miamorpm

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how you became deron's girlfriend

you are jess and bam's younger sister. all of their friends are your friends. normally, brothers wouldn't let their little sister hang out with their friends but the guys thought you were cool, but you had developed a little crush on deron. you were at a cky gig, it was in the local bar. you were hanging around the bar, waiting for the guys to finish up. a random guy sat beside you, ordered a drink and started staring at you.

'hey gorgeous, what are you doing here alone?' you cringed. 'i'm with my friends and boyfriend,' you lied, 'he'll be here soon.' he nodded and scooted towards you. he moved his hand to your leg, you jumped and tried to push it away but it wouldn't budge. 'leave me alone. please.' you whimpered but his grip got stronger. you turned your head and saw deron watching up to that bar, he noticed you and smiled. you mouthed 'help me.'

you greeted him, 'hey babe.' you saw the guy move away slightly. deron leaned down and kissed your cheek, you blushed. 'hey sweetheart. this guy bothering you?' you nodded with wide eyes. 'hey, leave her alone.' deron said to the guy and the guy went away. you sighed, 'thank god.' deron sat beside you, 'he didn't hurt you, did he?' you shook your head. during the rest of the night, deron was very protective over you, making sure you were safe.

it had gotten pretty late and deron decided to take you home as you were quite drunk. april and phil's house wasn't that far away from the bar. when you had reached your house, you invited him in. before you went to sleep, you ended up spilling your big secret, that you liked him. he smiled, 'i like you too, y/n.' you blushed and fell asleep. when you woke up, you were curled up together. you remember that you told him and that he liked you.

you smiled at the memory. in that time, deron woke up. 'morning babe.' you blushed, 'morning.' he laughed softly. 'you wanna make it official and be my girlfriend?' you laughed, 'god yes.' you leaned up and kissed him.

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if ur a jackass fan ur either an awkward teenager who has barely any friends or a 40 year old grown man, there’s literally no in between

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Noel Gallagher

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"Desire huh? What the fuck does that mean? Does that mean you're into dudes with fucking long hair, smell like beer, have shitty tattoos; maybe they hang out at the bowling alley! Maybe, just maybe you'll go out back and rub their sick crotch; he'll stick his hands down your pants. Meanwhile, your boyfriend's sitting at home jerking off to fucking gay porn" Haggard (2003) Dir: Bam Margera

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no comment

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lullabies - bam margera x fem!reader

warning - none.

word count - 418.

you had recently had a child and her name was lily, she was the most beautiful thing ever. she had bam's big, blue eyes, his smile, she was basically his twin. trying to raise a child in the environment that you were i with everyone trying to prank each other, everyone being so loud, you know. it was hard but you got through it.

since having lily, bam had matured... kind of. he knew when things got too far, when things should stop, and you were so thankful for that. everyone loved her, you somehow trusted them all to play with lily but you knew that they wouldn't do anything.

you were hanging out with all the guys with lily. she was currently in ryan's arms. he was talking to her like an adult, talking about taxes, money. whatever he could think of. ryan was her favourite person, he would always make her laugh, could make her fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

one night, you and bam were in your bedroom. all the guys were away home, apart from raab who lived in the spare room. you were lying beside bam and he had lily in his arms. you were playing around with her, making funny faces, tickling her. her laugh was so precious.

after a while, he could see her starting to get tired but she wasn't ready to fall asleep. he stood up and walked around the bedroom, singing 'bury me deep inside' by him. lily was really bam's child, she loved him almost as much as he did.

'all i ever wanted was you my love. you're all i ever wanted. you, my love.' bam sung softly. she started to drift off, bam went into her room and placed lily in her crib.

he softly closed the door and went back to the bedroom. 'always works a charm.' he laughed. you sleepily nodded. bam got back into bed and brought you to his chest. 'i love you.' he said, kissing your head.

you smile widely. 'can you sing to me?' he smile and nodded, 'what would you like?' you thought but decided on his pick. he thought for a second before he started softly singing.

'i see it in your eyes, i feel it in your touch, i taste it from your lips, and, baby, more i love you'

you curl more into his chest, smiling softly. you quickly drift off the sleep. 'i love you beautiful girl.' bam whispered, smiling softly.

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look at these dudes ☺️

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I think people let JK Rowling's transphobia define her too much, we need to acknowledge her other aspects.

She's also a racist, antisemitic, and a Holocaust denier, we can't forget that!

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my faves <3

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obsessed.

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i love them ❤️

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home - chris raab x fem!reader

warnings - swearing, mention of death.

word count - 2,026.

you were part of the cky crew back in the late 90s and early 2000s, you were in viva la bam, haggard and jackass. you went the same route as bam and ryan basically. they were your best friends, along with raab. 2011 hit and ryan died, you were never on tv or social media after that. you kind of disappeared.

you felt sad for leaving everyone behind but you knew it was the best thing to do. dico did that a few years prior and the communication between you and him was limited but he knew you were trying to get out as well. he supported that. bam was going off the rails, raab was in rehab trying to get better, novak was trying to keep clean, rake was working a proper job, frantz was doing other stuff.

you moved to portland, you got a job working as a photographer, you only kept in contact with april and phil, just to make sure everyone was okay.

now it was 2019 and you were still at your job, you had a good group of friends and you loved it. you were at home and you got a message from april, asking if raab could get your number. you were nervous and confused, but you said that it was okay. a few minutes had passed then a number called you. you answered.

'hello.' you said, still feeling nervous. 'hey, y/n. it's raab.' you gulped. 'i know that you moved on with your life after ryan died but i was wondering if you would come on my podcast. i've had so many of guys on and i'd love to come and see you.' you didn't know what to say. you hadn't talked to him in years.

'i'll do it.' you agreed. 'awesome, when do you want to do it?' he sounded excited. 'i'm free anytime next week.' you both settled on next tuesday. you messaged him your address. now you had to wait until then.

-

it was now tuesday. you got up, showered and dressed into something casual, some jeans and a t-shirt. it was in the afternoon when someone knocked at the door. you got up and opened it. there he was, chris raab. he looked the same, older but he still had those beautiful eyes. he looked nervous as well.

he looked at you. you just stared at him. 'can i give you a hug?' you whispered, he smiled and nodded. you both wrapped your arms around each other. you missed this.

you separated from the hug and invited him in. he sit up everything in your dining room. 'do you want a drink?' he nodded, 'some water would be good.' you nodded and got a bottle of water for each of you.

you both sat down at the table across from him. 'okay. we're recording.' you nodded. this felt so weird. you hadn't been infront of a camera in 8-ish years. 'okay, so. you haven't filmed anything in a while. since the last jackass film?'

you nodded, 'me and bam filmed some random stuff after jackass 3. it never went anywhere, i don't think. then... ryan died and i just wanted away from west chester, everything reminded me of him. it still happens, of course but not as much.' raab nodded and listened.

'i still have everything from back then. i'll show you afterwards. but, i have pictures, outfits from some of the skits, tapes and dvd, mixtape, god there's so much.' you chuckle.

you and raab sit and talk for what seems like minutes but was actually an hour. 'so tell me more about your life after ryan passing.'

'so basically, after ryan's funeral, i packed up all of my shit and moved to portland. i drove all the way there. everyone was a mess, i was a mess but moving was my way of handling it. i was scared, of course and i do regret it. it was stupid for running.'

'i cut contact with everyone apart from april and phil and dico, kind of. the connection with him has sort of disappeared but i'm happy for him. but april told me everything that was happening with you guys and the jackass guys. i got a job in photography. everything's been okay since then.'

raab took that all in, nodding along to you. 'yeah, i completely understand that. i don't blame you for doing that, it was definitely better than being around all of us. everyone got really bad, drinking, drugs. it was hard but we got through it.' i nod at his words.

you talked for a bit longer before raab decided to stop recording. 'that was so much fun. i couldn't think of a better person to do that with.' he smiled. he packed up everything and you invited him outside to the back garden. you both sat on the porch swing that was outside your door.

'i always wondered what happened to you. we never knew where you went, none of the guys. we knew that you were safe. we all wanted to go looking for you.' raab admitted. you couldn't help but tear up, you felt so bad. 'part of me wonders what would've happened if i stayed.' you wiped your tears.

both of you are quiet, you gently lean your head on raab's shoulder. he smiled. an idea popped into his head, 'how about you come to west chester with me? i'm going back there anyway.' you did miss everyone. you wondered how everyone was. 'okay! i'd love that.' you said, getting really excited.

'we will have to drive there but we can take turns, is that okay?' you nodded. 'when should we leave?' it would take a few days to drive there. 'we should probably leave soon, when we both get tired, we can get a motel room.' he agreed. you packed up some essentials, some clothes, anything that you needed.

as soon as you could, you got on the road. it was peaceful and you felt happy. you spent most of the time catching up with raab, everything that's happened. listening to music, playing silly games, taking turns of driving and, of course, laughing.

-

you finally arrived in west chester, you were the one that drove past the sign and you felt all the emotions hitting you all at once. it brought back so many memories. you couldn't help but tear up. raab noticed this and placed his hand over yours. 'it's okay.' he rubbed his thumb over your knuckles.

raab gave you directions to his house. when you got there, you parked in the drive way and got out. it was around 11 am. 'let freshen up then we can see everyone, if that's okay with you.' you nodded. you brushed your teeth and put some fresh clothes on.

you went to april and phil's house. raab knocked on the door, you were slightly behind him. april opened the door and smiled, 'hey, chris. you okay?' she brought him into a hug then noticed me. 'oh my god!' you smiled and brought her into a bone crushing hug. phil came out to see what all the shouting was about and saw you. he smiled.

you and april separated, tears in both of your eyes. you brought phil into a hug as well. after your hug, you went inside the house and into the living room, you sat with them for ages, talking about everything that had happened after you left.

'i'm going to talk to some of the guys and ask them to come over, say i've got a surprise for them.' raab said, messaging everyone to come over. everyone had accepted and were on their way over. the first people to arrive was jess and chad. they spotted you immediately and gave you a big hug each.

the next person to arrive was novak. he was in shock that you were actually here but gave you a hug. rake was next, he gave you the biggest hug ever. the last one to arrive was bam. he walked through the door to the living room and saw everyone sitting around. 'what's this surprise you talking about?' he asked raab.

raab pointed over to you and bam's face changed. 'what the fuck? why are you here?' he was angry. everyone was worried. 'well? why are you here? you fucked off when we needed you most. everyone was hurt, we had just lost one friend, we didn't want to lose you too.' you teared up at his words.

'i'm sorry. i know it wasn't the best thing to do. i felt like it was the only option.' bam rolled his eyes. 'sorry doesn't take back those 9 years of wondering if you were okay. you could've been dead like ryan and we wouldn't know!' he shouted. everyone was quiet but april gasped. you got up and stormed to the bathroom.

when you got to the bathroom, you broke down. you felt so guilty. in the living room everyone was sticking up for you. 'you had no right to say that. everyone was going through a bad time when ryan passed, it wasn't just you.' raab said. bam didn't like this. he just rolled his eyes and left. april went after him.

everyone looked at each other. raab stood up, 'i'll check on her.' he walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door. 'you okay, honey?' he asked, softly. you sniffled and opened the door. he took you in his arms, whispering to you. 'it's okay, honey. it's all okay. it's not your fault.' you couldn't help but tear up at this. you felt so at home in his arms.

you separated and went to wipe your tears but raab beat you to it. he held your cheek and wiped those tears away. you smiled and blushed. your eyes flickered down to his lips, you tried to be sneaky but he noticed. he smiled brighter.

'can i kiss you?' he said, scared of your answer. you leaned forward, kissing his lips. you were both smiling like idiots. 'i wish i never left.' you said in-between kisses. raab agreed softly. 'i can't explain how much i missed you.' he said. you felt so guilty but you were happy you were with him again.

'come on, don't let bam ruin today. lets go back out there and have fun.' you nodded and followed raab back into the living room. bam was in the living room. 'i'm sorry. i do understand why you did it, i hate that you did it because we did need you. but, i'm sorry.' you nodded and brought him into a hug.

-

you had spent the rest of the day with everyone, just talking about everything that had happened since. like he said, raab was there for you. he knew it was scary being around everyone again. when you left april's house, on the drive back, you fell asleep. when you got to raab's house, he woke you up by kissing your face. 'wake up. you'll get to sleep in a proper bed if you wake up.' you giggled and got out of the car.

'i'll show you to the spare room.' you followed him up the stairs and into the spare bedroom. 'can you stay with me, please? i don't feel like being alone right now.' raab nodded. you went into the bathroom to get changed into some pyjamas, so did raab. when you were both finished, you got into the bed.

you were on your back, staring at the ceiling. 'i don't know if i want to go back to portland.' raab looked at you, 'being back makes me feel... at home.' you looked over at raab and smiled. 'i might move back. i still need to think about it fully but i miss it here.' he smiled.

'all of us would be happy to have you back.' you nod. you sat in silence for a bit, 'is now a good time to tell you i love you?' raab said, nervously. you smile and nod, 'i love you.' you lean forward and kiss him softly.

<3

i kinda hate this. i love the idea i had of it but i don't think it came out that good PAHAHHA

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how you became raab's girlfriend

you were jenn's best friend and you were always at bam's house. you had gotten to know everyone quite well but you and raab became best friends. if you and jenn weren't hanging out, it was you and raab. you were practically glued at the hip.

you were at a party with all the guys and got into a game of truth or dare. you got dared to kiss raab, obviously a joke but when you kissed him, you blushed. everyone would see it. during the rest of this night, raab kept teasing you and it made you blush every time.

the day after this party, you thought he had forgot this because he was drunk as a skunk the night previous but he didn't. there were lingering touches, he would always stare at you when you weren't looking, he looked like a love sick puppy. you were about to go home when raab said he wanted to talk to you.

he took you outside. 'i- i like you.' he came out with. you were shocked, like very shocked. you hadn't said anything and he got scared. 'i'm sorry. i shouldn't have said anything.' you cut him off from saying anything by kissing him.

'i like you too.' you said, smiling. he smiled back and kissed your cheek. 'come on, i'll walk you home.' you walked home and you invited him in. you watched movies all night on the couch. when you got tired, you moved to your bed. you lay in bed, looking at each other. 'do you want to be my girlfriend?'

'of course, raab.' you smiled and kissed him softly.

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I fucking love jackass

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