mistbornhero

[mistbornhero]

Jon, while trying to ask Damian out and drowning in 'having crush on my best friend hell,' starts gifting Damian pretty rocks.

Every time he finds a pretty stone, he puts it in his pocket, and the next time he sees Damian, he hands them to the boy with no explanation.

Damian, while confused, keeps them like precious treasures. He even gets a display case.

It is only after he watches a documentary about the Antarctic with Cass one night that he understands what's going on.

He calls for the Super immediately, and Jon arrives in minutes with a new blue stone in hand.

"Are you attempting to court me like a penguin?"

"That depends. Is it working?" And offers the new rock gingerly.

"Unfortunately, yes."

Damian has to get a bigger display case because his alien boyfriend decides he needs space rocks, too.

[mistbornhero]

something that drives me insane on a relatively regular basis as a body jewelry understander is talking to people who have sensitive skin who are like "oh well I just can't wear any earrings without my ears getting inflamed" and I say "well what have you tried" and they say "well I've tried sterling silver and I've tried gold..." and it's like. ok. I don't know how gold and sterling somehow got spun by the jewelry industry as being especially good for sensitive skin but whenever I'm like "well have you tried implant grade titanium" they're always like "no....... but I've tried sterling silver... and it didn't work ..." like. I don't know how this narrative about sterling silver somehow got so strong but when they put pins in your fucking legs when you snap your leg in half are those pins made of sterling silver or are they made of implant grade titanium or surgical steel????????? HELLO. HI. YOU MIGHT BENEFIT FROM TRYING IMPLANT GRADE TITANIUM I AM JUST SAYING

[mistbornhero]

theres something about the fact that wu ming is kind of an odysseus Nobody gambit—xie lian says “nobody believes in me anymore, nobody loves me” and hua cheng says “then i’ll be nobody.”

[mistbornhero]

On the one hand, deciding to do a herringbone pattern probably increased the floor renovation project time by 4-5 hours. On the other hand, my library floor is going to look bomb as hell (just as soon as I run to Home Depot for more flooring because I ran out 😬). We’ll do black grout in here as well. And once the floor is done…I can start building bookshelves 🎉🎉🎉

[mistbornhero]

Thinking once again about the parallels between Luo Binghe and Xie Lian.

-Princes

-Only children

-Fraught relationships with their dads

-Very distinctive cooking

-Mama's boys

-Fell in love with their no.1 ultimate fan

-Not good at friendships

-Extremely talented and hardworking

-Weird green cousin

-Complicated situationship with their swords

-Declared shredded by fandom

-Pissed off someone with considerable authority over their lives and destinies by unwittingly saying the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time

-Drama queens

-Excellent combatants

-Just wanted to cultivate what the hell even happened

-The narrative's favorite guy (this is a bad thing)

[mistbornhero]

[mistbornhero]

United Healthcare getting sued by its investors, because it didn't warn them that the CEO getting murdered (by the tendrils of their unmitigated greed) was going to lead to them approving more claims (for covered services that they had no right to deny) is a cartoonish example of exactly why their CEO got murdered.

Their argument is essentially "You promised us a specific profit margin that is not possible to achieve under this increased public scrutiny of your unethical practices. We only agreed to invest because of those unethical practices. So we demand compensation because you didn't warn us that you'd be behaving more ethically"

And idk. Satire isn't just dead. We've pissed on its corpse and now it's dissolving in lye.

[mistbornhero]

It’s funny how sacabambaspis is like the funniest looking animal in every hypothetical except for that one picture that makes me feel like I’m about to be killed

[mistbornhero]

First person to ever be called a lesbian was a man. Reports indicate radfems are malding as we speak.

[mistbornhero]

There has to be a whole new type of red string of fate for an author and his number one hater

[mistbornhero]

"male loneliness epidemic" is misleading because it implies that men are suffering because they can't get girls when I feel like the actual problem is that pretty much any online content that's aimed specifically at men conceptualizes the masculine ideal as what I call the Buff Scammer. there are only two things in this world that matter, says the Buff Scammer: being jacked and making money. how you get to either of those things doesn't matter, you just need to be as rich and as buff as possible or you have failed as a man. Get into drop shipping. Eat nothing but raw meat. Rugpull a memecoin. Remove seasonings from your diet. Sell an online course. Go to the gym daily. Starve yourself so your body will achieve ketosis and start burning fat. Attend a seminar on real estate investing. Work 80 hours a week. Take steroids but don't let anyone know about that part. Flip a YouTube channel after 10xing the subs. Sell AI art on Etsy and AI audiobooks on Amazon. What's that? You're trying to do this to get girls? Why would you care about women? Women are all stupid whores who don't help you get richer or buffer. The only people you should be paying attention to are other rich, buff men. If you do hang out with women you should be pimping them out on Chaturbate so you can at least get an ROI off your time spent not thinking about men. Male friends? You don't have time for friends. You should be hustling and grinding 24/7 365. And if you absolutely do need to spend time around other men you should only be spending time with other buff scammers so you can collaborate on entrepreneurial ventures. Like Jesus Christ even writing this is exhausting I feel like trying to be this dude would be fucking miserable like not only did you turn yourself into a friendless, materialist, misogynistic asshole who can only conceptualize the world in terms of value extracted but you're NOT EVEN HAVING FUN DOING IT!!!!!!

[mistbornhero]

okay now that we’ve a had couple lesbian blockbusters and milfs are having a romance moment, we need to bring back the manic pixie dream girl. she was never fuckin suited to fixing all the problems of some boring twenty year old everyman, but you know who could actually benefit from a quirky free-spirited blue haired girl with pronouns (she/they)? a newly divorced forty-something mom who’s trying to learn how to be herself for the first time in her life

[mistbornhero]

playing poker with my friend and he lays down a straight flush but it has two kings so i tell him that’s wrong but it’s pride month and the gay flush is allowed during this month

[mistbornhero]

Eddie’s come to the conclusion that he’s attracted to Buck, and might even be in love with him, but is still figuring out what that means for his sexuality. So he goes (alone) to a gay bar, just to give it a try. And he ends up hitting it off with this random guy on the dance floor, and they end up making out in the bathroom. And they’re both really into it, and Eddie’s all like maybe I am gay, when the guy’s like, “okay, well, we should probably tell each other our names”

And Eddie’s like “fair enough, I’m Eddie” and the guy’s asks “like Edward? Edmund? Eduardo?” And Eddie laughs and is like “no, Edmundo.”

And the guy stops, and goes “this is crazy, but do you happen to be a firefighter?”

And Eddie just figures that he probably met this guy on a call and forgot about it, so he’s just like “haha yeah”

But then the guy’s like “and I know this is super weird, but were you in the army?” And Eddie’s like “…yeah?” (while internally going like shit, did I know this guy in the army and forget about it?)

And the guy’s like “okay not to be too creepy or anything, but, like, do you happen to be from El Paso? And have a silver star? And a kid?”

And Eddie’s like “uhh, yes? I’m sorry, how do I know you??” And the guy’s like “hinge.” And Eddie’s like, “Okay, well, I don’t have a hinge”And the guy’s like, “No, but your boyfriend does”

And, as it turns out, this guy went on a hinge date with Buck a few months back, and it Did Not Go Well. Buck spent the whole time talking about Eddie, and it was so bad that this became like, one of this guy’s canonical bad first date stories. And the kicker is, he ended the night being like “you seem like a nice person, but I think you might be in love with your best friend” And Buck was like “no. that’s crazy. he’s straight.”

[mistbornhero]

I dunno man I thought it was pretty clear with where it stands, maybe you're just stupid?