mkyael-blog

[mkyael-blog]

@mkxylia

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Yael asked quietly. He stared his sister down seriously before a giant smile appeared on his face. “Checkmate, you dumbass. You left your king wide open. That was such a bad move.”

[mkyael-blog]

“I’m fine. It’s passed,” Yael promised quietly, giving her a small smile as she inched closer. “I had bad ones as a kid, but I can handle them now. It really wasn’t as bad as it could have been,” he reassured her.

Yoonah moved slowly closer to him not wanting to make him worse. She recognized the panic attack, her elder sister use to have them. “No no it’s okay don’t apologize. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. My sister Yoonji used to have panic attacks when we were kids.”

[mkyael-blog]

He looked up from his feet, raising a eyebrow and scratching behind his ear. “Oh, food? Um......yeah, okay, sure. as there anything you especially wanted? Anywhere you wanted to go? I can buy?”

Realizing that she was probably doing more harm than good, Hyeri decided to drop the subject. Once again wringing her hands in a somewhat anxious manner, the Australian born woman would do her best to disguise the sudden anxiety that she herself was feeling as she looked over at him. “Do you want to get something to eat? Food usually helps me after an episode. But then again, food always makes me feel better.” she laughs gently.

[mkyael-blog]

He nodded, scratching his head. To be fair, he’d kind of been forced to adapt and handle it. Xylia had debuted ahead of him, a few years ahead of him, and he’d been without her--he’d had to learn how to fend for himself to prepare for his own debut. “Thank you,” he replied quietly regardless, smiling at her and giving her a small nod. “Yeah, I am.” The circumstances that forced them back together weren’t pretty ones, but at least they were together. 

Hyeri nodded in understanding, fiddling with her hands absentmindedly as she nodded in understanding. “But hey, at least you’re capable of handling it by yourself now! That’s a huge accomplishment. Some people are never able to do that. You should be proud of yourself.” Hyeri said genuinely once he had finished talking, her famously bright smile playing on her lips as she looked at him. If there was two things that Hyeri was good at aside from being blunt and dancing, it was being positive and optimistic. She always had been and always would be. “And you’re with her now, right? That’s what’s important. Twins should stick together.” …says the one who hasn’t seen her own twin for nearly five years.

[mkyael-blog]

“Chobin, anyone in their right mind would be scared of you when you’re mad. You get aggressive and angry when you’re mad. It’s intimidating. You’re my other half too, you know. I’m just saying. I’d never want to get on your bad side,” he replied simply, shrugging. “It’s the principle of the thing. If it comes from your card, then technically you’re paying. I’ll pay next time.”

She pouted a little bit, rolling her eyes and hugging him tighter. “Are you saying you’re afraid of me? Yeonnie, that’s no fair! You shouldn’t be scared of me; I’m your other half! I should bring you comfort or whatever the fuck…that’s how it’s supposed to work!” she complained, snuggling up against his back. We share a bank account, dumbass. But if it makes you happy, of course I’ll pay. Asshat..”

[mkyael-blog]

“I am.” And he was. He was fine. He was now, anyway. He had just been taken off guard was all. He was okay now. He’d need Xylia’s help once he got home, but he could carry himself through the work day. He was okay. “Are you? Anything in particular today? Anything you’re extra excited about?”

“As long as you’re sure, hyung.” Weili relaxed a little and shook his head as he smiled. “Ani hyung. It’s fine. I’ve forgotten it anyway.” He laughed softly. “I’m excited about everything, hyung.”

[mkyael-blog]

He pressed his lips together in a thin line, nodding slightly and pushing up the sleeves of his hoodie as she spoke, glancing sideways at her. It seemed like her situation was somewhat similar--what with a twin who was the only one who could help them out. For the longest time, Choyeon couldn’t go anywhere without Chobin. Debuting apart had been hell, but it had forced him to work out whatever was going on, and for that he was grateful. “No, no--it’s fine. I don’t  mind,” he said with a small smile and tiny shake of his head. “I never really knew where mine started. It’s been like this as long as I can remember. It’s a lot better than it was, though--before Xylia debuted in her old group, I couldn’t go anywhere without her. Now I can usually manage.”

“I relate…it’s a real pain, isn’t it?” she replies, unfolding her arms and bringing her hands up to run her hands through her long hair, a habit she had had for as long as she could remember, before pulling her hair into a ponytail. “I’m sure, I was just rambling. It’s a thing I do… I was probably talking about something serious to begin with but knowing me, I would have found something else to talk about and begun rambling.” Hyeri admits with an embarrassed laugh before she looks up at him. “If it means anything, I know what you’re going through, I think.” She adds, playing with her fingers before continuing. “When I first left Australia, my twin brother had to stay behind for our younger sister. He told me not to feel bad about it, that as long as I was happy he would be as well. He knew my future wasn’t in Australia but I couldn’t help but feel like I’d somehow betrayed him, you know? My anxiety was so much worse when I first arrived here and I knew why instantly, because my twin wasn’t there with me. He always helped me to calm down during one of my episodes and for a time when I was here, my panic attacks were so bad that I’d be freaking out for a good six hours a day without fail. I was doing everything by myself for the first time in my life, learning a new language, everything. It was terrifying. But it got better, I got better. Now I only have anxiety attacks once a week…” she trailed of before she sighed and shook her head. “Sorry… I’m rambling again. I didn’t mean to…unload all of that onto you but, yeah. Basically what I’m saying is that I understand.”

[mkyael-blog]

He smiled a little, nodding his head quickly. “I’m fine, really. I promise. I just had a bit of trouble there for a second, but it’s passed. It happens more than I’d like to admit,” he told her, pushing his hair back for a second and sighing. He was just glad he was familiar enough with himself that he could deal with it alone now. He remembered the days when he couldn’t do anything without Chobin at his side. “Are you sure you weren’t saying anything important?”

“I - are you sure?” Worry was very evident in her tone, but there was no pity or fear, not at all. After all, she too suffered from random panic attacks. Her anxiety and sometimes even her PTSD would get the better of her at the most inopportune times and make her want to curl into a ball in some corner for a good year. She knew how he was feeling right now all too well. “Ah…forget it. It’s not important right now, I’m pretty sure I was just rambling about something or other…as usual.” Hyeri admits softly before she crosses her arms and looks at him. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can go get you water, if you want? Water always helps me when I’m coming off a panic attack.”

[mkyael-blog]

He rolled his eyes, half-heartedly trying to push her away before marking his place and closing the book--it wasn’t like she was going to let him continue with it anyway. “Yeah, but to figure out what I actually agree with, I have to listen to you rant, and sometimes when you rant it scares me a little. So I just agree with everything,” he told her, a small smile playing at his lips as he tried to turn to look at her. “You never know until you try,” he replied with an awkward laugh and a sympathetic shrug. “Isn’t it your turn to buy? I’m only going if you’re buying.”

She laughed, standing up and coming behind him, leaning against him and wrapping her arms around his chest, reading some of the passage over his shoulder before putting her hand overtop of the words to distract him. “Yo, don’t agree with everything, dummy. Only the stuff you actually agree with. I actually want to hear your opinion you know,” she told him, kissing the top of her baby brother’s head. She was so glad that he accepted her. He was the most important person in her life. She wasn’t sure what she’d do without him. “Ah, yes.. I’ll go right up to them and ask if I can brag about my taboo lesbianism to the entirety of South Korea,” she replied sarcastically. “Nah, we don’t have time. But we do have time for take out. Let’s go get take out!”

[mkyael-blog]

Choyeon stared blankly at the other idol for a second before shaking his head a little. “No, I’m fine, really. It passed. Lying down wouldn’t help out much regardless,” he replied, before attempting to change the subject. “Right, what were you saying before all this again?”

kevin simply stared, unsure on how to react to situations like this. “right. i-”  he coughed slightly, trailing of “don’t you want to… l-lie down or something?”

[mkyael-blog]

He nodded his head quickly, not wanting to spend any more time than necessary on this. “I’m okay. It passed. It wasn’t all that bad anyway. I’ll be fine,” he replied, forcing a little smile. “Are you sure what you were saying wasn’t important? You sounded awfully excited about it. I feel bad for interrupting.”

Hao Weili had been talking to the other idol when he suddenly began having a panic attack. Knowing all too well what they were like Weili tried his hardest to help his hyung. Once he was sure the attack finished he relaxed a little after having been tense with worry. “Are you sure you’re alright, hyung?” he asked, still a little concerned. He shook his head. “No, you didn’t. It’s fine don’t worry.” He smiled. “I forgot what I was talking about anyway,” he chuckled.

[mkyael-blog]

“No, I’m okay. Really. Just give me a second.” Choyeon was okay. Or, he was now. He’d been hit with a panic attack for no reason, out of nowhere, and it’d been hard to pull himself together without his sister there, but he was long since used to getting it under control in public. He wasn’t sure what had triggered it, but he didn’t quite care--he was just glad it was over with. “I’m sorry. I completely interrupted you. Um...I’m listening now, though.”

[mkyael-blog]

Yael looked up from the book he was reading in the corner, raising an eyebrow and shaking his head slightly. “No, that’s your job. My job is to listen to you complain and rant about it and agree with everything you say,” he told her with a tiny smile. He was happy to say that he had long since accepted his sister coming out; they had been raised in a traditional family so he hadn’t known how to react at first, but people were stupid. He’d come to learn that it was normal and something to be celebrated, not hated. Unfortunately, not all of South Korea saw it his way. “Um....considering we got in a little shit for even pushing to release the song, I think you’d at least get in a little bit of trouble. Run it by the PR managers first maybe,” he suggested, shrugging. “How am I s’posed to help you with that? I’m not a wizard. What--you want to have another movie marathon or something? Because I dunno if we have a lot of time for that today.”

@mkyael

“Do you ever see these requests for us to break down our lyrics and explain the meaning and just….laugh?” Chobin muttered, glancing at her brother and smiling a little. Not all of them were all that bad–vague enough that they could be about anyone. Position was a special case that had sparked a little controversy, but considering the message in Position (the message being that Xylia was into girls and it was a-ok) she had though that maybe fans would make the connection with the other songs. Apparently not. They thought she had just been making a statement about how it was okay to be like that if you were. “How much shit do you think I’d get in if I replied with ‘well, I’m a flaming lesbian and this is what this song reflects’?” She typed something about finding love and juggling it with an idol’s life and then closed her laptop, turning in her chair. “Help me, ‘Yeon. I can’t deal with the stupid anymore.”