mistsinthenight

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potentially hard pill to swallow: you may never have irl aro friends a day in your life. you may meet other aros (and you probably will, even if you don't know it—we're out there, even if we only ever pass each other on the street) and you may even be one of the lucky few to make an aro friend irl. but i'm willing to bet odds are you won't, unless you have access to a very active and vibrant queer community, and even then, it's no guarantee.

but finding like-minded people doesn't mean those people have to share your identity. you can and should find people who care about and respect you, too, regardless of the aspects of you they can't ever fully understand. there's value in finding people who Get It, which is what makes online spaces so crucial. but it's important to remember that denying the possibility of people unlike you enriching your life the same way is a means of self-inflicted loneliness.

sometimes the fantasy of an irl friend group full of aros is real—and god am i jealous sometimes! but often it is exactly that, a fantasy. sometimes there isn't anybody else. sometimes it's just you. and that can be isolating, but it's not synonymous with loneliness, and i think that's the important part.

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saying “aroace people can still date” when you want to ship a canonically aroace character :😒🤚

saying “aroace people can still date” when you want to hc a character aroace when they have/had a canonical love interest : 😙🤌

*THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THING*

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small naps

watercolour

twitter/ insta/bluesky/ store

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Do not come on my posts with “Black Women Are Superhuman Beings Who Can Handle Anything” takes. That’s a dangerous and reductive rhetoric rife with misogynoir. No, black women cannot take more negative and harmful attacks than other women can. Black women are not primed to withstand more attacks and harassment than women of other races. Stop. That is horrifying. Black women deserve grace, compassion, and a soft place to rest, not constant burdens.

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Such language!! Much crow!!

We aren't shipping the poster right away because I want to integrate all social media feedback prior to printing.

Tell me how to say "crow" in your language!!

My stuff :

✧Read Namesake✧ ✧Read Crow Time✧ ✧Store✧ ✧Patreon✧

Here is the poster!

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So here's what happened on Reddit:

A transmasc posted about how transmascs and trans men are often invisible, how our issues are dismissed, and how resources, especially medical ones, are almost always written with non transmascs in mind. They posted this both to r/Trans and r/lgbt.

A moderator of r/Trans responded by telling them to “stop bitching.” That’s the word they used. That’s the level of respect trans men get. Transandrophobic by the way, don't call trans men bitches.

The comment was deleted, quietly, after backlash. Then the entire post was removed. When asked why, a mod responded that the post was “playing oppression olympics,” and took the time to go through and dismiss each of the original poster’s points, including saying that trans men being sexually assaulted isn’t “unique to transmascs” and therefore not an issue, and claiming that access to testosterone isn’t any more restricted than access to estrogen, which is a straight-up lie, because T is a tightly controlled substance in most places and E is not.

The original poster was banned for three days.

Then a separate mod made a post saying, “nobody asked us our side of the story,” which is wild because people absolutely did, publicly and repeatedly. Users also started reporting that they’d had supportive comments removed or had been banned after disagreeing with the mods, some of those claims are still unconfirmed, but given the general behavior, it wouldn’t be surprising.

Then r/Trans locked down entirely. No new posts. The conversation was forcibly ended.

Some people posted about it on r/FTM, many of those posts were mass-reported, automatically removed by Reddit’s automod, or quietly buried. Meanwhile, r/lgbt also removed the original post, with no explanation.

One of the r/Trans mods eventually posted an “apology,” which was really just a soft-scrubbed PR post full of noncommittal language and distancing. They said they didn’t mean to call a trans man “a bitch,” they just used it synonymously with “complaining,” and they didn’t think about the implications until later even though the first post was about microaggressions just like the mod committed. They did not apologize for anything else, not for wrongfully banning people, not for accusing a transmasc venting like any other user of playing oppression olympics, nothing at all. They said they’re on break and can’t do anything about it. They said, and I quote, “please don’t be mad at the rest of the team.” even though the rest of the team are just as culpable for not stopping their behavior.

They also added that trans men are “a welcome part of the community” and tried to point at moderation history as proof. Because apparently we should be grateful that people occasionally get banned, every so often, for implying trans men aren't oppressed at all, wow, thanks, that is like below the bare minimum, cool.

The current state of things is: r/Trans has over 600,000 members, and trans men and transmascs were silenced, banned, and told to shut up for bringing up their own oppression. And the subreddit is locked down. There’s a mass exodus happening to the new sub, r/trans4every1, but let’s be real, the damage has already been done.

Now let’s talk about what this actually means.

This is not “just more Tumblr discourse.” This isn’t some random blog saying they don’t like transmascs. This isn’t a Twitter reply guy. This isn’t a niche zine or a spicy personal take. This is a massive trans-focused subreddit with over half a million users. It's easily one of the largest public facing trans community online, maybe even the largest, I've certainly never found a bigger one myself. And the moderation team made it crystal clear: they do not want transmascs to feel safe or welcome there.

This is what transandrophobia looks like on a slightly larger internet scale. When it’s in the hands of people who get to decide who gets heard and who gets deleted.

And for anyone who’s still stuck on “well they apologized” listen: trans men are told all the time that we’re being too loud, too angry, too entitled, too manly, too feminine, too confusing, too “binary,” too "Nonbinary", too much. We’re told that we’re “oppression olympics-ing” just for talking about our lives. And now we're getting banned and locked out of the spaces that claim to represent a huge portion of online trans people.

This isn't just online drama. This is a bellwether. And if it isn’t setting off alarms in your head, it should be.

The way transandrophobia manifests in online spaces absolutely bleeds into real life, into medical gatekeeping, into poor data collection, into the erasure of sexual violence against transmascs, into advocacy groups that write us out of the picture, into educational materials that treat us like footnotes, if they include us at all.

And if you’re sitting there thinking, “well it’s not that deep,” you’re part of the problem.

We need to start being more honest about this: Transandrophobia is real, it is widespread, and it is growing. We need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt when they’ve shown us they don’t want us in the room.

And frankly?

We need to start making TRFs [Trans Radfems & transmasc-exclusionary feminists alike] deeply uncomfortable being open about their beliefs. We need to make them afraid to be TRFs, the way they’re trying to make us afraid to exist.

The same way we don’t coddle fascists. The same way we don’t tolerate TERFs. We need to stop tiptoeing around transandrophobia.

Because this growing wave of transandrophobia is going to kill people. Full stop.

Protect trans men. Protect transmascs. Protect your siblings; all of them!

[mistsinthenight]

Hydrange-us!!!!!

I planted some new hydrangeas and they are so thirsty and dramatic. I usually water them twice a day, but if I miss one watering, they will droop to the floor. 😂

twitter/ insta/bluesky/ store

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Hold On to Me

Title: Hold On to Me

Author: Ellegy42

Status: Complete

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary:

Most kids wet the bed when they have nightmares. Alec's sends him travelling through time and space. Given the circumstances, he can't regret it.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36035539

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i simply don't think nonbinary people should have to see having our gender/s respected and acknowledged as a luxury. i think it's frankly sickening that that's the state of things tbh.

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there should be more romance repulsed characters. there should be more aro characters in general but i deserve characters who would rather throw themselves off a skyscraper than be in a romantic relationship

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Can you use high heels as a weapon?

Props to Bayonetta- that was pretty fun!

Outtakes go on Patreon this week!

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**Reuploaded due to shadowban, deleted most recent posts to make sure they werent an issue. My apologies for the repost.

Some people ask to support me, my kofi is here. There's literally nothing on it I have nothing to offer people I'm sorry. https://ko-fi.com/welldrawnfish PLEASE, do not donate unless you are very well off financially. Take care of yourselves first.

I will be Running a half marathon in May for the Ronald McDonald house. I have successfully contacted the race coordinators and we have worked out a way to protect my identity and still raise money. Look for a donation link in the future! You can find Penny here: https://twitter.com/tiredtomboy she is very cute and sweet friend and a newly hatched egg and I wish her all the support! And you can find Ruby here: @rubi_ruu

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hey wait! i know you! we used to be chained next to each other in the cave! wow, so good to see you, how are ya? man. remember how we used to talk about the shadows on the wall together. gosh that was a long time ago. but hey. sure is one heck of a sun out here, right? it's good to see you.

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Swept Away

Somedays my brain is too fried from everything going on, so I just doodle some mindless wiggly lines that make me happy.