miiserableee

[miiserableee]

( POLAR MYSTIQUE ) ▸ CINCO : ! ( quatro ) / ( cero )

scaramouche × fem!reader ! ( summary ) a finalizing shot shooted from your very perspective . the overall concoction of your every ions throughout the whole series alongside the closing of the curtains ! ( mentions ) of reader always being drunk these recent chapters smh x2 ! a very altruistic reader !emotional reader ! overly understanding of others reader ! ooc scara ! very very ooc scara ! ( 7.3k words )

𖥼 , WATER UP EM FLOWERS !

YOU WOKE up , finally . not to say you can stand anytime now soon though . not with him holding you so tightly like this . like his hold on the very first gift you gave him . a well earned wristwatch that until now , he still wore .

you never even knew he liked wristwatches . you just , liked him having them on . you liked it when he had rings on too . you liked whatever he wore , he knew how to style himself . you liked how he's very neat and maintaining of his everyday fit . how he would cuss whenever there's an abundance of crease on his overly pressed top . but wouldn't mind it when you hug those creases into a crumple scape of softness when you meet after a day or two of not being able to .

there wasn't much that you did that he disliked . yes , he would click his tongue and glare at you all jokingly but , it never passed by your line of sight , the streak of blush that appears on his face the moment he becomes conscious of how close you place yourself around him . no matter how deep or light , it never ceased to make you smile and grin to tease him more . you can't believe it , really . that this dude would actually end up liking you romantically .

when did you start to realize he felt that way ? you weren't dense , being raised having only one older brother who raised you all your life , you were pretty observant and particular about everyone who steps in your days and tries to be words in the chapters that creates who you are . you were quick to take on why he looks at you like that . why whenever you're together it's like you're the only one in the world his eyes can see . why when he has to hold onto you under the excuse of keeping track of you , his fingers found it reasonable to seep in between the gaps of yours . why no matter what nonsense you say , and he grumbles to shut you up , he still remembers every bit .

scaramouche is a tough nut to crack . he has this shell no nut cracker invented can make a dent on . you always figured that was alright . as his friend , you , just had to accept him and all he is . not that , that was any hard to do . completely not so when he's always doing so many things for you , in return .

maybe you noticed completely , just how big of a crack you made in his shell , during high school . you kept quiet about it . since you didn't want to seem , assuming . you weren't really sure anyways . how can he even feel that way about you ? as long as you've known , he's had everything . looks , brains , money and fame . your balanced bickering always consisted of him bragging . you were made aware of just how far his existence as a person is from you .

you pondered long and hard just how he could come to like you . you thought you'd stay pondering for as long as you can live by his side as some childhood friend , but it became hard to label his intentions about you vague when he acts like your boyfriend on several takes life had filmed you both in .

always , you two , were always mistaken to be lovers . you always thought you looked a lot more like bestfriends or siblings but perhaps not so much . what do you know about looking like bestfriends and stuff ? it's not like you've had that much friends besides him . your brother was also starkly different from scaramouche . scaramouche also despised being mistaken as your brother .

"In what ways do we look alike ?!"

he'd grumble to you after being told that in the campus for the umpteenth time every semester , when freshmen comes and wag their curious tails . sparkling eyes absolutely entranced into the dark path of flailing and wobbling , in an attempt to identify what you two are to each other . you would just feast on what he's bought for you and listen to him ramble away . his nose would scrunch at some moments , his eyes would look piercing one second and gentle next , his lips would be all moving , expressive as he is .

you loved watching him be himself .

you didn't think much of that those moments though . you didn't think much of how what he used as a fabric conditioner was your favorite scent . you didn't meddle on the idea that he bought a bed too big for just him and invites you over , subtly loves you being there but chases you out as soon as the moon peeks over . you just took everything for granted . as that's what felt , what you needed to do those times .

there was never a moment you were alone because he existed . he would always message you about things you were told , only lovers would text each other about . you'd only laugh at whoever commented and brush it aside . he was only asking if you're free this saturday and that he wants to buy something for you .

you were always a give and take person . so just as he showered you with all , whatever those was to him and you , you tried your best to give him some things too . like gifts and time , all your time . you were also there for him in his moments of hardships , you were there for him even when you didn't need to be there . just as he is to you .

at some point , you began feeling something you didn't wish you felt . greed . unnecessary greed . you thought it was an emotion so , murky and bothersome . like it was in a pot of green gooey stuff you couldn't identify but had to deal with . you were a listless sophomore and stirring that pot with a ladle of silver shining confusion , threads and slivers of unknown and unidentified emotions , was mixed and you were what's reflected above that abomination .

you were caught up in the steam and hit with the things you never thought of as deeply . what did you think of scaramouche ? what did you view him as ? what did you want him to be to you ? and , whatever , really did you want to be to him ?

before he was just some childhood friend that was conveniently always there . nothing more , nothing less . until that became the reason he became so much more and never near any less .

you wondered about it so much that it affected you quite a bit . your brother constantly asked why you were frowning , and to stop with getting your brows all furrowed . you just laughed it off and said it was nothing . but it definitely wasn't nothing .

then , came your moment of enlightenment . your shove away from the blinding blaze of the sun , what caused your densest arc yet . xiao's confession . xiao's confession was , unexpected . to you , at least . you have witnessed yourself just how close he is with venti , how in love they are , not that you cared much about that before as it felt normal .

he confessed to you , on a dazed dawn . it was as early as you can tell , you were even half asleep . when he told you , he loved you . love ? you remember just how your pitch black sleeping viewing glitched and the word etched in a nerve in your brain as you looked at him .

in those amber eyes of spring . you weren't one to be dense . yes . you weren't . you were just quick to judge and you're stubborn to your judgments . there was never a moment where you didn't feel warm around xiao . warm in a sense that you felt cared for . similar to how you feel with , scaramouche .

it's just that , there was something special in that warmth , scaramouche offers .

that you didn't waste a second to reject xiao , with not in mind his love with venti but with the feeling of warmth spreading along you from the very core of your body as you remember ,

scaramouche .

you finally understood the greed , the murky green in the pot is finally being mixed into something silky smooth . you finally , understood .

you love scaramouche .

that's why you felt everything to be in place when he's around . that's why you loved that he was always there . that's why even in your most vulnerable moment , you run to him and no one but him for help . that's why you never pulled away from his obvious , clumsy advances . that's why .

however , scaramouche ended up knowing about the confession . how ? who knows . he just did . xiao didn't give up and confessed one more time and , you rejected him , one more time . you didn't feel any sort of disgust with how he was capable of loving you as he so claims , while having venti's heart in his palms . you take it by rule to try and understand everybody you cherish , no matter how much or little you find in them to treasure .

you finally came to terms with your own feelings . now it was just , scaramouche . what does he think of you ? you weren't stupid , again , not dense either , well , not when it comes to other people . all those years , you knew you were something special to scaramouche . you knew you weren't just some academic rival anymore and you clearly , weren't some bestfriend he hits up whenever he's free . not when he's always the one loosening his tight schedule to squeeze as much time with you as he can .

you knew you were more than something simple to him .

you were so sure , until , he started suddenly dating more women , like more . he had this habit before of dating women completely opposite of you and showing them off , only to you . you never minded that though , meaning , you were still able to ignore the tugs at your heart whenever you saw a woman completely fitting of him , being with him . this was one of the reasons why you were never able to concrete that he loves you , the same way you just realized you felt for him .

you ignored it , you were attending so many dates every month with him , like an idiot of a third wheel , totally unneeded . you can't even decline , not when he asks like he'll die if you don't agree . you're the one feeling like dying whenever you went , though . it didn't seem much at first , but all the hurt you felt eventually turned into one huge ache that stumbled upon choosing to crash you too alongside the news of your brother , getting married .

truly enough , getting wed , married , settled , was never anywhere near being a funeral or a farewell . it was supposed to be a happy point in one's life , quite an important one too , your brother deserved to have those . you shouldn't be crying over being left in the house . you shouldn't be crying thinking about how there's missing pieces that complete everything . you should be weeping gleeful tears over the idea that , your beloved brother was starting a new puzzle in his new arc in life . him needing to take back his pieces is supposed to be a natural thing . what pieces will he complete his puzzle with if you're selfishly taking a hold of them ?

you weren't wishing your brother to stay with you for as long as you breathe and live . the sudden change just , hit you like an eight wheeler truck . similar to that time when you thought he was dying or dead in a deathbed in a hospital during high school . that was one heck of a moment . scaramouche was there for you then .

you expected him to be there when you slid open that door anyway . you were also expecting him to be there for you this time too . but there was this big lump in your throat . heavy rings on your fingers . you didn't contact him for days . remembering how you saw him smiling and all willy-nilly about a necklace he bought for his girlfriend , that girl with bleached fluffy hair , hoop earrings , and pretty stare .

you just , didn't want to bother him anymore . thinking to yourself that you were wrong after all . he wouldn't be in love with you , not at all . why would he be ? you have nothing for him . nothing . just as he's everything , your everything , to him you felt as though you were but a hollow of dim nothing .

drinking may have been a bad choice of distraction , it may have turned into a nasty habit . having stared at the same white foam countless of times despite having only drank out a handful of times . mindlessly chugging beers away and trying to run from drowning feelings . drinking is fun . something like a zip-line , going through one and screaming your lungs out cause damn ?! what if the safety gears broke or something ? what if you fall down the vast of water or land , whatever you had below you ?! but because of the inkling of being dragged to somewhere with ground your feet can feel , you just shout like there's no tomorrow and forget everything . for a moment , until you were no longer afloat mid air on a string and shit .

drinking was like that , for you at least .

yeah , you really shouldn't have taken up drinking . what's with that analogy ? you only drank in the bar xiao worked in . you have rejected him , yes , but he was still one of your most trusted friends . well , there's also the fact that he has this vehement feeling of responsibility to pay for every glass you chugged , to which your wallets sing hallelujah for , and besides , scaramouche would get furious if you drank elsewhere under no one at all's care .

how arrogant of you , to think that he'd actually care the same amount he nags . you weren't aware that venti called him to pick you up or whatever . you were too busy drinking and talking to the bartender—who you knew months later was named diluc who was also the owner—about stupid things like how you liked the color lavender and indigo to be the color of every flower and momentum of every sky you see in the world . he asked why so , so monotone , you , a drunk bastard that time , didn't care and only ever answered ,

that it was because those were the colors you see most whenever you're with the one you love . you'd love to be surrounded by the sight , reminded by his tangible existence , no matter where you are , how you are , and who you become .

diluc , you weren't sure if your drunk memory is serving you right but , there was a faint smile in his face . you do remember for sure how he commented on that being , cheesy or lame , something along the lines of that . you didn't care , you were drunk .

sobered with exhilarating sensations yet ended up drunkenly crying more when scaramouche showed up . looking , mad ? is that the right word ? he kept scolding you on your way to his car . his car that you helped pick out , that he deliberately bought after you almost got molested once on an unfortunate tired late night , in your routined public transportation . he went on and on , saying you were too young to be drinking and you shouldn't have at all . you were too sad , pained and aching at heart's every pumping artery to fully care for all he's had to say . it's hard to settle the raging emotions too when one of the complex substances of the mix was right beside you , holding your hand with blurring vagueness . the vagueness you once found the most comforting set of lenses to look at .

you wanted solace with the ever so calm kazuha . always just words in books and literature paired with , the most calm and peaceful thinking . voice ever so soothing . kazuha at that moment , was the most comfortable lap pillow . and you knew how he is as a person , always having a shoulder you can comfortably platonically plop your head on . absolutely all you had expected of him the moment he was introduced to you . the utter opposite of the scaramouche you've learned to love . almost like you , just , you weren't capable of achieving the latter part for , for yourself . how cruel .

scaramouche was cruel too , he didn't let you have your rest moment with the epitome of peace . you could only lean on the cold surface of the passenger seat , writhing in his coat and wondering , living in the moment that it smelt like him . though that was only the case after you pick apart the mixture scent of expensive cigarettes and alcohol all over it . must be , another one of those high-class days of his .

sigh .

you spoke of nonsensical things in the midst of all the thinking . it wasn't as though you wanted to talk a lot , you just , wanted out of your own tornado of thoughts . focusing on his click of tongues and cold answers , staring at the passing cars outside and the usual path home . home ? right . home .

you have to go home . in that place , the only place you've ever lived with your only family . what the heck . you continue saying whatever came to mind , you remembered it all , they weren't all so far from your usual ramblings , so you didn't pay it much mind . what cost all of your concern then ? perhaps how harsh scaramouche was with his rejection of keeping you , company . sure , you said you liked him . with snot and tears all over your face . with your hand on the hem of his sleeve and the most pitiful look of desperation .

but was it ever any part of his series of normals to deny heeding you of your wishes to be accompanied , even if just for a minute , a second ? when usually he was the one subtly inching you to stay with him every blinking minute in his breathing life . looking back , you also remember how a friend of your brother have said before , that humans imagine the unexpected so much , yet ironically the moment it befalls upon them they still ache as though they haven't invisioned its hits in every each way enough to take it . however , for you , the unexpected that you genuinely never had a reason and moment to even think of , thumped at your poor heart more .

you stayed bawling your eyes there for who knew how long , you were just , crying and crying , and crying again until you were sure you wouldn't have tears to shed in years time . in the back of your mind , you were waiting for the door to creak open and the hinge to squeak and for someone to caress each of your stained cheeks and tell you it's alright . you wished that someone would be scaramouche . no surprise in that drunken expectation , but no one came barging through the door that night , not a soul came to drip your ears with honey dipped words and feed you marshmallow comfort . what you had was yourself , in the very core middle of that old suffering small unit in an apartment complex you've lived all your years in .

the next day , you tried to act your best out of it . you talked to him like he didn't just tell you hours before at dusk that no matter if you pray to every shrine or not that he'd love you , it wouldn't happen . it wouldn't . you said you didn't remember shit that happened in your first ever drunk endeavour . even if the tone of his voice and the choice of his words have carved up its very own nest at the most dominant part of your brain . even if the carving has bled enough to make you pale at the face , have got you trembling internally whenever you met his gaze .

was that the right move to have been done ? you didn't know , you couldn't be bothered to figure out . a year passed soon enough and that incident , felt like it didn't happen . he was back to being who he was , a walking hot tempered yet gentle jerk who doesn't have anything else to whiff around than an abundance of mixed signals . you could only accept it all with gritted teeth and fisted palms . trying to keep an open mind .

just how much longer did you think you could pry your mind as open as you could ? did you ever stop and think it hurt you to do as you utmost can as long as you could ? it even came to the point where it pained you too much , that you just crouch down at times , wondering how long it has to go on .

you eventually , just learnt to accept it all , ignorance is bliss as some may say . you can't say you strongly approve of it but you don't go against it either . him laying off dating so many girls lasted a bit . it was always happening at the most random periods of time , it's gotten pretty tiring to guess when it happens and how long it'll last . you just , go along with every single whim , smile at every girl , and keep that smile until he drops you off at home .

you didn't mind that much anymore . you'd get sad , you'd mope about it at home , but that's as far as you went . you still hang out with him as more as you can and as you were already aware of how much you liked him those times at both ends , you found yourself falling for him deeper and deeper each passing day . quite a disadvantage when he always overdo the push and pull shit .

there were still times when you look at him for too long , you remember the words he said that night , and it'd hurt . it'd hurt so bad . you'd feel your heart clench , and breathing becomes the most alienated thing for a moment . and you'd ignore all his messages for a few days , only for him to barge in your home after a bit . frantic and absolutely looking like he's about to lose it if he loses you . holding all your favorite snacks and clutching at his keys , he'd often be on his motorcycle during those times . as if he had to be there by your side as fast as he could .

you wouldn't have kept the door open the first time , if he didn't look like a puppy so lost , standing there by the hall , the sun just about to rise and his eyes all baggy and his existence looking so edge-less . you hated yourself for not being able to resist him , and set him aside .

he'd keep asking you if something was going on , if you suddenly discovered you have a tumor or if you're dying because what the fuck could have been going on with you , to not , see him for more than a day ?

right , right .

you had to keep this stage of your relationship how it was years ago , no matter how much you wanted things to change , no matter how much you wanted your feelings reciprocated .

i love him .

three words that a part of you must have been whispering to all of you all those times you were with him . now the words that each part of you screams everyday . you've spent countless hours wondering if this feeling could ever disappear . you've spend numerous days wishing he was feeling the same . you wanted him to be yours , since you were long since fully his .

you think about him as soon as you wake up . wondering if he looks as groggy as the first time you've caught him freshly awaken . how did you do that again ? you wanted to surprise him with croissants your brother bought you , the croissants you've been craving for days .

those were the days you still weren't fully accepting of your feelings for him . yet there you were , ready to run streets to share fresh hot croissants with him . knowing damn well he could've bought the store your brother got them from . knowing damn well he knew that himself . knowing damn well that despite all that , he'd still eat it with you and listen to your grateful ramblings .

because that's just who he was as your scaramouche .

your loving scaramouche .

the only one you fit in every crevice of your heart . the only one with fucking constellations in their eyes . the only one you can never get tired of thinking and talking about . the only one you'd endure all this pain for . the only one you become stupid for . the only one you love . your one and only scaramouche .

you tried your best to never hinder him from anything . you would message first after just a day or two of not meeting . you would tell him everything , like he had asked you , that night , one page in your high school life , highlighted by dying streetlights .

you were everything but dating .

scaramouche didn't seem to want you that way . so you tucked yourself in and crossed your arms to hide away your feelings . you were sure you were contented with his small unreasonable outbursts of jealousy . you were sure you were contented with the exceptions .

you were so sure .

until he dismissed your mentioning of going on a blind date .

Yeah ? Wouldn't that be your first blind date ever ? he was so calm . you couldn't help your brows' twitching . your heart thumping down on the flat surface down your stomach . the butterflies swarming and wrecking havoc , tickling your lungs and racking your ribs .

he didn't care . maybe , maybe he never ever did .

Have fun . before , you had this cinch of believing that there was a chance , no matter how slim , thin and barely visible . you believed that there was a possibility that he liked you as you liked him . because , how else is he or anyone to explain all that he's been doing ?

believing , and believing , undeniably you were . hearing him single handedly turn you down , as if it's the easiest thing for him to do , as he stare off to the distance of the flowing river , as if what's uknown beyond there is more important to him than you'll ever be . you couldn't help the shattering of your poor heart .

he looked beautiful that night . painfully so .

that was the first time , in almost a decade of being together , did you not contact each other for more than three days . you didn't bother messaging , he didn't seem to mind . and you felt crushed , all over . your fragments becoming crackles in your pot , the stirring becoming eerie , you felt a distinct sense of neglect , beneath the very bottom of that searing well .

what's been cleared turned foggy again .

you kept your eyes on the mixture , begging it to be clear , begging to see reflections of your eyes stirred with hearts and sparkles again at the thought of him , but no matter how much you stirred , nothing changed . maybe this was really how it was supposed to be , maybe you were just destined to be left alone . maybe you were destined to that same spot in that same bar every same time , drinking about the same thing .

no matter how much you drunk . no matter how much you chugged . you couldn't forget his dismissal , you couldn't silence your thoughts , you couldn't ease your stinging wounds as the butterflies racked , not messing with your heart , but the nerves of your brain , tickling every vein into making you think this was supposed to be what's between you two anyways .

nothing .

no messages from him , no sudden house-visits , no calls during midnight , no picking you up after classes and shifts from work . maybe that's just how everything is supposed to be . maybe you should close the book already , perhaps it's the final chapter , the ending may not have been happy , but it is reality . you can never run from reality . you've known that way back .

reality does the chasing , you're always just bound to huffing and puffing , panting and out of breath , crying after getting caught by it .

you still remember how childish your antics were with xiao that night . you still remember how a part of it didn't feel that vivid and right . well yeah , of course you do , it all just happened last night .

and now , you stare at the big flat television . a familiar movie playing , lines and scenes replaying in your line of sight . you sit on the couch , lounging . like you own the place . you're wearing the clothes of the owner , so maybe rather than owning , you more so belong with the place , in the aspect of being his . it was past 4 in the afternoon . pretty late . you were wondering when the hell he'd wake up . about an hour ago .

you were also wondering if you should just head home . remembering how close he tried to keep you during his slumber though , you stray from the action and proceeded to just laze about his apartment instead . everything was almost the same as always . it wasn't that rare for you to be listless in his home , in his clothes , and with him rooms away or whatnot .

it'd check the list of being completely the same as usual if you two didn't have that confession to each other , hours ago . your brain still flashes through the drunken memory every few minutes or so . the fluffy pillows and encasing blankets smelling like him didn't help much either .

the ever so eternal monster swarm of butterflies have been warping a hurricane up your stomach and you can't do anything but let it happen . it's almost amusing how it seems to be heated by the rising temperature of your body as you remember his reciprocation . although late and paid with not just a few years of tears and ache , it was all worth it to hear , becoming your heart's favorite melody , beating to it's rhythm , being the butterflies' jam as it tickles you inside out .

how many times have this movie been replaying ?

"You really love this movie , huh ?"

your heart sure seems to like to party to his voice . it beats faster and faster and faster . you didn't turn to him , even as he starts to walk his way beside you on the couch . you only tighten your grip on the now-deformed pillow . scaramouche , sits beside  you . with the same distance as before all this happened , with his arms crossed , his leg stretched , right on top of his left thigh , as he usually would .

you bury your face more into his pillow .

"Is it your favorite ?" scaramouche , believe it or not , is a lot more gentle when you two are alone together . the smallest rise in his meter of annoyance usually meant you've gone and crossed a bit too far . you shake your head , disagreeing with him . "Nope , nope it's not ."

"You sure ? You rewatch it everytime you're here ." he was still half-asleep , or maybe a quarter-asleep . you stared at the movie playing in front of you , the lines the same as what little you have heard him reading to himself behind the flowerboard . the smell of the flowers with the sound of his voice , you remembered loving to experience it all every recess .

that was when you decided to set aside his puppeteer attitude and focus on how good of a wanderer he is in your mind , wandering here and there yet never leaving to be elsewhere .

who would've thought he'd end up wanting to challenge you over flowers you only cared for because of him ?

"Because it's your favorite movie ."

"So it makes it yours too ? Is that the effect of us always being together ?"

"In a way , yeah ."

"I didn't know . I always thought you liked the other one better ."

"Because I do ."

your eyes shut close . the memory glitching before pitch black transcends every string . you knew you probably sounded senseless to scaramouche . you could almost see how his brows furrows and his eyes glint . how cute . your heart continues racing . "You're making no sense , more than usual ."

you laugh , finally surrendering to every butteflies' spree of tickling . taking a breath in , you look into the movie yet again . "This movie's not my favorite . The way you look whenever you watch it , is ." the silence creeping within you two's distance , became intensely loud . you match it as you laugh out loud , again , purely genuine .

"That's ,"

"Weird ?"

he pauses the movie , the remote was nearer to you , your hands created friction . that little friction , as if you've never touched before . "No , not really ."

you still don't look at him .

"You just , sound like you like me so much ."

you dig more into your knees . you were sure you weren't just blushing . you have been faced with countless teasing almost same of line and context as this . but with his confession and yours as scoring under all those markings , you can't help but feel a tinge something different . perhaps not just a tinge but a bulldozer of a sprinkle instead .

"Intense , right ? Imagine if you knew in totality just how much I've loved you ." you mumble to yourself , hoping he wouldn't hear . but he did .

suddenly holding you by both shoulders and guiding you to finally look at him . you see him . scaramouche , bathed in the dewy lights emitted by the setting sun . as expected , his hair was a tad bit awry , his eyes were still dazed , his eyebrows were twitching , and he looked more displeased than surprised . you always wondered why his expressions are so off-set at times .

he was blushing too . if the red in his face standing out amidst this sunset lit setting had a say in anything . and with that warmth , the butterflies have called unto flowers , had them grow in you , and it tickled , tickled you to smile at him , despite having him just look at you with that face since over three minutes of passing .

"I wasn't dreaming last night ?" he finally asked , shaking you the lightest he can , the same way he does when he's waking you as you sleep in his passenger seat , clothed in his picked and bought cardigans . he thought he was dreaming ?

"If you were, then was it the best dream in your life ?" he plants his gaze on you impossibly deeper before nodding like a kid given too much attention . leaning into him , and hugging him close , no more distance of just friends putting you off , you tightly enclose your arms around his waist , leaning your head into his chest .

"I love you , Scaramouche . Yesterday , probably years ago too , heck especially today and even for all days next to come ." for once , his heart , felt panicked . it beat too hard , your own heart felt defeated . you stayed there hugging him until he yields his arms around you too . the trace of hesitation evident , the shaky breath there for you to hear , you loved it all .

it's the scaramouche you've never seen before .

not approaching you for competitions , not stomping over you to shatter you with excuses to infuse shyly desired interactions , not running after you , furiously envious , not the ever so almost uncharacteristically gentle . this scaramouche who have seemingly fallen apart with just a few more assuring declarations , holds you in his arms and buries his face into your neck , acting as though any minute now you'll disappear , vanish , like an exhale in the cold of winter .

as if you're not locked by his hold , much like you were this early dawn and all your life since you spoke . as if you're not in his clothes , wearing all that he's long since owned . as if you're not the one who's said iloveyou .

"Do you love me too , Scara ?"

"You know the answer to that already ."

"No shit , Sherlock ." you move away from the warmth of spring , the flowers are already falling off , it's long past having blossomed . "Tell me straight . It'd be unfair if only I did the confessing the second time ."

unfair you say , despite not really caring of that aspect . you just wanted to hear it again . one more time . to hear it from him now , with you as sober as you can ever be , would most likely tire the butterflies in your hearts , seemingly powered with infinity itself .

"But , I'm . . ." his hold gets tighter , and you wish you could pull away , just a bit , just to see how red his face has become , how much his lips are quivering , how much his lips seem to be shining , at the sight of you — as he confesses his love for you . his love he's been hiding all these years . but as you love him more as you love yourself , you merely close your eyes and imagine it .

he seems to believe if he's going to be embarrassing while being horrendously embarassed , it's only right for you to witness it . so he pulls you away , his hands on each of your shoulder . trembling , cold , yet still as gentle as it's always been .

his face is redder than when he's first accidentally yelped at the sound of a sudden thunderclap , and he believed he was alone in his apartment as he should be — but upon your dropping of your keys , he sees you there by the doorway , holding your stomach and lips from erupting the loudest laughter you knew you could muster given that situation .

"I love you , Y/n ."

his voice drags you back to reality and his words seemed to scald the butterflies fluttering in your very stomach and they wreck even more havoc . you stayed staring at him , counting the stars in his eyes , not at all noticing the tears dripping from your eyes .

he loves you .

scaramouche loves you .

you weren't just being delusional all those years . you weren't being foolish for wishing for more . you weren't being absolutely diabolical for feeling something he never bothered wording as he does now . you were elated . beyond words , beyond any reactions you could scoop up from your entire being . for a moment you felt your every vein numb , as you seemed to be injected with seemingly unreal glee . it felt electrocuting for his hands to suddenly hold both of yours . for him to press his lips on the back of one . and frantically ask what's wrong .

as if he hasn't done that for you so many times before .

who knew his simple declaration of love for you , albeit so simple , so anti-climatic , become such strong foundation for the absolute oblivion of your sanity .

"Hey , Y/n ? Please say something , and why are you crying , hm ?" you couldn't answer and you just stay there biting your bottom lip in an attempt to stop your tears . your hands aren't very much capable of pressing down on your eyes as they're held captive by youd beloved and you don't really wish to let him go . not now , not ever .

not when he's loved you all along too . not when he's always done everything he's done not merely because he can but he wanted to . not when he's here right now , kissing your tears away as he has no plans to let go of your hands he's carressed more than anyone have ever had in this lifetime . no matter how much it embarasses him as a man always unable to fully come to terms with his own inklings —

"Say something please ." he kisses a tear before it reaches your cheek before landing his head on your shoulder . he mumbles something yiu couldn't here .

"I'm literally about to die of absolute shit-ass embarassment here — I'm even more embarassed than that time you saw me cry when we first watched that film !" he determined points at the TV . his whining voice reminded you very much of your high-school days . and maybe that's why you were finally able to laugh in spite of all the tears .

"You'll never leave me right , Scara ?"

"I can't . No matter how hard I fucking try ."

"You shouldn't . You'll regret it ." you smile before sniffing , eyes closing , a bit pained with the sudden crying . "I definitely will . I should've confessed earlier . You wouldn't have been approached by those dumbasses before ."

you blink . no one's ever approached you before for romantic applications though ? if some do approach you for something of the sort , it's to be set up with him ?

"Have you been warding off every single individual that could've been my lover ?"

"Yeah . . ." so that's why you never really got any form of confessions or hitting up during those years . you always wondered if you were simply unattractive or unapproachable . your brother would mention it'd definitely be the latter — so he wasn't speaking of the fact that you had an aura that naturally deflects any openings for approaching presences — he was implying on the fact that scaramouche was always there to scare them off . and was most likely qute efficient with it too as you were always together naturally .

he suddenly pulls away and stares at you intently , eyes glistening up with residues of embarassed tears . "Wait , why are you asking , huh ?! Did you want them to have been given a chance to even approach you ?!"

you weren't , even if you had more options like him , and with that , it would've been so much easier to plaster your wounds caused by him , with gauze and remedies — you know you'd much rather continue being pained by him and watch every wound develop scabs only to be picked and to continue bleeding , than be with someone else .

you were still in deep wonders of how xiao was so lucky being able to pass the scaramouche-barricades though .

"You couldn't ward off Xiao ?" you must've sneered at him by mistake and realized it too late . his lips have quivered and his glare becomes impossibly sharper . "Don't get me started on that fucking fuckass . He had a boyfriend and was such a serious dickface that I was so sure it'd be more possible for pigs to grow wings and take humans for constant flights than for him to have feelings for you ."

"Fucking fuckass ." his favorite curse , and you laugh . "Xiao's a good guy , Scara ."

"I don't fucking care . He's a nuisance ." you shake your head , holding his cheeks as he's been looking away from you . "He just liked me ."

"You mean , he likes you ?"

"I'll reject Xiao and anyone for that matter . As much as it takes for him to get over me . And as I do that on the side , I'll continue loving you with all my heart as I've been doing these years ." you kiss his lips and you believed his frown would be replaced with a pout when you pull back . excited , you pull back — only to be pulled in yet again . kissed harder , deeper , yet still as gentle and loving .

when it was over . he looked more satisfied than ever . with the most noticeable smirk and the stars in his eyes gleaming over your shocked entirety .

"You better ."

you couldn't do much more than smile . knowing now that you've actually been stuck in such an unnoticed mystique , with your polar opposite . knowing now that this love will probably never end , after all and if ever it shows sign of being as so , you wouldn't be alone desperately stopping its happening , and that he'd probably do so so much more just to be alive knowing you'd be living by his side . knowing now that you're finally receiving the love you've been craving , from the man with no hesitation to kiss your tears , feel your fears , and build you tiers to be able to be with him .

"I love you so much , Scara ." perhaps overwhelmed by all of everything you'd never imagined having , you confess to him yet again . as if to confirm he didn't misspoke , and you didn't mishear , the words you've been desperately wishing for him to speak of with you in mind . he merely smiles and leans in for another kiss .

"I love you so much more than you could ever know ."

fin <3

SCARA-LiNE / WORK NAVi!

[miiserableee]

Saw your scara x reader for the first time after my long pause stopped reading it😳🤌🏻

Um.... It's so good... Your writing too! And the ideas too!!.... Here's a bouquet💐

(_////_)👉🏻👈🏻

thankyousomuch! i am so glad u enjoy my works <33! thank you for the bouquet, here's some cakeee 🍰🍰🍰

[miiserableee]

seriously how do you write so GOOD 😭😭 your work is genuinely so mesmerising if you made a novel I would read it,, it’s so easy to immerse in and so in depth I just loveeee how you write please take care of yourself and take your time !! you’re so talented I applaud you really 🫶🫶 (coughs in procrastination) I would hang your work on my wall as a poster if I could 🫡 solidified as one of my fav authors ‼️❤️

im gonna start crying tot thank you so much for your kind words! and im so glad u enjoy reading said works of mine aaaaa! i love u so much, thank you so much, im gonna start crying now—i hope u have a good day/night/life, mwaaaa!

[miiserableee]

( 𖤘 ) ▸ tumbling the tumbled : scaramouche x fem! reader !

scaramouche have always found you to be a pill he can't seem to swallow . you were always too hard to ignore , too easy to wish for . he spent his whole highschool thinking you'd remain being nothing as he so desperately hopes , but is now oftentimes sleeping with dreams of you and how you've tumbled his existence .

(!!!) mentions of reader being a cutie patootie ! tsundere to the highest level scara ! cuddly reader & scara ! modern!highschool! au again cause that's all i can ever write AHAHAHAHAHA lmao :D ooc characters ! 1.5k words !

"Oi , wake up ." scaramouche was never the most decent , but he's long since learnt to mind his own business . so , why does he bother with you ? sleeping so leisurely by the far corner of this massive library .

well , maybe it's because , it's been more than half an hour since the bell rung . it's way past lunch break . you ought to be in class . just as him . he isn't quite sure if you're as uncaring of being late or absent for a period or two . he's seen you wake up on time countless of times like clockwork , like a bot programmed to be up and about at the most appropriate of timestamps .

scaramouche , aggravated , scratches at his scalp and messes up his own bedhead . he had also just woken up from his nap . fuck , this really itches him the wrong way for some reason .

he can't seem to walk out , trust him , he's tried .

he glares at you , like that'll do anything while you're playing sleeping beauty . perhaps looking for a needle to prick you with will give him the best outcome , and ability to sweep his meaningless frustrations under rugs .

"Wake up , L/n ." he rearranges his words for the , god knows who time . you remain with no showing of signs of being the least bit disrupted by this , attempt of being awoken . and that's on the said attempts not being in the gentle side either .

one more glare and he'd probably have digging knives for eyes . he clicks at his tongue and took his phone out . it seems it's been 35 minutes , well , it doesn't really matter if he goes to class or not . his classmates were raring in the groupchat , about how their teacher was busy attending on a sick student to practice any lectures .

the vibrations of the notifications having been what awoke him . he looks at the sleeping you again and wonders if he could set his phone vibrating and wake the hell out of you too .

he chose against it as he remembers your close bond with one of his friends . a nagging fit from two chatterboxes will have to grate at his ears for a long while . heizou and kazuha really have a knack at befriending odd people . you setting the best example yet .

there's venti too . that guy really loves your every atom .

right , xiao is kind of way past just knowing you too so he'd really have to go through it if he did something atrocious to you , or at least that's what kazuha will word anything of what he does as a teasing to you would be in the aftermath .

aether would probably join the nagging crew .

he sighs and sits himself on the seat by the right to you . you didn't budge despite all the noise his intentional display of being inconsiderate have played too near you .

cupping a hand to a cheek , he rests on his elbow and ponders over nonsensical things . what else to do when you have almost an hour to waste until the next period begins ?

he looks at your face .

he's seen that face multiple times this year . it's a bit annoying how often , but he's gotten used to it .

you came from the same reading club as the five guys he hangs out with . he was ushered to join said club too but he'd rather do other things .

you didn't have much going on for you . plain and quiet , always on your heels and never at all looking directly at him . well , at least until the formal introductions done by venti was laid ahead .

your e/c eyes really struck at him that time . your eyes feeling oddly perfect being on line as his . it's a shame that your eyes are closed now , as you sleep .

seeing you sleeping so deeply he wonders if your sleeping position is really any that seemingly comfy . he copies you and dives more into pondering .

there were moments wherein you two only had each other as company , excluding this one . the majorities of these was when you two slept hours in the library , reasons and spots utterly different but that's besides the point .

there was a moment when he had to aid you with a wounded arm from an incident in class , he even had to attend to your wound himself . there was that time he gave you a handkerchief of his own when he walked in on you crying in class , at dawn , the class yet to begin , the classroom empty , you with a book and weeping silently .

you two were also paired for a project once .

all those moments together , vulnerabilities and opportunities leading doors of creaking opening , yet you never felt all that special to him , he never felt the need to pry those doors open fully . since to him you were ,

just , some girl his friends are all sheeshaw-sheesh over .

saying you were the most responsible , strong and capable person they know .

scaramouche could only scoff in mind . if only they knew how much of a vulnerable , naive and careless of an existence you truly can be at times .

helping someone from falling badly and hurting yourself in the process . crying just because a character wanted to buy his mother's favorite croissants but couldn't . staring aimlessly at everything the moment you're left alone . saying the most unnecessary things with just a whiff of awkward silence .

he stares at your braided hair .

that was one of those rare acts of yours , you were never one to tie your hair .

he feels sleepy again . he didn't even feel his eyes close . thinking of you is so tiring , it drags on for too long . at times , it even comes to points where he just thinks about you all day long .

"Scara ?"

scaramouche blinks , hearing your voice . he blinks again and again , in a daze . "You dozed off ." you were sitting between his legs , his arms around you .

oh right , you slept here last night and you both woke up past afternoon and decided to have food delivered and watch movies while , eating .

the delivery must have taken so long that he fell asleep . what a deep dream , he almost forgot all his rage in his stream last night .

"Sorry . Is the food here ?" he asks and you shake your head , leaning back after and landing said head on his shoulder . that's good , he didn't want you to eat alone .

your phone back on the table as you reach for his cheeks and squish at them . "Not yet , a few more minutes , the driver said ."

instead of his brows twitching at what you said , he only asks you to sit the other way around and face him .

that , you did . so different from how you would've flinched before at every touch on you he did .

you sit with your legs rested on his thighs and your hands on his shoulders . you tilt your head to the side a bit and smiles .

"You haven't had enough cuddles ?"

"I just , want more ." he kisses your cheek before he pulls you closer to him . arms around you and massaging your back . he leans on the couch and sighs .

"Are you hungry ?" he sounds a bit worried . "For cuddles ? Now that you're being all clingy , yeah , yeah I am ."

"I was asking if you were famished for food , but that's good to know ." scaramouche was never at all near to thinking that your relationship of just being too-far-to-be-friends would now be , this intimate .

"What did you dream about , anyways ? You kept grumbling ."

"I dreamt of that time we slept in the library until it was time to go home ."

"Oh ? High school , right ? When we were 2nd years ?"

"Yeah ,"

"I was wondering why you were beside me when Venti woke us up . They wondered too and asked why you were there and was sure you were awake because you had seen-ed in the gc hours before . Then you said you didn't leave , just because . But like , why really ?" what a detailed recollection , nothing beats your memory after all .

"I don't know . I must've been attracted to you some way even in those moments , despite not being completely aware yet ."

you pull back from him with your brows meeting and he laughs before you say a thing . "Didn't you ask me out before we graduated High School ? You mean , you've liked me since we were in our 2nd years ?!"

"Why are you so shocked ?" the two of you now were 3rd years in college . struggling to even be 4th years next semester , or maybe just you .

"Because ," you trail off and pause completely . "Because ?"

his thumb press a bit on your sides , his hands on either side of your waist . keeping you there , he feels you want to just stand and walk out .

"Because , oh ! The delivery's here ! I'll get it !"

he watches you hurry your way to the door and stays there for a bit . smirking to himself . seems to be stuck in the memory train today , he remembers one thing one of the guys said after a month or two of you two being introduced to each other .

"You know , Y/n seems interested in you ."

perhaps , heizou is worth believing sometimes .

SCARA-LiNE / WORK NAVi !

[miiserableee]

OH I LOVE YOU SO, I LOVE YOU SO

pairing. neuvilette x gn!reader

genre. very fluffy neuvi hcs!

neuvilette, as the symbol of justice and honour, he has expectations to meet when seen to the public eye. many know him as a man of solemnity who maintains a serious composure at any given time, yet you see him in a different lens.

affection is a language that he is still learning to comprehend so more often than not, when you peck him on the cheek or initiate hand holding, he might just take a moment to return your love.

neuvilette leans more towards quality time more than anything. there's nothing he wouldn't have for you to be near him, either it being watching him work while reading or sitting beside him in the morning as you both wake up.

he much rather prefers when your affections are in private rather than public, it's like a world with the two of you exist and nothing else matters. no one else can witness the personal moments between you two, except for you and him.

nothing else is more adorable than seeing neuvilette with the melusines as they tie the low bow in his hair that you've always been fond of, their small paws fluffing it up. he's just like a father to them, contrasting with the cold chief justice everyone sees.

©akunikiss (please don't steal and translate my works w out permission!)

reblogs are very appreciated! 💗

[miiserableee]

i genuinely cant anymore why is your writing so yejeuefejge ITS SO GOOD LIKE I CANT COMPREHEND HOW GOOD IT IS

ive been bawling to all the sad ones ily and ur writing sm 😭😭🤧🤧💗

oml vdisbaianwiq i have been crushing on u and ur writings since i started uploading scarafics here on tumblr , it still feels like a dream for u to be reading my works now 😭 IM SO GLAD U THINK ITS GOOD TORVS9ANA9AB9A i hope u had a good time bawling tot ( i can't comprehend how past me did it too , i cant write for shit now 😎😎😎 ) but thankyousososososomuch u've done and made my daysssss !! ily and ur writings sm too 💖💖💖 GAAAAAAAA

[miiserableee]

I LOVE U WRITING SMMM OMG ITS JUST SO GOOD AND LIKE IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE.. YUMMY?!

omyloomie gs9snq9baia thank you so much ????? I LOVE YOU THANK YOUUUUUUUUU !! AHAHAHAHAHA GOOD AND YUMMY LETSGOOO !! i have left this account and writing for quite a long time now and am struggling going back into it and i'm really grateful for such kind words !! i hope you have a great day/night and ilabyu again mwamwaaaaaaa !! 🥳🥳🥳

[miiserableee]

BESIDE YOU

pairing. albedo x gn!reader

sypn. a cafe date with your lover! (smugbedo) wc. 228 genre. fluff!

if you were to ever walk up to a random student in the hallway and ask them to describe albedo in two words, your response would always be of distant genius" or "elegantly ambitious". someone to look up to and admire, but not necessarily someone to share intimate feelings with. you would've believed all these assumptions of him if you weren't currently seated by his side, savoring a slice of strawberry cheesecake together.

"here, say "ah"!" you stifled a giggle, watching as he reluctantly indulged in your desires— spoon-feeding him. you watched with childlike joy as he ate from the spoon, the remnants of strawberry visible on his lips.

he glanced at you, unable to stop the soft smile forming on his lips as he watched your every expression, feeling nothing but love for you.

"it tastes good. maybe a bit too sweet though?"

"oh! i'll try and get something else next time then," a soft kiss was planted on your cheek, your face heating up at his touch. turning to look at the culprit, he only let out a soft laugh at the sight of your flustered face.

"no need to. it tastes better when i kiss you… maybe that's the solution?" he put his hand over yours, gently intertwining both of your hands together. you could only nod in response, quickly avoiding his gaze.

"yeah.."

© akunikiss 2023. likes and reblogs are v appreciated!

[miiserableee]

a love-filled morning

sypn: you have to wake up, so kunikuzushi gives you a little motivation ♡

warnings: none really, just pure wholesome fluff

an: wait it's actually been so long since i last wrote

a ghost of a smile danced on his lips as he admired your moment of vulnerability, subsuming the image of your sleeping form. he held your hand gently as he traced small circles on your palm, just enough to make you slightly squirm from his touch. taking pleasure in your reaction, a soft chuckle escaped his lips before he squeezed your hand gently, leaning down to whisper in your ear.

"wake up, love," his breath fanned your ear as you slightly shifted away from him, small protests leaving your lips. he gazed at you, smiling at how adorable you looked, like a cute fungus getting mad. kunikuzushi sat on the edge of the bed, turning his head to continue watching you whilst you hid away in the corner of the bed, wrapped up in the kakefuton.

"you don't want to be late for work, do you?" he spoke, looking at you in amusement. shaking your head, you let the kakefuton pool on the bed, releasing your grip from the warmth. you reluctantly dragged yourself out of the corner and laid your head on kunikuzushi's lap, eyes still shut tight.

pressing a kiss on your forehead, he pulled you up to seat you in his lap. you hesitantly opened your eyes, allowing his hand to run through your hair.

"kuni.." you muttered under your breath, planting soft kisses on his cheek.

he was drowning in your affection, his hands lightly grasping your waist before pulling you flush against him, crimson blooming on his cheeks. your hands held the sides of his face, taking in his breathless features before pulling him into a kiss, his and your eyes holding nothing but unadulterated affection and love for each other. yesterday's argument was long forgotten as he held you in his arms, slowly pulling his lips away from yours.

"i love you, you know that?" his breath fanned your ear again, his lips planting a kiss on your neck. at his words, you softly laughed, a small smile adorning your features.

"i love you too, kuni," a soft hue of pink appeared on his face, instinctively avoiding eye contact with you. he may have heard this many times before, but it never changed his reaction to those words that you spoke with utmost sincerity and love.

"well, i love you more then, (name)."

[miiserableee]

reblogging bc i forgot i made two versions of chapter 3 the first version's last part's kinda good (?) !! AHAHAHAHAH i still feel like this is so weird though but so am i for posting it anyway :D chapter five , the last part will be poorly written , im just desperately crawling out of this writer's block at this point—polar mystique doesn't have much readers ikik but i wanna finish it before i pog my way to vampire me up .

for my own amusement , and recollection , the finale will be y/n's viewpoint on everything that went on !! since you be the only one not having one lmao , chap 1 was scara's , chap 2 was partially childe and mostly kazuha's , chap 3 was xiao's and chap 4 was scara again :00 .

can't believe i put this on hold for like , almost a year , lmao tot me and my rusty ass .

( POLAR MYSTIQUE ) ▸ TRES : ! ( dos ) / ( quatro )

scaramouche × fem!reader ! ( summary ) in which two persistent people's story is shared and discussed , a hopeless sinful love finally dimming its dwindling light . ( mentions ) of reader having an older brother , being perfect , smart athletic u know the drill , xiaoven ! unrequited feelings ! rejection ( xiao receiving from reader , sob ) toxic (?) relationships ! ooc xiao , venti , scaramouche ! drunk reader ! reader w/ abandonment issues ! reader kind of a bro-con ! reader is weak to alcohol ! this is uh , kind of in a 2nd person viewpoint of xiao ! transparent cheating ? xiao mentioned to be in love with reader and venti ? ( 7k words ) modern!au!

also might feel like a xiao x reader cause , cause yes i kinda felt like writing him these days i hab no idea why , using him as a semi-reference for a character im doing in a orig taglish series maybe one of the reasons but yes , im getting off track again . MIGHT FEEL LIKE A XIAO × READER IF U SKIP CHAPTER UNO & DOS ! cringe level of this broke my records so beware ! yes , please-ism .

𖥼 , MESSY STRAYED BLOOMING YOU'VE DONE !

HE STARES . at his phone's screen . he's been staring since earlier actually . almost looking as if he's glaring at it now . what exactly was the object of such serious peering ? well , it's one of your messages . a hastily typed , come if u can—!! standing as the last message in said message box . he had been staring at it , even got so mad when a classmate of his , taking the same class asked him why he was so occupied . well , mad wouldn't really fit it , enraged maybe , his amber eyes gleaming darkly at that guy's greens . xiao was sure the classmate with a name he had never heard or bothered remembering before felt offended and scared enough to spout half-baked insults as he drags away his things to flee .

was in such a hurry that he didn't know his bag wasn't zipped and most of his pens dropped down the white of the marbled flooring . xiao didn't bother going to fetch the pens and chuck it back that guy's bag or something . he just pushes his phone away on the large of the desk . the lecture hall , now empty , the lecture ending about a few dozens of minutes ago . his last class was this one so he didn't bother packing up right away . not like he even did put out any of his things . no more class seem to be planning on using this hall for now too . he grunts .

leaning back his head on the seat , staring at the ceiling and muttering unintelligible nothings . "Should I go ?" he sucks on his tongue and settles it between his teeth . "I shouldn't ," remembering your face and to keep himself from biting into the poor pinkish pierced muscle , he just shuts his eyes . inhaling deeply . "Wanna see her ."

"Really ?" ticklish against his pale skin were trails of hair , all soft and smooth , smell all too familiar for him to feel wary . he sighs . the question floating around until he catches up with it , a butterfly net , snuggling it in a jar with his answer , "Hm , sorry ." he helplessly mutter , eyes of greens , almost too blinding , seemingly flash a set of relief . venti chuckles , pressing a kiss unto his forehead , "It's fine ."

xiao sighs at the feeling of those lips pressing up at a space on his tattoed skin , almost sending tingling electric volts in him . venti pulls him up from how he slouch himself into his seat . his black coat straightening up , his sleeveless turtle neck suddenly having him feel , just a teensy bit , stuffy . chains dangling and earrings gleaming with the lights suddenly emitting , the clouds are making way . the smell of apples slapping his worries away . "Go , pick her up . I'll be waiting at the cafe ." there wasn't a hint of worry . a hint of doubt . a hint of envy .

and as much as that should impale xiao , it relieves him .

"I'm sorry ." he so repeats , venti giggling one last time , one last squeeze on both his palms before muttering a low , "As I said , it's alright !" xiao smiles softly at the reassurement , though of course , not at all convinced , he knew he had to turn a blind eye to it , again , like he had been doing for two years on start and end . since , deep rooted feelings aren't that easily erased . grabbing his phone and slinging his sling bag over his shoulder , he was ready to go .

"I'll get going now ."

the considerably bubbly alcoholic nods and wave . watches as his lover turns his back to leave . a low hum leaving him as he fetches his phone from his own coat's pockets . "Ah , I forgot to the end the call ."

"So it seems ."

venti laughs , a bit heartily , quite not what diluc wanted to hear but he kept his mouth shut . this wasn't his business , none of his business . he sighs against his phone . venti knew what was coming , he even has his answers ready . "I didn't at all think you'd be this generous of a being ."

"I'm not ." venti grins , his tone lively , voice full of blissful melody . not even a hint of melancholy . despite what come may , despite the potential tragedy . diluc strikes a light glare , maybe intended for his regular costumer , but only ever landing on an empty seat on the other side of the counter . "Then are you just foolish ? Allowing him to remain by your side despite how he's already admitted of having feelings for someone else . It's either some bad case of over brimming stupidity or generosity ."

diluc pauses , oh right , he doesn't have a say in this . his sentence ended with an obvious falling cut , venti doesn't say a thing for a while . an unlikely thing for him to do with that loose mouth . he's always been a talker , be it drunk or sober . "It's neither ." he finally answers , stepping down the stair case to leave the hall . "I'm just sure ." diluc rolls his eyes .

"That he doesn't have a chance !"

venti would also comment on his tones and choice of words and voicing but , he doesn't really mind , so long as he pushes his message on . he needed to be pushed on with that message too . to say that he wasn't worried , would be a lie , really . xiao is one to be rather devoted . be it by the act of loving or hating , doing anything . it's hard to say that he'd even be able to get over you . seeing as , you've rejected the guy already but there he was still .

helplessly in love with you .

maybe even , stupidly in love with you . venti would hate on the thought , on the idea of his lover's persistence , but that devotion was also the reason he fell in love with him . venti couldn't say no when xiao asked , no , begged for him to not leave . but in truth , he didn't want to leave him either .

he even went as far as to act like he wouldn't mind you being in their relationship . like a throuple per say . you were one lovely girl after all , it's hard to not trip , not fall for one like you . especially applicable theory to one like xiao . if he was really giving , then he would've given xiao to you , done something to make things for you two work . seeing as how things with you and scaramouche is going , it wouldn't be that hard to forcefully make you turn over a new leaf .

turn over past feelings and start developing new ones . but venti didn't . venti couldn't . it'd hurt , hurt so bad . he can only hope that you wouldn't somehow find the path to this turning over a new leaf maze shit , that'd be bad . super bad .

just as bad as how xiao's feeling right now . heart raging in his ribcage , somewhat pounding and hitting its veins within said premise that he so vividly felt it . he shakes his head , he hasn't even seen you yet . just why is he so excited ? well , there is the idea that he'd be able to see you again . considering how you were so occupied with things these last few weeks he couldn't really get a hold of you , not like he tried to anyways . with his circumstances , even if he could , he still really shouldn't .

y/n l/n

im at the benches near our department !

are you sure abt picking me up ????

i can go by myself !

a feeling akin to that of buds of cotton blooming into his chest , he imagines how you'd say those messages in person . probably with small expressions and barely any big-on emotion . he doesn't bother reply . already seeing you seated by one of the benches . still staring at your phone , probably waiting for him to reply now that he's got it on read . hm , he should walk to you faster .

he does . almost sprinting to you .

"Hey ." almost a whisper , his voice sounded as so . but you heard him , he's made his presence known , holding you by your shoulder . crisp looking top , looking a bit crumpled . you turn to him , already knowing who he was , a look of mid glee proposed to him . he scanned your face , amber eyes sticking at your visage . you didn't mind , immediately standing and having his hand feel lonely with the way it didn't have your warm shoulder to clasp on anymore .

"You're not wearing a coat ." he says , it's cold season , he would've said as well . you just smile , "I like feeling cold ." and he nods , he's heard you mention that before , but he can't help but worry , seeing as today it's particularly really cold . he planned to take off his coat , put it over your shoulders , have his scent mixing with yours . but you hold at the back of his hand before he can , "You don't like the cold ." you say , looking at him with the words , so don't give me your expensive looking coat , etched at your e/c eyeballs .

he chuckles , you must've caught glimpse of his bare arms under the thick of said coat . "Hm ." putting it back on , you whisper a "Let's go ?" which he answered with a silent nod . "I'm reaaaally sorry you had to go , the cafe I work in is really weird . Having such requirements mandatory for us employees to meet ." you whine , undeniably , sounding as though you felt bothered , which was expected . you only ever felt such sensation during moments you felt like you're bothering others . he doesn't keep silent , knowing that you'd go on and on and bury yourself too deep again .

"It's alright , classes ended early and I had tons of free time ." he mouths , the cold fogging up the air he breathed out , "Venti too , he ," pausing to stare aside and breathe in this time , you patiently wait . "His ended earlier than mine so he went ahead to the cafe ." you glance at him before nodding , bottom lip chilling between both lanes of teeth , "Did you bring your motor bike ? Are we going to take the bus ?"

since the store is about three long ass streets away . though he knew you knew he doesn't do buses , you still put it out there . as if knowing he would ride on one if ever he has to for you . he shakes his head , the thought drifting away with the shaking . "I bought a car last week ." he says , which you just smiled at , "Nice ! Does that mean I can hit up a ride ? Or do I go by bus ?" your questions could be regarded idiotic and unexpected to be questioned by one of your kind , someone supposedly acing the hardest exams of every difficult class . but he liked the contrast .

"Yeah , it means you get to hit up a ride ." he answers , noticing soon then that your attention wasn't on him anymore , as normal as that is for him from you , he still opt to know the reason for your distraction . and won't you look at that , it's an arcade machine . a claw machine to be precise . mounds of soft looking stuffed toys inside , animals like bunnies , cats and what others there are , all in pastel light colors . shining were they , and he bets you were blinded enough by the sheen that you forgot all else . just staring at it . he stares too .

couldn't find anything special about it . but it seems that you have . so he should probably try and find it too . to be better in the field of understanding you , to better himself enough to compensate for the years he couldn't get to spend with you , for the mere reason that fate decided you meet him too late . literally , too late .

"Can I try ?" you ask , pointing at the machine and he looks at you before slowly nodding , why are you asking him ? it isn't like he owned the thing . he had a few of the kind at home but he obviously wouldn't own something so cute-looking . he lets it slide seeing how cute you are simply pleading for him to tell you that yeah , you can , go ahead . is it some sort of wealth-rank complex ????? he just watches you clutch at the joy sticker , the red nub being a stopper . you held unto it so tightly he almost felt bad for said part .

moving the crane , you seem to want the meaty cat one , almost looking like some low budget edition totoro , but he keeps his mouth shut . watching you push the button looking all sure that you'd get it . the way it didn't at all grab the thing and just lifted back up looked akin to how quickly the edges of your lips risen , dawned down at the sight . he stares , "One more time ." but oop , you failed again . maybe there are some things ms. perfect can't do . though he didn't expect this one since you often frequent an arcade somewhere near the area . he figured you still haven't gotten the hang of it .

"Let me try ." he offers , which you look at him questioning at first at before your jaw slacked upon some inner realization . boy he wished you didn't just think what he thinks you did . you make way though . and decidedly , he was now the maneuver of the machine . the machine's sound effects as it moves the crane almost sounded like screeching as he moves the joy sticker , the machine anticipating the chances of ripping you off slipping . said machine had amazing future-looking skills ! the crane lands ! and the claw ? snatched that cheap ass totoro ! you were silently gaping as it moved from where the low budget built totoro is , to that open slot . when it was on the price out you looked at it with a look of holy shit . almost as if you've just seen michael jackson rise from the dead . xiao was the one to take it from the slot .

also was the one that handed it over to you , its size being just , perfect ! you couldn't believe he actually got it on the first try , or so he thought you thought from the way you looked . you did mention a few times , that you take three to four tries to get one stuffed toy .

he would've bought the machine and given it to you then and there instead but with how you look now by just the toy itself , maybe it was wise that he didn't at all propose such idea aboard . "You don't want it ?" he questions , as you just let him flail it between you two . you took it at hand right away , "Man , that was so cool ! Thank youuuu !" he shyly nods , but he bets that nod deemed like one of his usual ones , which he'd prefer .

"Yeah , let's get to my car ." he pushes you gently with a hand pressing at your shoulder since time seem to have meant nothing to you anymore as soon as the toy landed on your palms . guiding you to his said car . you just blatantly follow .

"Pretty car . It suits you ." you fastened your belt , you tried at least . where the fuck is it . you seem to fume out . he waits for you to put it on and just like with the claw machine he just offers to help you get it over with , though this time there was no warning . just putting an arm in front and finding the thing quickly . fastening it over you and you thank him again .

"Venti helped , picking it out ." you nod , holding the stuffed toy up your bag down your lap . "How's things going for you ?" he starts the engine , "Alright , Diluc's new bar near the area is opening up tonight . Been helping out ." looking back to get the car out of parking . "Mr. Ragnvindr opened up a new branch ?"

"Mhm hm , the one we went to two years ago had been doing well so he had a chance to open up a new one by the opposite area of it ." he starts to drive , and he was glad he picked up on how quite quickly . "Nice , are you gonna start working there too ?"

"Nope , the one we went to two years ago is nearer my dorm , but I'll be working there for a bit after the opening to , hm , he said something about attracting customers ." unlike him who didn't at all understand what that meant yet just agreed to it cause fuck further discussions , the context seem to click on you quicker than the moment he just agreed to it . "Mr. Ragnvindr sure is smart ." xiao doesn't at all try and question what you mean anymore and just drove . "What about you , how's it been going ?" you shrug , "Been alright too . Same old same old ." you smile , "Thank you for coming again , must've sucked . You could've gone to a date with Venti or something ."

he blinks , turning the wheel , "We'll consider our time there as a date , don't worry about it ." you laugh at this , shoulders jittering , "Me third-wheeling your moments , yay ." though sounding sarcastic , with the laughs your emitting , he couldn't tell . "Throuples exist you know ." he mutters , you hear . "Yehp ." he knew you knew what he meant , but you shoved it down the back of your head . just as he should have .

"We're here ."

and so you were . the drive went on with more talking , not like the silence was in any way awkward . but he felt the need to hear your voice as much as he can , so he kept going on with questions masked with a sense of concern . what a joke . though aware , you answer anyway .

it was the usual small cafe , in front of the small bookstore , beside the antique shop . resting rows of flowers in small black pots , some hanging , some just there on the floor . he knew you watered those plants during your shifts , you also are the one who picked out most of the seeds . you've said once that the pay here is good , due to being run by some wealthy old married couple , living by the same street . i sure am surrounded by rich people . you joked once .

he walks the path of shining stones , they were flat but you'd mistake them for being bumpy . he twists the knob of the glass door , the sign welcome ! swaying and the chime bells ding . he steps aside and urges you to go in first , you just smile at this and does just as he motioned you to do .

you're walking in as a fellow customer today . bringing two friends in . to somehow bring up the sales a bit . though this cafe is already pretty famous around here . maybe the bringing of a friend is to pledge some sort of loyalty within the employees ? for the employees to see more benefits since for the friend they bring the prices lowers ?

ah well . he couldn't tell . he just wishes to see you in that usual shop-uniform though . you always looked cute in it . though with now looking the most comfortable , maybe its for the better . "Y/NNNNNN ~ !"

the shouting of your name was indeed loud , but melodious nonetheless , you seem pleased with the welcoming gesture of pressing hugs as well . "Venti !" your take on his greeting is well , pathetic , but venti did not mind , simply snuggling more into you . oh how xiao wished he can do that too . "I missed you so much ! It's been real long !" he presses on and xiao was now busy wondering if the jealousy pent in his heart right now is because you're hugging his boyfriend , or because his boyfriend is hugging you .

"It really has been long ! I missed you too !!" you beam back , its been like , 2 months since the two of you got together after all . part of the reason why venti was real hyped to this bring a friend or more thing . which xiao felt totally not so jealous about , totally . venti pressing kisses on your cheeks which you just giggle at and in terms of giving back you just press your cheeks against his , xiao stared . if you were dating , could he do that too ? he shakes his head . fucker , venti's right there .

"Anywho , I'll take your orders . Which here do you two want ?" you seem to be planning to take the menu for them to pick but xiao got a hold of your shoulder again so to speak . feeling like your shoulders were the only place he's allowed to lay hands on . "I'll go ." he offers again , stealing a glance at venti who just excitedly puts up thumps ups . your e/c eyes bore into his ambers before you cease to a light grin and nod , "Mmkay , I'll pay for my share though ."

he'd like to pay for the three of you , but seeing venti just shrugging and doing those just shoo shoo and do as she says gestures , perhaps he should just let you pay this time .

the girl in clothes you usually wore , behind the counter , looked particularly flustered when he was the one to take order after the earlier guy . he bats no mind to the blushing or gushing of hearts and speech bubbles of kyakya !! he also just waits there by the other side since supposedly that's where you wait for your order .

he looks back and sees you and venti talking , your h/c hair drifting with its strands here to there . he wonder why some still fall off though you've got it tied already . he stares at the way you giggle , your eyes looking the most lively . you are the kind to mirror your companion at a certain degree after all .

he stares , now that he thinks about it , when did these sinful feelings start to explode in him . he couldn't really pinpoint when , or how . it just came about . like the dwindling sunlight outside , you just engulfed him like that . a feeling so sudden , a feeling he should have expected , a feeling so , so faltering . even he didn't get most of what he just thought . but it felt like that .

he's seen you a lot before though . a lot . one would think , venti was the bridge and he was forced to cross to get on good terms with you but it was the other way around . xiao was the one to have met you first , both taking unneeded but frequent classes . he always finds himself seated somewhere near you , and he never even intended to do as so back then . he's seen you so diligently listening into classes . he's received multiple pens he's dropped and you picked up . it came to a point where you probably noticed just how much he's observing you every class every other day . and that noticing led to you smiling and nodding to him , accommodating his existence . which he somehow felt fuzzy about .

he started talking to you after then , started going on about your notes , if he could borrow and copy them . if you'd like to meet venti , if you'd want to have lunch together , if you had classes after , what major you're taking , all those and for what ? because you were poking at his interest .

poking so unintentionally .

the poking pushed buttons , buttons that switched him from being the epitome of winter , to that of autumn , then somehow naturally shoving him to be one with spring . he doesn't speak much to anyone , not really finding the benefit of such trivial exhange of words . he believed that all the changes he's built were enough and all just for venti . but you came . and smashed such belief to millions of pieces he's struggling to find and put to one again .

he's not one to talk about things like , I've actually grown taller you know . to someone like you , who just looks at him surprised and laughs . he doesn't know but somehow letting you know about certain things concerning him felt natural . he liked to share his day's happenings , especially those days were you two couldn't get even a class in together .

he didn't think it was love .

considering his past with some friends , he thought he was finally receiving his luck with you . he enjoyed being with you , a friend . a good friend . someone he liked to protect , some he liked to be around with all the time ! but it was just a farce set up by his mind , and that farce soon fell down enough , "You like her ." it hurts that venti was the one that said that .

xiao felt like a part of his heart crumbled .

he liked you ? looking at it with that sense in mind maybe he did ? does that explain why he get the feeling of wanting to hug you ? of wanting to hold your hand ? of wanting to always be there for you ? of wanting to be the one owning the shoulder you cry and lean on ? is that why he felt so infuriated to see that all those , those are all scaramouche in one , for you ?

infuriated enough that he muttered about it to venti .

his boyfriend . his lover . his significant other . does that make him a piece of shit ? loving another ? do they need to break up now ? because he likes someone else ? but he still loves venti . he still loves him . he still do . he knew he shouldn't like you , he doesn't have a chance or even hope that you'd be able to feel the same anyway , and he was sure he loved venti more .

so he begged .

looking so regretful . knowing full well the thorns of his words . knowing full well the impact . knowing full well that pity could be a stronger feeling than pain . he still remembers how venti looked at him with a look so accepting , "Hm , I'll wait , yeah ?"

yet two years passed , and what he wished was just some infatuation blast , continued to persistently last .

it was an endless struggle of not knowing what is hurting him anymore . is it that you loved another and would never look at him that way ? or is it that he loved another despite the presence of his significant other for long half a decade ? venti never outright said it , even proposed something along the lines of forming a poly-relationship , all for supporting xiao with this transparent cheating , but he knew , somewhere along those wordings ,

venti was losing all those godly patience too .

running low , while his love for you continuously grow , he felt disgusting . disgusted and repulsed , at himself , at his feelings . for not having properly account it to what it is , for underestimating it . it wasn't supposed to be that hard to let you go .

seeing as he had the right heavy reasons to do so .

"How are you and Scaramouche doing ?" venti downright asks , the topic at hand was more interesting than all discussions going on this evening , interesting enough that it pulls xiao off of his though trail of thinking . it was getting too dark there anyway . "Same same ." your answer is always as doused with mundane as this so called special deluxe , worth fucking almost 250 mora and for what . maybe for the dandelion wine infused ganache drizzled over it . chocolate drippings he's been avoiding like the plague .

"Still not on the dating stage ?" he asks again , xiao continues to munch on the ice cream , he hopes someone creates almond tofu flavored cream iced and frozen too . maybe that'd taste liken shit , like he's feeling right now . "I heard he's just broken up with a girl from the Business Department ." that was a way to say , I can't possibly do anything right now . And it's obvious he wouldn't be advancing anytime soon either . which is just an assumption of a thought , really . but xiao has it canon-ized in his mind as he steal a glance at you sip your smoothie .

"How sad , it's surprising that you've invited us though . I thought you'd bring the wanderer and Scaramouche for sure ." unlike xiao is venti whom was scraping all of the custard ice cream for it's alcohol-contaminated parts . "Yeah , since they originally always hang out here . More than us too ." xiao contributes into prying more out of you . since you're like that .

it's either they shovel the 6 feet of soil for you to fish out at the presented coffin what they want to hear , or you just leave it to rot there and become fertilizer to then help grow your urge to keep everything under your deepest depths within .

"Scara is ," you weren't one to be particularly gentle , but you weren't at all that harsh , "Being a piece of shit right now so I didn't really feel like asking him for this favor , yeah , hm ." or maybe that's just one of xiao's canon-ized assumption right there , though he'd have the guts to actually bring up that isn't he already a piece of shit on a regular basis ?

he didn't at all have his guts steeled enough right now to actually be able to handle having your pretty self down drunk again and just by arm's length . he closes his eyes again and sighs . you continue chugging at one more huge glass , the numbing to you so quick that the burn on your throat probably wasn't even a thing to bother expressing or feeling anymore .

venti just had to invite you to the grand opening of the bar mentioned earlier . well , seeing how sad you looked earlier and how careless you look now , maybe it was for the better . still though , why does he have to be the one to watch over you . he's been doing his best to not spend more than 3 hours with you today but venti just had to—

he heaves in a breath now , and tugs at the tie of the uniform he wore . he would rather start blending mixes of cocktails right now than feel his innards sear along the scalding burning feeling in him . a bit more pull at his once thick rope of patience , and he'd really flip those innards of his out for you to see . maybe the idea that he's feeling like that would finally get you to consider a life with him .

it's not like he can do that . it's not like he can do anything . even when he's the one here with you right now , he knew you were thinking of someone else . how ? well , you've been mumbling about it since earlier , slurred whines and complaints becoming more and more dented in his brain with all the repeating .

he pushes down a hand of yours that plans to chug another mug , he's heard you speak of the foam looking rather tempting and yummy but no , he can't let your liver suffer any more . "I think that's enough , Y/n ." he says , also pushing aside the other mugs , some spilling .

"It , it's not ! I need more ! Why are you putting it , putting it away ! Gimme !" two years ago , you were a crying drunk . two years after , you're an angry drunk . brows furrowed and lips down on a displeased frown , he stared , your puffed cheeks , all red looking cute . "Any more and you'd pass out ." he says , and you scoff , "No , I won't ! Liar ! I drank like , like 105677 mugs . . . last year ! The fuck you mean pass out ?????"

if that was true then you wouldn't have just passed out you would've probably died on spot . he says nothing and just shows you a bottle of water . his stretched arm on your waist as you leaned down the huge brown table , pushing you back as you try to reach the mugs . "I no want that tastless shit ."

"I bet the beer doesn't taste like anything anymore to you too ."

"I want the burn !"

"Can you still feel the burn ?"

". . . No , but I bet I will , I will when I drink one more mug !" well , aren't you stubborn . "The more you drink , the more it blurs and numbs everything . Have some water and sober up . Let's get you home ." you finally take the bottle and jugged up the whole contents , how , cool .

"It's no good , Xiao ." you sulk , crushing the plastic of the bottle and straightening your arms to then fall into the table , your face stuck on the surface . he retreats his arm , "What is ?"

"I'm not forgetting , I want to , forget ." he hears you sniffing , crying again . he guessed that in the end , you fall into crying drunk after all . "That Scaramouche told you he doesn't care whichever or whoever it is you date ?"

"Hm , it's so , annoying ."

"Why ?"

"Because I like him ."

he knows . why'd he even ask . "Right , like him . You like him ." he wished the bitter in his tongue remained there and didn't at all slip itself out and covered the whole of his statement . "Why not tell him ?" since , he obviously likes you back . you shake your head , "He'll reject me ." he fucking won't . he settles down the way his breath clogged in on his throat , chains clamping at his heart , now also , heating up . "How about this ," you immediately look back at him , your cheek pressing at the table now , half-lidded eyes looking drowsy enough that he lost himself in them for a second . "You don't forget things when you get drunk right ? But it's also common that people forget things they do and say when they're not sober ."

no . stop . stop talking .

"Are you telling me to , confess to him ? Then if he rejects me I can just , act like I was just drunk and it was just a joke and I didn't even at all remember it even if by fact I do and with that method I can be free of the wonder that he might reject me ?" for a minute , he was sure you were sober , not drunk , not wasted , sober . he bites at the inner parts of his bottom lip . it bled , bled a lot . "Yeah ." this is for the better .

you slowly sat up properly . "Xiao , you so weird ."

you laugh lowly , "Very nice though ."

"You said that before too ."

he felt his heart shrink , his entire being falter , his inner sanity walking out , he heaves in a breath . "You said that before too ." he repeats . he remembers it well , the first time he confessed . the first time you joked to him with doubt as a sideline , the first time you looked like you wished he was just joking . he still remembers the way you rejected him , not saying that you liked anyone else , not at all mentioning anyone else , not trying to just push your way out of it through someone else .

you looked like you wanted to cry back then .

when you said that you didn't want him to like you . when you said that he shouldn't like you . when you said that he's wrong for liking you . but still told him that he was nice , that he was kind , that you liked being with him . but any more tha friends or pals , is not in your options or choices . because he had venti . and you aren't supposed to be the one receiving all that attention and affection .

he knew you'd say that . but he still hoped .

he hoped hard enough that even when you crushed it with your words and statements and attempts of leaving , he still couldn't let go . "You have Venti , Xiao ." there's no way you were drunk . he shakes his head , "He already was alright with the idea of us being a throuple , some poly relationship , he said he was—"

"You know he doesn't mean that ."

of course he does , of course , of course , but couldn't you just , "Sorry ." he mumbles , his head dropping down , his eyes falling to stare at the way his fists have clenched . you have always been like this , all calm and direct , the faltering you once showed just bringing alight another form of interest .

"There are , two . Two Xiaos  . Man , can't see straight anymore . . ." you meant that , literally . the absence of the alcohol in your system coming back in your veins with tenfold impact , you jelly plop your head and whole weight back on the table . still supposedly facing him . he looks at you , "I bet ." he release a heavy breath , said air let out probably had all his feelings drenched along every molecule of it , he'd like it if that was actually happening .

but no , it wasn't .

it stays there , no matter what he does , no what he thinks he need to do . like how he stays there looking at you , he's got his hair all messy now from the many times he's been ruffling it . "Let's get you home ?" you huff , turning your head to the side . "Home , naur ." your slurring more evident now .

"Call . . . Scaraboobies !"

his eyes squint , his heart jitters , he loses it , but just breathes it out . "Can't you do it ?"

"Can't . See straight anymore ."

"Hand it over ."

and like a suddenly called on student from their day-time dozing off , you shuffle your whole entire outfit for said phone . hands it to him and he immediately goes to dial and phone him . the ringing almost sounded like the sand drizzling down the sand glass . he kept it in , just a bit more , maybe he wouldn't answer , maybe he can be the one to take you home .

the ringing stopped , and a few faint cussing and laughing was heard . xiao bites back a cuss . "Hey , uh , Scaramouche . Yeah it's ,  hm , us again ." he says , almost sounding too tired that anyone that hears him just heads on to patting his back , a good job to keep him going . "Xiao ? Why are you on Y/n's ,"  he pauses , realization hitting him . "She drank again ."  xiao nods , "She drank again ." repeating his words , tone just a bit more sure , though somehow scaramouche sounded sure-r . "And I'm supposed to drive her home ."

xiao turns and sees you expectantly staring at him , silent and just looking . he turns back to the front , "She seem to want you to . But if you're busy ," he silences himself for a moment , to somehow indent the loud of the one on the other line's background . "I can do it ." scaramouche scoffs , a few clinking heard and the background noises diminishes with a bleep . "She most likely wishes you not to even dare ."

what confidence . not wanting to admit how right scaramouche is , xiao turns to look to you again and your head's already turned back to the other side . he clicks his tongue . "Right ."

"I'll be there in a bit . Don't touch her ."

it's not like he would . well , he could . scaramouche ends the call , which somehow pisses xiao off . how can he have the actual assurance that xiao wouldn't touch you—ah , he groans . pushing back his weight and leaning on the black couch ,

"Confess to him ."

"Is that an order ?"

"If it is would you do it ?"

"Nooope ."

you both keep silent for a while , since he says nothing more , which is rather unsettling , not for you but for him . you seem to have dozed off . he watches as quickly as it happened , how his putting of his coat that have already draped down your waist back up your shoulder blades , have been disregarded by it falling down naturally down the couch when he arrived . you were dazed , looking drunk , smelling drunk and sounding drunk , "Scara !" which the man of said name just scowls at . "Y/n ." and you beam at him , holding on his forearms as he held unto your elbows .

and xiao watches . heart aching , eyes wanting to wander away , stray the gaze yet he didn't . he's seen scenes far more worst , worst being more affectionate and loving looking . this much shouldn't hurt , but it did . way more too . he notices that you were about to be pulled away , like the first night , like all those time . now was the only time he had the courage to try and make you stay , the way he latched at your opened palm too sudden , his skin touching yours bringing shivers .

"Hn ?" you look to him and he sees that familiar glow in your eyes , shining bright , like tides so high , since her moon has come . he wince at the revelation , hand clutched , not wanting to let go . but maybe it's in those eyes of yours , e/c and doe , a lot different from the dead dull looking ones , your pair seemingly glossed . reflecting his stature . reflecting his pleading eyes of amber . ah , he has to let go .

"You don't wanna go home ?" scaramouche aids , and your drunken eyes shift , the confusion's drip faltering and there it was again . that gaze , so comforting . "I'll get going now , Xiao . Thanks for today ." he would mistake you sober , if it weren't for the way you sway back your legs and wave your hands at him , as scaramouche finally pulls you out of that secluded area , into the crowd , and away from him . away from xiao .

he watches , the partying swarm you disappeared in .

SCARA-LiNE ! / WORK NAVi ! 7k ampota (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`)

falling in love with you , the sweetest sin he's ever committed . he doesn't regret it , as wrong as it is . he's glad it was you . it's hard , knowing that since the beginning , he had no chance , really , none . he could be everything you want him to be , the kind of guy that would bend himself for your own wishes and conveniences , would you love you for all your worth .

he would do everything , anything , whatever there is to do . however he can , whenever he can . he'd give you everything , offer you all things , there was nothing he couldn't give , nothing he's lacking . all that , he was willing to sacrifice just for you to give him a chance . but he knew ,

the moment your eyes first glistened with tears right in front of him , the moment your e/c's shone in a manner that ached at his heart and slowed its beating . he figured , that even if by chance he was capable of saving you from an ending world , you'd just give him that same look , and choose to meet an end with someone else .

perhaps this was one of the reasons why he's fallen for you . for being so capable of a love so stubborn , a love so persistent , a love that wouldn't give up no matter the preface or epilogue . perhaps he wanted to be at the receiving end of that .

he shuts his eyes close . if by chance you and that lucky guy still aren't a thing by the end of this day , he'll really consider being a bit more forceful .

"Would that also mean you'd finally let her go if they do end up dating by the next time we hear from them ?" venti can't read minds , xiao just mumbled the last part out unconsciously . golden eyes dim at the thought , glass being wiped almost cracking but he heaves a breath out . trying to calm himself , some part of himself at least .

"Hm ." he'll try . for you . for him too .

maybe this was his karma , for falling in love again while being in a relationship . for not wanting to let any of the two go . for persistently being selfish . for being so head-strong . he really , should've thought things through before he associated anything he felt for you with such heavy phrase like , i love you .

[miiserableee]

( 𖤘 ) ▸ my oshi graduates ! : scaramouche x fem! reader !

y/n have grown up comforted by vtubers and her childhood bestfriend and now boyfriend: kunikuzushi ! suddenly , a week before , her current oshi is announced to be graduating ?! what the hell ?! kunikuzushi strives to comfort and knock some sense into her !!

( !!! ) mentions of vtuber semi addicted reader ?! reader is very assertive and straight forward ! reader loves icecream , and is a crybaby ! scara here is mentioned to be kunikuzushi ! ooc scara !! they age around late 20s !! MODERN au ! 1.6k words !!

YOU CRY , LiKE BORDERLiNE wail-cry . "What are you crying about ?" the question was asked for your well-being , since well , you've been crying since you woke up this morning . how can you not ? after seeing the tweet of your favorite vtuber's agency . said vtuber graduating after a month !

your heart drops again at the thought , it shatters and you struggle to see where the shards have gone . you stay there in bed , bawling your eyes out . you see his fellow vtubers he's befriended throughout his journey , tweet their well wishes . wishing him the best , respecting his decision .

you know , you knew , that they were all meant to graduate at one point . they can't stay a streamer their whole lives . you've witnessed and known of these graduations before . it's not new and it's not supposed to hurt you . it's most of the time , the streamers' decision .

as for your favorite vtuber's case , he said he wasn't burnt out , he was just , done . he said he tried his best to get back on his two feet , he tried , he really did . but it didn't work out as well as he thought it would . he said he had accumulated the decision of graduating months before .

and almost everyone in his community have long since known .

you weren't that attached to him to begin with honestly , you were more attached with his other fellow vtuber in the same wave . he was just really close with that vtuber so he caught your attention . you had your shit tons of laughs with his loud menacing laughter . you bawled your eyes out in his serious talks of serious things on streams . you loved how he viewed all his achievements . you loved him for who he was on stream and out of it .

you were always ready to support him with your everything .

and you still support him with this decision , he was leaving to live his life as a person of the world . to take care of his personal business . that doesn't stop you from chowing down on this bucket of ice cream and continuously crying though .

you stare at your computer screen , your chin on your boyfriend's shoulder . his tweet makes you cry even more . the tweets from his fellow close vtubers makes you wish you could say something to him too . well , you could . you cry again .

something lumping right on the very edges of your throat . you feel it hurt . and so you sob . what will become of his group now that he's going to be gone ? it's not like it can't function without him , it's just that , it wouldn't feel the same without him .

"Hey , Y/n . I swear . . ." you ignore your boyfriend and cry more . you've been hugging him since this morning and you haven't been letting go . he's been feeding you the ice cream and hugging you through it all .

"Scara will be gone . Kuni , I can't , it hurts so much ."

you wail in his arms and he only ever pulls at his patience to just sigh and pat your back for the umpteenth time today . he really doesn't get why you cry so much over this matter .

he reaches out for your chin and makes you look up . wiping your snot and tears with tissues he struggles to reach with you clinging to him like a newborn koala . you finally look at him properly , he seems to like that , with how he finally flips his frown into a smile . which only leads you to crying more and more .

"I'll miss Scara so much ."

he has been hearing this since earlier and it's been grating at his ears and he can't help but feel a tinge of envy . though placid it is not why he feels as so with all the cloudy confusion . he simply hugs you again and wonders when you'll stop .

he knew how attached you were to vtubers . he's helped you through countless times as these when your favorite of a few years finally graduates . during high school , when your very first oshi decided to graduate after long years of being with you through as you say , your toughest times .

hearing you sniff more into his sleeves , he plops down and nudge you to roll unto his shoulder this time . you hug his chest while he caresses the top of your head . "Stop crying , Y/n . Weddings don't plan themselves , you know ?"

"Let me grieve , Kuni ."

"Scara isn't dead or dying , he's just graduating ." you shake your head and snuggle more into him . "I'm sorry , just a bit more . I promise ."

you've said that at least , 25 times now . how'd he know ? he'd prefer no one ask . truly , his patience is only ever so malleable with you . such exception you've always found natural to ignore as you've had it long since before .

vtubers have become quite a piece into your life . you weren't that blessed with the best family , not least bit decent either . always alone at home left with the freezing chills of the neverending cold war you've had with your parents for as long as either you two have known . he doesn't remember who exactly introduced you to vtubers , but someone did . and since then , you've been quite attached to them .

they were a comfort you placed all your solace in , like an idiot , completely aware of their often departing but never giving up hunting and searching . always supporting until the end and crying your eyes out when they announce their expected graduation .

as a person who's always been stubborn about dreams and hopes in life , to the point that it became a thorn between you and your beloved parents , you were quite devoted to your oshis . like they were your lifeline . after long days at school before , you would play a stream and just watch and listen . you'd do your chores and tasks with one played on the background . you cry when they cry . you laugh when they laugh . your smile never fades , it ever so brightens when they speak of their appreciation of the milestones they reach because of all the support .

if you weren't fussing over schoolworks and your planned life for yourself , you were busy hunched and watching streams trying to fill a hollow in you that you were born with .

kunikuzushi was with you through all of that . he was a bigger part of your life , as you claim yourself , but that's only because he chose to partake in being a part of the other big part of your life . he was with you when you argued with your parents , when you were in your room crying and wishing you were better so they'd trust you more , when you were wondering why you even forged yourself to be the person you are now if it's not liked by the people you love most . he was with you when you finally found what you wanted to be in life . he was with you when you were the happiest , almost every stream , he watched them with you . even if it was boring and he doesn't really like it sometimes .

he even tried to be a vtuber himself for you to look at him the same way you looked at your oshis .

he did well , he hid it from you , coincidentally he even became your oshi . he learned a lot of things from being a vtuber , he was happy there , as much as he wouldn't really admit it .

when he told you . you were over the moon . he also proposed to you next and he saw it with his own eyes , how you seemed to just sit there above the moon afloat and unbelieving .

when you heard he was graduating , as scara mouche of 6WIRL of Genshin , of course you were bawling your eyes out in dismay and utter pain .

sure , you've met the rest of the members in real life . they all congratulated you two . they even said all the best things about kuni . they felt okay with everything . but it all felt hollow for a moment . scara was still your oshi of 2 years . add how mad you are that he hid it from you . you always thought the voice was merely a coincidence and him being busy was just because he was busy with his taking over of his mother's business . you should've known , really . but can you blame yourself ? kunikuzushi never sounded like he cared for vtubers to ever attempt and be one .

"Scara is just getting married . You know this ." he says and you sniff . yeah , getting married , to you . "Do you really want me to choose that career over you ?" you punch his arm with a glare .

"Damn bro , you gotta hit me with that , huh ?" you sit up , finally and wiped your own tears , wrists wet and cold . "Thank you for choosing me , Scara ."

as he looks at you look at him , like he's all you ever wanted to be imprinted in your eyes , he laughs . finally . finally he's got what he's always wanted .

"It'll always be you , Y/n . Always ."

"Are you sick ? You're too sweet—" he sits up and hugs you , chuckling as you began to laugh yourself . "I wish you all the best , Scara ." he scoffs and ruffles his hair before he did yours too , messing it up like the chords amess on the floor in his streaming room .

"Kunikuzushi , you mean ."

you kiss his cheek , to stop the ruffling . "Yeah , Kunikuzushi . I love you . My very last oshi !" he turns his face , showing a smirk you're way too familiar with . kissing you deeply until you can't remember anything but him . and how he gets you feeling , things .

"I love you too ."

SCARA-LiNE / WORK NAVi !

mysta rias is graduating next month , im crying my ass out rn . AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA what more of me when bebe shu graduates ??? anyways , thank u for 163 followers and half a thousand notes on youre too loud !! you all rock !!

[miiserableee]

AHAHAHAHAHHAA iyak na lang us (truthfully, the heat is absolutely unsheeshable tot) im glad u areeeee!! letslets!! AHAHHA

HI MIEEEE DUNNO IF UR STILL ON HERE BUT ITS ME KENJI !

HELLO KENJIIIIIIII !!!!!!!

[miiserableee]

im dying AHAHAHAHHAHA JKJK i beeen fineeeeeee !! wbu ??? it has been super long sob tot

HI MIEEEE DUNNO IF UR STILL ON HERE BUT ITS ME KENJI !

HELLO KENJIIIIIIII !!!!!!!

[miiserableee]

Do you think Niwa freak out hearing kabukimono cuss for the first time? 💀

[miiserableee]

( 𖤘 ) ▸ ghost me too : scaramouche x fem! reader !

a ghostly encounter . dead scaramouche is signed up to help you hook up with his bestfriend when he was alive . only to end up somewhat being attached to you in the process of it .

(!!!) mentions of reader being indifferent ! with a crush on kazuha !dead scaramouche ! scaramouche is called kuni by the reader ! ghost scara ! hopeless romantic reader ! modern!highschool! au again cause that's all i can ever write :D ooc characters ! 2.2k words !

THERE WASN'T MUCH , that can frustrate a dead guy . wanting to punch some ugly asshole being an asshole but not being able to cause he's already a ghost ? few times forgetting of being one of the dead with no material body and passing through walls and confusing a buffering within himself for a few minutes ? all of those happening way too much these days of his afterlife than during his actual living days ? a lot more tolerable than your incoherent mumbling that he can't even tell anymore if meant for him to hear or for you and the table's very intimate , discussion .

as if being dead and not being able to leave fully yet is not enough , a girl with love issues just had to come around and tie him down .

"Get a grip already , you just tripped in front of him . Not stripped or did some accidental pole dancing , what are you moping around so much for ?" you've clearly done far worse things . more worth of all this display of embarrassment . he doesn't say that though . aware by now just how different yours and his standards and logic with things can be .

"You don't get it , Kuni ." you whine , once again , almost a miracle it is for him to finally see you lift your head after at least an hour and a half of just plummeting it down your apricot dripped table . "Yeah , I don't . Mind telling me why it matters so much that he saw you trip down face flat down the floor ? Didn't you sing off tune in front of him last week ? How about that cringe ass letter you spent more time crisping edeges of till midnight to crease up so well and spent barely 10 minutes on the actual content of the thing ?"

"Meanie ."

he scoffs with your glare . the cutesy word definitely doesn't fit you . but you get like that after getting all teary , can't be helped .

he floats away from where he was floating from outside your bedroom window . going inside and watching you with heated eyes as you stood up and left your unfinished book reports to continue your sulking in your bed , which he made earlier this morning .

"Why do you even like the guy ? Is it really all about the face and fame for you ?" you kept silent as he sat on your swivel chair , he can't feel your warmth from it at all , like he can't feel the cushion either . he spins once , before he runs his mouth again . "I bet Kazuha would give you a chance if you were just to be more direct . No one ever said your actions have to be so discreet ."

why even bother in the first place ? to try to tell and show feelings if you keep on keeping one foot back away from all the risks the shutting of the door and the crossing of the line could do ? he sighs when you keep quiet .

remembering the time he died , and the time he pulled you out of your stalking shadows .

because fucking grim reaper said to do as so .

kazuha this , kazuha that . since the very day he came up to you as a ghost , in your school's summer uniform and with a mix of a scowl and frown on his face , he's heard kaedehara kazuha's name a billion times , go in and out of your mouth . like a lollipop that you'd die without having between your lips , caged behind rows of railing teeth .

but kazuha wasn't just some hot guy he also was aware of who is because of having such title at school , but also because he's actually one of kazuha's friends when he was alive .

but you didn't know that .

because all along , your focus was on kaedehara kazuha , never away , always there . even when kazuha had other people around him . from your sights , always just a bit to too far meters away from him , you only ever saw him . as if he was emitting a light that cascaded and faded almost everything around him .

scaramouche knew you were interested in kazuha since day one , even when he was still alive . there was something that was hard to miss with those subtle eyes of yours that always found ways to latch on a certain word lover boy .

subtle yet determined , prominent and evident . however , he was the only one which noticed , so he paid it no mind . he thought he was just imagining things . looking over through lens , too diluting .

but when he died , and was sent to you , it was summer break . it was funny as the time for mourning took over the days of planned vacations , but he was too busy annoyed of how idiotic drivers can be .

add to how some self proclaimed grim reaper just had to go and say bullshit like hiding his kindness and only letting children have a peek of it rewards him little to no brownie points in heaven and has to go accumulate a few more , he already , wasn't in a good mood to have been assigned to you , when he was briefed of what he had to help you with .

when he realized he was to assist y/n l/n though , he somehow , felt a bit relieved . at least this time killer would be a bit more amusing .

but you were sulky and listless .

not being at school where you had the perfect excuse of seeing him almost everyday , you became one lump of an absolute hollow shell . even one drop of enthusiasm can't seem to remain in you .

scaramouche didn't know what to do at first until he started piecing up just what human you truly are from how much he watches you laze about and almost always forget he's there haunting you .

you were incredibly indifferent .

when he showed up and stated his reasons for future sticking to you , all you really did was analyze how he floated a bit off the floors and how he could float even more , only passing by him a nod and a nice to meet you .

you clearly didn't recognize him at all .

scaramouche figured it'd be bad to have you so down in the dumps and with absolutely no chance . its hard for him too as he just wants to be able to rest entirely already . so he went to pull some strings and tried to get you out , teach you some things he knows was under aligned kazuha's radar of preference . he decided to press you up slowly into one origami kazuha would want to keep by his side to stare at before he sleeps at night .

during two months and almost three that you two spent together , scaramouche could already name a lot of things worth loving about you . perhaps it was because of his pretext of needing to build something to love about you , but for some reason , he was able to distinguish between baking soda and baking powder in no time .

and it was hard as he knew he wasn't exactly capable of fully showing you those love-worthy things about you , himself . all he can really do was help you bait kazuha into it . which as of now , is working quite a bit . seeing as how kazuha have gone from just flinching when seeing you to actually smiling a bit now and even calling out your last name . one heck of a progress , if scaramouche could have a say .

he wished he was also awfully indifferent .

he can't help but want to shatter all he's helped you built right when the progress was just about to hit its booming . as ironic as that sounds . he can't figure out yet also why he even bothers feel this way , such unfathomable feeling , such a bother in it itself already .

"Do you really , love Kazuha ?" you were , yet again , silent , before nodding , slowly , twice . seemingly sinking more into your mattress and pillows . "What things do you plan to do when you get to be with him ?"

"Like when I date him ?" you sure dream big . "Yeah . Like when you get to date him ."

"I'd want to hug ." he nods . "And ?" you shrug .

"That's the gist of it ."

"Can't you just hug him as a friend or something ?" you finally turn , creaking your bed and glaring at him as your sheets cover almost all of your face . only your furrowed brows peeking at his violets ,

"Hugs are a lot more intimate of a thing . You hug when you kiss . You hug when you're sad , happy , or whatever . You hug to be the closest you can be to the person you want to be close to . You even hug when you fuck . Kuni , you tend to really treat me like a kid sometimes ."

"No kid just downright says fuck in context of sex right in midst of a sweet sentence ."

"True ." you finally rose from your bed and stared right at him . "You've been kind of mad since earlier . I got tense when you did . Maybe why I tripped . So , what was the reason ?"

though almost so soft like mochi , you were one to say less of what's unneeded and most of what's in dire peak of acquisition , as sharp as the knives that cut up necks and beheads under the name of guillotines .

"I was ? Mad ?" how could you have known and not him , himself ?

"Yea , like you wanted to possess a body and guide them to some forced scuba diving from an airplane a million feet above on air without a parachute . Did something happen ?"

you were all humped on that pillow , you hugged it so hard as you rest your chin on it . looking at him with those eyes of yours , with bits of gleam , diamond bits shattered and plastered on your eyeballs so squeak . you remain there with your head a bit tilted as you bore holes into his translucent visage .

his existence already fleeting but always materializing under your touch . your touch that never dared tighten .

in an attempt to shake of both envy and worry , anxiety and loneliness , a feeling of shackling forlorn , he plop down the floor and straightened his legs .

eyes still on you .

until he spread his arms and your eyes went there . "You're asking , for a hug ?" you say , almost seeming to be judging but he shakes those arms lent out and smiles , or smugs at you .

"What ? Scared of a little ghost hug ?"

though you were the indifferent type that lets almost all things pass , you definitely had a competitive side to you . a view of a part of you , he always see , all free .

your eyebrow twitch and with little to no sound , your bed creaked again , moving out of it and standing first with your feet beside his pressed thighs , looking down on him .

even under you , he still seems so much more than you . you groan , closing your eyes and sitting down on his lap , lighting your weight as much as you can .

before , he was sure you'd pass through him . but you don't . he was incredibly cold , and to him , you were awfully warm .

you press your cheek on his shoulder , your breath on his neck but he didn't mind . he never did , this was how he positioned you before too . saying it feels more comfy for you both , this way .

your arms latch right around his waist . "At this point , I should just date you ."

he held close to you as well . the only existence that helps him remember what it's like to touch and be touched . such bittersweet concept all over your lovely body on his .

he shrugs . "Maybe you should . Ditch Kazuha or something ."

you laugh . "Dumbass . Even if I did , would dating you be any better ? You always told me before to hook up with him already so you can finally rest in peace . I don't want to tie you down here ."

he hugs you , impossibly closer . "How about you just don't and I stay here with you forever ?"

"I just said I didn't want to tie you down here ." he rests his head on yours . "But you aren't . I'll just be staying on my own accord ."

"Shut up , Kuni . I want to sleep ." snuggling into him , looking for more of those pricking sensations . "Do you still love Kazuha ?"

you kept quiet . and he didn't want that . so he pulled you a bit away . held unto your arms and forced you to look his way . your eyes glossy and sleepy , almost closing as you release a short breath , unhinged and chaos all over your irises . such desperation he must have shown for your sight to have felt that way on him .

"I still do , don't worry . I'll hook up with him soon . You can be free ." you held on his cheeks . they were all frozen mochi . he closes his eyes only to open them up and glare at you . "Now I feel less mad and more shitty ."

"I see ." you went and pecked at his check , a smooth kiss and he remained piercing you with his violets . "I kiss my older brother on the cheeks all the time , don't look so disgusted ."

you aim to stand up already , leave him at that . but he held unto the back of your waist , the base of your spine . resting his face on your chest as he looks up at you with that sticky sight .

"Ten more minutes ." you ignore the desperation and the pain in his eyes . a ghost and a human can't love . it's no use brooding over the fact that you met him too late . you kissed at his forehead and nods .

"Okay . I might fall asleep though ."

SCARA-LiNE ! / WORK NAVi !

[miiserableee]

It is freedom.

[miiserableee]

as one.