mnt0stt

[mnt0stt]

"isn't it interesting that you started going to bed later" I'm doing this for you, how can you not understand it😭😭

[mnt0stt]

it's been a year since we confessed to each other. to this day, I wonder whether everything would be fine now if I didn't suggest dating. there are a lot of what ifs keeping me restless at night, but there shouldn't be. it's been a year, it's time to move on. however I wonder if you remembered what today was. I wonder if you have the same feeling in your gut. perhaps not.

[mnt0stt]

"ну звісно у тебе не було часу це зробити влітку, треба було менше з хлопцями своїми гуляти"

дійсно блять, нічого що я ходила майже кожен день на роботу і заробляла гроші щоб у тебе не просити🤡🤡🤡

хочеться плакати і в'їбати баті

[mnt0stt]

I'm so sorry. I really hoped we could work out. I'll miss you.

[mnt0stt]

in moments like these I swear: I am the cause of everyone's problems. if it weren't for me my sister wouldn't cry, arguing with her friends because of me. people wouldn't be hurt. fuck, even my parents wouldn't be married. I may be too selfish but it's hard not to blame myself for everything that happens.

[mnt0stt]

I just love how I tell a person about things that keep me awake at night, make me want to crawl out of my skin and disappear forever and then add "whatever, I'll survive somehow"

darling get help☠️☠️

[mnt0stt]

why is it that when you're drinking I panic about everything? I recall my previous relationships, all my flaws, everything. while you get to have fun and spend all your fucking money on alcohol. I'm frustrated.

[mnt0stt]

i have everything. people genuinely care about me, some of them even love me. but sometimes, just for a spare second, the only person that feels bearable enough to love is still you. I know we dislike each other now and we have our reasons, but I'll be damned if I said I didn't miss what we had. so here I am, listening to the playlist I made when we just broke up, trying to fill the hole in my soul. unsuccessfully, I'll let you know.

[mnt0stt]

Jealousy. Such a stupid, annoying feeling. Once you start enduring it, there is no way back. You'll always sense it on the tip of your tongue, it will eternally make your mouth bitter and your bones ache with some unknown for men anger and longing. You will try to run, sure. You will tell yourself it's okay, that the person you feel jealous about loves you, and they will never choose anyone other than you. However time goes, seasons change and yet you still feel like anyone who talks to them must suffer. “They are mine,” you want to scream, "I love them so much more than you do, don't even try to say it to their face” you want to say, but can you? Will they ever accept that sickening emotion of yours? Will they ever put up with the fact that you want to tear the world apart just so some bastard doesn't express his feelings towards them? Obviously no. Nobody wants to deal with jealousy nor its affect on people. Jealousy will make you a madman, and nobody in their right mind will burden themselves with a person who feels it.

[mnt0stt]

I know you didn't mean to forget mentioning me in your message, but it really fucking hurts. and now I think you hate me for some reason wow

[mnt0stt]

I get it, I hurt you, but you said you'd like to continue to be my friend. now you won't even answer my texts, and I know I'm being unfair and selfish, but it hurts to hear that you've been answering my sister and her friends throughout the day. it hurts to acknowledge the fact you are ghosting me when you fucking said you wouldn't.

[mnt0stt]

the ex that hates me is being friends with the situationship I'm completely not over, my sister gets to talk to my closest people while I don't even stand a chance and the crush I have just makes everything worse by making me pick a side which will drive my acquaintances even further, wow.

[mnt0stt]

I saw you yesterday on the street. you turned away and walked in different direction. ouch??

[mnt0stt]

I thought about dying and suddenly, all the worries have become so unimportant. I don't care that you hate me now, please just kiss my forehead and hold my hand like you used to. I don't care that you loathe me now, please let's just come back to when distance was the only thing keeping us apart. I don't care that you lied to me and we don't speak anymore, please just let me see you every Tuesday and Thursday and die from the sight of your hands. I don't care that we're not on that level of friendship yet, please just hug me genuinely at once. I don't care that you are an asshole, please just tell me I'm your favourite human ever again. let me live my life like there's no troubles.

[mnt0stt]

I just understood why I feel so angry when you do nothing. You're better than me, and that wasn't a surprise. But when I study for hours and you don't and you still are better it kinda hurts. And so, when I do something better than you I have the urge to shove it in your face to show you I'm not that useless after all. How could you be friends with me when all I do is try to be at the same level with you and fail every time?

[mnt0stt]

Seeing your friends happy and in love >>>>

[mnt0stt]

I hate how unfair you are to us. Why if my sister gets a B she's being congratulated and if I get it I have to take a book and study because "you're getting lower marks than her already"? Unfair to me, because fuck you, unfair to her because comparing us? Really? Nice one, dad.