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Another bad dream, it really sucked and makes me feel sick. TW: suicide, and implication of SA

I had this dream on 12/19 at 3:54am

I don't remember it all; but the dream starts when I come back to where I'm staying, a scraggly white dog (the type of dog named scratch or champ in movies) sits in front of my home. As I pass the dog I get an overwhelmingly bad feeling, like my heart sinks into my stomach, the world becomes drained of color, and I'm on edge. I walk into our cookie cutter style home and my dad (not my actual father, but a different looking man who I know is my dad in the dream) has hung himself in our living room, his face is a really light shade of blue.

The world becomes filtered with the same color as my Dad's suffocated face, and being unable to process the scene in front of me I leave the house. The white dog is gone from outside, so I begin walking around the neighborhood looking for the dog. I see the dog in the distance, he's sitting outside a corner house staring into it. I start walking towards the dog and I notice almost all the houses are empty, they aren't really run down but all the overgrown yards say no one's living there. The sky has a few drifting clouds that are disappearing with the wind but everything feels pale through the blueish filter of my father's skin. As I near the dog I walk past a house with an old woman out front, her hair is a scattered mess, she's bent over retrieving her mail and her gown has become undone and one of her breasts is hang out. She stands facing the street after grabbing the mail and makes eye contact with me, I smile and wave trying not to make a big deal about her nudity. She looks at me, slightly drooling, with no recognition at all, she doesn't respond and begins shuffling away as I reach the dog.

The dog gets up from its sitting position and I pet him before the dog returns to sitting next to my leg, but he hasn't stopped staring into the house. I follow the dog's vision into the house which has no lights on inside but everything inside is outlined as shadows by the pale blue sunlight cast through the windows. Inside there's the figure of a person standing alone. The figure is not moving theres just the slightest movements of their chest rising & falling as they face towards the opposite end of the room in this house. I then look towards where the figure is facing and the shadow of what I once thought was a lamp or chandelier gains more details and it becomes obvious there is a person hanging in this home, just like my home.

Im struggling to process this Info and what it means, as the dog stands, pulling my attention out of the house for a moment at the same time a single incredibly sickening scream comes from 40-50 feet behind me. This scream was something from the animal core of a human being, a scream only possible from someone who isn't certain they're going to live and needs someone to know the fear, desperation, and sadness they're feeling in that moment. It was a gutteral cry that cut through everything and lets me know that nothing will ever be okay again. I turn around my heart rate flying through the roof, and a completely naked brunette woman, probably in her mid twenties is attempting to run/walk as fast as possible towards me. She's obviously very injured there are cuts all over her body, some scabbed, some open, her joints are deeply bruised along with her face and stomach, her left arm hangs uselessly and a deep cut above her right knee seems to be preventing her from actually running, there is blood dried between her thighs.

The woman approaches the edge of the old woman's property, her scream still cutting through my soul and the tension of existing in this world feels like knots of rope in my throat. The sound of her bruised feet slapping painfully against the roughly paved road pulls me into the moment and I go to step forward and help this woman, but my foot hits the dog's butt, he repositioned at some point and is sitting still right in front of me, directly between the woman & I. I go to step around the dog and I hear the rhythmic stepping faulter and I see the young woman's foot get caught, dragging on the uneven road as she falls unable to catch herself in front of the old woman's drive way, and the sound of her skull, unslowed, slapping dully against the ground exists only for a moment as the back tires of the old woman's car are suddenly visible within this scene. The sound of the young woman's head hitting the ground is replaced with the crunch of the old woman's tires as the old woman, still dazed and unaware, unknowingly and unceremoniously ends the terrible story of the young woman's suffering. The old woman drives off into the distance, I stand with the dog, my mind darting between the gore just created in front of me, the stranger hanging inside, and my own father hanging at home. The dog glances back at me as I look into the sky, the blue filter of my dad's face becoming deeper and darker as night sets over an empty horizon. I can't breathe and I can't escape the choking horrors of this world as the dog gets up and walks deeper into the neighborhood. I think I'm in hell.

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I took these photos on my phone the other day

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Friendsgiving was an absolute bash, would you believe I was so drunk I threw up right after these photos? No? Good, cause I actually threw up right BEFORE these photos.

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Deatil of Moonlit Landscape with a View of the New Amstel River and Castle Kostverloren (1647-49) by Aert van der Neer

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Half marathon day! I like it my Half marathon way. Got 7th for my age. 😊

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by nicoles_moments

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elijah rael

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kelsea callister

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The sky this morning was 🔥

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I have terrible night terrors sometimes. I don't know why I have them. I'm going to start writing them down as a way of getting them out. Maybe someone will find them and it could help them with nightmares they're having. Cause sometimes I feel really alone.

I had this dream on 10/31 at 2:44 am

There are a bunch of people staying at my house but in reality the layout is actually my grandparents house. I'm having to share a bed w/my friend Angie, we talk and I ask if she actually checked to see if all the other beds are full, she says no that she just wanted to share. I say 'nope everyone in their own bed' but we're both already tired so we get out of bed together with her whining, she holds onto the back of my shirt, while she's wrapped in a blanket we take short sleepy steps down the hall to a nearby room where 2 people are in bed sleeping with the TV on a blue screen, despite my talk about wanting solo beds I'm like "this is good."

As we enter the room I notice a pair of disembodied human legs standing in front of the dresser the feet are facing towards the bed with its heels towards the TV. The legs fade out of existence around the shin level. The skin seems translucent and the legs fade seamlessly into the ambient blue light from the TV but the whole thing is barely visible. Angie and I walk into the room and I think the translucent legs are some illusion of my sleepy brain and the light from the TV but it still makes me uncomfortable. We sleepy walk to the end of the bed. Angie crawls into bed while I kind of swat at the legs with my foot just to prove to myself they aren't actually there, and it's as if the tone of the world shifted in that moment from a light hearted sleep over to a home invaded by an entity watching/controlling us like toys. the legs remained stationary as we approached but the moment my foot made "contact" (there was no physical sensation) with the legs they disappear in a sprint around the bed. Not as though they "ran," they moved incredibly quickly in a distinctly un-human way that didn't resemble normal movement and they disappeared from my view to the right side of the bed.

The moment the legs began moving though my body locked up and I fell backwards onto the bed. My heart rate soared, I began crying uncontrollably at the same time my eyes were snapped shut against my will. I couldn't control my breathing and I began imagining, more like seeing in my mind, the legs were now standing near me, but still unable to open my eyes, move, or stop crying. I somehow feel a presence lower its "face" from the shadows above me, it's something indistinct but the figure vaguely resembles a man with a beard, but everything about the face is translucent, unclear and constantly changing. It began speaking in a calm yet hostile voice that seemed to come from all angles at once. It says "you chose a poor use of your final moment of free will, you will never leave, you will never escape." I hear Angie sobbing like myself, at the same time I hear a clicking sound that exists both in the dream and distinctly outside of the dream.

I wake up with my heart rate high, my eyes still shut, crying intensely. I lay with my eyes closed for a few minutes afraid to open them, when I do I'm in my room and I only feel relief for a moment because I look to my left and I vaguely make out a face in the dark floating above a disembodied pair of legs. My crying restarts and the words "you will never escape" reoccurs in my now conscious mind. I wake up for real and turn on my light. I did not go back to sleep tonight. I cried for around an hour and a half.

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I think I like blue-yellow color schemed landscapes, I think Twitter | Prints | Ko-Fi | Patreon

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My Grandmother recently turned 88! I'm really happy I could come home for her birthday, especially since she recently got diagnosed with dementia. Her birthday went great which I am really thankful for, she's always called me her ❤️ and I hope I can see her more soon.

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Update time!! After diving in pretty hard I've been taking a break from Warhammer but yesterday I really wanted to paint, so I did my biophagus! I really like how he turned out I need to take time & learn highlighting tho.

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Had to say bye to my best friend as he leaves for Basic. It's only a couple months but I love and will miss him so much.

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My friend took me out to dinner last night and I saw this giant mantis on the side of the restaurant, wish I could have held him but he was too high up. :(

Lately I've been struggling with the fact that I get off work and basically don't verbally speak to anyone for the rest of the day. I'm all alone now in that regard. I've never been alone like that before, and it's weird to get through a full weekend having never spoken out loud with someone. I know this is probably temporary but adjusting to this new normal is really difficult. I yap sooooo much, I wish I had someone there to ignore me in real time, it doesn't hit the same over text.

Also my friend seemed to be shooting his shot at one point, it was very uncomfortable, but I don't want to judge him too harshly because I'm sure he's feeling lonely just like me. Dating is really hard and we could all be kinder.

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'The Fatigue' by Mihail Zablodski (2022)

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Swim day!

It's a private pool so someone please ogle me, it doesn't feel like a swim day without it.