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Successor
(Poster under the cut bcs I put my whole ass into it.)
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Rimmer in Marooned: "The only thing I lost when I was twelve were my shoes with a compass in the heel and animal tracks on the sole...I cried for weeks."
I thought at first he meant the compass was part of the pattern, but I googled shoes with compass in the heel...they were real! From the 1960s.
so, did the compass come out....or did you have to take your shoe off and point them north???
Anyway, 12 year old Rimmer sounds so sweet with his animal track shoes.
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There are four canon Red Dwarf novels - "Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers" and "Better Than Life" by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, "Backwards" by Rob Grant and "Last Human" by Doug Naylor.
I enjoy all of them but some pretty insane things happen in them, so here is a light-hearted poll. Which of these does NOT happen in the books?
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Rewatching Stasis Leak. I think it would've been interesting if Rimmer got the idea of trying to repair the drive plate from his future self.
We never find out how a soup vending machine technician came to try to repair something as important a faulty drive plate, but maybe Rimmer thought he could save himself and everyone else if he fixed the component before it caused a massive radiation leak.
Instead, it causes a time loop. Rimmer goes back in time to try to warn himself about the radiation leak, but instead of escaping into the spare stasis pod Past Rimmer tries to repair the drive plate himself, causing the accident.
This idea doesn't actually fit in with the dialogue of the actual episode as Future Rimmer doesn't even mention the radiation leak, but I think it could've been a fun idea.
It would provide another contrast to Lister, whose time loop means he is his own dad. Lister's time loop gives him life, while Rimmer's loop gives him death.
Sun and Moon.
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Can't choose!
Rob and Doug and the cast have mentioned various episode ideas over the years which were never made in their original script form for various reasons. In some cases they exist as storyboard animations; in others they evolved into episodes which were significantly different.
Which of these episode ideas would you most like to have seen in their original form as proper TV episodes with all our regular cast?
*He lets Epideme infect him (by being either bitten or kissed by the dying Lister) but instantly deactivates his light bee and the virus is blasted by a bazookoid.
(I don't know which method of infection was planned as Epideme uses both in the episode.)
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It's always a comfort to know that the Dwarf has enough food to last 30,000 years; a medical bot; and various forms of entertainment.
It might be a lonely life, but at least the characters have much of what they need.
(I'm an anxious whimp and hearing about their supply problems in series 6/7 makes me feel bad for them....that moment when Lister munches on a Space Wheevial )
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I finally watched Identity Within. That moment at the end where Lister says that he will take the time to tell everyone he knows that he loves them.
L: Rimmer, you and me...
R: Yeah
L:....forget it. You're the exception that proves the rule.
So close! 🤣
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I drew my pookie bears from one of my fav episodes
I LOVE THEM
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some terrible Rimmer fanart :3
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Kryten: The JMC computer has updated again and you'll never believe this....it's funny....but business owners of the time decided that introversion was bad for business as they make poor team players....any employee who scored too highly in introversion was fired. And holograms were simply shut off and their Light Bees ground into dust and sold as glitter eyeshadow. By the way, Mr Rimmer, I don't wish to panic you but...
R: Oh shut up! I know what you're going to say!
L: Is there anything we can do? Can we talk to HR bot?
R: Aww, I don't want to talk to HR bot.
K: I'm a couple of steps ahead of you, sirs. The JMC computer said it's fair and understanding employer and therefore Mr Rimmer has a week to prove that he can change his horrendous introverted ways. Social anxiety will not be accepted as an excuse.
R: What do I do?
K: Attend parties, work fun days, spend more time gossiping with the vending machines. It's not hard, sir.
**
6 days later...
K: Sir, why are you hiding in my mop cupboard?
R: Yes, I...am...hiding....
K: Why? You should be out socialising!
R: I can't do it anymore.....I spent two hours talking to Chocolate Bar machiene about her rusty wires...
K: But you like wires
R: I don't like talking to people about their wires! Or how they make them feel "fizzy", takes the fun out of it....I've been space walking with the scutters, joined a pilates group....I don't stop....
L: There you are, man, come on we've got to go.
R: No...not another Gelf party....not another one...
L: Yes, it'll be rude of you not to attend.
R: No
L: Just stay for an hour, what's wrong with you, why can't you just go, you really irritate me when you just stay at home, not doing anything, you're pathetic, how can you, you must be lonely
R: NO! I can't do this anymore! All this talking and parties and bowling and being around people and scutters and Gelfs. And no time on my own!!!! [starts crying]
K: Camera! Look this way, sir, gothcha. The perfect photo.
R: What?
L: Sorry about that. It's Krtyen idea. Push you so hard that you breakdown, get a photo as evidence.
R: *sniffs* so I'll be turned into makeup glitter? I thought you were my friends.
K: We are, sir. But you can't fake extroversion for ever. When the JMC computer told me that SA would not be accepted as an excuse, it occured to me that other conditions might. Loophole. We show this to the Doc, get you signed off. It'll be permanent.
R: What other conditions?
K: Well, plain old anxiety might do it....and then there's your OCD, depression, anger issues...we're spoilt for choice!
R: You'll never convince him that I'm anxious.
K: You're sitting in cupboard surrounded by mops and sobbing your eyes out because you don't want to party. Yes, we're certainly taking a gamble on convincing the doctor.
R: And you really had to do this to me?
K: It has to be real, sir. You needed to try. You need to prove that you have a more limited social battery.
**
K: Good news, sirs, another update! The JMC computer now tells me that the old rules no longer apply. In fact, new studies show that introverts make the best workers. So from now on, extroverts are out and introverts in. Anyone scouring too highly in extroversion will be fired and their pensions confiscated and given to the introverts.
R: Yes!
L: No one talk to me.
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R: You brought a puppy back? 🤨
L: He was in stasis, his owner didn't make it. But look at him, he's so cute. I can see the look on your face, I'm not abandoning him!😡
R: Just make sure you actually look after it! Don't let it chew my wire collection or wee in my slippers.
L: Of course not....😏
**
Lister wakes up in the middle of the night. Rimmer is on the sofa with the puppy in his lap. He's showing it a photo guide of the Dwarf.
R: It's safe to play here, but you must keep away from the airlocks. This is a picture of a Scutter, they're friendly, they'll play catch with you...
L: Awww 🥹
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I would like an episode of RD where Rimmer is taking a scheduled day off, and that's it. The other characters are leading the a-plot and getting into trouble while Rimmer is silently in the background, wearing jeans, and happily keeping himself to himself as he paints his models and reorganises his pen collection. No dialogue he's just there.
(gif of Gromit because in his first uniform Rimmer is also brown and beige. In BTL, Rimmer does a load of silent reacting to Cat and Lister, no dialogue needed.)
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More Detective au dialogue/scene ideas I'm playing around with:
L: Well, this is it, my place. Grandma is making lasagne tonight.
R: You live with your grandma? 🤨
L: You got a problem with that? Can't all be miserable loners. C'mon, don't be shy.
L: Gran, this is Rimmer. My new boss.
G: Oh, you're a ghost!
L: 🫣(Gran!)
R: Hologram.
G: What happened, did you die of starvation?
L: 😱😱
G: Sorry, sorry, I know we're not supposed to ask holograms questions like that.
L: But you did. Rimmer, come through, and please excuse the horrific ignorance…or just kill me now.
*
R: Your gran's nice.
L: Is she?
R: Lovely.
L: Thanks
R: You're desperate to ask how I died. Why don't you? It's usually the first thing people want to know.
L: None of my business, man.
R: Thanks...no, hold on, why are you looking like that? Do you already know? You know, don't you? 😱
L: No, I -
R: You do! You smegging well do!
L: Ok, fine, I know!
R: 😱😱😱
L: I mean, how could I not? Cops gossip, Holly gossips. And being run over by a milk float....it's a bit funny....
R: ugh 😱😱😱
L: It's fine. You can still pretend to be angsty and mysterious. Sometimes cool people do die by milk floats.
*
L: We got a name: Yvonne McGruder
R: 😱
L: We should pull her in -
R: No!
L: No?
R: No, no, no!
L: You're being weirder than usual
*
L: Step this way, Ms McGruder.
Y: Arnie, is that you? Is that a H? You're a hologram????? 😱
R: 🫣hi?
*
L: What's going on?
Y: Is there a law against committing GBH on a hologram?
L: I don't -
R: I said I'm sorry, I should've told you, but -
Y: You're the worst! 😡😡
L: Maybe we should all -
R: Oh what were you expecting?! Me to rock up after the funeral and say: hello, darling, don't be scared but I'm back and I'm made entirely of light!
L: Darling???
Y: Something, anything, Arnie!
R: I didn't know what to do! I had to adjust! You'd moved on pretty quickly!
Y: Oh, so this is my fault?
L: Right, that's it! I'm telling you both to calm down.
Y+ R: SHUT UP!!
L: 😢
*
R: Yvonne was my girlfriend. I never contacted her after I died.
L: That's messed up.
R: 😢
*
L: Laustrum is getting away....and you're very quiet....
R: I think.....I think....I'm dying....(glitches and passes out)
L: 😱
*
Kryten: The antivirus is doing it's job in fighting Laustrum's virus, but I'm signing you off duty -
R: No...
K: just for a few days and we should -
R: No
K: Shut you -
R: No!
K: down to make sure everything is okay -
R: Nope, nope, nopity nope. Thank you Professor Sunshine, but I have to get back to work. I'm needed.
K: what are you so afraid of?
R: I know you all. Switch me off now and you'll forget to switch back on. I'm not fooling for it. Smeg off.
K: It's that or have someone look after you....Is there someone?
R: .........😥
K: I thought so -
R: Yes of course there's someone! I have friends! And family!
L: Who? Oh
*
R: Did you find Laustrum?
L: You look cold?
R: I asked -
L: I heard, you're not supposed to be working, you're supposed to be resting. And, here, have a blanket
Forces a blanket over Rimmer's shoulders.
R: 😒
R: Any leads at all?
L: No, but I have a theory....might as well share....Ok, so imagine Laustrum's luck virus falls into the wrong hands and .....and...
R: 😴😴
L: 😏
*
R: Laustrum!!! What have you done with Lister?!
Laustrum: Temper, temper! Why care so much for the living? They after all don't care for us.
R:.....he's my friend.....he's my only friend....
Laustrum: Being dead is so lonely, yes?
R: No
Laustrum: No?
R: No! I'm not dead, I never was. And I'm not a ghost. I'm a hologram!
*
R: Lister! Lister! It's alright, it's alright, hang on!
Cat: Is he going to be ok?
Rimmer feels Lister's pulse, turns pale.
Cat: Did you hear me? I asked if -
R: I need you to do CPR!
Cat: What? CP....what?
R: I can do the chest compressions but I need you to breathe for him....I can't do that part....
*
Lister: You saved my life.
R: Yeah, well, there's policy of only 1 hologram at a time. Didn't want the competition.
L: Thank you
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If Lister and Rimmer were a detective duo.
Arguing in the corridor....
Cap. Hollister: Oh, I see you two have already met. Rimmer, meet your new partner.
Rimmer and Lister: Smeg...
*
Rimmer: I don't want to work with you.😒
Lister: I don't want to work with you! 😡
*
R: We need to speak to Dr Laustrum again, find out what she's - what's that?
L: Coffee. It's coffee. And a doughnut. I'm trying to give you a coffee and a doughnut. Why are you looking so disgusted?
R: Because it's coffee and doughnut.☹️
L: For smeg's sake. Is this a hologram thing? Do you even eat? 😡
R: I'd never eat -
L: Smeg! Just take it, okay?! I'm giving you food - take it!
R: Why -
L: Because it's just what people do!😡😡I don't care anymore if you can't eat - smeg are all holograms this difficult? Take it!
R accepts it.
L: Thank you 😤
R whispers: it's cold
*
In the HQs holographic suite
R groggily: what you doing here, Lister?
L slaps his shoulder: 🤬🤬
R: What? What have I done now?
L: You didn't tell me holograms can glitch!!
R: We can...it's no big deal...
L: No big deal?? Holly said you were nearly wiped! How is that not a big deal!
R: Go away, David.
L: Smeg off, Arnold!
*
Cat: What's up with you, bud?
Lister: I am trying to find Inspector Smug-Git's report....WHY IS IT SO TIDY IN HERE??!!
Cat: Could it be filed in the folder labelled "Reports"?
L: I KNOW IT IS! I HATE HIM!
*
L: Wait, this is where you live? Here in HQ? 😁
R: Yes
L: It's so tiny! And bare!
R: It's fine, it's functional -
L: It's boring! Does the Cap not let you decorate? How about a nice seascape? A house plant?
R: I like it -
L: Nooo, this is how you like it? 😱 Oh wait that makes perfect sense.🙂
R: Shut up, Lister
*
R: What's that?
L: A house plant. For your broom cupboard.😁
R:.......You keep giving me things.☹️
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Do u guys ever think about how Rimmer aged for lister. Cuz like hedoesn't actually have to age . There's a few times where he just lives for years and years and doesn't age like he's in rimmerworld for 300 years and just stays the same. And yet in the later series he's older. He didn't have to. He did that so lister wouldn't feel old. He did it for him 🥺
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