mkanuhea

[mkanuhea]

sat in on my clients therapy session earlier today and the whole time i was thinking to myself…. man gosh wish i had an unbiased person out of my social group to talk to… darn i wish i had…., a therapist….. i am so jealous rn

[mkanuhea]

Sorry I haven’t been posting much, I’ve been working on commission stuff and setting up a carrd and contracts and a bunch of other things lately. Took down my commission post because - as i’ve discovered from listening to youtube com advice videos and taking notes from other commission artists - i’m sortaaaa way behind on setting up commissions lmao. all this stuff is kinda new to me and I wanna make sure I’m covered in all areas

update on kitty: his results for his biopsy came back! but it’s neither good or bad, though. forgive me (i’m not keen on this stuff) but basically Vet found cells in his heart that aren’t supposed to be there and it’s 1/3 chance they’ll turn into cancer, but thankfully it’s very. very. rare that they will (apparently there’s currently only one case in the US of a cat with these cells that turned cancerous, so that’s ,,, positive) but he’ll need to go back to vet every 3 months to determine if the lump on his heart is growing. he’s doing great on his medication, which will be a long term thing now. he’s still as blissfully unaware and happy as usual, so i’m not too worried.

[mkanuhea]

Like Him

[mkanuhea]

it's been quite some time of working on this and now i can finally say that it's done!! me and @mkanuhea did a collab and it's been so much fun and artistic challenge, im so glad they've offered to do one with me!! <333 (and that's not all!!)

step by step under cut

[mkanuhea]

a pfp i made for my gmail

[mkanuhea]

gonna start posting wips

[mkanuhea]

after screaming all day he got all cozied up under the blankies w me

[mkanuhea]

I hate when a tiny stupid thing pushes you over the edge and makes you freak the fuck out because it makes you look like a completely irrational tar pit of a human being. Like no I promise this is warranted just maybe not about that specifically I swear I'm well adjusted. Come closer stick your fingers in my cage

[mkanuhea]

I am become homogoatic

[mkanuhea]

keeping up appearances

[mkanuhea]

PROPER post before i tuck in-- but I'm gonna start using my kofi again and you can help support me there!! I've got a (sorta) short term goal rn of earning a certain amount per month between my etsy and other earnings through my art so I can reduce my hours at work!

If you're interested in seeing wips of things I'm working on (or even things in WIP purgatory) as well as creative process stuff, I'm going to start posting it all there under a tiny $3 tier for anyone interested!

thank u for any and all support!!

[mkanuhea]

"these researchers published a paper on something that literally any of us could have told you 🙄" ok well my supervisors wont let me write something in my thesis unless I can back it up with a citation so maybe it's a good thing that they're amplifying your voice to the scientific community in a way that prevents people from writing off your experiences as annecdotal evidence

[mkanuhea]

plans tonite

[mkanuhea]

[mkanuhea]

characters that are repeatedly stripped of their humanity eventually turning monstrous is such a great and compelling arc trope

[mkanuhea]

repost bc i needed to fix some things

just a girl and her cat

[mkanuhea]

Heads up: venting >>

If some of you don't know, I'm an in-home caregiver meaning I go to my client's homes to service them. I have this one client I see under the table I've been seeing for almost a year now and they had an out of town appointment this morning. I slept through all my alarms and forgot I even had to see them today (I don't see them on Mondays usually), and I'm sitting here wondering what the fuck I'm going to say when I see them next. *FYI; clients are supposed to schedule their appointments around service days, and this client has two days they scheduled off-service.

Besides feeling immense guilt from sleeping through their appointment times and wasting my client's time, I feel like I'm going to have a full-on mental breakdown from months of lack of sleep, juggling classes and work, and this nagging itch of feeling like I'm going nowhere in the career direction I want to head in. I don't want to work in healthcare for the rest of my life - I can do it, but I'm not built for it. I love my clients, but working for them is not a forever thing. I have eye bags under my eyes for months. I'm taking extra of my meds almost every day just to stay alert enough to cater to their needs. When I got sick and couldn't take my meds with cold medicine, the withdrawal symptoms hit on top of the cold symptoms and elongated the healing process. I feel like I'm killing myself just to function, not just for myself and needs, but add 3 other people's needs on top of that.

I'm in between wanting to quit and not. This is the only job in town that offers medical benefits, paid time off, and above $20/hr. My clients are great; flexible, understanding, and wonderful people. It's not like I'm going into work breaking my back and getting verbally or mentally assaulted everyday. There are some days clients and I just sit and watch Netflix for hours. There are some days we go to the lake just to relax. Sometimes we do fun things together. Sometimes we talk for hours or do our own things - I just need to be near them in case something happens. It's not a bad job. So why am I so exhausted? Feeling like I'm drowning? Stagnated?

I think it's because I don't have time for myself, not even enough time to go to therapy regularly - hence why I'm writing out all my feelings here on Tumblr lol, there just isn't enough time in the week for me to dedicate a time to get mental health.

I know what i want to do; I want to be creative. I've been thinking for MONTHS about opening up a shop and selling prints, vinyls, stickers, and designs. Take commissions full-time again. Do art. That's all I wanna do, is make art. I just. Keep wondering, how to people do this? How do people manage to work full time and be able to do the things they love and not be totally out of commission on their off days? I don't take my meds on my weekends, and I'm a zombie on those days. I'm... just... surviving. I'm contemplating on taking my meds now cause if I don't, I'm just going to spend the rest of the day staring empty at the wall thinking about all the things I should be doing and feeling bad about not doing any of it. I don't want to be depressed. I don't like who I am when I'm depressed. I don't ever want to be that person again.

TL;DR missed important appointment for client, feels bad, need therapy and just wanna do art all day, going to take my meds now to prevent depression episode