mistrumavelade

[mistrumavelade]

Hey! Your daily reminder that you’re amazing has arrived! You’re a good person! Good people do make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less good! I hope you’re able to believe how amazing and wonderful you are, because I’m not going to shut up about it! <3

Thank you /gen

[mistrumavelade]

I hope something good happens to you/gen

Aww, thank you so much (':

[mistrumavelade]

You'll never guess what just happened to me. I was talking to someone who was pressumably cishet and didn't say anything about being queer and she talked to one of her coworkers and said "she- I mean they" and I wanted to start jumping up and down and screaming!!! I didn't say anything and she seemed to not be in the queer community!!!

[mistrumavelade]

So Lemon Boy and me we just gotta get a-a-a-along together

it’s fun to stay at the Y

[mistrumavelade]

My hearttt, I loved herrr… waaaeeeehh /ref

I don't know the reference, sorry.

[mistrumavelade]

Hey you!

You're amazing and one of the bestest persons ever and you should love yourself and I will give you bonks if you don't live yourself >:3

Thank you /gen

And I will block your bonks with the power of stubborn!

[mistrumavelade]

hey! i'm so glad to hear you're doing better and can think of yourself in a positive light, and i just wanted to thank you for your advice earlier. the person i was talking about (who might have had an ED) is doing a lot better, though some days are still tough, so thanks for the help and advice!

So happy to help! /gen

[mistrumavelade]

I am bouncing off of your walls at exactly 49 mph leaving glitter shoe prints on your paper(I didn't ruin any photos.)

Dang, glitter will never come off... But it matches the fairy aesthetic and Hedgehog approves, so you are forgiven. Please bounce safely.

[mistrumavelade]

....

Dang it, who let my feelings out of the locked dusty closet??

But actually I have chills. I don't normally have chills at things.

What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

[mistrumavelade]

Thank you for helping Mark. I've been worried, but don't know them well enough to help, so I appreciate you sharing updates. Also make sure you're taking care of yourself as well

Thanks, I'm trying. Things are finally calming down, I think, so I can rest.

[mistrumavelade]

I know it’s not hard to point out reactionaries hypocrisy when it comes to like safe spaces or hug boxes or whatever but genuinely how much of an echo chamber do you have to exist in for you to think this is a reasonable thing to say

[mistrumavelade]

Gen question. You act really patient most of the time. How often are you faking it/how many of your friends do you secretly thinm are annoying?

Sorry if this is rude, you don't have to answer it.

You're good. And I'm not going to answer the question, I'm going to explain the why behind the answer.

So I don't lie. At all. If I find someone annoying I just won't say anything. If I tell a person that they aren't annoying, it's the truth. And I don't think I fake patience. I think... I truly love (platonically) almost everyone (comes with the christian territory) and try to see things from their point of view and it isn't hard to be patient with someone you care about who's perspective you can see.

If you're someone who I've told I cared about or that I don't think you're annoying, you can rest easy knowing I truly meant it. You can find yourself as despicable as you please, but you would be hard pressed to make me hate you (though I do understand self loathing).

[mistrumavelade]

I seen on qttc that you were stressed and all that so here's a picture of my cat being cute if you want it

It's him on my bed this morning

💕 💕 💕

Thank you!

[mistrumavelade]

Hello! I lurk in qttc so I've seen a lot of your posts/comments, and you seem like a really cool person!

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to or it makes you uncomfortable, but I am curious to hear your perspective on the relation between your religion and queerness? I'll admit I don't know much about the LDS church, really the closest I've got is living in Utah for a while, but what I've heard is that it's pretty hostile to queer people. I have a friend who grew up LDS, and he found it to be very controlling as well. Do you think that's the case? I'm not trying to dunk on your religion, I'm just wondering if there's any truth in that- and that doesn't mean the whole thing is bad or wrong, plenty of things can be flawed, especially when humans are involved! But like have you experienced any homophobia in your community, or anything like that? Do you ever struggle to reconcile your own identity with the bible and/or the church's teachings? Or is it not contradictory for you?

I'm asking as another religious queer person (I'm Jewish), though not the same religion as you, I wanted to hear your thoughts. Personally, I have trouble with some things, like certain parts of the Torah say (or at least, are commonly interpreted as saying) that being gay is a sin. I kind of struggle with it sometimes because my religion is important to me, and I'm not just going to throw it all out, but I also know I can't change who I am, who God made me. Most of my queer friends are either not religious or they're not involved in organized religion even if they do believe in something, and they kind of think it's weird that I'm religious because they think, "don't those people hate you? Don't they say there's only 2 genders? Don't they think you're unnatural?" And to an extent I get what my friends mean, but also, that's just people, and God is more important than that. Still, I kind of distanced myself from more traditional Judaism, even though it's more appealing in many ways, Reform is, as a whole, more accepting.

Like I said, you don't have to answer, I know this can be really personal and whatnot, but I would appreciate it. Either way, wishing you peace and happiness and all the blessings for you and your family <3

Yeah, I submitted something about it to queer religious culture is (I tried to tag but it isn't working. It's one of @captain0fcrows sideblogs). And it's complicated and very regional. I'm going to come back and edit this with a better response tomorrow when my emotions are in order.

[mistrumavelade]

I miss mark

Me too... We all do, and we all love him, and if he comes back we'll all be here for him.

[mistrumavelade]

I never really liked him. Anyone who actually falls for that kinda deserves it tbh.

Say that to my face.

You're just jealous because Mark is a better person than you can ever hope to be.

You're a coward. If you have something to say take off the mask and face me.

I hope you can grow into a better person one day. Truly. In the meantime, LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE.

[mistrumavelade]

Wow. The patience, kindness and calm communication skills. Outstanding.

From raindovemodel