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Fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck fuck him FUCK HIM

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admonishing teacher: and would you still behave this way if the earth cracked open to reveal an unyielding tract of slavering organs ?

naughty child: i would unveil my terrible opus

moral: the child's opus is too hideous to behold

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Doecember Day 13: Cutter Cookies

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i have more <333

this whole maybe/maybe not reasonable crashout is brought to you by: my cousin's bachelor party. i went because i sorta Had To cuz "that's your family and you're supposed to care about them" or something. twas the very site my uncle got my name wrong twice, and then for the next two hours i don't think anyone spoke a single word to me, except for my dad. i was greeted and then i played the game we were there to play (topgolf, it's like bowling but with golf) for 2 hours. my cousin's bachelor party was an all-day event so this was just the first thing to do, but i didn't have to go to all of it. i also didn't want to because lmao. i can't even hang out with people i like for more than 6 hours before i need a nap.

anyways i can put up with a lot of stupid bullshit, but i've never wanted to leave something more than that fucking game. i was literally staring at the remaining time ticking down. like one game of topgolf is for 6 players max, and there were 12 of us, mostly my cousin's friends who're a couple years older than me, but my dad, uncle, and some of his friends were there, too. somehow i end up grouped with the older adults half. it's not like, "hey there's too many people how should we do groups" or "do you wanna go here or there?" i just end up there. before then, i get some odd looks from 2 of the guys, then my cousins say hello and do not speak to me a single time for the next two hours. i get one word.

my cousin graduated from the college i am literally currently going to.

this is also the event where my other cousin (the cop one) used the t slur in exactly the kinda context you'd imagine would piss me off, considering i'm fine with reclaiming slurs and all.

anyways i also don't know any of his friends' names. figure that would've been at least like, a little bare minimum to do. be like "hey this is my cousin." i mean not that i'm ever going to see these people again and frankly i don't want to because it sounded like they all had some pretty rancid opinions on homeless people and drug users. as if that's surprising considering they hang out with a pig.

the event right after it was going to some restaurant called twin peaks, which i found out has nothing to do with the show and is basically just hooters with a different aesthetic. as people are wont to do, it takes a few minutes for everyone to actually finish up with the last few bits of the game and whatever drinks haven't quite been finished yet. my dad was ready to go home and take a nap for a later event, so he wasn't gonna go to the restaurant. he decides to head out.

i don't even say goodbye to anyone. i just follow him out the door. i'm not out to these people yet so like, they see me being 22, amab, and straight. i'm supposed to be frothing at the mouth over the sheer idea of skimpily clad women serving me food. not a single cunt there is like "oh are you coming to twin peaks?" they asked my dad. they didn't ask me. i silently left.

it kinda just boils down to "why did you invite me here if you are going to pretend like i'm not here?" cuz for fucking real. if you aren't going to say more than 2 words to me then i'd rather you just didn't. fucking. waste. my. time. because that's what this all was. a waste of my fucking time. congrats on the marriage or whatever. hope it fails. hope she divorces you.

made extra funny by the fact that the actual wedding is in 2 weeks and i have never met the woman he's getting married to. i saw a picture of her once like 4 months ago. my mom and i are baking cookies for it, and the only reason i'm doing it now is cuz i like my mom and she Did ask, but like. it's gonna take me a few hours. that's a lot of ingredients. this is like, the first time any of them have ever acknowledged i know how to bake without me bringing it up first and it's because oh i can do it for free? hah. i don't think i will. treat me like i'm part of this family and i might. right now? pay me.

and like, i think all this is prolly cuz like, on some level i think they've recognized i'm a dirty little faggot. i just want them to say whatever they're thinking to my goddamn face. i've never been subtle about being gay, i have pride flags on my phone case. one of those has been there for a good year and i know they have eyes that can see. what are they not saying to me? if i finally say it, am i not gonna be welcome anymore? cuz yknow, i think i like the sound of that if this is how i'm gonna be treated.

not to like, complain about stupid shit but!!! (family shit, throwing it down there for funsies or something)

i have recently had my suspicions confirmed that a nonzero part of my family is, in fact, transphobic and i feel only anger. like i've never really vibed with them, for the most part it's a bunch of men doing masculinity which is like, Not My Thing and Never Has Been and considering one of them is literally a fucking cop it's like. there's no point mourning over the fact my family has rancid opinions on me and my sister. what do i care, i've only ever incidentally fit in. i'm here because i'm related to them and have to be, not because i want to be. my own uncle fucked up my legal name twice and didn't even notice it the first time. i get my siblings and i have sorta similar legal names but he's had 18 years to get it right. we don't even fucking look that similar. do you know i'm my own person? do you know your son thinks my sister and my friends shouldn't exist? do you even care?

i'm coming out to all of them. i don't expect it to go well. i will never fit in with them

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not to like, complain about stupid shit but!!! (family shit, throwing it down there for funsies or something)

i have recently had my suspicions confirmed that a nonzero part of my family is, in fact, transphobic and i feel only anger. like i've never really vibed with them, for the most part it's a bunch of men doing masculinity which is like, Not My Thing and Never Has Been and considering one of them is literally a fucking cop it's like. there's no point mourning over the fact my family has rancid opinions on me and my sister. what do i care, i've only ever incidentally fit in. i'm here because i'm related to them and have to be, not because i want to be. my own uncle fucked up my legal name twice and didn't even notice it the first time. i get my siblings and i have sorta similar legal names but he's had 18 years to get it right. we don't even fucking look that similar. do you know i'm my own person? do you know your son thinks my sister and my friends shouldn't exist? do you even care?

i'm coming out to all of them. i don't expect it to go well. i will never fit in with them

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Urgent Aid Request!

Hello, all. My friend Abdul, @queersudan has an urgent need for medical attention. He is very sick in his tent without mosquito nets and fears malaria. He needs life saving medicine and some procedure, that will cost him 150 USD.

I told him I would make this post, separate of his gofundme for himself other queer refugees from Sudan that he speaks for. Please help him to get to the hospital soon.

Please reply to this post if you do donate so that I can let him know.

The PayPal given on his behalf is from a friend here that he trusts. I will update with the personal name, the account email is: Joebhule0@gmail.com

Again. Let us know if you've sent donations. He needs to get to the hospital soon.

0/150

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Gerson's letter to Alvin, written by Susie. Haven't seen anyone post this yet, so I'm doing it here.

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I need to see BDSM haters go on rants about the evils of capsaicin

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I’m going to privatize the posts, because the person in question is now receiving shitty messages, but:

1. don’t believe everything you read online, especially if they’re unable to provide any proof

2. free Palestine. instead of wasting energy on internet bullshit, please check out this link on how to donate eSIMs to Palestinians: https://gazaesims.com/esim-purchase-tutorial/

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Some old/ newer sketches of our Queen April, might refine, we’ll see how it goes :3

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I really, really love Susie and Noelle's dynamic in the Holiday Manor segments of chapter 4. Not just in a yuri sense, but specifically because there's this little meta game being done with Susie, Dess, and her memory + how it's preserved and like... the Idea Of Undertale in our perception as an audience.

Deltarune is "A game you can play after you complete Undertale", right? Toby calls it that himself. It is steeped in the expectations we have from that game. Its characters. Its plot points. Its motifs. The impact it had on us as a story, both from the audience's perspective AND from the creator's. Back when chapter 1 first came out, Toby talked about his anxieties regarding this new project, and being unable to "make us feel what we felt with Undertale".

Watsonianly, in Deltarune's story, there is this insanely intricate web of small town drama and trauma and history between Hometown's residents.

...and in barges Susie.

Susie who is the new girl. Susie who doesn't know anyone. Susie who has no respect or attachment to the "mythology" of Hometown, both in a religious sense and in the sense of the history of the people who live there.

Susie who, in the manor, says she "never played the original dragon blazers". Only Dragon Blazers 2.

To me she feels like a sort of implicit allegory for the new Deltarune fan? The one with ZERO attachment to Undertale. Because they never played it or because they played it afterwards. The one experiencing THIS story for its OWN sake.

She's unshackled by the core theme of nostalgia that binds every other character, because the objects that inspire it in Kris or Noelle or Hometown as a whole, they mean nothing to her. They hold no sacredness, no significance. So she tramples over them. A sort of desecration through cluelessness.

Which is EXACTLY what she does with Dess' memory! With her room, kept perfectly still and unchanged in the years since she disappeared, her guitar shoved in the closet to gather dust.

These are objects that MEAN something, that hold an incredible significance, to Noelle and to Carol and what and who it lost. They're something that (presumably) Carol preserved in an obsessive need to hold onto everything left of her daughter.

And it stagnates. It's frozen. It's no less dead, just because it is preserved.

...and it's precisely by desecrating that reverence that Susie is able to breathe new life into it. To create new connections with Noelle. To quite literally Make Art.

Waltzing into Dess' time-frozen room, not giving a fuck, plopping down against her bed waiting for us to make noise. You can see Noelle warn her to leave the room untouched, but she follows her shortly after. The ice melts.

Later, grabbing the guitar. playing it (badly!) but playing it for the first time in actual years. Making Noelle laugh. Reminding her of her sister.

It... kinda reminds me of the reverence we as an audience have for Undertale as the original source material.

Think about it. Didn't Toby have to calm everyone down when he released chapter 1 and reassure us that playing Deltarune would leave the ending we got for undertale untouched? Because people would be preventing themselves from interfacing and experiencing and CONNECTING with a new story, with a new piece of art, out of fear of it affecting... the one they'd already experienced. the one in the past, the one they'd already finished and closed and left to sit untouched on their desktops ever since.

This aspect of Susie is the thematic beating heart of chapter 4. It's the potential, the fire Gerson sees burning in her eyes.

And it ties back to Susie's own trauma and abuse and her being forcefully cast as the villain. Someone bad, broken, not good enough. Someone who should keep her nose out of things outside of her range.

Her confrontation with Carol when she snatches the guitar from her hands... sure she might not know the history/the context/the """sacred texts""", and that CAN isolate her and negatively affect her ability to navigate the social situations in Hometown (and allegorically her artistic output. she can't play the guitar, the piano, or write or that well), but she HAS value. Her perspective has value just by virtue of being new, original, revolutionary, her own, something SHE and only she can bring to the table. And those can improve through practice, dedication, and support.

Total knowledge and reverence for Dess' memory and the past has frozen the Holiday family (and Hometown as a whole) in the past. It's locked them in stasis. they know how things were. they know how things "should be". they cannot deviate. every week they worship a prophecy that dictates their past, present and future.

"Only then will the worlds will be SAVED". But should that really be the goal...? When you save a game, you preserve the things you've already done in it. The only thing you can do is overwrite it or start again. It's an inherently cryogenic process.

...In the game MOTHER 3, The Dragon is a mythological creature slumbering under the crust of the earth, kept in its sleep through 7 magic needles. The needles can only be removed by someone who knows the move PK Love, when its power is needed. Once the last needle is removed, the Dragon will follow the heart of this person, good or bad, by bringing on the apocalypse and destroying the world.

And making a new one.

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actually on berdly being weird towards noelle and susie, it's defo annoying but it's easier to find the humorous parts of it cuz he's, what, 15? that's a child. he'll get better. asgore is what happens when you don't "get better." he is like 50. infuriating and i want to beat him with sticks.

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actually rouxls calling the fuck gang a throuple is subtle foreshadowing to the fact that kris, susie, ralsei, noelle, and berdly will be in a beautiful polycule by the end of the game

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A desperate cleric slamming every healing spell so hard to bring someone back to life the ground is forced to grow plants and flowers around the body.

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my gender changes to the tune of the bit and that's actually the explanation i give to cis people because the real explanation is like, yknow how, when you're really little and you can't fall asleep so you end up taking a quick look around your room and there's something vaguely human standing in the corner, not moving, its outline only barely perceptible yet it blends into the wall behind it so well that you can't tell where it starts and ends and the room begins to feel as though its growing impossibly large and the air grows thicker and thicker as you lay there paralyzed in fear, desperately hoping whatever is there isn't going to hurt you, and then in the morning you find out it was just a coat hanging off the back of a chair?

yea it's kinda like that.

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I think it might be the concussions talking. Or not. Who knows ❤️

Second panel drawn by @rushcolor