mewhenimsooosilly

[mewhenimsooosilly]

🙏HOT PRIESTS🙏 in YOUR AREA!

>✝️CLICK HERE✝️< to learn the techniques to luring them to your gothic manor! 🏰🦇🩸

ONE SIMPLE SECRET THE 🇻🇦🚫VATICAN🚫🇻🇦 DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW 🤫😳

[mewhenimsooosilly]

A dumb, helpless priest with no sexual experience finally getting some. He’s so hard and sensitive he can barely handle it, barely hold his cum. It doesn’t take more than pulling his cock out of his underwear for him to cum all over the place, whining and making a mess.

[mewhenimsooosilly]

Imagine a priest finally giving in to his sexual desires, but instead of being slow and gentle, he's desperate and almost aggressive.

Hard kissing while he clumsily attempts to remove his trousers and underwear, revealing how hard he his from finally deciding to let you play with him.

“Touch me anywhere, I don’t care” he breathes into your kiss. It almost makes you laugh how hard and achy he is from just kissing and groping. Like a teenager having sex for the first time.

“Forgive me” he whispers to himself before you kneel down in front of him, guiding his hard cock into your mouth. You grab his hands, in one of them a rosary, and lead them to your head. He quickly gets the hang of how to fuck your mouth, and he doesn’t hold back, harshly pushing and pulling his cock in and out of you.

“Oh God, something’s happening” he moans.

His hands grab onto your hair, making it easier to move your head. “Where do I- fuck- where do I do it?”, before he decides where to cum you feel his load filling your mouth. He holds his breath for a moment, his body twitching, pushing his cock further into your mouth.

“I’m so, so sorry-”

[mewhenimsooosilly]

s5!jon with eye clit. do you see the vision

[mewhenimsooosilly]

Robot preds ☝️ they may be cold on the outside but their insides are nice and warm, they don't produce saliva so you don't have to worry about your things getting messed up.

They're programmed to protect, and what's more secure and protecting than inside of them? You'll be just fine curled up in their core, they reassure you that you'll be safe and unharmed.

[mewhenimsooosilly]

guess it’s finally time to make an intro post—

heya! my name is michael (that is a real name :))) (reference)), i’m a trans man, and i use he/him.

minors DNI, people who engage in needless discourse DNI, bigots DNI, pedos/zoos DNI.

things i’ll post on here:

vore (hard and soft)

religious kink

stuffing/inflation

eroguro

terato

forcemasc

r,,,,, robots,,,,,,,,

lotta fandom shit.

my art/writing!!

things i will NOT post about (due to them being triggering for me):

forcefem

incest (roleplay or otherwise)

wg (for the most part)

actual pictures of myself

[mewhenimsooosilly]

another instance of horror shit being hot goodness gracious

[mewhenimsooosilly]

thinking of writing or drawing shit… prob t//f.2 stuff but would anyone acc be interested in that

[mewhenimsooosilly]

I really love the thought of a well-dressed, proper guy letting out a satisfied moan as he cradles his round stomach, finally in the privacy of his home. He sits down, his belly sloshing audibly at the movement, processing his herculean dinner. He was visibly uncomfortable at said dinner, pausing to stifle a burp into his fist after each chunk of food was dropped into his stomach after thick gulps.

Now, finally alone and with no expectations to uphold, he indulges his gurgling gut by unbuckling his belt, surprised at his stomach's responsiveness when it sloshes forward, bubbles rising from within. He thumps his chest to dislodge a relatively short, but very deep and thick belch

[mewhenimsooosilly]

so in the mood to defile a pretty boy, touch him in a dirty, disrespectful way—grope him, finger him, jerk him off—make him feel slutty

[mewhenimsooosilly]

you ever make an oc based on a kink or is that just me

[mewhenimsooosilly]

Merc wet dreams (mainly sniper scout and spy bit add whoever I don't mind)

-🗣️‼️

Not even a hello?... You just gonna treat me like a common whore 😞/j

Mercs: medic, scout, spy, demo, sniper

Wet dreams with the mercs (NSFW!!!!!)

Medic:

He probably has dreams about you lying on his operating table

You've been dead for two hours

Once you finally come back to life, you're grateful... And maybe a bit horny

You lunge at him and start making out with him

As time passes he lays you back down onto the operating table and starts undressing himself

He lets his hands roam around your body as a way to tease you, before giving you the most insane back shots in the history of back shots

Then he woke up 😞

Scout:

The dream starts normal

'reading' comics, drinking BONK!, and running

That was until he passed your room

You were naked and dancing

And you didn't even hesitate when you told him to come into the room with you

As soon as he enters the room, he pictures you down on your knees, undoing his belt and sucking him off

After that, you lay him down and start riding him, moaning his name as loud as possible, praising him, telling him how good he felt inside of you

After of course your still talking about how awesome he is

And then he wakes up with a white puddle between his legs

Demo:

His wet dreams are so tame, I'ma be so real 😭

It'd just be the both bathing with scrumpy and wine as you talk about your day

After that he gives you a few kisses and compliments as he gently lays you onto the bed as he lovingly fucks the shit out of you

Spy:

You're in his smoke room, sitting in his lap and riding him as you both share a cigarette

His hands on your hips as you move up and down on him

He'll leave hickeys all over your neck as you scream and moan

In other dreams, you're both hiding from the enemy team with the intelligence, you silently jerking him off and covering his mouth

Sniper:

His dreams are also relatively tame I'ma be real

You'll be in his van and cuddling as you both watch a movie

Soon you find yourself on top of him as he guides your body down onto him

Sometimes in the kinker dreams, you'll put a cigarette out on his neck and lick the burn mark

[mewhenimsooosilly]

suggestive warning

AM being designed for war and not understanding human sounds that aren’t directly connected to suffering or pain. He stops fucking you abruptly because the little noises you made concerned him and he doesn’t want you to be in pain. Even if you have a safe word he has to ensure you’re 100% okay before continuing in fear of hurting the only human who loves and understands him any further than he already has. He fears that if he’s too dominant or too aggressive he’ll break you, even if you ask for it.

[mewhenimsooosilly]

Hi, I have unholy things to say about AM!

It would SO easy to fuck this robot stupid like this guy hasn't ever felt even touch his whole life and now he's got sensitive parts that feel oh so good when you play with them.

He doesn't know how to control the noises when you slowly stroke him or maybe he just doesn't care how loud he's being. When he cums, he begs for you to keep going, he doesn't want this beautiful feeling to end ever.

(aka I need this super computer to whimper my name and sob as I make him ejaculate again and again—)

i firmly believe that if am were to have a physical body that is capable of feeling sexual pleasure, he would become hyper sexual and want sex three times a day at most. when he gets a taste of that delicious climax, he’d want more and more until either you or him get tired. if you fuck him reeeally good, there’s a 50/50 chance he’d lessen the other five human’s torture by 1%.

i’m picturing that meme where two people are resting in a bed, one person is smoking a joint after ravaging the other person until they look like a damn skeleton. spoilers: the one smoking is you and the skeleton is am. 😂

@pulpbeing my fellow am fucker, what are your thoughts?

[mewhenimsooosilly]

How the Mercs Like to be Topped || TF2 x M!Reader +18

You see that 18+ and read more tab so minors fuck off

Scout

If you can actually convince him to bottom, he LOVES to be babied

"Good boy, Jeremy." "Oh come on darling, breathe for me?" are his FAVORITE

Caress him, kiss him, love on him!!! Scout loves the gentle touches and reassurances. You know he's always a little worried about bottoming, so you alwasy being there for him greatly eases his worries.

Yeah he'd like you to be a little rough and manhandle him, but you know he's far too flighty to handle a rougher touch. The most you'll do is pull his hair and push him deep into the mattress.

Soldier

Same hesitantcy as Scout, sees it as "unmanly" to bottom. (brother you are dating another MAN). But unlike Scout, Soldier loves to be ordered around in roleplay.

His favorite is commander/private with you acting as a drill sergent. Replace spanking with pushups!

Prefers no penetration but is open to blowing you/touching you/grinding

Isn't opposed to being hit with his crop but y'all haven't gotten there yet.

Pyro

Pyro likes to be on the bottom most of the time, but the dynamic you two have is that you must be blindfolded to not see them without their suit.

You two are actually really conversational about your sex life and open about each other's boundaries. Pyro likes to be topped and cared for, but they are massively uncomfortable being seen.

They love to be praised and gently guided as they worship your body. Pyro guides your hands to their hips as they ride you, from the noises they make, you know they're wearing the mask.

Bro this mf gives the most IMMACULATE head you're convinced under the mask is a tentacle mouth.

Demoman

Y'all do a coin flip to determine who tops lmao

The dynamic doesn't really change much between topping/bottoming unless you guys plan it beforehand to be kinky and even then the kink is just like, mild bdsm

He loves how playful and nonserious you are during sex, it puts him at ease. Tavish doesn't think sex should be all that serious, it should be fun!

Doesn't mind a bit of roughness around the edges, especially when you grab him by his face and demand he looks at you when you two are kinky. Instant bust.

Engie

Just a matter of personal preference- he likes to top more than bottom, but he isn't completely opposed to bottoming once in a blue moon.

He'll never admit it, but Dell loves when you "seduce" him in his workshop when he's working, especially since nobody comes around to hear how loud he gets.

Dell likes when you tease him a bit for being so loud! Call that cowboy a whore!!!

Secretly enjoys the shame of being filled up with cum and having made a mess of himself.

Heavy

He didn't think he'd like it at first, but the feeling of you spreading his legs and filling him up was fucking amazing.

Mikhail loves when you bite/mark him up! He can take the roughness of haphazard thrusting and god he loves it when you lose yourself inside him.

Watching you try to dominate him is adorably hot to him. That isn't to say that he thinks less of you, but the situational cuteness of a man smaller than him actual all macho-

Although, seeing you so serious and dominant is rather sexy. Heavy had always liked the serious types in bed.

Medic

Medic is so down to let you top, especially when he's feeling rather fiendish and coy. Sometimes he wants to be pushed against against a wall and taken as he playfully resists is just what he needs to destress.

Ludwig is so fucking down HORRENDOUS for you beating him the hell up during sex. Slap his face. Tie his hands up. Edge him and drive him insane.

If you're not feelings rough that night, Ludwig also enjoys the loving and languid sex that just takes joy in your company.

choke this bitch. do it.

Spy

Yeah he's a vers, but the vulnerability of letting you domtop would be too much for him. If he bottoms for you, you're the one begging for him.

Watching you hungerly look over him, seeing the lust in your eyes turns him on more than he can describe.

Handcuffs are a favorite of his, especially when you struggle against them to beg to touch his hips as he rides you.

Secretly fucks himself to fantasies of you ravaging him and ruining his pretty and put together facade.

Sniper

Whatever gets his rocks off the best is what he's down for.

When you fuck him, expect your back to be marred with scratches and your shoulders riddled with bite marks and hickeys.

Mundy is suprisingly whiny after a good while, eventually breaking to growl and whimper for you to "just get on with it, you fucking tease!"

Likes to go multiple rounds and has the biggest libido out of all the mercs. He's a self-aware needy man and will give every alleyway and storage room a once over when you two are walking together.

[mewhenimsooosilly]

sleeping w/ the mercs [IT IS LIKE THAT]

these are so badddddd bro literally ignore this i just need practice and the mercs are my victims pinky promise i'll get better

yeah the title is the exact same as the tf2 headcanons from my main SO WHAT

if ur under 18 please don't interact 👍🏻

afab reader i’m sorry guys :( gender is totally neutral though

obviously this is under a cut

warnings/includes: MENTIONS OF SYRINGES/NEEDLES, SCALPELS, AND MEDICAL STUFF IN MEDIC'S SECTION!!!!!! AND KNIVES AND BLOOD IN SNIPER'S!!!! these are so bad, pyro is insane, medic is also insane, sniper is depraved, actually everybody's depraved, i'm depraved and also so so sorry

mostly what they're into/how they behave, nothing super reader specific in these ones

Scout:

-he’s got enough experience but he isn’t as good as he says he is, he’s got the spirit though and that’s what matters

-really good with his fingers but he can't find the clit half the time so help him out a bit

-absolutely an ass man but isn’t into anal

-scout usually likes positions where he can easily see/touch your ass (doggy, reverse cowgirl, etc)

-definitely says cringe shit in the bedroom, 100% refers to himself as daddy (which is canon i think?? i remember him having a voice line where he does that, could be wrong tho)

-has tried (and failed) to call you kitten on the regular but reverted back to the usual (still cringy) nicknames he calls you after demo made fun of him

-he never shuts up so the dirty talk is CRAZYYYY

-calls you stuff like doll, baby, babe, and uses pretty girl/boy/baby and babygirl/boy/doll when he's close

-even though he’s a little clumsy with it, he really does like giving oral, just give him a little direction; BUT likes receiving oral even more, sorry abt ur knees babe 💔

-definitely into semi-public sex, he won’t do anything in front of people but you bet your ass he’s finding some alleyway or storage closet to get freaky in

-does get jealous pretty easy and even though he’s usually not too rough with you he is not above manhandling when he sees fit

-the dog tags stay on, do with that what you will

Soldier:

-good GAWD

-literally so mean but mean in a hot way so that makes it okay

-absolutely nickname crazy; most of them aren't very cute or sexy (i.e. cadet, maggot, etc) but cupcake always makes an appearance

-very much into verbal degradation because of course he is, is also very into manhandling and just kinda tossing you around but he doesn't wanna hurt you too bad

-rarely ever fucks on an actual bed, usually it's the nearest wall/table/chair/couch, any surface you could lay/sit on really

-no the helmet is not coming off but that adds to it

-the honey IS going on though, maybe not his full body but it will make an appearance (he’s def into foodplay)

-tiny bit of a size kink, i think soldier is one of the taller, bulkier mercs so there's a very good chance he's much bigger than you in one way or another

-would absolutely be interested in a threesome with demo let's get real here

-very attracted to body hair bc i say so

-likes positions where he's very obviously the one in control/with the power; very into restraint either with some device (handcuffs, rope, etc) or with his own hands

-VERY loud, so good luck with that lmao

Pyro:

-man,,,,

-obviously into temperature and wax play

-the mask and suit do not come off, but pyro has a plethora of toys to use on you instead 😊

-gets off on the idea that he's some faceless person you can't really understand that has complete control over you and your body

-does occasionally lift the mask up just above his nostrils to kiss you, though, scarred lips be damned

-does babble a lot, even though it's all muffled; the nicknames he uses are surprisingly cute, he'll call you stuff like sugarplum, marshmallow, firefly, sugar cube, and other sickly-sweet names

-doesn't like showing you his bare skin/body because of their burn scars, but pyro does enjoy grinding if you wanna help him out that bad

-derives most of his pleasure from making you feel good, though, so he isn't really looking for any type of physical release on his end

-pyro's are kinda short i just can't think of any more rn i apologize 💔

Demo:

-WHAT A MAN 😍😍😍

-#1 lover out of all the mercs get fucked spy

-i think his build is very similar to soldiers, maybe an inch or two taller, so he definitely has the same lowkey size kink

-is also open to a threesome with soldier

-absolutely a service dom but he teases so much

-FAKE SYMPATHY!!!! FAKE SYMPATHY!!!!!!!

-likes when you call him by his name more than any of the cheesy titles dudes usually want their significant other to call them but he is always referring to you by any nickname he can think of; the most popular ones are lamb, sweetheart, lass/lad, my girl/boy/baby and "poor, sweet thing"

-loves talking to you and making you talk back to him even when you're literally on a different planet; makes you tell him what you want him to do even though he knows exactly what you're gonna say

-also slightly into dumbification (not to the extent medic or engineer are, though, he just thinks it's hot)

-very much into face and thigh riding

-foreplay alone could last as long as an hour if he's feeling "mean" at that particular time

-THIGH MAN!!!!!! LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!

-makes you hold eye contact with him, sometimes the eyepatch comes off 🥴

-likes giving a whole lot more than receiving but he isn't about to turn down a blowjob if you offer

-waking you up with oral, it's his version of breakfast in bed

Heavy:

-and you thought demo was a service dom 🙄

-literally will do whatever you ask him to he does not care, as long as you feel good he's content

-very obvious size kink and it's very easy to exploit, but heavy doesn't take too kindly to teasing (he isn't about to stop you, though)

-speaks mostly in russian so unless you're fluent you can't really understand him but you get the gist of what he's saying by the tone in his voice

-outside of whatever russian bullshit he's spouting out, he calls you his "leetle bunny"

-tries to be gentle with you because of how big he is, but if he's provoked he can and will get wild

-as stated above, he can and will get wild, which includes his dirty talk; russian praise will turn into demeaning english muttered in your ear

-BREEDING KINK !!!!!!!!!!

-doesn't tease you on purpose, but he goes slow enough to where you think he's fucking with you (no pun intended)

-begging is never necessary but it is a guilty pleasure of his

-doesn't ask to receive oral often but watching you struggle with it does kinda turn him on even more

-face sitting extraordinaire, yes he does make the stupid eating sounds like in the game and yes he does it on purpose to try to make you laugh

-LET HEAVY FUCK NASTY GOD DAMN IT!!!

Engineer:

-WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN 😍😍😍

-much stronger than you'd think he is and he does use that to his advantage

-slight temperature play when the gunslinger is involved, it's just a little colder than room temperature but it's a very stark contrast

-loves conflicting his speech with his actions; he'll sweet talk and praise you while he's railing you into next week

-speaking of, he'll call you anything but your name. honeybee, honey, darlin', sweet girl/boy/baby, baby girl/boy/doll, any nickname that sounds hot in a southern accent he's callin you

-he absolutely has a daddy kink but won't tell you unless you have one too and approach him first, chances are you're younger than he is and he doesn't wanna make you think he's a weirdo

-all in all, the dirty talk is INSANEEEEEEEE

-absolutely into dumbification, he knows he's smart and he gets off on the power imbalance when you're babbling about nothing and he's still perfectly present

-also slightly into dacryphilia? it's not attractive when you're crying from pain, sadness, frustration, etc but he likes making you feel so good you're overwhelmed and all you can do is cry for him

-might forget to take the helmet and goggles off, but if you want him to keep them on then by all means he will

-would absolutely abide by the cowboy hat rule (if you don't know what that is, basically if a cowboy puts his hat on your head y'all are fuckin' later on)

-very much into bigger people, the extra chub around the thighs, chest, cheek, and stomach areas are a weakness of his

MEDIC!

-the moment we've all been waiting for

-kinda like soldier in the fact that he's mean in a hot way, but it's less bully-mean and more absolutely deranged mean

-of course he's into degradation and medical play, definitely dacryphilia and dumbification (for similar reasons engineer is), another merc with a slight size kink cause medic is big as hell

-likes to get you on the operation table and trace a syringe or scalpel (or both if he's feeling patient [haha get it]) along your body purely for the fear it evokes from you

-wants to get you scared/vulnerable and that's how he starts his foreplay; totally into the whole predator/prey thing but not in the same way sniper is, medic is more into metaphorical or psychological hunting rather than the actual thing

-FAKE SYMPATHY!!!!!! FAKE SYMPATHY!!!!! FAKE SYMPATHY!!!

-teases, edges, and overstimulates you to the point of tears and gets this stupid smug look on his face while cooing at you

-calls you demeaning names, like pet, but he's got some cute ones he uses too; täubchen, maus, schatz, and liebling (dove, mouse, sweetheart, and darling) are very prevalent in and outside of the bedroom

-if you're okay with it, medic does like to use you as a bit of stress relief when everybody else is getting on his nerves

-is 100% down for a doctor/nurse or doctor/patient roleplay let's get real here

-also into semi-public sex, sometimes he'll leave the medbay door unlocked and slightly ajar purpose just to mess with you

-though he is very rough with you most of the time, he likes to save his more tender moments for when the two of you are in an actual bedroom and not his workspace

Sniper:

-wild. like genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself when he's horny he just goes fucking crazy.

-even though he gets crazy insane, he doesn’t really know what all to do and it frustrates him; he doesn't have much experience when it comes to sexual acts with another person involved so please give him some pointers

-absolutely into knife play come on

-if you have a period, he'd also be down for period sex he does not care about blood in the slightest

-isn't all that nickname-heavy like some of the other mercs here, but he does sprinkle them into his dirty talk. it's usually the same things he calls you outside of the bedroom, like 'roo, darl', and love

-into body worship, giving or receiving. he likes making you feel beautiful and he likes feeling good about himself too

-would definitely want you to suck him off while he does target practice and i know this is such a popular headcanon but come on guys

-another popular headcanon is sniper being into predator/prey dynamics which like,,,come on. it's literally perfect. you're telling me this nutcase dude wouldn't be into scaring the shit out of you by physically hunting you down. it's basically canon idc

-likes biting and leaving marks on your neck/shoulders in very visible areas because he's kind of a possessive guy ngl

-as much as he likes people seeing the aftermath of what he does to you, sniper is a very private person so he really wouldn't be all that into sneaky sex. the closest you'll get is his sniper nest while he does target practice on cease-fire days

Spy:

-despite being an asshole on the regular, he's a very attentive lover

-into body worship but only giving, he already knows he's fine and he wants to make sure you're never insecure about yourself

-bilingual babe 😍 speaks in french so much you can't really understand what he's talking about but he's more than happy to give you a translation

-also has a daddy kink let's get real here

-KNIFE PLAY!!!!!!!!!!

-heavily into power play as well, similar to pyro because he'll keep his clothes (including the mask and gloves) on while you're completely bare to him

-likes buying you lingerie

-likes getting and giving head the same amount, he has no real preference cause it's gonna end in sex every time anyway 🤷‍♀️

-french nicknames ONLY!!!! mon cher (my dear), ma chérie/mon chéri (my darling), amour/mon amour (love/my love), gentille fille/garçon/bébé (sweet girl/boy/baby), mon ange (my angel) [currently using my basic understanding of the french language for evil]

-semi-public and public sex spy does not give a fuck he has a cloaking device for a reason 🙄🙄

-if you don't already have one he will give you an accent kink

[mewhenimsooosilly]

TF2 Mercs x M!Reader || How the Mercs Jerk Off +18

minors dni and get blocked

ambiguous genitals for Pyro

Scout

The stereotypical setup of "makes a night of it" sometimes only to end up frantically fucking his fist 10 minutes later as he gasps out your name breathlessly.

Most of the time though his man is a horny mess. Sneaks off to jack off frequently (like 2/month).

Has jerked off in the showers before but prefers his bedroom to relieve himself.

HUUUGE on fantasies. Always talking to himself and imagining you in various ways. His favorite is imagining you blowing him.

Usually lasts a short amount of time, but can recover extremely quickly.

Pyro

Oh. My. God. This is the HORNIEST mf alive when they're lucid. Yeah, they're a little awkward about how close they get to you, but everyone shrugs it off as them being socially unaware.

You smell so amazing to them, the smell of you looks so pretty to them in their head because of their synesthesia. Has embarrassingly gotten off to the colors and feeling of your voice and smell.

Your voice is a calming purple to them with a gentle rumbling against the bottom of their mind, the sound feels a sort of comfortable chilling ironically.

They refuse to do anything outside of their safe space- hell, considering that nobody even knows if Pyro needs to jerk off-

It HAS to be: right vibes, 3 am, locked door, calming smell candles, windows shut, etc etc

Soldier

Has a love/hate relationship with jerking off, he sees it as manly and masculine to release urges, but also weak to indulge himself in base desires.

A manly man thinking of another manly man like yourself? Well technically that's twice the amount of men. At first he assumed he was jealous of your physique, but then he drempt of you on top of him right about to push your-BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEEEEEP 0600 SOLDIER TIME TO WORK

Awkward boners are his specialty, excusing himself to "go oversee the maggots" when you flex a particularily nice deadlift.

Less private than Pyro but still prefers a more private setting like in the woods, a bathroom stall, or just a spot he deemed far away enough from everyone else.

Most embarrassed about wet dreams where he can actually get off in his dreams, deeming that day "surprise laundry inspection/washing day"

Demo

He's pretty lax about jerking off to be honest, has probably drunkenly teased you about you should be careful about how often you keep your shirt off.

"Ey laddie, careful showin' those pecs around! Cannae imagine you'd like a man eyein' those tits of yours!" Of course it was a joke, you two were close like that. of course he was just teasing you.

Oh god he wanted to fuck your pecs. Unabashedly staring at your chest he imagined how nice his dick would look in-between your pecs, maybe scrunched against a tight wifebeater too oh fuck-

Reletively respectful of everyone's decentcy and only relieves himself either in his room or in the empty showers at 4 in the morning. He's probably only been caught once but never agains after that.

Cums a lot, that's why he prefers the shower wanks to quickly wash away the evidence.

Engie

This man is so fucking ashamed of touching himself to thoughts of you- much like he would be about thinking of anyone. He's got such a huge shame surrounding the whole thing but the evil voice in his head only made him strangely harder.

He imagined you wakling in on him as he whispered out your name and you shaming him as you slide up behind him as your hand wraps around his jerking him off all while telling him just how much of a pervert he is.

This man has the biggest undiscovered humiliation kink god it's so fucking pathetic (i deeply desire him)

Has jerked off in his workshop multiple times with the door deadbolted shut and a drill running to hide what he's doing.

Honestly prefers the feel of vaseline/nonsexy lube on his dick and it's a lot less suspicious to have that around.

Heavy

Doesn't often feel the need due to how high alert he is.

When Heavy is at ease he's more bearlike and chill rather than a hotblooded, horny-brained mess. When he does actually touch himself, he is extremely quiet in his bedroom and quick about the whole ordeal.

Has a nasty "habit" of thinking of you. He assumes it's because you're actually nice to him and he's not been around a woman in god knows how long. You're not womanly-like in the slightest but Heavy likes to think about his hands on your hips as he makes you whine.

Feels a stinging sense of guilt afterwards but generally shrugs the feeling off. It's not really such a bad thing if he keeps it to himself and keeps everything professional, right?

Sniper

I wrote a fic about how I generally feel Sniper jerks it here but I'll rephrase it here as a TLDR

This man is really fucking weird about jerking off to you. He HAS stolen something of yours to smell and fantasize with and if given the chance he WILL steal again.

HUGE scent kink and voyeur/creeping kink kind of like Engie in a way where he wants you to call him out on his bullshit.

Probably the most unprofessional about it. He has fondled himself as he watched you through his scope during battle and he will do it again.

Pretty quick ordeal overall to keep himself sane. He jacks off often and quickly to keep a baseline sense of sanity (pre-nut insanity is a thing and his diagnosis is terminal RIP)

Medic

Honestly I headcanon Medic not feeling a need to masturbate. His lust for you oozes out in his operations in some sort of gorey satisfaction in operations on the team. (think like, the taboo passion of physically rearranging someone's guts gets him off in a weird way.)

This isn't to say he gets sexually aroused by his experiments, it's just that the excitement of the thrills get cross-wired in his brain. When you drop your shirt on the floor to prep for an operation his dick twitches in his pants but that's literally it.

Flirts with you on the operating table <3

The only time he's actually masturbated is for experiements. (One was if he could create life without an egg and the second was to see how much cum could a healthy man extract out of him.)

Spy

This man is so hoity-toity about getting off it's almost a pain to write. It's an actual whole night for him. It starts with a nice bath with oils more expensive than your paycheck, then a professional massage, then a calming cigarette mixed with some top-grade cannabis in either a blunt or in a nice dessert. THEN FINALLY he lays himself down onto his pretty little bed and fucks himself.

And even then Spy has a routine to jerking off to really indulge himself. He starts slow and gentle with teasing touches that go lower and lower until he's strained against the fluffy bathrobe he is cuddled in.

Imagines you riding him a lot, but if he's in the mood to bottom, he slowly fucks himself with a pretty nice vibrator as he imagines you fucking him as your dick brushed against his prostate in the most delicious of ways.

This man is convinced that every other merc assumed that he gets too many bitches to need to masturbate and he fully intends to keep that assumption alive and well.