moesaicc

[moesaicc]

anyway you should always remember that all those foreigners you see dying on the news are just as real people as you are who have just as much interiority as you do. there is nothing about you that makes you more important and it is by pure chance that you are not in their position. in fact, this holds for all of history. every person, no matter the horror of the fate that befell them, had just as much interiority as you do. i feel like some people haven't fully internalized this.

EDIT: let's use this post for something good. if you are considering being annoying in my notes, please instead consider donating to gaza soup kitchen. thanks!

[moesaicc]

desire isn’t the absence. it’s the ache that learns to live there. lack is a hole. desire is the longing that circles it, singing. we don’t want the thing. we want to want. we are shaped by our hunger 😂😂

[moesaicc]

ugh

[moesaicc]

maybe I'm not a yearner, maybe I'm just a fraud.

it's a random wednesday evening and I quite literally felt something change in my head, that or I'm having another episode. but I was on here, because poetry is perfect for emotional regulation, and for the first time I found a post about yearning irritating.

suddenly the idea of being completely devoted to wanting someone is now pulling a frown at my forehead. I'm not entirely a romantic despite my capabilities for it, but I'm very good at liking someone and yes I admit, I sometimes can't separate liking someone or liking the idea of them for the sake of the thrill of the experience.

a friend told me recently that fear masks itself as different things and sometimes other emotions masks themselves as other things too. point is, your emotions sometimes play poker with you.

being a literally manic and emotional person sometimes means feeling a lot all at once with no simple navigation tool to pinpoint what exactly, so imagine hearing that and having to think about it.

point of that paragraph is, I feel certain sensations in my head when I'm with certain people and I'm very quick to jump the gun and conclude that as liking them when infact I'm just infatuated and there's no criteria for this ( if I get curious enough, I'm obsessing ) but even that has been boring lately.

the love bombers are boring, the nonchalant are boring, the sweethearts are boring, the flirts are boring, all boring! and frankly yearning is boring. I haven't written anything in months that feels remotely authentic and I hate that.

I think the fuckboy ratio to real charmers have shifted and now there's just no substance to work with. I'm most definitely the problem here but I miss having someone to be excited about. I'm not saying someone that wants to play games ( I'm not playing mind games, I'm mental )

there's no one triggering the yearning anymore so now I read shit on tumblr and I'm like please be for real.

anyway hopefully it's actually just an episode and I'm just choosing to hyper fixate on this cause nothing is better than analyzing your own behavior and hoping to be healthy ( I'm full of shit fr )