missionofgettingxaway

[missionofgettingxaway]

scrolling down, reading old posts and just realized that i talk about loneliness quite often. and nowadays loneliness is still my best friend.

& i am not sure if someday this loneliness would eat every piece of myself.

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i hate to talk about what’s hurting me or my insecurities. please dont talk about it. it hurts me even more.

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i get really mad when people ask me when am i planning to have a child. i think that nobody deserves to ask that question to anyone. like why are you being so nosy? even my family doesn’t ask that question.

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one year

who wouldve thought that a year after marriage, id come back here often.

ghazlan finally secured a new job which requires him to be working until 9pm 5 days a week. i guess one year of always being together makes me feel lonely as soon as he started his new job. i'm always alone nowadays, sometimes it scares me that my head speaks louder than my voice. i am still trying to cope with things. still adjusting to this new journey. i hope i find a new hobby or maybe i can go back to painting. i just dont know.

i probably will come back writing here often. i hope i will get through this and not be too lonely.

[missionofgettingxaway]

can’t believe it’s almost a year that i didn’t come here. life update: well hello i’m someone’s wife.

currently infected with covid and i miss my husband’s hugs.

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so stressed out i feel like crying & screaming.

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cant believe that in less than a month i will be someone’s wife. crazy.

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rindu yang tiada penghujung.

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sad 💔

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will miss my home so much 💔

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rasa sebak, terharu Allah makbulkan doa. rasa so smol i don’t deserve this goodness tapi Allah still bagi. thank you God. Alhamdulillah.

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love mak’s giggle. would love to hear it forever 🤍

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"Some days I’m Van Gogh’s starry night, other days I’m his suicide letter."

-Via —souu-h

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Allah has given us this blessed month of Ramadan to fill our emptiness, cure our loneliness, and end our soul’s poverty. Alhamdulillah.

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ya Allah nak kaya nak travel dengan husband soon 🥹 amin!!!!

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attended kursus kahwin last weekend. one step closer to marriage.

Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan, diberi keberkatan dan dipersiapkan diri untuk menjadi seorang isteri yang baik. Semoga Allah memberkati, memperbetulkan niat untuk kahwin.

Honestly I am excited for the ceremony but thinking the post-ceremony life is quite frightening because there will be many challenges in marriage. I hope we will make it.

[missionofgettingxaway]

i go to sleep every night feeling pain in my belly. there are days that i cry to sleep thinking that my life might be short. there are days that i force myself to sleep before i overthink.

sakit itu penghapus dosa. sakit juga menginsafkan. sakit mengingatkan akan kematian.

if i were to die young i hope Allah forgive my sins. take care of my parents and my family. Amin.