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First song release since early 2015. Very excited about releasing new stuff in 2016.

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Trump X LBGT

Damn ass gay ass tumblr

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Popchaser returns 2016

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Via @archiecomics

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The Millennium Falcon takes its name from a race car called the Century Eagle, which Lucas saw in a drag race during college. Known for driving the entirety of Kessel St. in L.A. in only 12 seconds, the car was driven by Lucas’s friend, Solomon Han, who had a large Golden Retriever named Chewy. Also perhaps most notably, the car was once eaten by a gigantic meteor-bound space worm.

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This Orguss image I posted has close to 200 notes but STILL NOBODY WATCHES ORGUSS

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2015 Thoughts

The following is written purely for myself, and posted with the idea that maybe someone somewhere will get something out of it. Sorry if it’s inane, self-indulgent, or difficult to follow. I’m not a professional.

If 2015 taught me anything, it’s that tragedy and terror are great catalysts for change. While this is a lesson I mostly learned this calendar year, the teaching began in October of 2014.

On Sunday, October 25th, 2014 I had a heart attack. Years of neglecting any sort of physical activity and eating fast food for nine out of ten meals had finally taken its toll on my 25-year old body. In all honesty, I knew my lifestyle would lead to something like this, I just really didn’t think it’d be so soon. I had made up my mind at some point between dropping out of college and seeing friends I had grown up with find careers or marriage that I had peaked and fizzled out early, so why bother staying healthy or anything like that? I know that sounds grim or suicidal, but I never thought of it that way. I was just a realist - I missed my shot at being someone important or successful, so I might as well relax and eat whatever disgusting thing I felt like until my inevitable death. My family and friends would miss me, but in the grand scheme they’d get over it and the sun would still rise. No big deal.

But then my plan started coming true, just way ahead of schedule. As I tried to sleep that night my chest kept feeling really tight, and it ached to breathe while laying down. It was more comfortable sitting up than laying down, so I tried to just stay sitting up against the wall my bed was next to. I figured this was indigestion or some sort of heartburn – something I had suffered with as a kid, so it didn’t concern me too much. A few hours later I woke up on my floor in a puddle of drool and sweat, feeling incredibly light headed, and my head ringing like crazy. I had passed out at some point and fallen off of my bed, and now could barely move. Trying to stay calm I convinced myself this was just my body reacting weirdly to being forced awake and a cold shower would solve everything. Another part of me knew something was wrong, and considered just staying there on the ground. After all, this was where I knew my life was going. Why make a fuss getting up, trying to solve a health issue I had been hurtling myself towards for the last couple years? What was the point? Eventually thoughts of different friends I hadn’t spent time with or had faded from contact in awkward ways made me feel driven to not die quite yet. Also the ringing in my ears was SUPER loud and I knew there was no way I was going back to sleep with that going on. I eventually called 911, was admitted into a hospital and informed I had suffered a heart attack.

While recovering in the hospital I kept thinking about the different friends I felt like I had lost contact with, and the trajectory of my life up to this point. I was spinning my metaphorical wheels in my hometown in Ohio, working part-time with my dad at our family business. I had no plans to really pursue any big goals, though I was taking a few writing courses to explore a potential hobby I had always ignored. I had friends, but I had zero ambition to either grow significantly closer to them or really grow as a person in any way. My romantic prospects were at an all-time low as I lacked any confidence after plenty of failed attempts with my big high school crush post graduation, and working with your dad and brothers at a family business isn’t exactly a great way to meet singles in your area. The more I thought about my situation, the more depressed I became. I had been given plenty of opportunities, but had been either too lazy or indecisive to ever make anything of myself. I hadn’t peaked or fizzled, I had simply given up. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine. I had done this to myself. This depressing line of thought would eventually lead me to a brighter point of clarity down the road. If I had gotten myself into this mess, it would only make sense that I could get myself out, right? If giving up had brought me to this point, maybe trying would get me out. After I got out of the hospital I decided to change my diet and exercise habits and make up for lost time with friends and loved ones. If this heart attack wasn’t going to kill me, it was going to make me stronger.

Flash forward seven months. It’s June and I’m visiting one of my best friends (and one of the people in mind during my heart attack in regards to things being left in a weird place). Kirran had suffered a nervous breakdown shortly after my heart attack from a stressful work environment, which culminated in a near suicide attempt a few months later. Compounding that with my thoughts of wishing I had spent more time with him, I decided a visit to his place in Dallas would provide some good healing for both of us. It would serve as a reminder of the many people who loved him despite his perceived shortcomings, and a way for me to rekindle a friendship I regretted letting fade into the background of my life. Upon my arrival he introduced me to his new coworkers and friends, Team Four Star, which was an interesting scenario. For years I had rather belligerently held a grudge against them for their work. While they might have been nice guys, all I could ever see was a group of people I considered unfunny using their undeserved popularity to change the standards of one of my favorite hobbies, causing me to lose interest in it as a whole. Kirran’s friendship with them was actually a big part of me losing contact with him as I’d become irrationally angry any time he spoke positively about them. It was incredibly shallow and something I’m still really disappointed in myself about. Fortunately, spending time with them in person gave me a different perspective. They weren’t these arrogant jerks out to ruin my fun like I had imagined. They were people who just liked to entertain, like me. Regardless of our differences in taste and comedy, they were all good guys and super fun to be around. It was an eye-opening experience that fast-tracked a lot of impending change in my life.

While hanging out, Kirran offhandedly mentioned that he would need to move and change apartments in order to be closer to the TFS guys. At this point I was still struggling to figure out what I wanted to do. I had been given this new lease on life and had so far stayed in the exact same place as I had been before, save for a better diet and exercise routine. The idea of moving in with Kirran had always been something I had thought would work, but in that moment it seemed like something that could easily become a reality. A few weeks went by and the thought of moving to Dallas to try and get a fresh start would not stop nagging me. Ohio was great and full of friends and family I would miss, but I just felt no motivation or drive while living there. Kirran was someone I always loved working on video projects with, and the Team Four Star connection would provide plenty of opportunities to explore my own creativity and introduce myself to a wider audience. Even if I couldn’t get a job with them like he had, it would at least be something to keep me feeling like I was putting on some sort of performance and would give me the thrill of entertaining an audience again. So, while we watched the livestream for EVO 2015, I asked if me moving with him wherever he was going would be possible at all. I expected him to feel uncomfortable about me inviting myself to move in with him, or provide a litany of reasons why it would only make things more difficult from some perspective I had missed. I was ready to drop this pipe dream I had formed over the last couple weeks at the first hint of opposition. But the only responses I received were “Do you mean it?” and “That would help so much.”

After that, everything just sort of fell into place. The work I had been doing with my dad was slowly drying up and I’d be getting fewer hours. This gave me time to return to Dallas and go apartment hunting with Kirran. I discovered that near where he needed to move was a sizable competitive scene for Project M, a game I loved to play. I looked up what kind of drive I would be in for going from Ohio to Texas, and the route seemed incredibly simple. We found an apartment with low enough rent that I had enough money saved to last for months without work should I have trouble finding employment. My heart doctor gave me the okay, saying that I could schedule appointments around holidays where I was visiting home, and that I shouldn’t be concerned about my heart as my recovery was going very well. I made the drive, brought my stuff, and started a huge new chapter of my life.

It’s been a few months since I moved to Dallas now. Since moving I’ve found myself more positive, motivated, and just eager to challenge myself. I’ve focused on getting myself out of my comfort zone, from things as small as trying new food to facing anxieties about driving in unfamiliar places with people riding with me or meeting new people. I’ve enjoyed not only getting to know the Team Four Star guys, but their families as well. I’ve also, as far as I can tell, been fairly well received by their audience on their gaming channel. I spent a long time disliking myself, and now I’ve come around and want to keep getting better. A year ago this all would have sounded insane, and like nothing I’d consider myself capable of.

I say all of this to basically say I’m not a special case. I wasn’t given any special power or magic recipe. All it took was realizing that I was capable of changing my life because I had brought it there in the first place. For a second, amid a huge torrent of discouragement and regret, I believed in myself just long enough to make a change. That small ember of motivation ignited something and became an inferno I couldn’t ignore. The specifics might be different, but if you feel like you’re just stuck in a rut of some sort – change something, even if it’s small. Switch up your routine. Explore new hobbies. Chase something that matters to you, but always seemed out of reach. Not every attempt will end in success, and the road isn’t always nice, but you’d be surprised at what you can do when you put yourself out there. Believing in myself has given me the clarity that if I can do it, so can anyone else. So can you.

Addendum: This isn’t to say I did all of this by myself. The help and support of friends and family definitely got me to this point - believing in myself was just the catalyst to accept that help and push myself to go forward with it.

Sorry if I got ramble-y there. I kinda just sat down and stream-of-consciousness typed. I feel like this is all stuff I wouldn’t have believed I could do, and while they might not be that amazing or mind blowing to you, I figure it might be at least a little encouraging to someone. No one believed in me less than I did, and the moment I started to my whole life changed. Figured I’d lay out the whole story so I could just link people here instead of telling it and likely missing some details somewhere. Feel free to make of this what you will. I don’t know how to end stuff like this. Um… Thanks, I guess? I’ll probably use this place to write other dumb things, since having people judge my writing is another thing that terrifies me. Idunno. Let me know what you think.

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this is beautiful 

Orguss DVD finally came home

The Super Dimension family’s together at last :D

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That moment when you realize you’re standing on the grave of your enemy

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ARAN Rei (阿乱 霊), Fight!! Iczer-1 / 戦え!!イクサー1

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Javi gets Kawaii in this episode

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How I look around my foreign friends. 

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I thought I was gay for a while so I made this as my coming out banner. I don’t need it now if anyone else wants to use it.