minelajane-blog

[minelajane-blog]

wow that sucks

It’s been almost a year since I last posted. Today is April 16, 2020. I’m sitting on my bed and thinking about all the things I could’ve accomplished these past weeks if covid-19 hadn’t interfered. 

My laptop is dying. I am unemployed. I think I’m depressed. My relationship with J is falling apart. The whole world is under quarantine. I think I’ve made a mistake going back to ph. Now I can’t be with my family in the crisis.

[minelajane-blog]

Do you think i can have one more kiss?

I’ll find closure on your lips and then I’ll go

Maybe also one more breakfast, one more lunch and one more dinner. I’ll be full and happy and we can part. But in between meals maybe we can lie in bed one more time. One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as I rest my head on your chest. My hope is if we add up the “one mores” they will equal a lifetime, and I’ll never have to get to the part where I let you go.

But that’s not real is it?

There are no more “one mores”

I met you when everything was new and exciting, and the possibilities of the world seemed endless. And they still are. For you, for me. But not for us. Somewhere between then and now, here and there, I guess we didn’t just grow apart, we grew up.

When some things break, if the pieces are large enough, you can fix it. Unfortunately sometimes things don’t break, they shatter. But when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter. And in those moments, when the pieces of what we were catch the sun, I’ll remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it will always be. Because it was us. And we were magic.

Forever.

Someone great

[minelajane-blog]

One last

A few hours ago I decided to watch someone great on netflix. (emphasis on “few hours ago” kasi may feels parin ako up to now) 

I wasn’t really expecting to like it because first of all medyo disappointing yung recent movies and series nila, and second medyo fresh pa yung characters ng story. I’m only familiar with Gina Rodriquez who played the role of Jenny.

But I’m glad I did watch it.

The movie revolves on three best friends: Jenny, Blair, and Erin. It focuses on Jenny who have just broken up with her boyfriend of 9 years- Nate.

Madaming flashbacks, some eventually leading to the “the breakup”. (I have to say sobrang effective ng acting nila kasi may solid chemistry si Gina and Lakeith. I really felt the heartbreak and saw two couples even Nate na kahit he was the one who ended it- when he saw Jenny on the neon classic I felt like he was so close to eating his words and chasing her. Ang raw, ang real kahit alam kong hindi siya totoo. Like that. ) 

The breaking point was when Jenny landed her dream Job with Rolling stone in San Francisco. But for me I think it was just a bridge that finally opened their eyes on the real status of their relationship. Nate didn’t want a long distance relationship, but it got me thinking, what is really the distance or had he already  given up his side of the bed a long time ago, and was just waiting for an “opportunity” to finally call it quits? Before the offer, a series of flashbacks showed us that their relationship were already on the rocks. How can a sweet.. so sweet and love filled relationship eventually sink that way? totoo pala talaga yung wala sa tagal. Kahit gaano pa ka magical ang simula.

For me I think sila na eh. I think what I saw in the movie was enough to convince me na they were meant to be eh. Sumuko lang sila. They just.. stopped. And that changes a whole lot of plot.

What I liked about the movie is sobrang relevant niya sa modern love. I’m sad that Nate gave up. Jenny was seen being irrational in some of the flashbacks (she was mostly the one yelling and Nate was a bit more chill and rational) pero sayang kasi he forgot why he fell inlove with her in the first place. You know maybe not forget eh, judging by his character he wasn’t capable of doing that. Maybe he just tricked himself into forgetting but he never really forgot. I remember that scene when Jenny was on their bed searching for a food place and her usual charismatic slash confident slash geeky vibes especially the part  when she spoke espanol amazed Nate so much he said I love you (the look on his face was straight on like telling himself na damn she’s the best, she’s definitely the one). I felt that. It felt so real. His face, his emotions. GRABE. Ang lala ng chemistry nila I hope maging sila charot may partner na si Lakeith!! Shet!

Even the scene after that when she followed Nate to the bathroom to exchange I love yous was sooooooooooo on point for me. Bagay sila.. Sila na talaga eh. Why did they have to separate.

I don’t think my drunkeness over this movie will go away na.

[minelajane-blog]

Dear Me,

You did great this year and the years before. Thank you for fighting when you so badly wanted to surrender. Thank you for not giving up whenever you lost hope. Thank you for standing up, and braver each time you fell. As a new year is fast approaching before your eyes, may you always remember the fighter that you are. May you always remember the crown placed on top of you head. May you always remember that even in the darkest of your days, it will get better. Please continue to put God in the center of your life. Whenever it gets tough, remember why you wake up in the morning. Remember your family (Mama, Daddy, and Simon), your goals, your mission, your vision. Remember the frame placed on your study desk “Everything you can imagine is real”. May it serve as your reminder that you are capable of turning dust into gold. May you remember that anything is possible as long as you put God at the center of it and your heart into it. 

Throughout this year, there have been times wherein you questioned yourself “was it the right thing to do?” . You are human. You will commit mistakes. May you fight your usual urge of blaming yourself. Strive. If you fail, strive again and harder each time. May you remember that in order to grow, you have to go through blazing fire to finally come forth as gold. Always look forward for that moment. Remember the fighter that you are. Do not be afraid of your identity. The world will never fully approve of it but that’s okay. You do not need others approval. Take heart. Be who you are. You are strong. You value the people around you. You try your best to see the good in the bad. You try to give more to others than yourself. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it backfires. But that is who you are. Being soft is not weakness. It takes courage to stay delicate in this broken world. Be brave.

12-31-18