Hello! I don't know if you are accepting requests but i want to send. Could I ask for a one shot of Eunhyuk, Sweet Home? Where Y/n is the leader in the green mansion alongside Eunhyuk, but they end up rivaling and facing each other sometimes because they have different ideas of what they should do. It could be an enemies to lovers in a sexy style. I don't know if you write nsfw, but if you do, could you do it? If not, that's okay. =^.^=This is my first request on tumblr! I hope I did it right.
hiya ^___^ thank u for requesting i am indeed taking reqs! i donât write nsfw actually nope so i did my best to have the tension make up for itđ i posted it hope u enjoy!!!
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lost in translation ft. eunhyuk x gn!reader 4.4k words
genre: angst comfort, âenemiesâ to possibly lovers
warnings: deaths, injuries, blood, mentions of kissing and also suicide (?), smoking, cursing, canon divergence idr half of s1, guns, slightly suggestive at the end
authorâs note: this was requested! i kinda strayed off the original request sorry TT it got a bit angstier than it shouldâve but oh well! have this i missed him
summary: The development of your feelings for Lee Eunhyuk in the middle of an apocalypse, and struggles of leadership.
Green Home Apartment is not a place you would ever allow to crumble.
From the very first hours of the outbreak, people saw a leading figure in you. A seemingly natural instinct to guide people and keep them as safe as possible. Someone strict, just firm enough to keep panicking residents in line and gentle enough to reassure other equally terrified people.
The perfect leader, really. It wasnât exactly the role you would have wanted had you imagined yourself in this situation prior, but you felt you didnât really have a say in the matter. You were just a college student, and within a few hours, at least ten people in your apartment building had voiced out their agreement on you being the perfect captain for a broken and sinking ship.
So when this guy with a blue flannel gave off the same impression as you apparently didâ enough to convince people he would be a good leader, tooâ you were mildly relieved. Part of you felt like it was a good thing someone else would take the reins for this whole thing. It was too much pressure for you. But another part didnât feel at ease. After all, you didnât know this guy. People trusted him for a reasonâ He did seem mature, headstrong, and determined. Good with instructions and quick-witted. But you didnât know if that would be enough to let the people here, or you, at least, survive this.
If you were to survive this in a group, you would need to have some kind of authority when it came to making decisions. Surviving alone was fine, but being stuck with so many people meant certain chaos, attempts at democracy leading to stupid decisions, and your life being stacked between at least twenty others with barely a word to say when they would all eventually be led to sure death. Youâd damn near experienced it already, and that was more than enough for you.
So you didnât step away when Lee Eunhyuk, as you eventually learned his name to be, took the place of a leader. And thankfully, it seemed the residents hadnât expected you to. So weeks ago, you and Eunhyuk were appointed as leaders of Green Home during the monster apocalypse.
âGoing there would be suicide.â
âSo you suggest we stay here and wait to die? Do you genuinely think the people in the next room over will be fine with that?â
Leaders who get along perfectly.
âI suggest you use your head a little. Thereâs resources in much more accessible spaces than this. The store at the side, for example?â
âIâm not sending anyone there.â Eunhyuk states blankly, in his usual emotionless fashion. You narrow your eyes and bite back a scoff.
âRight, I almost forgot itâs about sending out people with you. Youâre a coward, you know that?â you say, and he glances at you from the side.
âAnd youâre just as selfish.â he says, turning to face you properly, âLetâs not pretend youâre any better than I am because you act courageous. Youâre terrified.â
âAnd youâre mistaken. Why donât you go out there and get to the storage room yourself?â
Eunhyukâs tongue presses into his cheek and his fingers tightens into a fist. He presses his hand to the table and tilts his head a little, nodding slightly. âWe both know without a leading figure this group is done for.â he says, tone much calmer than youâd anticipated. The restraint he has over his anger only serves as fuel to your own. You bite the flesh of your lip.
âAm I not a leading figure?â
âYou are, but are you a good one?â he asks. There. There it is, the hint of anger. That cutting edge to his tone. Itâs nearly imperceptible but it makes you want to bring out all of it.
âDo you believe Iâm not?â
You step closer. He looks down to your feet then back up to meet your gaze. âYouâre dodging the question.â
âItâs a weird question to ask.â
Youâre close enough to punch him, now, if need be. You wonât. But itâs a good thing to note.
âI donât think it is, all things considered.â
âUh,â a meek voice comes from behind you. You turn towards the door to see a man from the group stand with a bottle in hand, moving around uncomfortably, âThe others are arguing about rations⊠You should come.â
You take this as the perfect opportunity to clear your head and not to let your irritation get the better of you. You hum absentmindedly and walk past him to get to the store where you expect everyone to be, leaving the man and a scowling Eunhyuk behind.
âIs- Is something wrââ
âEverythingâs fine.â
Everything is wrong.
Itâs been less than a day since your argument with Eunhyuk when a new problem enters your life. A guy that looks about your age, that you remember walking past when he moved in, who fell from nine floors high in the stairway. Heâs lying on the floor with blood all over and around him. Everyone is scrambling to take a look and Seo Yikyung has to be the one to hold them back, because you and Eunhyuk are too busy checking the supposedly dead manâs pulse for the third time.
âHeâs breathing.â you sigh, pulling away your trembling hand from his face again. This is insanity.
âItâs impossibleâŠâ
âGet a grip.â you shove Eunhyukâs shoulder, âImpossible isnât in our vocabulary right now. Weird as this may be, we canât just leave him here, so start thinking or Iâll make the decisions.â
Heâs shaken out of his thoughts, alright, but now he seems another kind of confused that you canât bring yourself to try deciphering. He calls your name but you donât respond.
You donât exactly look down, but you start to kneel to reach towards the body on the floor. You need to carry him somewhere else, where no one will see how bad it is. Thereâs kids here and the adults arenât reliable. You canât let this cause more trouble.
Your gaze is looking anywhere else but at the corpseâ Person. Alive. You almost grab him when Eunhyuk stops you with a hand on your shoulder, effectively causing you to flinch.
âItâs fine. Iâll do it.â
He hoists the limp body up on his back with some effort and holds him tightly so he doesnât fall. âTell them to go elsewhere. Itâll only cause issues for them to see more than needed.â he tells you, nodding towards the hallway. The blood that gets on his clothes and the state of the one he carries unsettles you a little, but you nod and hurry outside.
âGo to the daycare.â you say, voice hoarse. Everyoneâs chattering does nothing to help you calm down. Youâre not sure if they didnât hear you or if they simply donât care. âI said go! Right now!â you exclaim, much louder.Â
The talking silences and everyone reluctantly heads to that place, though clearly still trying to get a glimpse of the situation. You breathe out sharply and stare down at the floor. Your reflection meets you halfway on the tiles, showing you just how little control you currently have on the emotions you usually hide so well. Youâve seen people get killed too many times since this all started but this is was one too many.Â
You canât even tell if the strangerâs fall was accidental, if it was suicide, if⊠You canât think.
Eunhyuk passes by you and you barely notice. Or rather, you force yourself not to notice.
So much blood.
The sun sets and rises again. Tension does as well.
âWe canât keep on using him.â you say upon stepping into the security office. Eunhyuk is leaning against the desk, eyes trained on the several CCTV screens when you come in, and he seems like heâs about to leave the moment you start talking. You close the door and he gives up. He seems to know thereâs no point in trying to leave, now.
âWho?â
âDonât play dumb. We both know youâre not.â
âHigh compliments coming from you.â
You sigh and step further into the room. âIâm not in the mood to argue, Lee Eunhyuk. Cha Hyunsu, he⊠He doesnât deserve to be treated this way. You know it, too.â
Eunhyuk is silent. You see his thumb tapping against the desk rhythmically, like heâs thinking hard about something.
âLee Eunhyuk.â
âI heard you.â
âThen say something!â you scream.
Eunhyuk turns to look at you. You take a breath. Itâs unlike you to let your anger turn to yelling but you feel hopeless. Cha Hyunsu is just a boy your age trapped in circumstances he never asked for, and forced to do the worst part of the work around Green House. Eunhyuk never wanted to send anyone upstairs, yet he decided to send Hyunsu there. Because heâs a monster? Because he survived a several floors high fall? Because he was doomed to live in-between two kinds of evil, neither of which truly accepts him?
It just feels like it hits you harder today that this world will continue to be this cruel. And you two are not making it any better.
âThis is the best way.â Eunhyuk says, unfazed. âThe group needs to survive. You said it yourself. Cha Hyunsuâs the best bet we have at getting this result.â
âWe saw him die, Eunhyuk.â
âHeâs alive. You know that.â
âThis is unfair.â
âThe world is unfair.â
You look elsewhere, annoyed. Eunhyuk calls your name in the same tone he always does. âYour sympathy is useless.â
âWhat kind of leaders are we if rid of any compassion?â
â⊠The kind needed to survive.â he says quietly, gaze cast downwards. âJisu asked for band-aids. Could you bring them to her for me?â
Anythingâs a good enough distraction from whatever spiral you feel yourself falling into.
âSure.â
Days pass. Your anger subsides.
âBut didnât you say it was okay to go there?â
âNo, I didnât.â Eunhyuk crosses his arms, âWho told you that?â
A name is mentioned in reply.
You sneeze.
âAye, did you catch a cold?â Eunyu scoffs, laughing smoke at the face you seem to be making. âThatâs bad. Catching a cold during an apocalypse? Seriously.â
You and the girl are sitting on the fire escape stairs, on the floor closest to the main hall. She has a habit of disappearing to go smoke, or whatever else she does, and you donât want her getting killed. She didnât seem to mind you coming to check up on her the first time, and now you have a habit of disappearing to hang out with her.
âIâm fine.â you click your tongue, âAnyways, you shouldnât be smoking out there. If your brother was here heâd be pissed.â
âWho cares? Letâs not act like he ever shows it.â
You roll your eyes a little and chuckle. âSure.â you hum, âStill. Whatâs the point in smoking? During an apocalypse, too? Thatâs bad.â
She flips you off and you return the gesture, earning a laugh in return. You donât talk to many people in this place. Your age differs from nearly everyone. Eunyuâs a bit younger, so youâre mostly watching over her. Then thereâs Hyunsu, but thereâs a nearly visible wall between him and everyone. You canât blame him for putting distance between you two especially. As far as heâs concerned, youâre also responsible for the errand-running heâs been told to do.
Thereâs Yikyung, but youâve struggled to get close since you told her to shove off when she had Eunhyuk pinned to a wall. Youâre not sure why you did that, even now. Sheâd be better company than him, maybe. And you understand her reasons.
Then thereâs Eunhyuk.
âSerious talk, listen up.â Eunhyu huffs, âWhat relationship do you entertain with my brother?â she mimics a serious sounding voice thatâs so unlike her. It makes you scoff in amusement.
âHeâs aâŠâ You trail off. What is he? A friend? An acquaintance? Whatever could be considered a coworker, at the moment? A fellow leader? âUh, a person.â
Eunyu gives you this look that is so clearly judgemental that you consider jumping off the railing promptly.
âYeah, no shit. Good to know heâs not turning.â she scoffs, âI know you hate him. Spit it out.â
âI donât recall ever feeling that way.â you lie with an obviously fake smile. Eunyu threatens to throw her lighter at you. âHeâs fine, alright? We just work together, I guess.â
âHe likes you.â
âHm?â
âHe doesnât hate you, I mean. Youâre not stupid, so you noticed, right?â she says before bringing the cigarette to her lips again. Youâre confused and it must show because she sighs in annoyance. âClearly, Iâd say the real leader is you out of you two. Arenât most decisions yours?â
âTheyâre ours. Mostly his. Trust me, my opinion isnât as valued as you might believe.â
Her expression suddenly sours and she curses under her breath. âAnd I think youâre wrong. Anyways, Iâll leave you with the jerk.â she coughs, pushing herself off of the stairs, âBye.â
You hum curiously as you watch her leave before turning around. Lee Eunhyuk. Of course.
The first thing he does is shove your shoulder.
âWhat the hell?â you scoff, scrambling up to your feet before you can lose your balance. Itâs such an unexpected move from him that you canât help the words that slip past your lips. âWhatâs your deal?â
âReturning the gesture. Whatâs yours?â
âHuh?â
âThe gate to the store alley. I said it should stay closed.â he says, âSo why are three people on their way back from there telling me I allowed it?â
âBecause I allowed it.â you say casually. âIt had medicine, water, and some canned foods. Besides, we needed fresh air.â
He stays silent for at least half a minute before he steps closer to you. Close enough for your hands to touch if your arms were to move an inch. âItâs not safe. I said so enough, didnât I?â
âHave you ever cared about safety?â
âI haveââ
âAbout the peopleâs, about the half-monstersâs, about yours?â
Your name sounds tense when he says it.
âAbout mine?â
âDo you ever stop talking?â he grits his teeth. His eye twitches. You wouldnât have noticed it had you been further away. No, you⊠you would have. You know his every feature and emotions too well by now. You would realize the most unnoticeable of changes from him. Any of them.
Heâs angry.
There.
âDoes that piss you off? That I talk so much?â you say, âIs it a problem because you never do? Does hearing someone so much get on your nerves? Should I leave the leading you? Are your decisions supreme? Am I too talkative? Is that it? Is that it?â
He kissesâ He almost kisses you. He stops short of pressing his lips against yours, short of holding your collar and bringing it up to meet his chest, short of everything you only now realized wouldâve been so good to have.
For fuckâs sake. âYouâre holding back.â
âThereâs no point in causing unnecessary fights.â
âYouâre a coward.â
âYouââ
You tilt your head, like you want him to finish his sentence. You do. Heâs realized this much.
He takes a breath to calm down and steps back, much to your dismay.
âI know why you used to be so self-centered.â
âThatâsâŠâ you trail off, before laughing in disbelief. âWhat?â
âYou almost got killed at the alley to the store, the one you just allowed to be opened. First day of the apocalypse. I remember it. You looked terrified. Then you put your survival above anyone elseâs.â he says, âAnd yet now, you keep on trying to go. Thatâs something I donât understand.â
You swallow, images of that monster nearly killing you with its claws, and dragging away a bloodied, dismembered corpse when it failed to find you. The feeling of someone pulling you back into the shadow so you wouldnât get noticed, and the chaos that ensued in the main hall so quickly that you never got to see who it was.
⊠Wait?
âThat was you.â
âIt doesnât matter who it was. You changed.â he cuts off any questions you might have, âYou used to be selfish. People falsely believed you were a good leader just because you seemed strong. But you didnât care about anyoneâs lives except yours.â
â⊠So what? What changed?â you ask quietly, âDid you fall for it, too? Because Iâm still the same, as far as Iâm concerned.â
âYou donât get it.â
âI doââ
âThe you I first talked to in the security room wouldâve never went out of their way to make sure some high-schooler is doing fine. They wouldnât have been this upset over a random half-monster running errands. You would have been unbothered. And that store you seem so obsessed with wouldâve been emptied of the basics before anyone could get them. But it was full, wasnât it? The store was untouched.â
Youâre not sure what to say. Where is he going with this?
âFine.â you settle with that. âLetâs say that, somehow, youâre right. Then should we talk about you? That you changed, too?â
âThis isnât about me.â
âYou never talk this much. Why are you so obsessed with this?â
â⊠I just wanted you to know.â he says, but it sounds like heâs withholding another response. âIt didnât feel right for me not to tell you I knew about what happened after all this time. Also I need you to come back now. People are gonna crowd the store too much for it to be left without any rules.â
You look away. Decide. Look back at him. âFine.â
Lives come and go. The obvious is ignored.
A lot of guns were pointed at a lot of peopleâs heads today. Youâre unsure why the image of Eunhyuk stuck to the floor with a gun pointed to his forehead is stuck in your mind so much. It keeps rewindingâ Reminding you that you were both helpless there, that you got lucky he even survived it all.
Thereâs so much blood everywhere.
Someone says your full name, with a tone much too casual to match what seemed to be politeness and with such ease that it can only be one person. He grabs your arms and tries to catch your gaze. âAre you okay?â
âAre you crazy?â you whisper, looking at him. He looks like a mess. âYou almost got killed, Eunhyuk.â
âSo did you. Donât downplay it.â he argues. You expect his grip to loosen now that heâs seen youâre alright enough to talk but it only seems to tighten, âWe have a few minutes to get it together before we have to go back to the usual. So be honest for once.â
Being honestâŠ
You look at him, and your eyes are burning. âFuck, Eunhyuk, I donât know why Iâm this scared.â you cough out, hands tensing at your sides.
He carries something gentler in his gaze, something youâre unfamiliar with. His hand drops to your wrist and he squeezes it. âBreathe.â he says, and you try, but itâs like youâre struggling to get the air in and out of your lungs. Itâs burning, too. Why?⊠Youâre panicking. Thatâs why. Your breaths come out short and that uneasiness who loves to get in the way of your thoughts is back. You canât do anything, right nowâ you wouldnât be able to get anyone to survive, let alone yourself.
Eunhyukâs hand grabs your hastily and he brings it to his chest. âSlow down. Just breathe. Thatâs all that matters, right now.â
âAre you breathing?â
âI am. I need both of us to be. So listen to me.â
âYeah.â
And just like a doctor would, he guides you to something calmer. Your gazes are locked the whole time. He insisted. Donât look anywhere else, he said, just me. He helps you remember how to breathe again, helps you remember how to think, and helps you remember you have a lot to do immediately.
âWe need to go.â you say, back to the closest thing to normal you could manage. âHyunsuâs gone. Did anyone get shot? You shouldââ
âYou should go grab the medkits. The ones in the nursery. Bring them here. Iâll take care of it.â
You donât argue. âOkay.
Ah!â â But you nearly lose your footing. You hear Eunhyuk breathe out something that almost sounds like a laugh and turn around to glare.
âYouâll be lightheaded for a bit. Be careful.â
âOh, yeah, okay.â you scoff. You hear Eunyu yell something along the lines of âItâll be fine, so stop looking and get to workââ but youâre too far away to catch all of it.
The skies darken before the light comes back again. Things are eerily quiet.
When leadership becomes worthless, itâs hard to keep a proper sense of identity. Everyone has seen you and Eunhyuk as their leaders for a long while now. But since Jung Uimyeongâs arrival and the clear impact heâs had on the groupâs dearest Cha Hyunsu, the atmosphere has suffered a drastic change. It feels tense for everyone but the newfound duo. Itâs suffocating.
But instincts remain the same. Survival is key, and that means gathering information is, as well. You need to get what Uimyeongâs plan is before it escalates, but you know he would have no interest in talking to you.
So Hyunsu, it is.
âYou donât trust me.â
âBut I do! Iâve always trusted you, Hyunsu.â
The latter keeps on walking and you have to jog to catch up. This is ridiculous, how could he allow a stranger to change him so much? Did he convince him the people here were the real enemy? You wouldnât be surprised. StillâŠ
âJust stop and have an actual conversation with me.â you scoff.
He does just that, stops in his tracks, and you nearly run into him. He turns around slowly to look at you. Hyunsuâs expression is usually devoid of emotion but now itâs just cold. âI donât want to talk to you. Everything you sayâs a lie. You donât trust anyone here. Iâll say good luck to the people who still think youâre a good leader.â
âIsnât that too much?â Eunhyuk. âEspecially since you know itâs not true. Or were you influenced by that guy so easily?â
Hyunsu glances at him, then back at you, before directing his glare to Eunhyuk again. âFind someone else to run your errands. Iâm tired of it.â
âThatâs notââ
âLeave him be.â Eunhyuk says as Hyunsu walks away. You sigh and rub your temples. This isnât good. âThereâs no point in trying to reason with him now.â
âSo what, we donât do anything? Leave things as they are?â
âWe do.â
You sigh and turn around to let your head drop on his shoulder. Eunhyuk brings his hand to the back of your head and leaves it there. Youâre not sure how or why this change happened between the two of you after the shootout, but neither of you mention it. It might be for the best.
âIâm tired.â you mumble.
âYou should get some rest.â he says quietly, âThere isnât much to take care of, right now. You should be able to sleep for a bit.â
âHow long is a bit?â
âUntil I wake you, approximately.â
â⊠Fine by me.â
The sun setsâ
âWake up.â
âHmmâŠ?â you force yourself to open your eyes and look up. God, the worldâs blurry. âWhat?â
âSwitch. I need to rest for a bit.â
You nod lazily and sit up on the bed, making space for him to sit. He settles at your side and turns to look at you. âLook here.â he says (demands) with a hand on your jaw. You turn and feel like heâs scrutinizing your face. âAny injuries?â
âNot anything new, no.â you say, âYou?â
âThe same.â he sighs, dropping his hand. Itâs your turn to touch his face. You hold the side of it in your hand and let your thumb graze the skin under his eye. His glasses are good to hide his eyes, you think. But youâre always close enough to see them. After the shooting, you remember something, despite the state you were in.
âYou cried.â you say. He hums inquisitively at that. âWhen those guys barged in and stuff. When you came back after going with them, you looked like youâd been crying.â
âNot really. I was just upset.â
âBecause?â
âIs there not enough reasons to be upset in this place?â he deadpans, and scoffs silently when you give him a look. âI couldnât save Ms. An. I watched her get shot.â
You have half a mind to hold back from squeezing his head to death. âAnd you didnât think it worth mentioning? Thatâs bad, Eunhyuk.â
âIâve⊠Seen worse.â
âThatâs stupid.â
âYouâre stupid.â
You look at him with wide eyes. âTake it back.â
âOr else?â he asks. Oh. Oh. Heâs teasing you. What the hell? This is new. Your hand drops to grab his collar. You get deja-vu. Something similar happened before. He looks down at your hand then back up at you.
âYou really want to find out, do you?â
Thereâs something in the air. Something you wouldâve usually described as tension, but it almost feels comfortable. You know Eunhyuk well yet you canât tell whatâll happen next. You could guess, though. Each word and touch means more now than it used to.
(Maybe they always meant something, maybe you just chose to ignore it.)Â
He stares at you for a few seconds then tilts his head to the side, expression unreadable. âI do.â
Your fingers tighten around his collar and he smiles. His hand comes up to wrap around your wrist, slowly pulling it away from him. âHeyâŠ?â
âBut I donât think Iâll find out about anything. Youâre a liar, after all. And a coward, just like me.â he says, all whilst gently pushing you to lay on the mattress. He does it so naturally it takes you a moment to realize. He hovers over you with your wrist still in hand. âIs that fine with you?â
âYou insulting me or you pinning me down?â
âYou decide.â he sighs, pressing your wrist down gently next to your head, âWould I be wrong to assume you donât really mind either of those?â
You decide to shut him up instead. He takes it well.
âYou taste a bit bloody.â
âDeal with it.â
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just watched exhuma can confirm iâll be even more annoying than usual about dohyun
the moment i watch exhuma i will be the most annoying dohyun fan you know. you donât know the effect long hair dohyun has on me itâs crazy
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harin supremacy đđ»
real!!
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iâve seen many people compare harinâs character to park yeonjin from the glory but i donât think thatâs right actually. the right comparison is won sangah from little women. theyâre actually so similar itâs insane
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out of reach ft. baek harin x gn!reader 2.1k words
warnings: nervous breakdown, implied manipulation and bullying, reader nd harin are Slightly toxic, smoking, not really proofread Sorry!
authorâs note: finally watched pyramid game! harin is so dear to me i love her. anyways hereâs this
Clouds of smoke and overpriced cigarettes. The faint smell of perfume, struggling to cover the overwhelming, biting scent of tobacco. The sound of a lighter clicking shut, and a disdainful laugh. Condescending. The very image of a typical rich, high-school bully.
Then she sighs, softly, and it all changes.
The smoke dissipates to reveal a gentler expression (though the void in her eyes cannot be hidden), and the cigarette smell seems to leave with the passing breeze. She smiles softly and relaxes her shoulders. âIâm expecting great things from you.â she says, hiding a donât you dare disappoint in between her words. She chuckles quietly to herself and turns on her heel. The school princess.
âLetâs go.â she says, her tone on the edge of something hurried. Like her facade, though perfectly constructed and practiced, might threaten to break if she stays any longer. You donât reply but push yourself off of the wall to walk at her side when she strolls past where you were waiting.
The moment youâre far away enough from that hidden corner by the school entrance, Harin tenses again. You look down and see her thumb pressing its nail into her palmâs skin. Into flesh, at this rate. âHarin.â you call. She blinks out of her thoughts and turns her gaze to you. âWhat is it?â
âIâm thinking.â she replies honestly, bits of that kind demeanor slowly crumbling to reveal a more honest, yet possibly less furious side to her. One youâre more acquainted with.
âYou do that too much.â you heave a deep sigh, âSeriously. Have you had a moment to breathe at all this week?â
Baek Harin is calculating. Always calculating each of her movesâ Every interaction with all of her classmates, her family, her past present and future, the adults at her school. She carefully reviews the way she presents herself down to the detail. And now, she calculates everything Seong Suji does, everyone she interacts with, everyone around her, everything she does truthfully and all she does that seems fakeâ add more to the list.Â
Thatâs just a recipe for disaster. But youâve also known her for long enough to know that having a calm mind free of worries and overthinking is a privilege Harin hasnât had since her early childhood years. The way she functions now is her own idea of normal, and it has been for much too long to even consider the idea of changing. So you donât try to change it. But you try to calm her down, when she allows you to attempt it.
âIâm breathing fine.â she scoffs slightly, âI canât afford not to think. Especially notâŠâ she trails off like sheâs remembered something, and you frown.
She reaches for her pillbox but it escapes her grasp, falling on the concrete. You reach over to grab it but sheâs quicker than you. The moment the thing is in her hand, she opens it and shakes three vitamin tabs into her palm, before freezing in place.
You slow down and stop in your tracks, barely a meter back, then slowly approach her. Her eyes are flitting between the box and the pills themselves, her lip trembling as if struggling to get a word out. You start reaching out towards her but she suddenly throws all of the vitamins back into their little chamber. She clicks the pillbox close and puts it back into her pocket, then fumbles to get something else.
âHarin.â
She finally manages to find what she was seemingly so desperate to find, and opens the pack of cigarettes. She grabs one and shakily sets it between her lips, before repeating the whole searching process for her lighter.
âHarin.â
Once the golden thingâs in her hand, she clicks to light up a flame, once, twice, three times, to no avail. You swear her hand is beginning to shake.
âBaek Harin!â
âFuck.â
She spits the cigarette to the ground and nearly crushes the rest of the pack in her hand. Her teeth bite into her lip to stifle a scream of frustration, you guess, and she goes back to digging her nails into the flesh of her hand.
You slowly set a hand on her shoulder and she lets you, though she does look much too lost in her own head to register anything other than the ground sheâs been blankly staring at. ââŠLetâs go home.â you say, tone softer.
She nods in agreement.
Baek Harinâs definition of a home has changed several times over the years. Haneul Orphanage, the house of the family she was adopted into, and yet neither ever truly gave her the feeling that it was what home was supposed to feel like. She isnât relieved when she steps foot into her house, she just feels more at ease to continue preparing her so-called schemes. Still, it is a house, her family lives there, and she never lacked anything. Itâs a fine place to be.
But when sheâs here, in comparisonâŠ
âIâm home.â you sigh as you take off your shoes. Harin sees your cat walk past the entrance hallway and stop to look at you, clearly waiting for something. And when you look at it, you smile and go pet it. Itâs just that easy for them to get what they want in life, huh? She feels your gaze on her and looks at you.
âWhat?â
âAre you planning to stay at the door?â
She blinks. Right. She unclasps her shoes and slides them off her feet before she steps inside. She barely notices sheâs breathing out a sigh of relief before a wave of exhaustion hits her. It makes her wonder for a moment if she was right to take the pillbox earlier. Maybe she forgot to take them during the day? She had so much to do. Did she? If sheâs forgetful about this, she could be about much more important thingsâŠ.
Sheâs reminded of her near-breakdown just earlier and holds back from picking at her nails. She rarely reaches the brink of losing it this badly. She really needs to do something about the direction the game is going towards, or else she fears she might break at the wrong time.
âHarin.â you call, bringing her out of her thoughts, and she realizes you already walked to your kitchen, and youâre peeking at the corner of the wall to see her. âDo you want something?â
She stares at you a bit coldly, almost frowning. Itâs clear sheâs not entirely out of her own head, yet.
âCola.â she says, âDo you have any?â
You scoff. âWhen do I not?â
She takes off her small backpack and walks further inside. This small placeâŠÂ She would dislike it. Sheâs not one to be picky, but growing up in a luxury house for nearly ten years makes you dislike cramped spaces. At least she does. But sheâs used to this apartment having you in it, and many times in the past, her, whenever she needed a place to go to that wasnât her own house.
Sometimes she thinks maybe she isnât grateful enough to have you. Sometimes.
âMy game feels like itâs falling apart.â she sighs, walking into the living room. She plops down on the couch, tossing her bag aside and taking out her phone. âThis girl is actively trying to ruin all of it.â
âSeong Suji?â you ask from the kitchen. Thereâs a hint of something in your voice that she hasnât heard before. Itâs sour and new.
She wants to hear it again.
âYes. Seong SujiâŠâ she trails off, âI swear even having 24/7 cameras on her wouldnât help me stop her from doing all this.â she scoffs.
You hum in response, then it grows quiet. Harin feels a smile pull at her lips. She can practically see how much thoughts this small conversation provoked in your mind. Seong Suji? Is she the problem? She is. But is she in this case, too?
Sheâs curious.
âStill, I guess sheâs a bit cute. Interesting, too. Iâve never had anyone stand up to me this much before.â
âYeah?â you answer blankly, joining her. You set down the two glasses of cola on the coffee table just harshly enough for it to cause an audible clang. âMaybe because you're so used to having everyone bow to you and your every requests?â
âYou donât.â
âDonât I?â
âYou sound bitter.â Harin laughs, setting down her phone on her lap and propping up her elbow on the armrest. She sets her index under her chin and looks at you as you rummage through your backpack. The glimpse she gets of your face confirms you indeed seem unnerved about something. Cute⊠No, this is more than cute.
âIâm not.â you sigh, visibly straightening up. Your face relaxes and you glance towards her. âWhatâs with the staring?â
âNothing. Youâre nice to look at.â
You roll your eyes and grab your laptop from your bag and set it down on the table. Her eyes move to focus on it and she furrows her eyebrows. She didnât know you still carried it around. She had to buy you one when it fell and the screen cracked, before. Irresponsible⊠Not that she minds buying for you. Not that you ask, either.
âInfo on her friends. From other schools, I mean.â
Harin blinks, registering what you mean. âOn Suji?â she mutters, eyes narrowing at the laptop. She tilts her head towards you with a small pout. âI never asked you that, did I?â she chuckles a little, leaning over to grab her glass.
This could be useful, but this doesnât work.
You shake your head slightly. âDidn't.â
âSo youâre just playing assistant, are you?â she huffs, âThanks⊠But donât do it again.â
You frown. âWhy?â
âI donât want you to get involved. You donât even attend my school. Itâll only be trouble.â
â Besides, she doesnât want you to be associated with this game and place as a whole more than needed. Just having you near the school is enough to make her stomach hurt. She has to have you be away from it all, at least. If not, sheâll feel like sheâs still in it even when sheâs with you. Then she wonât be able to sigh in relief once she steps inside your place anymore.
âWouldnât be the first time I get in trouble for you.â
âMhm.â she laughs as she drinks, then turns to look at you once sheâs done. The emotion leaves her face. âDonât do it again.â she repeats, tone laced with hints of a threat. She means it.
âThat doesnât work on me, Harin.â
You stare at her and she doesnât feel like looking away, either. Youâre stubborn. Sheâs worse. This isnât gonna end, and if it does, you might argue. She doesnât feel like arguing.
âDo you like me?â she decides to ask, just to throw you off a little.
âAre you insane?â you bite back, not missing a beat. Her smile deepens. She blinks away and leans back into the couch, sipping on her drink more.
âNot really.â
âFalse.â
âThatâs rude?â she laughs, looking at you again. You raise your eyebrows and smile slightly, leaning to grab your glass.
âToo bad.â you say, before sipping on the cola. Itâs a bit nostalgic. Drinking cola under dim lights when it feels like the world is only you two. This happened before, when she felt like her familyâs very presence was suffocating, and locking herself in her room wasnât enoughâ Or much earlier, when you were just kids, and youâd buy each other cola flavored popsicles. This kind of comfort makes her want more. She almost forgets about the game, for a moment.
The sour air in your voice and on your features seems to be gone now, so she figures the atmosphere is just as calming for you. Though she did enjoy seeing that look on your face⊠Your genuine, soft smile is one she enjoys a little bit more.
Now that sheâs getting comfortable here, she doesnât want to leave. Sheâll take all the time she can get. She knows you donât mind her staying. You may be above the rest when it comes to telling her off and not doing everything she asks, but youâre not above allowing nearly anything that helps her. And if letting her stay here, at the cost of possibly getting a death glare from her family members and irritating questions about any trouble she couldâve possibly caused for you, can help her?Â
Then she knows you wouldnât refuse. Even if you pretend you could. She knows how important she is to you.
âIâm staying the night.â
âWhen did I say you could?â
âYou didnât have to.â she hums, reaching over to move strands of your hair away from your face. She smiles. âI know I can.â
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hey I just want to ask, you stopped with the aouad fanfics?
hellloo yes for now i did stop! thereâs a high probability iâll go back to writing for it when season two comes out. for now i have no interest in it ^___^
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xiaoâs birthday letter killed me
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man i donât wanna hear anything if the characterization is off in that xiao post omfg i barely proofread it i was writing it at like 1am and i couldnât get it to sound right⊠but i also didnât want to post it super late i was just waiting for the birthday art to dropđ
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happy birthday xiao i love uuuu hereâs a really bad fic i wrote while very tired. sorry i couldnât make anything better but TT oh well! /late spring ft. xiao x gn!reader warnings: none really? theyâre dating except neither of them know idk. some existential talk. possibly ooc xiao iâm so sorry & i think thatâs it!
A soft, soft breeze drifts through the curtains of Xiaoâs room. Thereâs the gentle pitter patter of a rain calming down and the scent of nearby Silk Flowers. Itâs all so gentle that Xiao feels this might be what mortals describe as feeling like one is floating on a cloud.
He stares at the horizon and heaves a quiet sigh, before letting his gaze dart towards a piece of paper on the desk by the window. Again. He would be lying if he said he hadnât looked at it a hundred times since seeing it appear in his room following his daily patrol and fights against monsters.
Surprise was what he first felt, then something he doesnât know how to name that made his heart tighten painfully, then something else that made it difficult for him to both look at the letter and look away from it all at once. He still feels that ache in his heart when he thinks about it, somehow, but itâs not really painful. Itâs not the kind of pain that causes worry. He figures itâs closer to excitement than anxiety. Heâs not sure.
In any case, heâs sure whatever he feels is way too much in comparison to the contents of that paper sheet.
âHi Xiao! Itâs me. Iâm sure you know, right?
Is it alright if we meet up at Qiaoying Village?
When the moon is highest, maybe? No worries if you canât come. If you only have a little time, no worries, it wonât be long. See you there, I hope.â
There it is again⊠He nearly curses under his breath, fingers coming up to tighten at the fabric of his top, right above his heart, twisting again.
He takes a deep breath and easily dispels the feeling, though he begins to worry about the ease with which something so simple makes his chest react so strongly. He looks up at the moon and decides his incessant checking has lasted enough, before taking a step back and disappearing from his room.
Qiaoying Village is like the Harbor in a sense. Itâs full of life, full of people, and the exact kind of place Xiao usually avoids. But a village is always easier. Itâs arguably much less crowded and the people tend to have unspoken rules about not being too noisy around a certain time of the night. So when itâs this late, and up from a nearby hill, itâs not half as bad as it would usually be.
âYou came.â
He shifts his gaze your way and has to pretend he isnât surprised. He isnât, but it took him a second too long to notice you. His heart picks up in speed again and he clears his throat quietly.
Shush.
âYou called. What is it?â he asks casually, taking a step closer to you. Youâre sitting at the edge of the cliff, your bag settled on the grass with some sheets of paper and flowers peeking out. Is that Qingxin? You hum quietly, eyes trained on the horizon, then sigh. You seem to be pondering over how to answer. âShould I give you more time?â
âGive me a break, is what you should.â you retort, scoffing jokingly. He chuckles silently at that and decides to come sit at your side.
âIs this about my day of birth?â he asks, looking ahead as well, âI told you you donât need to make a big deal out of it. Itâs just another day.â
âIt is.â you agree, tone sounding somewhat melancholic. Then you turn to look at him, gaze a bit persistent on getting him to do the same. He swallows thickly and glances at you.
â⊠It is.â he repeats quietly, blinking. âSo?â
âYouâve lived really long. When did you stop celebrating your birthday? Did it become meaningless?â
Big talk. Heâs not too surprised. Thereâs no point in not being honest.
âWhat if I never started?â he asks blankly. Itâs not really meant to be rhetorical, either. âI donât know whatâs meaningful about this. Itâs not as if I remember the day, either.â
You laugh softly at that. âNo one does. Thatâs not whatâs meaningful about it.â you say, gaze moving elsewhere. He doesnât look away.
âThen?â
Thereâs a moment of silence, and he hears you hum faintly. Itâs a long enough moment to let his mind wander to the clouds again, to that peaceful and heart-ache-inducing place where he thinks about you. He thinks about you the whole day, then thinks about you when youâre right in front of him. It isnât the first time it happens, but it does feel stronger when itâs his birthday.
Then to him, this dayâŠ
âItâs meaningful in different ways for everyone, I think.â
âReally?â
You turn to look at him and frown. âYou look elsewhere.â
He waits. He doesnât know what for. (For his daydream to end. It doesnât. Youâre the dream in front of him. Heâs cursed to âlook elsewhereâ as long as youâre on his mind, he thinks, but there are worse things to be cursed with.) Then he shakes his head a little bit. âIâm here.â he states, âWhy is your birthday meaningful?â
You make a face like youâre not buying his previous statement, for some reason, then huff.
âI donât know. I canât tell.â
Heâs surprised. He tilts his head a little. âYou⊠Canât?â
You nod. âIt feels like it lost meaning over the years. Maybe because Iâm growing older? In any case, maybe it doesnât actually need meaningâŠâ
âYou sound like youâre backtracking because I called you out.â
âYou donât need to point it out. Isnât cake enough, anyways?!â
He scoffs softly. âThen what are we doing here?â
You look at him for a long few seconds, and this time his mind isnât allowed to go anywhere. Your gaze anchors him where he sits and he canât go anywhere else. He has no escape. He can only look at you. âBecause I think itâs meaningful. Iâm glad you were born, and that you exist, and that I get to exist with you.â you say, and heâs almost in awe at how easily all of this came out of your mouth.
âIâŠâ I donât understand, is what he wanted to say. But he thinks he feels blessed to be allowed to live a life where he got to meet you. So that just wouldnât be true. He does understand. âI see.â
Itâs been a few years since youâve known each other. Around four birthdays, he recalls. Youâve been celebrating his birth on this day each year since you two met. It should make sense, then, that you cherish him. It should go without saying that you want to celebrate this day with him. But some part of him still canât believe you really care this much. Before, he would have never dreamed of anyone caring so much about him they would even remember the day he was born. He thinks he wouldâve probably forgotten it if it wasnât for you.
Birthdays are meaningless for a Yaksha. For someone who lives so long and so alone. However heâs not alone, anymore.
So then to him, this day is now meaningful because youâre there. Because you invited him. Because you continue to remind him it matters to you. Because you want to celebrate that he was born, and that he exists. Itâs meaningful because you care about him.
âShould I say it more clearly?â
âMore clearly?â
âI hope I can remind you Iâm happy youâre here for every year you and life itself allow me to.â
If Xiaoâs heart hurt before, then he doesnât know how to describe the way it feels now. Itâs at least ten times worse. Youâre really willing to waste this day each year, arenât you? He wants to sound annoyed but he feels anything but.
âI donât thinkâŠâ he takes a deep breath, but itâs shaky. âI don't think it needed to be clarified. I got it.â
You unfortunately seem to catch on to how flustered he is and lean closer. His gaze hesitates between looking at you and elsewhere several times before settling on elsewhere.
âYour embarrassment is making mine disappear. Thank you, really.â
âSo you were embarrassedâŠâ Xiao scoffs under his breath, âDidnât sound like it. Maybe I didnât pay close enough attention.â
He feels your fingertips touch his face, silently asking to hold him. He lets you.
âThen pay attention.â you say, guiding his face towards yours. Your eyes are close enough to see the moon reflected in them. Pretty.
âI am.â
âGreat.â you smile, âHappy birthday.â
Your palm is cold against the skin of his cheek. He swears your skin is usually the warmer one. Is his face warmer than usual?
He looks away. He canât help it. ââŠThank you.â
Your hand is even colder. No, his face is warmer.Â
Then you pull away and he misses how cool it felt, so he grabs your hand before itâs too far away, and holds onto the feeling of it in his. You hum in question and he just intertwines his fingers with yours before looking back up. It would seem nonchalant if his face wasnât still so warm, but he doesnât care too much. If the sky is on his side the moonlight will only be bright enough to see you and nothing else.
Youâre the only one heâll always be willing to celebrate something so meaningless with. Youâve been known (to him) to have a way of making things meaningful by simply being there, anyways. Maybe he should be the one to get you a gift for that. Flowers? He thinks about your bag again and wonders if you didnât one-up him, already.
âDid you call me all the way here to talk about the meaning of our existence?â he asks, trying to lighten the air. You laugh and get your bag, not letting go of his hand.
âNah. I got you something.â
He sighs, and smiles. âOf course you did.â
âItâs simple, okay? Donât worry!â
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alright finally (re)made a carrd donât ask why it took me so long to think of making one again I Donât Know!! anyways itâs there now so cheers
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sometimes i think about making other sideblogs for different fandoms but i write for so many different things⊠yâall are gonna have to be stuck with messy ass mikanotes for a while i think
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HI MIKA <3
HELLO KYLIN!!!
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Just read the aventurine fic and like WOHOW DUDE I love it sm, would you consider a follow up?
hi thank you sm iâm glad you liked it! and unfortunately i very rarely write second parts to my fics so probably not TT maybe iâll write more stuff for him though who knows!
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ur aventurine fic,, IM LITERLLTY GOGONG INSNANE
if itâs insane in a good way then WOOO IâM GLAD!!!
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donât even bother ft. aventurine x gn!reader â just something short bcs his va is too good at his job and him voicing that post made me go oh wow! warnings cursing, clingy aven and reader in denial about their feelings, one suggestive joke, badly written Sorry! this is very much dedicated to nour enjoy ur bf
The light of the sun indicates that the day has started much longer ago than you had originally thought. You cling onto sleep, nevertheless, not at all fond of the idea of facing the day properly.
âAlright. I understand.â
There isnât need for any context for you to get that the second disruption of your attempts at going back to dreamland is a call concerning work, of all things. The clear exhaustion and barely concealed frustration in Aventurineâs voice as he speaks to the person on the other end of that call indicates he probably feels the same as you.
Irritated enough to go back to sleep immediately after hanging up.
âLetâs schedule the interview for today.â he says, sounding like heâs stretching. Oh, great. Heâs decided to be professional and get up. You hear him heave a long sigh, probably after hanging up, and blindly try to reach for him.
âNo.â you mumble, frowning slightly. Aventurine hums, seemingly surprised, then chuckles.
âHm? No?â he repeats, and leans down. You open your eyes enough to see him cover the painful rays of sunlight streaming through the curtains. He looks at you and tilts his head with a smile, âNot even a hello, huh? Youâre so polite.â his voice drips with sarcasm.
You try to press your palm to his face but he grabs your wrist before you can, laughing. He presses closer to you and leans his forehead to your shoulder. âNo what?â he asks, whispering. You donât appreciate the chill that runs down your spine. Heâs so close.
âNo to leaving before me. I heard that call.â
He smiles against your neck before pulling back to look at you. âWho says Iâm leaving?â he huffs softly, âI was just trying to sound awake, okay? And since when were you this clingy?â
âIâm the same as usual,â you complain, turning to lay on your back, âI just donât want to be kicked out become the actual roomâs owner isnât here, is all. Itâs a pain to deal with.â
Heâs right. Youâre not a clingy person. In fact, you donât usually find yourself sleeping in the same bed as anyone, no matter how close you are to them. This is just⊠A rare occurence.
You and Aventurine getting one too many drinks at a nearby bar, you realizing you didnât get yourself a hotel room prior to the whole ordeal, and crashing in his luxury bedsheets before he could protest.
And the worst part of it? You slept well.
In any case, the problem was that the warmth of someone by your side as you slept felt much more comforting than youâd expected it to be. Maybe it was just the previous nightâs drinks residue blurring your thoughts. Maybe thatâs what made you say no to him potentially leaving before you could actually process it.
Maybe itâs just because itâs him, and you never really mind him being so close to you.
He sighs and moves over your figure, planting his arm at the side of your head to hover over you. âYouâre an awful liar. You wouldnât last at poker.â
âEnlighten me. What the hell am I lying about?â
âThis.â
He smiles, and it somehow makes you all the more aware of the distance between the two of you. Itâs not nerve-wracking but itâs not uncomfortable. And itâs not comfortable, either, but itâs somewhere there in the middle. Itâs on that line that makes your head struggle to keep up and thatâs more than enough to tell you how badly youâre handling what should be a routine, by now. This is nothing new, come on.
âWho am I lying toâŠ?â you continue.
He scoffs. âYourself. I can practically see the gears turning inside your head. Itâs almost cute.â
Itâs your turn to scoff. âAlmost.â
He smiles to himself but doesnât add more, moving away from you. He breathes out tiredly as he leans back against his pillows, a hand moving to cover his eyes. âYou should get the higher-ups to call for a room for you. No oneâll bother you then.â
âYouâre the higher-ups, do it yourself, you have the funds.â you imitate a robotic-sounding voice, then sigh, âThatâs what theyâll tell me.â
âMm, will they, now?â
You look at him. Only then do you notice the sun on his skin, his slightly messed up bangs, and the one button holding that cursed hotel pajamas top. You press your eyes shut with half a mind to hold back an annoyed groan. Donât look at him like that, you repeat in your head.
You and Aventurine are friends. He likes to tease and flirt but thatâs just how he is, so thereâs really nothing more to it. You work as a negotiator for a group who frequently deals with the IPCâs offers and request for help to convince people of their grandiose plans. And Aventurine is arguably very high-up in the ranks of the IPC. Itâs a wonder you even became friends, but it has been a long while now. A long while of bantering, clinging into each other just a bit too much, and listening to the otherâs stories the very few times either of you actually opened up.
â Most of those times being after drinks. Nevertheless, it counts for something.
But youâve never seen him in this kind of light. In sunlight! Youâre not seeing him in any kind of new light at all. Itâs just a different atmosphere than what youâre used to around him. Youâve spent time talking for hours at quiet bars or helping each other out in the most chaotic situations, but itâs never been this.
Itâs so⊠calm.
But your phone rings. You sigh heavily before you grab it and answer the call. âHello?â You barely get to properly register who called you before the voice of your senior at work starts complaining in your ear. You grimace.
Aventurine stares at you curiously.
â⊠This is really last-minute. Seriously?â you say, then wait for an answer. Seems like youâre needed somewhere again. But calling you saying to get to a location one system hour later is just⊠âFine, Iâllâ I said fine. Iâll be there. Yeah. Yes, sir.â
You hang up. Quiet daydreamâs over.
âTurns out Iâm gonna need to leave, anyways.â you mutter, sitting up. You suddenly become very aware of how comfortable it was simply laying there talking with Aventurine. Now that youâre faced eith your usual duties and loud coworkers, youâre forced to realize just how soothing the manâs presence is in comparison.
You feel a hand on your arm. Itâs warm on your skin, holding some remains from the sunâs touch. You turn your head to see Aventurineâs fingers trailing down slightly, seemingly in thought. âHow aboutâŠâ he trails off, brows furrowing.
âHow about?â
He looks up at you and grins before pulling you back into him, wrapping his free arm around your waist swiftly. You end up much closer to his face than either of you had anticipated but you donât move away, and neither does he.
âHow about we take a day off?â he whispers.
You try to say something but no word comes to mind. Aventurine stares at you for a while and you notice his gaze flitting down your face for a flicker of a second before he grabs your arm more firmly and pulls you closer, leaving you no room to even attempt thinking. âHm?â
âI, you⊠Fuck you.â is the only response you manage to get out of your throat, and even that sounds half-hearted. It almost sounds like a question, even. You have to blame it on the exhaustion. You brainâs not cooperating, right now.
âAre you offering?â
Now heâs done it. You manage to grab his pillow from underneath his head to swat it at him, making him exclaim in surprise and soon yell for mercy. âOkay, hold on, hear me out, Iâm sorry!â
You lower the pillow, looking down at him. Youâve been close before but straddling himâs a new one. Outside of fighting, that is. Maybe this counts as fighting.
âGood Heavens.â he huffs, hair at least ten times messier than it was before, âOkay. That was unnecessary.â
âFalse. Deserved.â
ââŠPerhaps.â he clicks his tongue, and carefully picks his pillow from your hands, like itâs a gun threatening to fire at him. âBut that was no answer to my offer. Shall we take a vacation?â
âYou get to decide when your vacation is?â
His sigh sounds nothing short of exasperated. âJust play along, will you? If you do, Iâll find a way to cover for both of us.â he says, fingers touching your face for who-knows-why. His eyes focus back on yours and he raises his eyebrows questioningly.
Youâre not going to immediately say yes.
âFine. Full blameâs on you if my boss kills me.â
He laughs, seemingly pleased with your answer.
âThen rest.â he says quietly, pulling you against his chest. You tense for a while, then relax. Now the sun is on your skin, too, and its warmth almost seems to beckon you back into sleep. Or is it his arms wrapped around you? You canât tell.
Maybe the world feels a bit less harsh and cold when Aventurine is with you, and maybe you just shouldnât bother questioning it.
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goodbyes are sour
connor x gn!reader â 2.1k words
genre: angst sorta! mutual pining in denial
warnings: mentions of guns and killing, kabedon for the sake of science, connor unreliable narrator LOL u have feelings android man⊠maybe ooc idk. (wrote this w the idea of connor being deviant since the beginning bcs Yeah!)
synopsis: You meet Connor again. Turns out things are much more complicated when you arenât working together.
authorâs note: hi dbh fic?! i Love connor nd iâve been writing this for a while (crazy since itâs rly short) but i donât like it much⊠anyways whoevers alive in the dbh fandom have this!
âDetective.â
Thereâs just something about the way Connor speaks. The cadence, the pitch, the enunciation of each word. Itâs painfully evident that he isnât human. Everything about him is so machine-like that even his perfect, human-like exterior could not fool anyone. However it is something you got used to. Hearing the android speak your name and call you âDetectiveâ back a while ago felt somewhat unsettling. Now itâs so easy to recognize that it almost makes you feel at ease.
âDo you seriously think Iâm an android? I donât wanna deal with those fucking machines, either. Iâd be glad if you put a bullet through them rather than me.â
Turns out hearing him fake being a human is ten times more terrifying than his android speech patterns could ever hope to be.
This was not part of the plan.
You were sent with a unit to patrol around the streets for any android who still hadnât been brought back or destroyed. You werenât a fan of this whole assignment, but felt better than the rookies who were sent out to shoot humanoid robots as their first field mission probably did.
It would be fine, is what you told yourself, because you didnât feel anything towards Cyberlifeâs creations enough to be completely uncomfortable with the idea of their blue blood on your hands, though it wasnât ideal. You could manage. Until the first person you came across happened to be the one android you genuinely cared about.
âI donât think heâs one of themâŠâ one of your fellow officers murmurs next to you. You suddenly become very aware of the gun he, too, is holding and pointing towards the target. Fuck. As if the situation wasnât bad enough.
At least this idiotâs performance seems to be fooling them.
You wait one second, then sigh on the second, and finally lower your gun on the third. âYou shouldnât be here.â you say casually, prompting your colleagues to relax and the atmosphere to lighten a little. Your heart is in your throat, however. âWeâve got orders to round up every android we see around here. You should go home. This isnât exactly safe.â
âI know, I know.â he sighs, rolling his eyes a little, âI was gonna leave anyways, thanks.â
Your coworkers mumble to themselves about how disagreeable this guyâs attitude is and itâs enough for them to miss the wink the latter sends your way as he leaves. You almost regret not shooting a bullet through his head.
Still, you sigh in relief, setting your gun back at your side and running a hand over your face. You donât think you can continue patrolling in peace. Thereâs one too many questions in your mind and the key to answering them is escaping from your grasp.
You take the phone in your pocket and pretend to get a call, moving it to your ear and looking at the members of your team. âIâll join up with you later.â you say, gesturing towards your phone. They nod and walk away, and you do the same, feeling more relieved than ever that these people see you as a leader of sorts. They wonât question you on anything. You hurry towards the direction your so-called partner left to the moment theyâre out of sight.
A rooftop door, stairs, and more stairs. Youâre jogging down like youâre chasing a criminal on the run. Youâre down to the fifth floor out of eight when someone grabs your arm and pulls you out a door.
âWhaââ you try to yell, but a cold hand settle over your mouth. Your body relaxes but your expression tenses. Connor. âLet me go,â you mumble incoherently, surprisingly succeeding in getting him to let you step away.
You sigh and shake your head, turning around abruptly. His âhuman costumeâ (which really just was a grey suit jacket thrown over what shouldâve been his Cyberlife uniform, glasses, and a cap to hide his LED) is already gone, replaced by his usual attire, just missing his jacket.
âWhat the hell was that about?â you ask, annoyed, pointing towards the staircase (back there, on the roof) and the android simply shrugs. âConnor.â
âI was undercover, Detective. I thought someone as smart as you would recognize that much.â he says, his tone back to normal. Youâd feel relieved if he wasnât being so irritating. âWas I wrong?â
Your face drops. âNo. I figured as much. But what for?â you sigh, crossing your arms.
âSame mission as always.â
âWho are you chasing? Did you find the place?â
âI have no reason to tell you.â
It only clicks then that while you know about Connor continuing his mission after being laid off the case, youâre not part of it anymore. He had to be sent back to Cyberlife, and you shouldâve been forgetting about him entirely. Youâre still DPD, and you have orders to shoot Androids on sightâ Which you clearly arenât following. Heâs right. He has no reason to tell you.
Still.
You grab his arm when he threatens to walk away. Youâre not sure what you want to say, but youâre not done talking. He lets you. âConnor.â
âDetective.â he says. You straighten your back and sigh, not breaking eye contact. He tilts his head to the side and his LED flashes yellow for an instant. âYouâre angry.â
Of course youâre angry. Heâs infuriating. Thereâs something about how logical and dead-set on following every single rule he is that makes Connor the most annoying individual youâve ever talked to. Everything he does has to be for his mission. Every single thing.
âDo threats work with you?â you ask blankly, âIf you donât tell me where it is, Iâll get Cyberlife to bring you back, and all that?â
When he takes a step closer to you again, forcing your back to press against the wall, and his LED does not even threaten to change hues, youâre taken aback. Just a bit. Itâs the same kind of frustrated attitude you wouldâve expected from a human after saying what you just did. But not Connor.
He doesnât seem frustrated, though. And you know he can look annoyed. He just doesnât. So he must not be. And you want to find what it is heâs doing exactly, stepping closer to you without even saying a word, but your brain feels like itâs short-circuiting at the distance between you two. You know he does everything for his work. Does he think you have new information on deviants? Does he really believe you would call Cyberlife on him? Is he using his stupid interrogation module on you? Whatever it is makes you even more annoyed.
The silence feels heavy. It makes things worse. It gives your brain time to process how this is making you feel and itâs no good at all. âWhat?â you break the silence, tone somewhat irritated.
âIâm trying to understand the reason why youâre so angry at me.â he explains simply, like it makes sense. His eyes narrow a bit and the LED at the side of his head flickers yellow for a moment. âAnd no, Detective. Threats donât work on me. Not when I can tell youâre lying so easily.â he adds, quieter.
âShut up.â you scoff.
âI dont think I will.â
âConnor.â
ââ However,â he interrupts, âI can step away from you at any moment if you tell me to.â
âNo.â
âNo?â
Whatâ No?! You register the word after saying it and sigh, face contorting into a somewhat pained expression. You panicked and said it, your mind processing his offer as him leaving you againâ With no information and nothing to ease your stupid worries. Now it just sounds odd.
Is that embarrassment?
âYou didnât finish what you were trying to do, did you? You havenât told me why Iâm angry yet. Since you apparently care so much.â you say, tone sounding much softer than before. Your apparent discomposure took away all the bitterness from your voice. Interesting.
Truth be told, Connor knows why youâre angry. Heâs not letting you in on the details of what heâs doing despite the time you spent working as partners a very short while ago. Heâs spent enough time with people, and you especially, to know that after forming some kind of bond with a work partner, it would be frustrating not to receive information about their mission the way you used to from themâ
Especially considering he was still chasing after something you both knew about. Jericho. But he cannot tell you about that. Not⊠Right now.
What he really was trying to do was evaluate how much of a threat you really could be to his investigation. He didnât sense any hostility before and he doesnât now, and you couldâve shot him but you didnât. But itâs not enough. He needs more timeâ More evidence that itâs fine. Thatâs why he pulled you here in the first place. Thatâs why he pressured you to talk.
He needs to make sure killing you isnât necessary.
âBecause I posed a threat to the stability of your current mission earlier. You wouldnât have been able to shoot me had I been discovered, and your reaction to your colleagues shooting me wouldâve jeopardized your job itself.â he answers.
This reasoning would make sense.
âThatâs not it.â you sigh.
Your heartbeat is slowing down. No good. Connor leans his arm on the wall next to you and moves closer. Your heartbeat picks up in speed. Itâs almost alarming. He can tell all the details about your physical condition and deduce what youâre thinking or feeling based off of them, sure. But heâs no human. The way he views and comprehends emotions is registered in his system in a much more clear and logic-based way than it is in humansâ brains.
So maybe he wonât ever know why your heart beats so heavily against your ribcage. So he just has to pressure the right places and demand answers. He unfortunately canât allow you to relax. He wonât get anything out of you if youâre calm. Youâre much too turbulent for that.
Or maybe heâll just have to ask. In a normal way.
âDetective, whatâs wrong with you?â
âWhatâs wrong with me?â you scoff, eyes widening. Wrong question.
You seem like you want to be angry but something is holding you back from displaying just how much he gets on your nerves. You sigh deeply and look at him, âWhatâs wrong with you? Youâre acting so weird. More than usual. Whyâd you pull me here if you didnât want to tell me anything? And Iâm worried. What if you really did get shot? Wasnât Cyberlife supposed to deactivate you? They wouldnât have brought in another Connor this time. Youâre off the case, youâ You wouldâve died!â
âMaybe.â
Thereâs circles under your eyes. There always are, but theyâre more defined now than they were the last time he saw you. Now that youâre actually being honest, your whole voice and mannerisms betray any of your usual annoyed and dismissive facade. He didnât think you cared this much, though he understands that some humans are quick to empathize. To a fault.
Now itâs clear he doesnât need to eliminate you at all. Part of him seems to have grown fond of your company. He couldnât risk that getting in the way of his better judgment.
âI only pulled you here so you wouldnât pointlessly chase down the streets searching for me, since I made sure no one would follow.â he says, stepping back and giving you more space, âYouâre a police officer. It doesnât matter what you say youâll keep to yourself or not. I canât compromise. This is too important.â
Youâre hurt, itâs visible. Heâs saying he canât risk trusting you. He figures that must not feel nice.
The sound of the radio attached to your side breaks this prolonged silence with the promise of separation. You take it, eyes not leaving Connorâs, and listen to your colleague speak. You tell them youâll be right there. Youâre not one to be late. He knows youâll really leave this timeâ Too far away for him to hope to talk to you again, if anything goes awry.
You turn the radio off and put it back where it was. âHope you succeed, then.â you say, bitter, and push yourself up to start walking away.
âTake care of yourself, Detective.â Connor says. Asks. The words come out before he can really think. Something about your voice and this whole atmosphere made him⊠Feel uneasy. Like he needed to say something. If this is how your partnership ends, he doesnât believe it should be on such a sour note. He cares doesnât dislike you at all, so why should it?
You stagger a little, seemingly stopping in your tracks, but moving again no more than a second later. âYou too, Connor.â
Somehow, goodbyes had never seemed so sad.
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