mlepang

[mlepang]

It’s been a crazy month and then last night I had the craziest dream. I had just finished hanging out with Nicole and Jason, but they were ditching me for something. Then I think I was headed to spring sing or some concert to give posters to people, but as I was heading out, I saw Russell in some plaza! It was so surprising bc why would he be back yunno? Then when he saw me his face broke out into a huge grin and I was like wow Russ is friendly, cuz while it’s been a while since we last met, we’re also not that close of friends lol. Anyhow I gave the posters to the people I was talking to and started catching up with Russell. Our convo was as follows Me- it’s so good to see you! How’s it going? Russ- not bad actually! Me- your hair is blue Russ- yea… LOL Me- loool wait why are you here? Just visiting for the weekend? Russ- yea actually funny story, I actually came to show you something Me- wot Russ- yea just come with me, we just got in Me- wot Russ- yea me and Kevin just flew in, come on *we’re walking, but I stop* Me- WOT Russ- come on Me- you’re shitting me rn

Russ- you’ll see Me- this can’t be real, there’s no way We turn the corner and there’s this huge navy pickup truck parked on the curb, looking hella shady. Russell opens the door and I see Kev and at this point I was already losing my shit, then I climbed in and saw Nicole in the front and Jason on the other side of Russell and I was like wtf is going on here this is unreal. Kev said hi and laughed then started driving and even now I’m still so.confused. I was thinking to myself, weren’t you just in Korea? Did you fly all the way from Korea just to see me? Holy shit I’ve missed you this is insane

[mlepang]

Funnily enough, it's easier to distance myself after opening up.

[mlepang]

MCDB60

We are to write about a moral issue that is important to us, that tears us apart, that is hard to discern in terms of what is the right thing to do. It's the topic you don't want to think about, the problem that gives you a headache every time you're reminded of it, the one you want to shove to the back of the closet and never find again. Idk what I should do. Do I intervene and talk to both of them? Do I counsel from afar? Can I avoid it altogether? I'm not sure where my authority or my place is in this situation. She said it would get messy.

[mlepang]

Weird things of 2016

Slapped in the face on the freeway

Skis on wheels at Santa Monica

A great day: xmas letters from little, backpack from big, target gift card from twin, no rain, new lab opportunity

Cut with plastic knife

2am @ Denny’s, toast lol

compartmentalized hot chocolate mug

booze wheelbarrow, slo don’t fuck around

synced up with Kaelan, same wavelength ._. Also started the quest to look like Arnold

sleep is the root of all my problems

never healing scab, AED time is such bullshit, I’m an idiot

realization that odd weeks oddly are great, even weeks suck

vcn struck a nerve

Chrysler drive dial

made it through a 3 mt week

still alive but barely breathing

philz and frenchies with Yuxi “I’m gonna steal it”

today I realized that he’s my pear 1.31.16

ranch 99 trip, 3 registers post blackout, lineage dineLA planning dilemma, realizing the lost appeal of meat

I’m over him whoa

I’m an idiot

forgot how much I’ve missed Veas and db kids

2.8.16 what a great start to the lunar new year LOL joint Costco was a big step in our friendship, gonq hay fat friends was a fun time heh it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to just chill with people, no want for phones

woke up and had a strange pressure on the left side of head, echoing in the left ear, weird

2.14.16 Food Cafe danks LOL it’s true I’ve missed him I’m am idiot wurstkuche veggie brats are good

2.17.16 what would long distance mean? Idk what that question means fool

the end of the quarter feels so close yet so far, I must ask elise what the stress curve was called

tinder Gary is quite clever, the dog is he

week 8 was particularly awful

fucked up Friday, kaelan’s the number one bae, but what could have been the greatest voicemail ever will never be

denial turned to acceptance and Claritin

no pants, no problem

lemme take you home

norcal will always be more beautiful, there’s water in the reservoir!

home for me is where you are -UsTheDuo

ning ning, welcome to America

Deadpool - fear the t rex

I promise. Can I walk you home?

the call that got him thinking

tag, you’re a dog

hell weeks, dark side

no more sleepovers

read this after finals… I wish I’d known earlier

Once… I couldn’t help thinking about him

honesty is the best policy but the truth hurts

uncle Tarvin on Hapa!

when being platonic went to shit

Maui wowie, first class moonlit clouds, cow pig bun

Jeep! Offroading to Jaws, black sand beach, waterfalls, all districts of the island (except kihei and lahaina) would def do again

oops we did it again

surfin’ with kedzie and kerlin, then pillboxes, Food Co., plans, cooking with Mike

dropped kev off, 5 hour nap, surfin’ with Mike, Eric, Pu'a and No'hea at pops, salmon bowls

Quicksilver mission, then Bellanca! Solo ridin’ to North Shore, Haleiwa, art gallery, Patty, Waimea, Side Street Inn danks with half of Hawaiian Air, first talk talk

back to Quicksilver, picked up kerlin, Makapu'u body surfing, pipeline surf watch, Haleiwa for pizza

Tamura’s, Otto’s paying it forward, Makaha kids surf comp, body surfin at Yokohama, Ka'ena point trail, gorgeous shoreline, walking the arch, Da Spot, da airport

talking to hashi, still blown away by his maturity, waiting

crazy week, CM, rush, labs, lab class, Bridget is a goddess

camp! High school drama (literally), swimming, Kevisits soon! Lab is love, lab is life

unfortunately kev didn’t make it on the flight, will have to wait a month :/

josh left end of week 2, though more like middle of week 3… was really sad :(

lab isn’t the same without josh… idk if I like it

dropped Miller lab during week 3, too much to handle

finally getting the hang of things… I miss kev more than he knows

week 4 has been a trying week… been living without access to money for a week, had to deal with packing and unpacking my life bc bedbug fumigation, not knowing where anything in lab is sucks. Sigh I hate complaining but it has been so frustrating

note to self, get shit together or you’re gonna fail air pollution and dev bio c'mon you’re better than that

Crazy long talk at koala tea, you could say it was some quality bonding lol

Week 5 was pretty awful, just life beating me down again. Staying up late to finish the proposal set the precedence for being tired, then prepping the apt for bedbug fumigation again was so extra, and hearing everyone bitch about it def did not help. Then finding out about Kev Chen was pretty shocking. It made me want to go back to my roots and connect with people again, and holy shit seeing dtsai, Thomas and Aaron when they came down for la hacks was so so good.

Cotton candy cheddar popcorn

If I ever bring you tacos you’ll know I love you.

Kev’s Korean transformation, SD zoo defied expectations, tacos el gordo proved that there is a god

Slow and steady wins the race, esp when I’m on top omg

Josh’s rec letter holy hell

PHAGE MEAK!!!

ca donuts with Kei, catching up with Ry

no Hapa, naps and Pasadena adventure instead: Jazz and wine bar second dinner with godly mussels, leading lady elderflower drink and chill vibes, earl grey better than sex lol at the pie hole, sex store lady and $1 oysters from fish on tap, driving the Colorado bridge is fucking beautiful

everyone must sloth Justin

SPRING SING WAS SO GOOD, busted a mission with hubz for Kev

congrats on graduating, Wes! Papa is an amazing chef

picking Nicole up from the Awechords concert???

Lawry’s with Kae

DB Mama Lu’s

Kauai: Waimea Canyon, shrimp, Hanalei get soaked

Hanauma, pa'ina cafe, Koko Head fuck

pillboxes, lanikai, food company, makapu'u lighthouse trail, OC'ing in the Ala Wai and ocean, I’ve missed OC'ing so much, tennis friends

chill day and cleaned the Date Street bathroom but also set off a tsunami alert, hotpot, Kev’s annoying but we worked it out

walked around waiks, found surf bottoms, hula show, murakame danks, food poisoning

surf, little dog with lei at waiks, Makapu'u tide pools, Kona brewing co, dank kalua pork burger, POG IPA

Haleiwa, shark's cove, no turtles at cliffs, Bella bistro

beach park swimming, thought kev died, shaloha with Chris and David

turtle beach, random rocky beach, Haleiwa, Matsumotos, coffee farm, musubi cafe, Dave and Busters + taco Tuesday, finding dory

lulumahu hike with nice family and dog (Ginny who was afraid of water), 18 mosquito bites, byodo-in temple, fat koi, rang the bell

[mlepang]

2016

All I want is to go back to LA. Made a lot of mistakes this break, learned a lot from them, one of the biggest lessons: the less they know the better off everyone is. One of my biggest goals for this year is learning to let go. Of things I don't use, of people I can't grow with, of mistakes I couldn't get over, of pride that I have too much of. Most importantly, of situations that have no future. Sometimes it's ok to let go of the hope that things will work out and move on to the next opportunity, because that way you give yourself a chance. This year I will push myself to improve. I'll do what it takes for academics, apply for internships, go for opportunities I don't think I'm qualified for because even if I fail to get any of them, I'll have learned in the process. There's a lot on the line now and this is something I need to do for me. That's all.

[mlepang]

Note to self

Never take a ski trip with fam again unless : 1. 爸 爸 drives 2. I drive 3. In addition to 1 or 2, mom sits in the back seat because while it is better safe than sorry, I cannot stand the constant harping 4. They actually stay on schedule and don't lag so much I hate to put such a damper on the Christmas spirit but this trip has sucked major ass so far.

[mlepang]

School:

Next quarter I’ll be taking 6c, mimg 101, and physci 5, unless I can get into mcdb 60. Either way, it shouldn’t be a terrible course load, so I need to crack down and take advantage of it. Keep up with lectures, do readings beforehand. Go to TA and professors’ office hours, esp for 101, and get to know my profs, esp since I’m trying to fill their shoes someday.

Work:

Only available for weekends, I won’t be going out too much anyways so I won’t need too much spending money. Don’t overload either, especially before weeks with midterms.

Research:

Keep up to date with Neil and Josh, and be more proactive about projects and figuring things out. Add to the 199 paper throughout the quarter, don’t try to bs it all at the end.

Roommates:

Start thinking about who I’m living with next year, where we’ll be living.

Social life:

Make time for the people who matter, make an effort to hang out w/ Han more since he’ll be leaving soon, try to get to know Justin better and be better about guiding him in the right directions. Regarding Taus, try to show up to some things, but that turnip lifestyle isn’t for me. Stay close to Kae 5evar lulz, that will never change. Make the most of my time left with 101′s woms (shoutout to Veronica for that one). Get to know more people (maybe if I have time)

BLS:

Try to become an instructor, that’d be cool to actually get to teach rather than just assist, and I think it’ll be a good learning experience. I can sit and think about how I’d do it if I were teaching, but this would give me the opportunity to actually realize those critiques and also see that it’s not that easy.

BLS PR:

Gotta step it up here too, start creating a calendar for deadlines we want to hit, and a calendar for future PR heads too. Start researching and emailing clinics, gyms and EMS companies too.

CM PR:

Keep up the monthly newsletters, no more need to flyer really, but get on publicizing the fundraisers. Make flyers for those maybe! Also make facebook event pages (clear this with Minji first)

Recruiting:

Start looking up places to apply to, their deadlines, their qualifications, their applications. Remind Josh and Neil about rec letters, see if I can find another person for rec letters (probably not). Remind JT about the consulting stuff, ask Willy for advice too.

Boys:

No boys. Unless they ask you on dates, in which case fine, but quit catching feelings, they’re stupid and you don’t have time for them. Funny how I transitioned from first person to second... multiple personalities, anyone? 

Exercise:

Sad how this is at the bottom of my list, but with the 5k coming up in January, I really need to start getting off my ass and running. Also, I want to make time to go to the gym too, and I’ve scheduled that into my schedule (funny how that works huh? just like how it rains in the rainforest... I’m dumb). Anyhow, since most Thursdays I don’t have class, I’ve decided I’m going to go surfing on Thursday mornings (provided it doesn’t rain). If it does, I’ll go to the gym and hopefully climb, or do yoga instead. 

Me time:

Seeing as how all of the above together doesn’t leave a lot of free time, I have to be extra careful about making time for myself to decompress and take a break. The only time that I can foresee having availability would be night time, and so I think in this time, I’ll either write some, or go out and get boba with friends to catch up, or maybe go sit by the beach and watch the pier. I think this could be a good year! We’ll see.

Holy crap. I feel awful about this but I did not even think to put family on here. That’s a pretty stark realization... I guess it goes to show that I run from my problems. Well, I’m going to spend more time with family this break hopefully, and I’ll be home for President’s day weekend I think, so I’ll be able to spend a bit of time there just chillin’ with them. That’ll be a little before Wes gets his college acceptances I think, unless he gets in EA with UMich or Georgia (?). Anyhow, as I said before, I’m gonna try to improve myself now so that they don’t have to keep worrying. That’s all.

[mlepang]

12.11.15

I’m really glad I decided to come home yesterday rather than this morning, because while there was no telling that anything bad would happen, something did. Today is my dad’s 51st birthday, and at 4am this morning, he got a call telling him that his father is in the ICU, most likely with a bad case of pneumonia. It is currently 9:57am now and he’s waiting at SJC airport for his 11:30 flight to Malaysia.

It’s not even 10am yet and already so much has happened this morning, so I just want to take a couple minutes to think about how I’m feeling about all of it, even though it really isn’t about me. When my mom woke me up this morning saying that my dad was going back to Malaysia after only having come back from Malaysia 3 days prior, I was like oh shit what happened? Then I find out GongGong is in the ICU and I’m like well that’s a shitty birthday present. Papa kept it together really well though, and I suppose in these situations, you go into a survival mode and you just need to close yourself off to emotion or it’ll all go to shit.

I think that’s where me and Papa are similar in certain regards, when it comes to our own issues, we’ll deal with it more stoically. I don’t like to talk to people about my problems and I try to work it out myself because 1. it’s not their burden to bear and it’s kind of unfair of me to ask them to care 2. I don’t like nor need other people’s pity/sympathy because that does nothing productive for anyone. There are only a few people that I trust enough to talk to about these things, and I’ve found that I don’t like to talk about such things in person b/c then I lose it. When they’re more removed though, it’s a lot easier to divulge, and whoever it is I’m talking to, more often than not it’s Kaelan, isn’t there to pat my back or give me the sorry look, and I think that’s why I like it. 

Sigh. Part of me really wants to talk about this with someone but I know people don’t need to be bothered by this right now. And while I’m not particularly close with my grandpa, I can’t imagine how it would affect my dad if he passed away, and that’s what scares me. There’s nothing I can do about that, but I’m trying to think about how I can be there for my dad, and I’m drawing a blank. The most I can think of right now is just taking care of things while he’s away, and not giving him more to worry about. 

This quarter I really messed around too much, as usual. Too many distractions, bad decisions, not enough prioritizing. I say this every quarter but this winter, I really need to step it up and focus. That should be easier since I’ll only be doing one job and research, no more of that pledging bullshit. In the next post I’ll detail my goals so I can look back on it and hold myself accountable.

I guess this is it, no more feeling sorry for myself over problems that aren’t my own, and no more feeling sorry for myself in general. If there’s something that can be done about a situation, then I’ll do it, and if there’s nothing that can be done, then so be it, that’s all there is to it and there’s no sense in dwelling on it.

Better fucking take that advice and actually live by it Em. That’s all.

[mlepang]

BOYS ARE STUPID aiya

[mlepang]

https://soundcloud.com/mlepang/rehab-cover

[mlepang]

https://soundcloud.com/mlepang/if-i-aint-got-you-car-covers

[mlepang]

https://soundcloud.com/mlepang/free-rudimental-cover

[mlepang]

Trial and Error

<html>

 <head>  <title>Summer of MLE</title>  </head>

 <body>    <h1><strong>A Summer of Learning and Exploration; Follow me on this journey!</strong><h/1>     <em>Photography, Programming, Ukelele, Fitness and more</em> <hr />   <h1>Food</h1>  <h3><small>As of Sunday, 7/5, I have decided that at home I will eat as a pescaterian.<br /> When I go out though, I can be more flexible, as seafood is generally more expensive  </small></h3>

 <strong><h3>Breakfast</h3></strong>  <ul><li><h4><p>Green smoothies: Kale, yogurt, milk or juice</p></h4></li></ul>       <strong>  <h3>Lunch</h3>  </strong>  <h4>  <ul>  <li><p>Noodle soup: noodles, chicken stock, kale, shrimp, egg</p></li>  <li><p>Tacos: tortillas(3), shrimp or fish, fajita vegetables, kale saute, salsa</p></li>  <li><p>Jjajangmyun: noodles, bean paste, shrimp, kale</p></li>  <li><p>Pasta: noodles, kale pesto and/or spaghetti sauce, or carbonara, shrimp or fish</p></li>  </ul>   </h4>    <strong>  <h3>Dinner</h3>  </strong>  <h4><ul>  <li><p>Protein with veggies: shrimp or fish, kale and/or fajita vegetables</p></li>  </ul></h4>  <hr />  <h1>Fitness</h1>  <h2>Goals</h2>  <h3><ul>  <li><p>Run twice a week, 3 miles each time</p></li>  <li><p>Lift once a week, 4x8 squats, 3x8 lat pulldowns</p></li>  <li><p>Yoga twice a week, follow videos</p></li>  </ul></h3>  </body>

</html>

[mlepang]

A July 4th to Remember

J.W.C Fri • Jul 3 Eaton Canyon Falls Hike Savoy Kitchen 626 night market Tangled Watched the whole thing. Sat • Jul 4 No protection Missed beach day Home: toothbrush, change Jjajangmyun Chinese Style The promise 20 stories, tall tales Fireworks Magic Drnk Gone with the Wind He held his promise. Sun • Jul 5 Early start Work TJ's Baguette No LACMA Accountability Risotto Milk Back to reality. Tues • Jul 7 B No request Venmo If only.

[mlepang]

Thanks for taking me up 20 stories even though heights scare you shitless 🙏 #oneforthebooks #summerofMLE #exploreLA #rooftopviews (at Sunset Vine Tower)

[mlepang]

>24hr date

J.W.C Little Tokyo Shinsengumi Mochi ice cream Japanese American National Museum Chado Tea House, dipped DTLA Quaint park The Last Bookstore Grand Central Market 500 days of (Summer) park Grand Performances Hodori Boba Time, bust Up Open relationship? Fuck. It was a marathon kind of date.

[mlepang]

SLO

This weekend was so refreshing, I want to ingrain it in my memory for a long while. I went up to SLO with Victoria to visit Jack, and there were so many complications with all the travel plans that I almost didn't want to go, but I'm so glad I did. It's funny how the moments that you almost missed often turn out to be the best ones. I got to meet everyone at the mansion as well as a lot of other akpsi kids, and the first night we just had a spontaneous beach bonfire. It was nice to be able to just talk and open up to people about more serious things, and it reminded me a little of home and the talks with Derek or Frank or Thomas even. The fact that they were willing to do so with a complete stranger was so foreign to me, and the way they took me in so quickly amazed me as well. I wish I would be able to do that with kids from AED but it seems like the mentality in LA is different than the way it is in SLO. Anyhow, the next day was great as well, we went kayaking and got to see otters, abused the selfie stick, and it was good times all around. There's a lot of outdoorsy stuff to do around SLO, and after lunch where we met all the SCU kids, we all went to Montaña de Oro and explored there. It went as gorgeous, a little precarious, but all worth.