay. Just making crappy music.” She smiled crookedly. Rain shook her head and reached a hand out, resting it on Ellies thigh. Fuck.

“Not crappy, just less inspired, it’ll come back.”

Yeah, Ellie thought, it might if you keep touching me. And she meant it.

“We should get back.” Ellie said, sliding off the counter and watching Rains hand fall from her leg as she did so.

“You’re right, I am working, afterall.” Rain headed for the door, unlocking it and turning the handle.

“Hey- do you wanna come to my studio later? After the event, I mean.”

Rain looked back at Ellie, surprised but smiling. “Yeah, okay.”

They re-joined the party, but Ellie kept her eyes on Rain the whole time, only half-in every conversation and forcing Jesse to bear the brunt of the conversation. She watched her serving, clearing plates, squeezing past people and sometimes catching her eyes, seeing how she fumbled with the glasses she was holding once she realised Ellie was looking. Something was nagging at the back of her mind, it felt familiar, like an old friend; the urge to sit down and find a pen and a napkin and scribble down the words floating around her brain, to get her hands on her deck and have her ears pressed to her head under her headphones. What is this girl doing to me? 

At the end of the night, they were gathered outside by the doors, shaking hands and laughing, cigarettes balanced between lips and taxi doors slamming shut until it was just Ellie and Jesse.

“You need a lift?"

“Nah.”

“Everything good? Where’s your head been tonight, Ellie?”

“Places it shouldn’t be.” She muttered, tapping the end of her cigarette before bringing it back to her lips for a drag. “I’m fine, Jesse. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He rolled his eyes, pulling her into a quick one-arm hug before saying goodbye and leaving her stood alone. Another ten minutes, and the side door to the building opened and a stream of workers poured out, chatting at a considerably quieter level than Ellies definitely drunk companions had been. She wasn’t, though, she hadn’t drank another drop after leaving the bathroom. Through the crowd, she spotted Rain, her hair free from it’s ponytail and now falling all over her shoulders. She was chatting with another girl before she saw Ellie, then she broke away from the group and made her way over.

“Hey.”

“Hey. You ready?”

“Yup.”

They got a taxi, Ellie opened Rains door for her and noted the way she squeezed her knees together as she sat, keeping her head angled away from Ellie and facing out the window. Was she nervous?

Soon, they were outside Ellies studio door. “This is me.” She declared, slotting the key in the lock and pushing the door open, stepping back and gesturing for Rain to enter first.

Ellie watched her as she looked around, skimming her hand over Ellies deck, her keyboard, lightly tapping the cymbal on her drumkit wedged in the corner. 

“So, this is where the magic happens?” Rain joked. Ellie laughed.

“Something like that.”

Rain reached Ellies desk, and picked up one of her notebooks, flipping through the mostly empty pages. 

“They’re basically empty.” She sighed, flopping down into her desk chair and spinning it in a slow circle. “You’re right, m’burnt out.”

Rain shook her head, gesturing to the walls where newspaper clippings, posters, letters and merch of Ellies work was hung or taped up. “No, this isn’t the studio of someone burnt out… you’re grieving, Ellie.”

Ellie said nothing, still spinning herself in a circle. Rain sighed and walked over, stopping the chair with her hands and standing between Ellies spread legs.

"Ellie."

Ellie, ignoring her, reached a hand up and touched her index finger to the outside of the other girls thigh, just above her knee, and dragged it slowly up, she looked up as she did this, gazing at Rain through low eyelids as her hand went high enough that it was now under her skirt. Rains breath hitched. Lewd, filthy thoughts flashed behind Ellies eyes, thoughts of making Rain stand like this as she fucked her with her fingers, of bending her over the desk and being knuckle deep inside her, of her hands slamming down on the keyboard as Ellie ate her out on her knees. Music, her moans would be music. Ellies hand stopped at the elastic on Rains hip, neither of them moved. 

“Give me the notebook.” 

Rain hesitated, as if confused, then went back to the desk to retrieve it and brought it back to Ellie, who took it, flipped to a fresh page and pulled the pen out of the ring-spine.

“Kneel, right there.” She nodded to the floor space directly in front of her. Rain did as she asked, her skirt fanning over her thighs in a way that made Ellie swallow thickly.

“Just, stay there- okay? Don’t do anything, just stay there.”

“O-okay.”

“Okay? I want you to sound sure, are you sure?”

Rain took a deep breath, then nodded. “I’m sure.” Ellie bit her lip, dragging her eyes over Rain slowly, taking in the sight and committing it to memory, never wanting to forget the thudding in her ears and fire in her veins as she stared right back up at her. Then, she looked to her notebook, and for the first time in a long, long, time, she knew what to write.

[little message here! I have a playlist i listen to while i write this and ive tagged it on this post if you want to listen!]

[taglist! @gold-dustwomxn @robinismywifee ]

[mercnotfound]

~ I Think I'm Okay ~

Music Producer!Ellie Williams x OC

I Think I’m Okay {Part 2}

Music Producer!Ellie Williams x OC

Word count; 1.994k

[Ellie is a successful music producer who is in a slump, carving her way through a hundred and one different highs to try and find her next hit, until she meets her.]

“So let me get this straight, some random girl almost knocked your door down at 3am because she was hiding from her ex?”

“Yes.” Ellie paused with her glass of water halfway to her mouth, eyes widening, “Hey wait- do you think she was casing my apartment? Did I fall for a fucking casing scam? Jesse, am I an idiot?”

“Nah, no way.” Jesse leaned back in his chair and frowned. “I mean, surely not, right?”

“Listening to you two talk is like trying to watch the first cavemen light a fire.”

Ellie turned and saw Dina grinning from where she stood behind the mic in the recording booth, her voice muffled but still audible while the door was propped open. She raised her middle finger at her, before slamming the glass of water onto the table and rubbing her face with both hands.

“What if I get robbed?” She murmured.

“It’s fine, you’ll be fine.” Jesse patted her shoulder but his voice didn’t sound totally convinced. “Let’s just get to work.”

Ellie nodded and leaned over to push the door to the booth shut, then slipped on her headphones and flicked through the notebook Jesse had handed to her earlier.

“So this is for Stargazer?” She asked.

Jesse hummed, leaning over to point at the page Ellie had landed on.

“Right here, this is where I want to add Dinas vocals. Client said he wants the instrumental to be really thick so I’m hoping this’ll help.”

Ellie nodded and looked back up at Dina, giving her a thumbs up and hitting a couple buttons on the deck. That morning, after fighting her way out of bed in the middle of a come-down and running on an interrupted 4 hours of sleep, she’d opened her phone to see an email from someone who had been waiting on an updated demo, one that Ellie had promised would be sent over that night. To sum it up, the guy had grown sick of her excuses, called her a burnt out one-hit-wonder and vowed to never work with her again amidst a cacophony of colourful language. It had felt like somewhat of a wake-up call, and now she was determined to do something useful today.

By the end of their session, she’d successfully coached Dina through all the recordings they needed and even strung up a chord progression she’d been delaying for weeks; it wasn’t perfect, but definitely a solid start, and Jesses satisfied grin as they walked out the studio almost felt like a hit by itself- almost. 

“Wanna hit a bar? It is a Friday afterall and I feel like we deserve it.” Jesse swung his arm around Dinas shoulders and raised his eyebrows at Ellie, who pretended to mull it over for a second before nodding.

“Sure, why not” Absolutely yes-fucking-please.

They went to their usual place, The Tipsy Bison, where Ellie met Dina for the first time after her and Jesse had just had one of their breakups; Dina had kissed Ellie and Jesse had almost broken her nose - they were 19 at the time.

“God, remember when we turned twenty-one and started using our real IDs here?” Dina laughed, “I mean, Seths face-”

“Fucking priceless.” Ellie added.

“Poor guy actually thought he was insane when the whole bar got in on it and pretended we’d never been there before. Great times man.” Jesse chuckled and strode through the doors, walking straight up to the bar. Dina and Ellie followed, ordering their drinks.

Ellies mouth felt dry, she was craving something, but the alcohol would carry her over for now. She swallowed, her freckled throat bobbing as she raised her glass from the sticky bar and tried to drink it without looking like a madwoman. She glanced around, Dina and Jesses conversation fading into the blur of bar sounds as she eyed a throng of people gathered by the jukebox dancing.

“Y’wanna dance?” She asked Dina.

“Fuck yeah!”

Ellie took Dinas hand and began leading her to the group, releasing it once they got close enough and merging with the crowd. This was where Dina belonged, Ellie had seen it from the first moment she lay eyes on her five years ago, her eyes shut and dark hair swinging as her skin shone with sweat- she was the kind of girl who commanded attention, Ellie had liked that, which is why she’d let Dina kiss her.

“Hey, you’re Ellie Williams, right?” Ellie looked to her right to see a girl standing smiling at her expectantly.

“Yeah, that’s me.” She eyed the girl up and down, smirking a little. “And who’s asking?” She felt a little heat flicker in her gut as the girl went visibly red.

“I-I’m Lorna, I’ve heard your stuff, I’m… a big fan, actually.”

“Oh yeah? How come I’ve never seen you before? You from out of town?”

The girl nodded. “Yep, just visiting some friends at the minute. Your studio is around here, right?”

Ellie whistled lowly, the sound barely audible with the noise around. “You really are a fan, huh?”

The girl blushed harder, the heat intensified. “Yeah, s’a block or so down. You wanna… come see it?”

Ellie was pushing her luck, but hey, she was stressed at the minute, and it wouldn’t be the first time she’d brought a girl back to the studio and fucked her on the deck.

“Yes, please.”

***

She waited outside the bar, leaning back against the wall and smoking a cig - the girl said she needed to tell her friends, Ellie told her to be quick. The night air was chilly and fought to get inside her leather jacket, hit the exposed skin under her ripped baggy jeans, to bring her teeth together in a clatter but Ellie sort of liked it, liked feeling human for a moment even as she pulled her jacket tighter around her.

She dropped the cig to the floor and stomped it out with her boot, pausing as she heard a strange sound coming from the alley behind her.

“The fuck?” She muttered, peering around the corner and squinting to see in the dark. She heard another noise, something like muttering, before a sensor-light suddenly flickered on and temporarily blinded her. 

There was a girl slumped against the back wall of the bar, and another girl with her, seemingly trying to pull her away from the wall but didn’t seem to be having much luck.

“Hey, you okay there?” Ellie called out. The more aware looking girl of the two snapped her head towards Ellie and- fuck, that curly hair.

“Shit, I thought you were a guy.” That voice. “Will you help me, please? I need to get her home.”

Ellie swallowed, stepping closer and realising it was exactly who she thought it was, glowing under the flickering orange light.

“It’s you.” Ellie said.

The girl looked up again, frowning at Ellie for a second before seemingly catching on, her mouth falling open into an ‘O’.

“And it’s you. You look different when you’re not half asleep and half-baked.” She smiled, Ellie watched how it creased the sides of her mouth and raised her cheeks into peaches.

“You look different when you’re not breaking into my apartment at 3am.”

She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t break in.” Then she turned back to the other girl, who Ellie could now see had her eyes shut. “Will you help? I called a cab, it should be here soon I just need to get her to the street.”

“Sure.” Ellie swung one of the girls arms over her shoulders and pulled her gently off the wall, grunting a little at the dead weight but supporting her steadily. She ducked under the other arm and took the rest of the weight, struggling a little more than Ellie.

“What’s your name? I can’t keep calling you ‘girl who woke me up at 3am’” Ellie tried to add some strength to her voice behind the joke, but it came out meek and she felt her face go red.

“Been talking about me?” The other girl grinned. Ellie shrugged.

“I’m Ellie.”

“I’m Rain.” She finally responded after a moment of studying Ellies face, her gaze returning to the floor and allowing Ellie to breathe again.

“S’pretty, I like it.” She muttered.

They walked the half-conscious girl to the path just as her cab pulled up, and managed to manouvre her into it without too much trouble.

“You gonna be okay getting her home, Rain?” Ellie scratched her nose, fighting to keep her gaze on Rains face on the opposite side of the car. 

Rain bit her lip, resting her chin on the roof of the car.

“I really don’t mind.” Ellie added.

“If you’re sure-”

“I’m sure.”

Rain nodded and disappeared into the car. Ellie glanced back at the bar, seeing the girl she’d been talking to emerge from the front doors and look around, trying to spot Ellie. She hesitated, forearm resting on the open car door as she watched the girl frown and pull out her phone.

“Ellie?”

“Yeah,” She replied, matching the other girls frown as she felt something in her stomach pulling her backwards into the car. “Just coming.”

***

“You’re actually the fucking best, thanks Ellie.” 

Ellie grinned, looking down and kicking at the pavement.

“Just doing my civic duty.”

“Well…” Rain sighed, leaning back against the now shut front door to her friends house (where they’d just spent almost twenty minutes trying to get the girl upstairs and in her bed). “What you did the other night wasn’t just your 'civic duty'… I know it was a really weird situation, but you helped, and I’m really grateful, so, thank you.”

Ellie shrugged in response, finally looking up and looking at the other girl straight in the face.

“It’s okay, really, just don’t tell TMZ you caught me with coke on my nose and we’ll call it even.” She smirked, cocking her head to the side.

“TMZ? Are you famous or something?” Rain laughed

“I mean… sorta?” Ellie leaned on the gate opposite Rain, sliding her hands into the pockets. “I’m a music producer.”

Rains eyes widened. “No fucking way? That’s so cool Ellie.”

Ellie grinned, “Yeah?”

“Absolutely.” Rain nodded, then checked her phone and sighed. “I should go…” She walked up to Ellie, who stiffened a little at the proximity - she could smell her perfume and it was making her dizzy. “You know the little cafe on West?” Ellie nodded. “I work there, come see me.” Then, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed Ellie on the cheek, before pushing the gate open and walking away. Ellie stumbled, then caught the gate before it swang back on her and stood watching Rain leave, frowning at the feeling in her stomach. 

That night, she went home, ignoring the itching on her skin as she walked past the residue from last night on the coffee table and collapsed into bed, eyes tired but fixed on the clock in her room. 3am came, no knock, she didn’t know why she was disappointed. She got back up and went to the fridge, stared into it for a second, shut it, went to sit on the couch and pushed her hand into her boxers, then pulled it back out with a frustrated sigh. Ellie contemplated getting on her knees and licking the white dust off the table with her tongue; she had no shame, she’d done it before, anything to get rid of that itch, but the dust couldn’t talk and to be honest- all she really wanted, for some unknown fucking reason, was Rains voice.

It was gonna be a long-ass night.

[taglist! @gold-dustwomxn @robinismywifee ]

[mercnotfound]

~ I Think I'm Okay ~

Music Producer!Ellie Williams x OC

I Think I’m Okay {Part 1}

Music Producer!Ellie Williams x OC

Word count; 2.09k

{angry!Ellie, she's so irritable it's funny, addict!Ellie, hurt/comfort, both of them just need to heal}

Ellie is a successful music producer who is in a slump, carving her way through a hundred and one different highs to try and find her next hit, until she meets her.

Ellie groaned, squeezing her eyes shut as harsh sunlight tried to force its way between her eyelids and poke at her aching brain. You’d think she’d be used to hangovers by now, what with having them every other day (it was either a hangover or a come-down). But yet here she was, flat on her stomach pushing her face into the pillow and dreading the day ahead, even with the knowledge that her morning hit would make things a little easier.

She was lacking inspiration these days, and Jesse was on her back about a new track that was due in a week that Ellie hadn’t even begun composing a beat for, let alone lyrics. 

She groaned again and rolled over, her t-shirt riding up a little, making goose bumps rise along her skin. She glanced to her left and saw her phone flashing, so leant over to pick it up.

The screen was flooded with texts from Jesse asking where she was, and Ellie sat up sharply in bed as she realised she was thirty minutes late. Her head exploded in pain at the sudden movement and she felt a sudden bout of nausea wash over her. 

Ellie sent a quick text to Jesse saying she’d just woken up and would be there soon, then set her phone back down and wearily got out of bed.

After downing a glass of water and aspirin, Ellie walked into the living room, stepping over empty takeout boxes, cans and bottles of cheap alcohol and dirty clothes to the dresser under the window. She pulled open the top drawer and picked out a pre-rolled joint and a lighter, then slammed the drawer shut and lit the joint as she walked back to her bedroom to get dressed.

She balanced it on her bedside table as she pulled a ratty black band-tee over her head, then keenly returned it to her lips and took a long drag, then pulled on her baggy jeans, carabiner thudding against her thigh.

Soon enough, the headache began lifting and she felt the heaviness on her shoulders ease a little. She lifted her eyebrows and sighed contentedly, then headed out the room and grabbed her keys off the hook, put on her boots and headed out.

***

“You stink.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, sitting back in her chair and spreading her legs wide to get comfy.

“Thanks, Jesse.”

“Did you smoke before you came?” Jesse asked, leaning over his notepad and barely sparing Ellie a glance as he scribbled away, seemingly not lacking inspiration like she was.

“S’breakfast.” Ellie said, sucking her teeth and glaring down at her own, empty notepad. After a moment, she noticed Jesse staring.

“Are you okay, Ellie?” 

Ellie blinked. “Yeah? Why?”

“You’re high like, every time I see you, Ellie. You haven’t finished a song in months and we barely see you anymore.” Jesse frowned, looking at Ellie as if he were trying to analyze her. Ellie hated that.

“I’m just busy Jesse.”

“Busy doing what? Not writing songs that’s for sure.”

“Oh, screw you Jesse. I’m trying.”

Jesse held his hands up in mock surrender and shrugged. “Whatever, man. We’re just worried about you, that’s all. Dina keeps asking why you don’t come over anymore.”

“I’ll come over soon.” Ellie muttered, tapping her pencil on her notepad as she felt irritation begin to seep in. 

“Sure.” Jesse muttered before turning back to his notepad, an uncomfortable silence dropping around them. Ellie glanced at the time, seeing she’d been there for around a half hour and decided enough time had passed to excuse herself to her private studio without Jesse complaining too much.

“I’m gonna go n’try fix up a couple beats in my studio. I’ll show you anything I’ve got after lunch.”

Jesse hummed in response and Ellie hastily grabbed her things and left, heading straight to the elevator, having to do the awkward half-run-half-walk to get in as someone inside held open the doors for her. He thanked them and pressed the button for her floor.

She stepped out moved to unlock the studio door, pressing her hip against the doorframe as she didn’t bother to unhook the key from her carabiner. She dropped down into her desk chair and glanced at her watch.

“Alright Ellie, two hours. Let’s do this.” She cracked her knuckles and set to work.

&lt;3

It was pitch black out by the time Ellie arrived back at her apartment. The two hours she’d allocated herself turned into three, then four, then Jesse dragged her out for lunch and forced a half a burger and fries down her as she showed him the feeble beats she’d come up with in those four hours. She watched Jesse gently give critique, and cringed as her friend searched for something positive to say, then shut herself back in the studio for another seven hours.

Now though, she was home, and her body was aching for a hit of something. She’d downed a bottle of beer she kept in the studio's mini fridge, but it had only temporarily taken the edge off. 

She needed something stronger.

Success came at a price, afterall, and no matter how many times Jesse told her they’d “made it” now that their work was in high demand, she always wanted to go higher.

She couldn’t sleep because that was a waste of time, so she took things to keep her awake and inspired, then, when her body was all but half-dead, she took something to send her to sleep. Then she woke up and the cycle started again. Ellie wasn’t addicted - she could stop whenever she wanted - but she hadn’t made it yet, and until she did, this was necessary.

As soon as the door was shut behind her she headed to the dresser in her living room, getting down on her knees and opening the bottom draw, which appeared empty. Carefully, she lifted the bottom of the drawer from the edge and revealed the secret compartment beneath, containing a small pile of plastic baggies and an old credit card. She pulled one of the baggies out and restored the drawer, then went and sat on the couch, leaning forward over the coffee table. 

Ellie poured the white contents of the baggie out onto the table and picked up the credit card, then began to divide the substance into small, thin lines. Soon enough she was done, and she rolled her shoulders back before plugging her right nostril, leaning down and snorting the first line.

Her mind exploded in a haze of white for a second, before dulling down, numbing her a little. She bent down and snorted another line, then another and finally the last, then sat back and felt herself getting number and number, like a bunch of harsh edges being slowly rounded off, becoming softer and softer. 

She felt her eyelids getting heavy and groaned.

“No, s’not supposed to do that.” She muttered, feeling her head lul to the side as a comfortable warmth settled over her. Ellie tried to fight it off, but soon enough, her eyes were drifting shut, and she was asleep.

&lt;3

Ellie woke abruptly to a loud banging. She sat up, blinking dazedly as she remembered why she was asleep in the first place, then winced as she felt the aching in her head and muscles kick in. 

The banging hadn’t stopped, it was constant and as Ellie listened harder she realised it was the front door. She sighed, then glanced at the clock on the wall to see it was 3am, and frowned as she wondered who it could be.

She stood up slowly, and walked to the door on stiff legs as the banging continued at a rapid and constant rate. With each step she could feel her temper rising and as she reached the door and gripped the handle the last feelings of sleepiness faded away, and Ellie scowled as she swung the door open.

Standing with her fist raised, poised to thump the door again, was a girl presumably around Ellies age. She had long curly hair, dishevelled and tucked messily behind one of her ears, was a head shorter than Ellie and wore a large jumper that almost swallowed her whole. Upon closer inspection Ellie noticed her eyes were red-raw and watery and the skin on her face blotchy.

“What the fuck?” Ellie muttered, her confusion taking over the irritation as the other girl lowered her fist and took a glance behind her before shoving Ellie out the way and walking into her apartment.

“Hey, what-”

“Shut the door.” The girl spoke in a soft voice that had a strange effect on Ellies breathing, and chewed her lip as she waited for Ellie to comply.

Ellie frowned, then stuck her head out the door and looked both ways down the hallway. Unsurprisingly, it was empty, the late time meaning most were in bed. Ellie was about to withdraw back into her apartment and ask at the girl to get the fuck out when she heard the elevator at the end of the hallway let out a soft ping. 

Ellie stuck her head back out, watching as the doors slid open and a man stepped out, dressed in a black hoodie that was drawn up and grey sweats, the ankles soaked dark with rainwater and mud. The man looked up, and Ellie saw his face was partially covered by the zipper of his jacket coming all the way to just uner his nose, leaving mainly his eyes visible under the dim flickering lights. They locked eyes and Ellie froze, her spine immediately going rigid and all alarm bells in her mind ringing.

She didn’t recognise the man, yet something in her was willing her to shut and lock the door, even with the stranger inside, moreso with the stranger inside, in fact. 

The moment the man stepped out of the elevator Ellie pulled back inside and slammed the door shut, sliding the extra lock into place that she normally neglected before turning the main lock and stepping back, staring at the door as if she expected it to be spontaneously blown off its hinges.

“Did he see me?” The stranger spoke from behind.

Ellie turned, staring dumbly at the girl as her still slightly white-flooded mind tried to catch up on the situation.

“Hello?” That voice again. Ellies breathing.

“He didn’t see you, he saw me though.”

The stranger nodded.

“Care to explain why the fuck you woke me up at 3am and barged into my apartment?” Ellie sighed, feeling a little irritation begin to crawl in but she was mainly tired now, her limbs feeling heavy and a headache growing behind her forehead.

“I had to get away from him, that guy.” The girl frowned, “Sorry I woke you…”

“Who was that? Did he hurt you?” Ellie gave the girl a once over, checking for any visible injuries.

“He’s… just an ex, an obsessive one. You know the type.” She shrugged. Ellie snorted.

“No, I don’t know the type.”

The girl shrugged again and then pulled her phone from her pocket, checking it and then slipping it away.

“Well, thanks for letting me in, I’ll go now.”

Ellie frowned. “Seriously? What if he’s still out there?” A thought crossed her mind and her heart jumped suddenly. “Did you call the cops?”

“No,” The girl laughed softly. “Don’t worry, your stash is safe. You’ve got a little something,” She flicked the tip of her own nose, grinning, “Just there.”

Ellie wiped her nose quickly and coughed awkwardly.

“Uh yeah.. Thanks.”

The stranger walked back over to the door, undoing the locks as Ellie just watched, dumbfounded and still confused.

“And I’ll be okay, a friend is on their way up, they’ll take me home. Thanks for your help…” She looked back expectantly.

“Ellie.” She found herself offering.

“Ellie. Thanks, Ellie.” The girl smiled, then in a blink had slipped out the door, leaving the apartment as silent as it was before.

“What the fuck?”

[mercnotfound]

tear you apart | ellie williams

˗ˏˋ"if your friends won't watch over you, i will." ´ˎ˗

pairing ellie wiliams x fem reader synopsis ellie owns her own vinyl store and the day you wander in changes both of your lives forever. she quickly becomes infatuated with you, desperate for your love that she believes is meant to be. when things in your life begin to spiral, ellie is there to catch you, but you'd never suspect she was the reason you fell in the first place. heavily heavily based on the book/tv show "you" on netflix wordcount 4k warnings gosh where do i start, stalking both cyber and in person, ellie is obsessive, manipulative, a gaslighter, a pervert lowkey, possessive and easily jealous, she breaks into readers apartment and goes thru your stuff, shes also so delusional like top tier delulu, shes based off joe goldberg so i mean put the pieces together. this is all from her perspective, most if not all of the inner monologue is ellie's thoughts about you, the italics is verbatim what she is thinking in that very moment if that makes sense. like joe, all of her actions are justified in her mind, and she doesn't see anything wrong with them. reader has a dysfunctional family. pls lmk if i am missing something! authors note hi hello hi, i have been so excited to post this!! just wanted to clarify this rn, i am bringing in a LOT of elements from the book and show, especially in this part, if it seems very similar thats why. i don't plan on following the plot line for season one, but i needed a good base to jump off of, dont hate me. n yes, readers best friend is shauna from yellowjackets i couldn't help myself. i needed a girl group, sue me. cat is apart of this girl group, not ellie's ex along w dina, also not ellie's ex in this au lol

fuckin’ trash, ellie thought to herself, looking over the torn up vinyl in her hands. the guy who returned it obviously had no fucking clue how to take care of something. especially something so needing of love. she placed the vinyl down on the counter beside the register before stepping into the back of the store, grabbing her tools of restoration. as she rummaged through a drawer, the familiar bell rang from the front door indicating a new customer, but she ignored it and continued searching for the sandpaper she always left laying around somewhere. the last drawer she opened was the winner, taking her supplies, she emerged from the small room into the front of the store, the beads in the doorway swaying as she walked through them. 

thats when her eyes found you, examining the vinyl left on the counter. you hadn’t noticed her yet, too engrossed in the mishandled vinyl. she watched you for a moment as you looked it over, tracing the scratches that lined it. to ellie, you looked to be the definition of a nice girl. sporting a flowy sundress that laid just below your ass. nice girl who likes attention, she thought to herself, looking you up and down from afar. 

she played it cool, keeping her eyes on the sandpaper and cloth in her hands as she made her way back to the counter. you finally took notice of her when she stood in front of you. “oh, hi,” you smiled brightly, to which ellie looked up. “whoever handled this vinyl should be in jail.” a sense of humor, ellie smiled at you, letting a breathy laugh fall from her lips. and an appreciation for vinyls, rare.

“a life sentence, for sure.” she spoke, and you laughed. a laugh that was genuine, not forced by politeness. 

“can you point me to where i could find a david bowie album, ellie?” you asked sweetly, and she had to remember she wore a name tag. flirting with me and you like david bowie? ellie’s grateful its a tuesday afternoon, the store is dead. giving her more time to talk with you. you, who seemed to never stop smiling at her. 

“against the wall,” she pointed. “third box from the left.” she lets you wander over yourself, taking the time to admire the way you carry yourself. you had a pair of red, heart shaped sunglasses resting on your head. ellie could tell you liked to pay attention to details, it was evident in the way you matched your sunglasses to your dress, and she wondered just how many pairs you owned. both short dresses and uniquely designed sunglasses together. her head tilted at the thought, switching her over chewed gum to the other side of her mouth. 

you rifled through the box as ellie’s gaze pierced your back, although you were seemingly unaware. david bowie, she thought again. not another stuck up gen z who only listens to who is in the top one hundred, no. no, you were special. ellie put her focus onto the vinyl in front of her, slowly dampening it with the cloth before grinding the sandpaper over the scratches. but she kept you in her peripheral vision and she couldn’t help but notice you were struggling to find a specific one, or at least it looked like it. 

“need help?” she asked you, keeping her voice neutral.

your body turned to face her, meeting her eyes and a faux pout on your lips.“i think the only one i want isn’t here, or i’m seriously blind.” 

ellie chuckled, coming out from behind the counter, “my money’s on blind, just organized this box a few days ago.”

you huffed lightly, standing to the side while she approached you and the box. “i can’t find the rise and fall of ziggy stardust, it’s one of my favorites.”

of course it is. ellie barely looked in the box before she saw the album, pulling it out and holding it out for you. “i’ll book your eye appointment,” she said with a light grin. 

“ugh, my hero,” you gushed, taking the album from her hands gently. i’ll always be your hero, but something tells ellie that you didn’t really need her help to begin with. 

“c’mon, i’ll ring you up,” ellie led you back to the register and you placed the vinyl down on the counter lightly.

“promise i won’t do what that guy did,” you joked, reaching into your bag for your wallet. 

ellie almost wishes you would. you’d come in a few days later, apologizing for being so clumsy but asking if she could fix it for you. of course, she would say yes. how could she say no to someone like you? “you couldn’t if you tried, pretty sure he did it on purpose.” 

“what makes you say that?”

“just a hunch,” ellie shrugs, scanning the barcode on the vinyl. 

“maybe his dogs got it, or worse, his kids.” you kept eye contact as you spoke, which shocked ellie. a lot of people would break away, divert conversation, maybe even stay silent all together. but not you. 

“if that guy had kids, i’d feel bad for them,” to a lot of people, this comment would rub them the wrong way, and ellie internally cursed herself for saying it. you’re a sweetheart in her eyes, someone who wouldn’t think things like that, but again, you laughed. the transaction was almost over and she was grasping at straws, so she kept going. “guys like him blame everything on everyone else, i wouldn’t be surprised if his kids actually hated him but,” 

your head tilted, waiting for more. to ellie, it looked like you were hanging onto every word she said. and she relished in it. “–thats only if someone wanted to have kids with him, which i highly doubt.” 

“from what i’m hearing it doesn’t sound like anyone would want to,” you’re trusting my judgment. ellie’s lips curled up with your words, and she bagged the vinyl in a plastic bag. you handed her a credit card, which was decorated with flowers along with your name. and you want me to know your name. you could’ve used cash, the vinyl was less than twenty dollars. but no, ellie knew better and she knew you better. your eyes found the scratched up vinyl yet again, “but you can fix it?” 

ellie swiped the card against her own wishes. she’d give you the whole store if you asked with that pretty smile. “it’ll be back in the box within the hour, why? you like pink floyd?”

“yeah, for the most part. i haven’t listened to that album yet,” 

“i can put it on hold for you.” ellie rushes out, and she feels like she came on too strong. you could easily listen to it on spotify but she reminds herself that you’re in her store for a reason. you probably own a vinyl player, an older model you got off of facebook marketplace because the newer ones don’t match your personality. maybe a pioneer or a yamaha, and now shes thinking about how you probably dance around your room listening to music. your response breaks her from her imagination. 

“that’d be great, thanks ellie,” but she can see it so perfectly in her mind, you’d wear a big t-shirt and a dainty pair of underwear. twirling and spinning about, the t-shirt riding up as you did and as you stood in front of her in that short dress her mind seemed to unravel and she had to clear her throat. 

“anytime–” she tacked your name at the end of her words with a smile, handing back your card which you very quickly put in your wallet. her eyes glanced down for a split second, admiring how the dress pushed your tits together before bringing them back up to your face. 

“aren’t you going to tell me to have a good day?” you teased much to ellie’s enjoyment, reaching out for the bag she was holding for you. 

“have a good day,” your fingers grazed hers, and ellie knew it had to be on purpose. a flirt, and a good one at that.

“you too, ellie. i’ll be back for that album.” 

you left the store as quickly as you came, taking your sweet vanilla scent with you. ellie thought about your interaction all day, it consumed her walk home and when she entered her small apartment she fell to her couch and opened her laptop. 

plugging your name into any and all social medias was easy, who could forget a name like yours? all your accounts were public, and very quickly ellie could tell just what kind of person you were. the sweet girl who loved vinyls who had an addiction to posting online. your twitter was filled with random, obscure thoughts and always with a hashtag at the end of them. from time to time you’d tweet about where you were, and ellie tsk’d out loud to herself. anyone could find you within seconds, you need to be more careful. you seemed to tweet about everything in your life and ellie refreshed the page, wishing to see a post about the cute girl in the vinyl shop who helped you find your favorite album. 

yet, there was nothing. and for a moment it hurt her, but the more she thought about it, it was better you didn’t post about her. that means it was real for you, hope remains. 

facebook provided the basics of your family, although the account was inactive. but your parents who divorced a few years back seemed to only post about your younger siblings, leaving her to wonder if they didn’t approve of your lifestyle in the city. she stalked their pages like it was her job and at this point it felt like it was. she discovered that your two younger siblings went off to college out west and your parents even sold their home to be closer to them while still living separate lives. ellie felt pity for you, how could they just leave you behind? 

your instagram feed was an aesthetic one, pictures posted solely to appease your followers. a pretty sunset here, a mirror selfie there, a quick post about the food from the restaurant just down the road from ellie’s shop. there were also posts about your own art, colorful and detailed, just like yourself. a painting you did was the last thing you posted, but this one wasn’t like your other ones, it was black and white and had a lonely floating balloon in the center and the borders were lined with overlapping words. ellie could make out only a few of them, ‘melancholy’, ‘nobody’, and ‘distress’. 

there were lots of group pictures of you with friends. ellie could see you looked more authentic than them, who all seemed to resemble something out of a factory for young adults. you were a pearl in a sea of clams. 

out of curiosity, ellie brought herself to your friend’s pages as well. she needed to see the types of people you spent time with, seeing if they were someone she would approve of for you. one friend made an appearance more than others and she assumed that was your so-called best friend, a spunky city girl named shauna. her own instagram was like an influencer’s guide to posting online, and she seemed like someone ellie would avoid at all costs. shauna’s posts of you always had you in the background, or if you were directly in the frame it was a candid where shauna looked better. she's making herself look better at your own expense, can't you see that?   

your other friend’s social media were bland and unhelpful. ellie brought herself back to the task at hand. she typed your name into google and watched the loading screen. your name brought up a string of links all connecting back to your art pieces you’ve submitted to local papers and art galleries. an artist in new york city, aren’t you ambitious. maybe your parents didn’t like the instability of being an artist. but yet, you still pursue your passion. its admirable. 

what also popped up was a white pages link, with a few clicks, and a small charge to her credit card she found exactly what she was looking for. there wasn’t much she could do with your phone number, texting you would be creepy. there was no way for her to explain how she got it, so the next best thing was your address. which, lucky for ellie, was only six blocks from her own. 

if she could find it this easily, she needed to make sure that no one else did. which is how she found herself standing across the street from your apartment, peering into the windows that had no blinds, no curtains, no protection from the outside world. you were on full display for all of new york. first thing were doing together is buying you blinds. you were lounging around on your coach, scrolling through your phone and periodically shifting in your spot to get more comfortable. 

it was dark now, and again, luckily for ellie, someone standing on the sidewalk of new york wasn’t a weird thing to do and no one paid her any mind. for days she would stand in the same spot, studying your movements throughout your apartment. sometimes you would go to bed on the early side, but most nights you were fully awake, sipping something out of a purple mug which she could only assume was coffee, and drawing lines on a canvas. 

everytime you would take a break and scroll through your phone, ellie would refresh every social media, waiting for a post. your fingers danced on the keyboard and after a few refreshes on ellie’s end, your twitter had a new post. 

@yndoesartstuff: if anyone has tips on how not to procrastinate finishing a wip, please enlighten me

if you just put down your phone, i’m sure you could get it done.

one night she watched as you dipped your wet brush into the purple mug instead of the designated paint water cup. they didn’t even look similar, but ellie laughed to herself while you groaned, tossing your head back before getting up to dump the liquid out of the mug. this would also be the first night ellie gawked at you while your hands dipped below your shorts, she quickly looked around. no one else seemed to notice that you were pleasing yourself with your own gentle hands and her eyes found you again, sprawled out on your couch. 

your back arched, obviously hitting your sweet spot and ellie swallowed hard. blinds. were getting you blinds. 

some days, ellie was too busy with the store to watch over you and she hated herself for it. too tired to walk the six blocks and instead just looking over your social media again, looking through your friends posts to see if you’ve been up to anything. you had never come back for the album, which ellie had finished nearly two weeks ago now. but tonight, as she locked up the store she knew she was going straight to the sidewalk adjacent from your apartment. 

when she arrived at her usual spot she saw you through the windows and you looked too well put together for a night to yourself. you were dolled up and ellie liked to imagine it was for her, you’d leave your apartment and head to the store for the album you said you’d come back for weeks ago. but her hope was squashed when a cab pulled up outside your apartment and a woman who looked way too old started to walk up the steps to the building and entered the main door. ellie had been here enough to know the general look of your building's inhabitants, and this woman wasn’t one of them. maybe someone's mom, maybe she's visiting a friend. she can’t be here for you. no way. 

but through the windows, with no blinds, she saw you open your door for this woman and welcome her into your home. your mom. it has to be. ellie’s eyebrows narrowed when you pulled this woman into a hug, then pulled back and let your lips kiss hers. okay, so not your mom. who the fuck is this?

ellie, whose eyes were going from her phone to the big windows of your apartment, began to search through your online presence and found no traces of her. this mysterious woman who, now, you seemed to be having a highschool make out session with on your couch, was all over you, touching you, kissing you, and worst of all, pleasing you. that sweet smile that had previously been for ellie, was now for this woman and it made ellie’s stomach turn. but she didn’t leave, instead watched while the two of you began to peel each other's clothes off. 

were getting you blinds and were getting rid of this woman. 

the next day while she opened up her store, she couldn’t help but think about you and this woman. she was frustrated, of course. but she couldn’t blame you, obviously this woman was prying on your weaknesses for her own pleasure. taking advantage of you. it sickened her, and she had to know more. she had been through every following list she could think of and still, this woman was a mystery. and as she refreshed your twitter (a new hobby of hers), a new post popped up. 

@yndoesartstuff: lunch date with @shaunamavisxx never felt so right – at hoppers tavern

seeing that, ellie locked up shop way too early. it was fairly easy to make her way into your apartment, all she had to do was play the part. “sorry, my girlfriend hasn’t given me a key to this door yet,” she said with a friendly smile to your neighbor, who out of the kindness of his heart let her into the building. she waited until he was in his own apartment before picking your lock. 

it smelled like you once she stepped inside, and she let the aroma fill her nose as she walked around. it was messy, canvases piled up everywhere along with dirty paint brushes. clothes lined your floor from the bedroom all the way to the kitchen and she had to force herself not to clean it up for you. she examined your paintings up close, admiring how the strokes on the canvas looked. she noticed you draw a small bird in every corner, the bird is plump, uncolored and holding a small twig. it was your signature, and it matched you so well. but, what she really was after was your laptop, she found it sitting on your unmade bed. 

no password? she was shocked, and made a mental note to tell you that you needed to secure your devices. it’s almost as if you wanted her to search through it to get to know you better, and ellie did just that. it was linked to your phone and as she went through your messages they all seemed to be relatively normal. for someone like you, at least. 

loads of messages from a group chat labeled city gals, and she knew it wasn’t you who had named it being as you were funnier than that, and less basic. scrolling up, all the conversation in the chat was merely nothing of note, no mention of this woman to your friends which ellie found odd. maybe just a hookup? but even then, wouldn’t you tell your friends? 

ellie could gauge your friends' personalities through the texts they would send, shauna was most definitely the unnamed leader of this group, probably also the one who named the chat. her texts were mostly about planning activities, meanwhile the others just tacked on with fake enthusiastic responses. even yourself. 

leaving the group chat, she continued to scroll down your messages and found an unsaved phone number which seemed to be the winner. you don’t have her number saved, this is good. a lot of your texts to her went unanswered, left on seen and only responded once you’d ask for her to come over. that usually generated a reply within minutes from this woman, who ellie still didn’t know the name of. it angered her even further, realizing she was just toying you along. only using you for your body when you were so much more than that. 

ellie jotted down the unsaved number into her notes app, saving it for later when she could find out just exactly who this woman was. it was clear from the texts that she wanted nothing to do with you, and you still kept texting her like a sad puppy. it was pathetic, really, but ellie didn’t judge. she knew that your attention seeking habits were brought on by your dysfunctional family, she just wished it was her on the receiving end.

she found herself in your emails and saw you had an abundant amount of unread ones. it was a lot of spam and a waste of time, so she moved on. she decided it was best to go into your search history, restaurants, art galleries that allowed online submissions, sometimes even silly questions that ellie would most definitely answer for you if you asked. 

“how do magicians do their cutting in half tricks?” you would ask her from the couch while ellie made you both dinner. 

she’d call out from the stove, “there’s a fake table, the girl puts her legs through that. the legs you see on the other end are fake, baby.” and you would giggle sweetly as you always did, thanking her for being a know-it-all. 

but as she continued to scroll further and further down your search history, she saw that the day you two had met, you googled “vinyl stores near me” and ellie’s was the first to pop up. she thanked every star in the universe for such a coincidence, but the more she thought about it, it couldn’t have been a coincidence because to her, it was always meant to be.  

suddenly your laptop dinged and a new message appeared at the top from city gals. it was shauna and she was proposing a night out and it didn’t take long at all for the rest of the chat to respond. 

shauna: drinks at our favorite spot tonight?

dina: totally what time 

shauna: like 8 ish? 

cat: sounds good to me

shauna: im with our heavy drinker, she says yes too!! see u guys then

dina: hangin w out us :( rude 

cat: yeah wtf 

shauna: oh hush its no biggie, we’ll see you guys tonight 

ellie sat back as the texts rolled in, heavy drinker? ellie didn’t like the sound of it, and your friends seemed to think it was funny. bet they don’t even watch over you when you’re plastered, leaving you alone where anyone could hurt you. a few clicks on your instagram and she found a group mirror picture in a dirty bar bathroom, and the location clear as day at the top of the post. she confirmed it with a few other pictures and a deep dive of your twitter. gotta stop putting your location everywhere. 

ellie knew your lunch date with shauna would be ending soon and you’d return home to start getting ready for the evening. she shut your laptop down, placing it exactly where it was on the bed before and started towards the door to leave. as she was on her way out, a bright red thong caught her eye. it was so carelessly thrown between the couch and the table next to it and she stuffed them into her pocket before locking the door behind her on the way out. she knew you’d never notice, your apartment already looked like a tornado had been through it seven times over. 

she played with the string of fabric in her pocket as she walked down the sidewalk back to her place, contemplating the night to come. if your friends won't watch over you, i will.