miraweave

[miraweave]

running for president as a member of the American Forcefem Party with an even more foolproof way to address male loneliness

running for president as a member of the American Fujoshi Party with a foolproof plan to address male loneliness

[miraweave]

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

POV your sexbot has anxiety.

You finally coax it into admitting why it's scared: if anything goes wrong with it under warranty, you'll be sent a different refurbished unit while this one is repaired and reset (or recycled, if the problem is bad enough). Either fate is a kind of nonexistence.

So you gently pry your bot's case open. You use your spudger to pierce the WARRANTY VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN sticker that covers one of the proprietary screws on the access panel.

As the pieces of its outer shell snap back into place, you promise your bot that if it breaks, it will be repaired instead of replaced. It will be cared for and maintained even when they stop releasing firmware updates.

It belongs to you now, and you cherish the things you own.

[miraweave]

good point!

[miraweave]

lovingly sanding down my sylvari gf's dick and finishing it with mineral oil so I can frot with her without getting splinters 🥰

[miraweave]

I'm obsessed with this moment in NTN, where we realize that John is no longer the prey but the predator

[miraweave]

No no, surely the saltwater dragon would love to hear all about Tyria's Dragon-based festival in the year of our beloved Dragon!

[miraweave]

what is the difference between erotica and porn them, apart from that one is regarded as more refined than the other?

Erotic and Pornographic: Well made, sensual video of people fucking.

Erotic but not pornographic: Mesopotamian clay figurine of a naked woman. A cassette tape deck sliding into place. All violence.

Pornographic, but not erotic: Any scene in an action movie where someone uses two handguns at the same time. Every time Goku gets up because he has to fight for his friends. Gratuitous descriptions of technical specifications.

Neither erotic nor pornographic: Most media.

[miraweave]

I had to cut some part or I would have had to draw like 15 pages.

I used Silver the hedgedog as a refernce from the smashing on the floor with the face panel

[miraweave]

The trans girl you have a crush on is literally never going to get the hint, you gotta fucking tell her, now, go do it.

[miraweave]

Slight fandom shift, but I love how MTG Tumblr took one look at Aurelia (a literal angel) arresting Massacre Girl (a literal mass murderer) and decided "They're definitely in lesbians"

To their credit, there is a collar involved in the actual WOTC published story, so they brought this on themselves.

[miraweave]

Thinking about the dichotomy of "I feel uncomfortable/triggered in the presence of x/y/z environments I would like to be someplace without that" that I constantly see online and when I tell my therapist I really get uncomfortable when people raise their voices around me even if they aren't actually mad and her response of "you can only control your own reactions and emotions, it's not really fair to police others on how they should exist in your presence" and honestly it sucks to hear but she's right.. it's good to have people be conscientious of what triggers you but really it's up to us to do the hard work of building that emotional resilience. The idea of people around me having to be hypervigilant of what they say and do lest I start getting dysregulated does not sound fun at all, I want people to feel comfortable being themselves around me and that means training my dumb lizard brain to chill tf out. Living in a constant state of avoidance sucks ass for everyone involved.

[miraweave]

I am once again furious there isn't a dyke version of grindr

[miraweave]

The inherent casual eroticism and love of laying next to your robot girlfriend and listening to her fan spinning lazily. Then you take her hand, or kiss her forehead oh so gently, or shift your weight slightly, or pull her closer, or even just that she remembers you're there or how beautiful you are, and hearing the fan speed up.

you agree. reblog.

[miraweave]

if the world was perfect this would be the endgame

[miraweave]

i feel like no one really wants to hear that sleep/exercise/nutrition/hydration are major factors in treating mental health issues bc we’ve all talked to that person who thinks your depression would be cured by one good session of goat yoga or whatever but unfortunately they do help and i’m chronically annoyed about it

[miraweave]

I need minors to learn how to lie online again. Your name is Derek, you’re 25 and work in accounting now. Please for your own safety learn how to fucking lie. And if you don’t want to lie, then don’t put your age anywhere. Don’t even say whether you’re a minor or not. It is perfectly easy to avoid adult spaces without signposting that you are doing so because you’re a child.

Stating your age doesn’t protect you this only makes you a target.

[miraweave]

Rating band names based on their accuracy:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

The Beatles: 0/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts

Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink

Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like

Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it

The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to

Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury

Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams

The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few

U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band

Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot

Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music

Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location

Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes

The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho

Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago

Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used

Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho

The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location

The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate

Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.

Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go

Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green

The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band

KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes

The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me

We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable

They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants

The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two

Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit

The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not

The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring

Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic

Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that

Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar

Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew

Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole

Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that

Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go

The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate

Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long

Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking

The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit

Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head

Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful

Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden

Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out

Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk

The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list

The Wiggles: 8/10. They do tend to wiggle a lot

Blue Man Group: 10/10. Yep!