mire-mire-mire

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CLC MENTIONED!!!!! WTF IS A GOOD COMPANY AND PROPER PROMOTION!!!!

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Nine black-crowned herons today

While on my walk, I saw three of my favorite bird at their usual spot. Then, I saw four more in another spot I often see them at. Then, I saw two more at places I don't think I've ever seen them at. Usually, I see a max of three per walk. Since I saw nine, I thought that that ought to be a sign from the universe. Some things I think are just too perfect or too unusual to *not* be a sign or something. So I looked up what seeing black-crowned night herons (and herons in general since bcnh is awfully specific) means. Herons are seen as elegant and beautiful, both because of their physical appearance and their beautiful habitat (where land and water meet). They are also patient hunters, waiting motionless for the right time to strike. This can relate to patience, serenity/calmness, and silence (and taking the time to look inwards and reflect).

The website I used talked about herons in various religions and mythologies. I'm not going to utilize most of them because they aren't my background, but I did see a section on Celtic traditions. My family traces back to Scotland so I feel fine about applying this to my life. The story goes that the god of the sea, Manannan Mac Lir, loved a girl named Aoife who was turned into a crane. They lived together until Aoife died, and then Manannan turned her body into a bag that he kept all his treasures in. It is said that this bag is guarded by a heron (or an egret, which are often grouped in with herons because they are so similar). (Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac came on shuffle while writing this post, and herons are said to be the goddess Rhiannon's votive animal, so...)

I am also adding my own knowledge about black-crowned night herons to this mix. They are seen as very smart because they are one of the few bird species to use "tools". They will throw objects into the water to distract/lure fish in order to grab them. For the sake of not making this post any longer than it already is, we're going to ignore the debate on whether this can be considered tool use or not (thank you, anthropology background).

Lastly, I decided to look up what it could mean to see your favorite animal/bird, because seeing three times more than usual has to mean something, right? I couldn't find anything directly relevant, but I found a quick article about what your favorite animal could say about you. It asked me to think of some words to describe my favorite animal, and why it is my favorite. I first decided I really liked bcnhs because I just thought they looked so silly. It was one of the first bird visitors to our new house down here. Plus, they are smart (see above paragraph). Continuing with the article, there's a theory that your favorite animal represents how you think/want other people to see you. So... smart and silly. That sounds about right.

So what does all of this mean? The universe (or whoever is sending these signs) is telling me I'm beautiful. In a time when I'm feeling especially insecure about my appearance, I need to remember that I am still beautiful in my own ways. And if my favorite bird wants me to believe that, who am I to deny it? It's hard to make myself think that way, but I guess I do need to try. Their beauty and that of their habitat is another sign to spend more time in nature- sign me up! I'll try to drag my mom out birding this weekend. Their hunting style can also mean that I need to be more patient and wait for the right opportunity to come up. Combined with the $8.88 receipt I have from the metaphysical store, I think that means a good opportunity is coming. Maybe it's the fact that I finally got a job. I did turn down another job to wait to see if I could get this job, so maybe this means that I made the right decision. I think this may also be a sign to meditate, or do something else that allows me to reflect on myself, maybe set some goals for myself, get back in touch with myself. Maybe I'll start journaling again.

Seeing so many of my favorite animal must mean that people do see me as smart and silly, which is how I tend to see myself. Coming into a new job where I will be meeting new people and potentially making new friends (which I desperately need), hopefully this means that they will also see me this way and in a positive light.

The last thing I'm going to say about this (I think) is that I saw one juvenile. I think this means that I'm still growing into myself, how I see myself, and that I can make these kinds of changes down the line. I know I need to put in the effort. I can try meditation or journaling or whatever and see how I feel about it. Maybe it will help.

[mire-mire-mire]

Day 15 - 11/15

I've decided to carry on with life as normal as I can. Yesterday was an absolute mess and I'm trying not to spiral anymore. So I woke up around 7 (because my internal clock said so) and got ready for a walk. Except when I went outside, it was raining. Sigh... Instead, I made breakfast. I had two slices of sourdough with peanut butter, honey, and banana. I also washed a few raspberries and strawberries and had a cup of my lavender yaupon.

I've been applying for jobs because I desperately need one (but more likely two). I did manage to workout, except it was really intense and core-focused so I kinda felt like I was gonna throw up, so I ended it early lol. Crunches, bicycles, cross-body crunches, leg raises, bent knee raises, superman raises, planking... ugh. Exhausting. I didn't do the full thing, but I think I may have seriously thrown up if I had. I also didn't have my warmup of walking, so I figured it's best to not push myself.

My grandma messed up the dishwasher cycle so I can't shower right now, so I may eat lunch before showering unfortunately. Not sure what I'm going to have. Maybe some of the pumpkin apple soup (that my grandma bought more of...) and some bread. I may also make a sandwich because we have my favorite cheese.

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Day 14 - 11/14

The day started off so great! I got up early to see a rare bird with my mom. Afterwards, we went to a gas station and I got a donut and a pumpkin spice latte. Then, I dropped my mom off at work and I was going to go back to the park to look for more birds... and then I caused a crash. Sigh. This blog doesn't need all the details, so the only important information is that everyone is okay. I don't know what all I'm going to have to pay but it isn't going to be fun.

So I ate like shit the rest of the day. I don't think I had lunch and for dinner I had some cilantro lime tortilla chips, Lactaid carmel ice cream, and two and a half chocolate chip cookies. Sigh.

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Day 13 - 11/13

Erm... hehe. I don't know what happened, but I didn't do anything the last few days. No walking, no workouts, no "healthy" eating. So, that sucks and is a set back. But, we persist.

Today I woke up before 7 AM, blech, but didn't drag myself out to walk until 8. Oh well. I took a shortened version of my walk because I wanted to ease myself back into things.

We finally have more sourdough so I toasted some and added peanut butter, honey, and banana. I had a cup of my yaupon holly tea as well. I don't know if I felt "energized" like caffeine is supposed to make you feel, but I didn't get the same pain like when I drink tea or coffee. Regardless, it tasted good.

I did my chores and then I worked out. It was a good workout, not too easy but not too hard. I was on the floor the entire time other than one part of warmup and two parts of cool down. But the workout was a workout and not just stretching like it was a few days ago. Leg raises and advanced bent knee whatevers are hard but I like them. I didn't think raising my legs would burn my abs, but here we are. Then, I showered and washed my hair and it felt so good to not be grimy lol.

For lunch, I heated up Mexican from last night. I got a chicken, bean, and onion burrito with Spanish rice and beans on the side, with queso on top. I picked out the chicken because the texture was weird and they were in big strips instead of chunks like I was expecting. I wish I had gotten pork because what I tried of it was good. I also had a few tortilla chips which were weirdly soft and stale? But it was okay. I watched a few more episodes of Death Note and... At this point I'm only finishing it to say I've finished it because what is happening? Strange tension during a foot massage? That was so weird.

I took a nap and now I'm just sitting around waiting for Jeopardy and Survivor to come on. Dinner remains to be seen.

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Day 8 - 11/8

Decided to pull out a trick from college. I set an alarm at 7, then another at 7:05, then another at 7:15 so it was more like gradually waking up than just getting up and going. So I got up, got ready, then did some yoga. I think it was pretty enjoyable. A little bit confusing trying to get the poses right and I'm still not flexible like. At all. But keep these 10 minute beginner videos coming and I'll be able to touch my opposite leg to the ground in no time.

Anyways. I went on my walk and brought an applesauce pouch with me. It felt pretty nice out, but it got warm pretty fast. I decided to only do my usual 2 mile route because I expected to go to the store to get the last little bit for my goal, but then we didn't go to the store lol. Oh well, we should be going Sunday, I think.

When I got back, I decided I wanted peanut butter and yogurt. So I melted a small bowl of peanut butter and mixed it in with some vanilla yogurt, cacao nibs, granola, and banana slices. It was eh. The texture was kinda weird and didn't taste all that great. I think it was the combination of vanilla and peanut butter flavor. Oh well.

For lunch, I had the last slice of the deli chicken with gouda cheese on a bagel. I stuck it in the microwave after I assembled it and I definitely enjoy it more that way compared to having a hot bagel, vaguely warm cheese, and cold meat. I also had the last of our baby carrots. Not the most fulfilling though.

My workout was pretty good today. Jumping jacks still kill me, but I learned that I am able to plank for thirty seconds. A full plank, like on my forearms, not my palms. So I was pretty proud of that. It made me the sweatiest out of everything I did. So after doing three planks within half an hour, I was DRENCHED. I took a well deserved shower. I definitely need to wash my face more often because I didn't realize how grody I felt until I washed it all off lol.

My mom ordered pizza for dinner, so I had two slices (pepperoni and onion) and some of the little garlic knobs. They weren't knobs, but they weren't balls either. They were more like bars. Yummy :p

Tomorrow I'm going out early to bird and then I'm seeing a performance so I'll be out all day. Hopefully birding will get me a good amount of steps! Probably won't eat very well though.

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Week 1 weight

So I figured I would weigh myself once a week to keep track of progress (quantify it) but also avoiding checking too much. And... I somehow gained 5 pounds between the 1st and now... Doesn't feel great. But weight fluctuates, five pounds is pretty normal, it's only a week etc etc. So I'm gonna choose to be normal about it and try to avoid thinking about it.

I mean, muscle weighs more than fat, so even if you're getting fitter, you can gain weight. But would I really have built five pounds of muscle in such a short span? No, probably not. But that's something to keep in mind for the future.

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Day 7 - 11/7

Yesterday was rough. Today was a bit better but still... not great. But that's okay, because rough days are inevitable.

I woke up just before 8 and it was already 80 degrees and muggy so I decided on no walk. I had a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch for breakfast - yummy. Kinda just sat around all day.

My mom made some cheddar broccoli noodles with kidney beans and ham chunks for lunch. She said it was just okay, but I enjoyed it. My grandma was making a pot roast for dinner so I yoinked a stalk of celery and ate it. It made my mouth numb, so that's how I found out I may be allergic to celery. Oh well, not gonna stop me. I also had a Mr. Good Bar.

I worked out today, but it was more like 10 minutes of stretching (except for the jumping jacks, but at least it wasn't knee highs). I'm glad it was easy considering I missed a day yesterday and didn't do any walking today either. As always, child's pose is lovely. Standing lat stretch is cool too. Standing knee flexions... getting better lol.

It's been a week since I started this little journey, so I guess I should reflect for a minute. I... don't really feel too different. Physically, at least. I don't feel skinny or healthy or fit, but that's okay, and it's only been a week. I feel better about myself because I'm making this effort and I'm trying to make it stick rather than going hard for two or three days and then falling off. I think part of the success is coming from giving myself grace about snacking and resting and not counting calories. Getting proper shoes and a yoga mat has made things easier too. So... that's all I have to say for now, I guess. Proud of myself.

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Day 6 - 11/6

Ugh. I don't wanna talk about yesterday. I couldn't sleep because I kept waking up and checking the election results and trying to convince myself that it wasn't real. Then I was just so depressed that I stayed in bed all day. I ate a bunch of junk, didn't walk, didn't work out. Took a nap from about 7-9 PM (my mom's bed is cozy, ok?) We'll get back on track yet.

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Day 5 - 11/5

Woke up and made it out of the house by 8. It was already about 75 degrees and a little humid because it was going to rain at some point in the day. I ate an applesauce on my walk. I only did my normal route (about 5k steps) because my legs started hurting lol. I really need to start stretching before I go on walks lol. But, I did manage to hit 7k steps by the end of the day (between doing chores and going to vote!)

When I got back, I had to clean before I had breakfast because we had someone coming over. It was about an hour before I had breakfast so I just made a bowl of cereal (red berries again) and added some raspberries. I also made a cup of tea. It's guanabana, a plant I had never heard of, that I got from a Latin market at some point. It's pretty good and tastes sweeter than tea leaves. Probably doesn't have the same amount of tannins (what makes tea taste bitter).

I felt sooooo tired at this point, but I did my workout. I had to do high knees again which I straight up skipped because I hate them that much. I tried doing a proper sit up and still can't, but we'll get there. My mom called during my workout and I actually managed to talk to her through some of it which I'm taking as a win. Doing (assisted) pushups was hard so I was just casually grunting into the phone, but I don't think she heard me. Overall, it was a fine workout.

Speaking of workouts, I've noticed that I'm feeling soreness in my muscles. Yesterday it was my armpit area (where I feel pushups the most) and right now it's my biceps. Kinda feels nice. I should probably drink more water, though.

My mom brought back Arby's for lunch. Not exactly a "healthy" meal but it was yummy. Later, I went out to vote. When I came home, I ended up taking a nap for like 2 hours. Oops.

It's 9:30 now and I still haven't eaten... I don't know why I struggle with the motivation to eat like this sometimes. I'm hungry and I know I'm hungry because I can feel it and I haven't eaten in a few hours. It's executive disfunction probably. I'm going to heat up my chickpeas from last night and maybe eat something else but I don't know what. Goodnight!

[mire-mire-mire]

Time to catch up on posts! Dinner 11/4 (because I can't figure out how to add a title)

After rummaging around in my pantry, I found a packet of coconut curry chickpeas and basmati rice that could be heated up in the microwave. I decided to add some vegetables so I chopped up some cauliflower and added shredded carrots.

I melted some butter in a pan and added the veggies. I wanted to cook them so that they would be softer, but I didn't want to crisp them or anything. I kept them on medium heat until I got impatient and increased the heat. Some of them did end up getting a little browned, but it was still fine.

Then, I stuck the packs in the microwave to cook them up. I added the rice to a big pot, then the chickpeas and veggies on top and mixed them all up. It made about two and a half bowls worth. I ended up eating about two bowls and put the rest in the fridge.

It was pretty good! I feel like it wasn't the most filling at that I should've had some sort of side like bread or something. I would make this again because it was easy and I feel like I could throw a lot of different vegetables in there depending on what I have in the fridge. I didn't season the vegetables this time because I didn't know how strong the curry flavor would be and what would go well with it, but next time, I'll season the veggies. I'll have to ask my mom and grandma what they think would go well with it.

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Day 4 - 11/4/24

I woke up at like 6:40 because of course I did. I thought about going back to sleep but I was like "eh, might as well walk before it gets hot". And then I walked and it was already hot.... I heard a bunch of brown-headed cowbirds which was fun because we don't get them around here too too much. They sound super cool too, like water drops. I walked a little bit further than yesterday and did end up hitting 7k steps. Yay!!!!!! It took about an hour (with various bird-related stops), burned about 300 calories, and was about 3.2 miles, aka more than a 5k!!!!!! This boosts my confidence because I was able to walk a 5k with relatively few breaks. So I think I could be able to run a 5k at some point. I should start looking at 5ks around March (about 4 months) to set a goal. That way, I have a timeline to work with. I may also download the Couch to 5K app because my step mom said it was a good resource for beginners.

When I got back, I wanted to get some yogurt, but we were out! So I made some Special K with Red Berries and added some more red berries (strawberries and raspberries). We still have like three containers of raspberries so I may make some up for lunch. I also made a cup of grapefruit and basil tea that I really liked. It tasted straight up like sugar on grapefruit, but without the sourness. Towards the end of the cup I got more earthy hints of basil. I also had the last bit of the almond coffee cake we get.

I did my workout which was pretty good for my level. It focused on my lower body. It was shorter though, about 15 minutes (without warm up or cool down). I think I have a bit better of an idea of how to do the standing knee flexions. I don't think it's the *right* way to do it, but it feels like I'm actually doing something. I pull my leg back a little further (so my thigh does end up moving) and clenching (flexing?). I enjoy doing leg workouts actually, I think it gives a good, manageable burn. Calf raises are fun (though my balance still isn't great) and side leg raises are easy. For cool down, I did two rounds of lying hamstring stretch (raise one leg straight up), lying glute stretch (pulling my knee to my chest), and standing quadriceps stretch (standing and holding my foot behind me to my butt). The hamstring stretch is my favorite because I can really feel the stretch and it feels good. I don't really feel my glutes being stretched during the glute stretch, more like the tops of my thighs, but it still feels nice. I also did two rounds of split squat stretches which is difficult because of my general lack of flexibility and balance. The demo video shows the guy taking his knee all the way down to the mat which I absolutely cannot do, so I just do my best.

I'm going to make lunch now. We're out of colby jack cheese, so I may make a sandwich with more of the chicken and American cheese. I think I'll also rinse off some carrots and raspberries for a Sweet Treat.

I'm not sure what I'll do for dinner. My grandma will be home, but I may try to cook something. Beans are always a favorite and we have some rice stuff in the pantry. I can cut up some carrots and celery to add. I'll root through my pantry and fridge and report back.

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Dinner 11/3

So I ended up just having a bowl of "instant" pho. It's my favorite instant meal. It tastes so good and doesn't make me feel overly greasy, though it does kind of leave a weird taste in my mouth. I didn't really feel like making anything, and we don't really have much to make anyways. I think I need to go to the grocery store to pick stuff out. Maybe I'll try to find a recipe or two that I can cook.

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Day 3 (11/3)

Happy daylight savings ewww. Woke up at 6:11 AM because of course I did. Went back to bed and woke up at around 7:30. I made it out of the house around 8 and went on my walk. I saw a grasshopper that I took a picture of and I decided to finally download inat. I also downloaded a bug and plant identifier. I'm becoming one with nature. Anyways, my walk was about an hour and a half and I walked a little extra to hopefully get 7k steps since that is the goal I put into my app like, a year ago. I got about 6.7k and figured that I would get the rest when I swept today. Unfortunately, we did not have our dustpan so I did not sweep lol.

For breakfast, I had a bowl of rice chex with strawberries and raspberries, a cup of ginger and turmeric tea (meant to be energizing), half of a hazelnut pastry, and half of a cherry danish. Yummy!

My workout was actually kind of hard because it had me doing high knees for a warm up. A warm up! No thanks! Harder than it needs to be. I also had to do (assisted) pushups which I still can't fully do. I was able to do a full-extension plank for thirty seconds three times, which I think is something. It still hurts my wrists though. Anyways, that was about 300 calories burnt.

I went in to talk to my mom and accidentally took a two hour nap?? When I woke up, I realized that I hadn't eaten lunch, so I had a molasses cookie as a snack before making another chicken and cheese sandwich. I also rinsed off some baby carrots.

I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner to be honest. I may just make some ramen or a pot pie. Throw in some carrots and/or celery for fresh veggies.

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Day 2

Busy day! That's why I only have one post (for now...?)

I woke up at 7 to help set up for the fundraiser. I had a bowl of cheerios with about half of a banana and two strawberries for a quick breakfast. I ended up staying til about 1, but my mom let me take the car out to go have fun or whatever. I decided I wanted my Annual White Girl Pumpkin Spice Latte, so I looked for a neat coffee shop and ended up almost half an hour away. Oops. Anyways, I ended up getting a dark chocolate and cherry latte (which really just tasted like coffee with a bit of sweet) and a guava turnover that was actually pretty good. I haven't had guava in a while.

The coffee shop was on a strip of boutiques and other small stores so I decided to walk around for a bit. I visited a few shops, including a metaphysical store, one of my biggest guilty pleasures. I know people aren't really all that convinced about crystals and angel numbers and blah blah blah, but I think they're neat. What's the harm in manifesting good things for your life? Anyways, I bought a "love" candle, a citrine key chain, and a little fairy charm (at another store). Between all the walking here and while setting up, I got about 4600 steps, so about what I would get on a normal walk (about 2 miles and 200 calories). By the time I got home, it was about 90 degrees so I decided I didn't need to do any more walking. Plus, I had already had a long enough day.

I had my third of one of the pastries my mom as a snack. It was decently flaky and sticky. It tasted kinda like raisins, but it didn't have raisins? It had chocolate chips on the bottom and a purple jelly-like substance in the middle. So. Not sure what it actually was, but I liked it. Then, I heated up some leftover apple pumpkin soup and had two small slices of sourdough with it. I really love sourdough haha.

I relaxed for a bit and then did my workout. It was leg/lower body focused. It seemed almost too easy? I took about 10-15 minutes more than what was predicted (about 40 minutes total), but one of the exercises felt too easy and I didn't really feel anything working. The app calls it "standing knee flexions". I basically stood straight and lifted my leg up behind me, bending my knee. The description I (briefly) read said to not move my thigh...? I didn't understand how that was possible. Anyways, I didn't really feel it doing anything.

The rest of the workout was alright. It had a nice, manageable burn in my calves mainly, especially during the calf raises and bent knee calf raises. It burned enough to feel like I was actually doing something, but it didn't hurt.

For dinner I had the rest of the soup I had prepared plus a bit more and two larger slices of sourdough. I feel full (enough?) now, but I feel like I'm gonna get hungry right before bed but it'll probably just hurt my stomach or sleep or whatever if I eat any later, but I don't wanna eat now and overeat when I don't feel hungry, y'know? Oh well.

I've got to do a bunch of cleaning the next few days, so we'll see how that impacts my schedule. Gonna shower now. Goodnight!

[mire-mire-mire]

Dinner 11/1 + update

I ended up taking a nap at about 5:30, later than I usually do, but oh well. By the time Jeopardy was over, my mom was making steaks for her and my grandma. Since I don't eat steak, I made another chicken and cheese sandwich, this time on a normal hamburger bun. I also had a potato with butter and cheese and some broccoli. The potato was alright, I couldn't get the cheese melted all the way through so there were small clumps of mostly cold, mostly solid cheese that were kinda weird to eat. The broccoli was only just cooked and not seasoned. Not my preferred way to eat it, but it wasn't bad.

A note on the deli foods, I don't care that they aren't the best option. Chemicals and preservatives and potential reproductive harm and blah blah blah. It's a start and it's better than instant ramen. Right now, that's what is important. I'll make the best of what I can and what I have for the time being. Once I get my own money to do my own shopping and feel better about cooking, then I can start doing "better" meals.

As for tomorrow... my cat is acting funny so we'll be taking her to the vet early in the morning. My mom and grandma also have a fundraiser that they will be busy with all day so I will either be helping with that or my cat or both. I don't know if I'll be able to take a walk or work out or anything. Being busy also probably means I'll just be grabbing whatever to eat. A setback, but things happen.

I'll try to go to bed by midnight because I know good sleep is important, but with my mom and grandma still working and asking for my help, I don't know if that will happen lol.

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I've had this blog for like three hours and I've already seen way too much porn. Goodnight. (It is 4 PM).