missingyourn

[missingyourn]

My first Christmas without you

i hope that you're well, i hope that you're having fun

i hope you felt the warmth and joy of the Christmas spirit

i hope you have a wonderful time with your friends and family as you celebrate a year well spent, a year well earned, and a year well cherished

i hope you take the time to be thankful for all the things you have learned this year

and i hope you heal from all your aches and all your wounds

i hope this Christmas was a great experience

i hope you're ready to face the new year with no regrets

and i hope you don't look back in anger

[missingyourn]

Healing

Today, it feels like a weight was lifted from my heart, like the burden of being human slowly stripped from my aching soul

"the love i gave then will be the love i get back", there is no such thing as love lost, there is only a love given, a love taken, and a love let go. Love is a cycle, it sounds repetitive but it is an experience anyone would want to feel over and over again, if you feel lost in love, take a step back, if you feel the need to love, then move forward.

[missingyourn]

December 11, 2024

something in me died today

theres no time to grieve

here's to my death

cheers

[missingyourn]

Wither

i do nothing but stare

i do nothing but think

i do nothing but dwell

i dont like it

"i miss the noise"

"i hate the silence"

but its funny

because my soul yearns for both

"i hate the noise"

"i miss the silence"

i dont do well with peace

its just a lovely word for solitude

I don't like it

[missingyourn]

Choice

if things don't go your way, ill support you

if things fall through, ill support you

if things become stagnant, ill support you

if things get hard, ill support you

when things are happy, ill cheer you on

when things are successful, ill cheer you on

when things consistent, ill cheer you on

when things get better, ill cheer you on

that's the person i am

thats the person ill continue to be

i hope thats the person you still see in me

[missingyourn]

i can tell you hate me now

you don't want nothing to do with me

if you see this, just know

im still here, if you still need me

[missingyourn]

Disrespected

you choose to be picky

you choose to pick sides

you're only happy at my best

but not bat an eye at my worst

hope you're happy, happy you've moved on

[missingyourn]

traces

i saw traces of you today

it was nice

seeing us walk around like it was yesterday

like a moment in time, you were always smiling

hope you still smile

[missingyourn]

5 times D didn't mean it and one time he did.

[missingyourn]

Heavy

The heaviest part of me is also the stupidest part of me.

i feel alone with nothing but baggage.

i sort and i fix but nothing can change things,

its still heavy.

[missingyourn]

Shame

i feel embarrassed

i feel pathetic

i tried to make things work

to reach out for normalcy

but all i got was apathy

i feel ashamed

i am ashamed

im sorry

[missingyourn]

Seeing

im used to it now

your absence

your silence

my loneliness

i don't see you now at least

i don't see your face everywhere

i don't see your ghost anywhere

i want to, but i don't, cause i can't

your absence pains me

but your presence will kill me

you have left my mind

but you will never leave my heart

i know you're out there living your life

so ill be here living mine

ill still let my love for you stay

but i will let your memory fade

maybe that's what you would have wanted

maybe you're happy to hear that

you told me to care for myself

so i will

see you around, if you even hear me

hope you come back

so we can start anew

[missingyourn]

Wish

i wish i wasn't like this

i wish i wasn't so hung up

i wish i could move on

but i can't

if you want me to be selfish

if you want me to think for myself for once

then that would defeat the purpose of being me

because im not like you

because i care and will give every part of me to people i deem special

remember, you are special to me

i just wished you gave me more care too

and not retreat just to heal

if healing means not knowing you anymore

not being a part of your life

not being a part of your future

then kill me and take all my care

so that one day you can spread that care to people you deem special too

every day gets a little easier

[missingyourn]

Vulnerable

you know, I always had a problem with being vulnerable

I never wanted to bother someone with my story

until you came along

oh, I told you everything for hours

for days

for weeks

and for years

you we're my rock

my shoulder to lean on

but something was different

you never felt like you were asked to listen

talking to you felt warm

like a lake, in every ripple, in every movement

you stayed calm

in all my sadness, in all my grief, I could only look for you

I could only turn to you

I apologize for my tears

I apologize for all my anguish

please reassure me again, just like how you used to

Every day gets a little easier

[missingyourn]

maybe?

i stepped out into the world

a lonely world

without you in it

but it wasn't scary

it didn't feel sad

it didn't feel lonely

it felt empty, it felt cold

but it wasn't all that bad

i wished you were there

but i know you're somewhere

living your own life, maybe being happy

maybe one day we'll walk this cold world again

maybe one day we can be who we used to be

but for now, maybe it isn't all that sad

maybe i can find my peace again

without you

you are my peace still

no matter what happens

but you can't have all sunshine

sometimes rain is necessary

for my plant to grow

i hope you're waiting for me out there

so when i come knocking

I'll see that smile and glimmer in your face

and we can warm each others world

just like we used to

Every day gets a little easier

[missingyourn]

Questions

i guess this is it huh?

i have to leave

i need to leave

to get better

to heal

but i can't just leave right?

i can't just stand up, bid you farewell and go, right?

what if something happens?

what if someone tries to hurt you?

what if I'm not there when you have a bad day?

what if the weight of the world is on your shoulders?

what if you feel alone again?

what if I'm no longer there to support you?

have you ever thought about those?

do i still mean the world to you?

was i your first love? or the first to love?

will i ever see you again?

i know you moved on

but a part of me will forever wish you hadn't

i came in your life to know you

but i left knowing little in the end

i will forever tell you more about my life

to let you in

keep the fire burning

i know it's not healthy

i know I'll lose myself in the process

i know you'll never need me again

that I'll be replaced

that I'll be a memory

you are strong, stronger than i am

i wish i had your strength

i can never leave things unsaid

i will always want closure

i know, i know I'm not perfect

i know you're not perfect

i know im fooling myself

all these questions i already know the answer

your silence speaks a thousand words

my chaos speaks only one

"regret"

Every day gets a little easier

[missingyourn]