microwavethoughts

[microwavethoughts]

algorithm, when I searched for drugs i meant paracetamol

𝒢enshin 𝒟R ℐncorrect 𝒬uotes

an archive of hand-picked quotes and unofficial happenings / headcanons from our discord server . lmk if you would like to join this DR ! ( or any other of mine for that matter )

. ۫ ꣑ৎ . a quick introduction to us ! ( minus one or two people who haven’t started scripting yet )

Me , Kouji ( jiji ) Takizawa : a musician, author & theologist from Inazuma living in Liyue harbour. see intro post for more.

Aisha Qitae : Dottore’s silly little lab rat

Enekita ( kita ) Fuduli : Rtawahist scholar at the Sumeru Akademiya

Malachi ( micha ) : traveling merchant from Mondstadt

Métis / Morena ( mora ) Reeves : 7000+ year old archon of phantasma, rules over the nation Insula Stellarum, posing as a 20 year old mortal

AISHA SCRIPTED . 🫀

Aisha: You can get waterboarded by long hair. I almost drowned in my hair as a kid.

Kita: Is this some kind of Dottore thought or.

☆彡

Jiji: I hope you become a medical mystery.

Aisha: Ohhh maybe they’ll name a disease after me…

Kita: Go get put in the books sweet child, legends of your survival will be legendary.

☆彡

Kita: I was wondering if mental health was caused by losing the 2nd sock in the hypothetical dryer of the mind...

☆彡

Mora: I don’t know you that well Aisha. Do you like pick up litter off the street? Do you rescue stray kittens? Do you open doors for ladies? I think the answer to all of those is no so I’m coming up with blanks here.

☆彡

Jiji: I'm sick of having smoker aura and not being able to smoke. How do I combat this

Micha: Try vaping

Kita: Do you get a vape of the flavor of pain and suffering? Smoke and mirrors by imagine dragons? Sweat? Princess fruity pop 3000?

☆彡

Mora: Tap this. Tap that. Have you tried tapping a bible? He's watching.

☆彡

Jiji: This is maybe because i dont enjoy a lot of the super mainstream artists bc high energy songs make me frightened

Jiji: the most high energy i get is what does the fox say i think

☆彡

Mora: Each minute that passes that is proceeded by silence from this group frightens me even more

Aisha: I'm busy :)

Jiji: I'm not doing anything be kind to me

Mora: I'm sorry i love you JIji. These two hooligans [Aisha + Kita] are frightening me.

☆彡

Mora about Aisha: She was taken by the Snezhnayans. Like you will be one day.

Kita: Not if I take them first.

☆彡

Kita, watching Alhaitham and Kaveh Fight: Is this a yaoi?

Aisha: Kind of, yeah

Kita: I'm scared, I don't go here. This is my first day at yaoi

☆彡

Jiji: Baizhu just woke me up to let me know he ate half of a pumpkin pie?

Jiji, nine minutes later: Chat I just ate half of a pumpkin pie

KITA SCRIPTED . 🍄

Aether: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Enekita: Only if you also don't ask why

Enekita: (Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls) Take your pick.

Aether:

Enekita:

Aether: This one is fine

☆彡

Itto: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Enekita: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

Itto: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

☆彡

Jiji the 27th time Childe fumbles with chopsticks: Here, take this.

Childe: what is this??

Jiji: it’s an allowance. i’m allowing you to exist.

☆彡

Ei: this is giving me good ptsd.

Amaterasu: …you mean nostalgia???

☆彡

Kita: we call this a traumatic event.

Kita, looking at Jiji: not a “major L”

Kita, looking at Micha: not a “lmao that sucks”

Kita, looking at Mora: not an “it is what it is”

Kita, pointing at Aisha: and NOT a challenge.

☆彡

Tighnari: what do you think?

Kita: Look, i’m just gonna come out and say it; i totally didn’t listen.

Tighnari:

Kita: with that being said, i completely disagree with you.

☆彡

Micha staring at Kita’s theory board: sometimes i really wanna know what’s going on in your head.

Kita, pinning up red string: coming from the sole resident there, no you don’t.

JIJI SCRIPTED . 🦝

How Jiji got their vision…

Mora: (floats down from the sky) Guys, you saved the Lantern Rite. Also, I’m Métis.

Kita: Thanks, Métis

Jiji: Thanks, Mora—

Kita:

Jiji: …Métis…

Métis: It’s time to get a vision, my child

Jiji, realising phantasma visions are actually just embedded in the owner: Mora, what’re you doing— stop it— stop it— cut it out, help- AÀÂÄÃAAAÅĂAAĄÆHHH

Métis: shshshsh-

☆彡

Meanwhile, at the monthly linguistics club meeting…

Kita: what do you call this?

Jiji, who likes their literature tyvm: a casket.

Kita: a coffin.

Jiji: hMmmm

later…

Kita: what about this?

Jiji: an arACHniddhh

Kita: …a spider.

Jiji: mhmMHMMHMHMJMNHM

☆彡

Paimon: Have you been eating those wild plants that you’re not supposed to? Cuz, you’re talking total baloney!

Kazuha: Shhh…. listen

Jiji: (giggles)

Paimon: You gave it to them too?!

Jiji: (deadpans) Paimon if you tell a soul I will not rest until I hunt you down and turn you into that emergency food traveler’s always calling you

☆彡

On the crux fleet from Inazuma to Liyue…

Beidou: Jiji? What’re you doing in there?

Kazuha: (coughs smoke)

Jiji: uh— d— drugs— SHIT—

☆彡

Jiji: I could go for a doctor right now

Baizhu: …you… do you… need… something? are you ill?

Qiqi: Qiqi didn’t know you could eat a doctor

Yaoyao: Baizhu, are you and Jiji going to have a baby?

Baizhu, warily: ….Jiji, what do you mean, you could ‘go for a doctor’?

Jiji: you will never know (slowly eats leaf)

MORA SCRIPTED . 🌙

Mora: Sooo… are you ready to commit?

Kita: A crime? or a relationship?

☆彡

Mora: I can’t do this, it’s against my moral compass.

Jiji: your moral compass is LITERALLY A ROULETTE WHEEL (points to giant wheel)

Mora: (shrugs) your point?

☆彡

Mora: (sighs dreamily) what a fucking weirdo

Jiji, mockingly twirling their hair: what a fucking freak

☆彡

Jiji: thanks for the brownies you left in the cabinet for us!

Mora: …I left what

Jiji: Brownies??

Mora: (scrambles down the hall) BAIZHU DON’T EAT THOSE THEY HAVE STARDUST (weed) IN THEM

☆彡

Collei: Kita?

Kita: Collei?

Collei: can a person breathe inside a washing machine when it’s on??

Kita:

Kita: where in fucks name is Mora—

☆彡

Kita: (tapping furiously on desk)

Mora, tapping back: -.- .. - .- --..-- / -.-- --- ..- / - .- -.- . / - .... .- - / -... .- -.-. -.- -.-.--

Kita: -. --- -.-.-- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .-.. .. - . .-. .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / - .... . / -- --- --- -. -.-.--

Mora:

Mora: -.-- --- ..- .-..-. .-. .

Kita: That was unnecessary.

☆彡

Kita: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff.

Morena: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

☆彡

Morena: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Kita: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Baizhu: (slowly backs away)

☆彡

Baizhu, to Mora: would you like to stay for dinner?

Jiji, from the kitchen: would you like to stay forever?!?!

☆彡

Jiji, serious for once: you need to stop doing weird things to cope with stress. going outside might help.

Mora: I went to the park today.

Jiji: there you go! i hope you got something from that.

Mora: (opens coat) this.

Kita, from Mora’s coat: hello.

☆彡

Mora: do crabs think fish are flying?

Kita: it would make sense.

Baizhu:

Jiji: …how high are you?

Mora: Celestia

☆彡

Mora: you’re worse than cocaine.

Venti: funny, i used to traffic that.

MICHA’S UNOFFICIAL HEADCANONS . 📀

Aisha almost drank the lethal dosage of caffeine once.

many might think it was unintentional but they knew entirely what they were doing, something about “the buzz??” survived to live another day and would do it again.

Jiji is the gay cousin.

pretty sure this is self explanatory but Jiji would be the manic gay cousin who many family members would constantly be concerned for. icon.

Kita is in your house.

picture this, you’re lying in bed and you hear a noise, “what’s that?” oh! fret not it’s just Kita. they will use your kettle and will not be ashamed.

Micha uses two-in-one shampoo & conditioner.

he’s just really gotta ration on the road, they were originally in two bottles but slowly merged into one. absolutely fire

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wow this song made of air slaps

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How does that one quote go?

destroy your enemies, make a friend

or something like that

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Love it when a person references a detail and I suddenly know exactly what fandom and side of the fandom that person is in

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i find malevolent people fascinating. im around such wonderful people daily, meeting someone with sincere ill will is like observing a particularly interesting introduced species in a zoo. A zoo creature can't interact with me, wont even acknowledge me if it doesn't want to, and if this country isn't its natural habitat then the enclosure has to be shaped to suit the closest thing to where it would have naturally lived. we will live entirely separate lives, no more or less important than the other. fascinating.

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wups

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Ha. read it.

The devil works fast but by god ao3 writers work faster

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I love the internet sometimes

starting a collection of my favourite AO3 author’s notes

honourable mentions

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Why is the Riddler just Like That

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I would hate him <3

Chuzai- Chuuya/ Dazai Stitch-Up

Finally Chuzai

Here he is.

He's a dick most of the time. Mocking and condescension are right up his sleeve.

Though Chuuya does break through at times, and he is much more sensible than Dazai.

Anyway- good luck, have fun-

-Nix🌙

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Nothing to add that hasnt already been said.

greta thunberg, liam cunningham, rima hassan, and everyone else on that ship, thank you, and i hope you succeed. i really hope you succeed. you know what you are risking, and i wish for you to come back safely, having done what you set out to do.

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Pride Month !! PRIDE MONTH !!!

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'Alarmingly' is such a great word every time it's used

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If the english word get didnt exist, this would be a much kinder place

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feelin pretty indefatigable rn

might take a nap

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Got the latest book and life is balanced once again

Mog: sometimes when I’m reaping I’m like damn wtf did I sow