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Life has a way of kicking us in the face when it hurts the most. When I was 16 I was going threw one of the worst years of my life. I was dating a guy who I was way to good for, but at the time I hated my self so much I was just happy for the attention. My mom was beating me. Trying to kill me at least once a weak and beating the fuck out of me the other time. I was cutting almost everyday and I would have been fucking dead of it wasn’t for my father. I was good at putting up a front. I would smile and laugh so people wouldnt ask questions but inside was a dark dangerous hole. I hadn’t smiled for my self in months. Sports were my out. I remember the week I met you. The first day I got to the mats and there was this strange loud man standing by the mats. My mats. The one thing I looked forward to. I was so insecure that I said fine fuck the new guy and went to run sprints. That night was particularly hellish and the next day at the mats he was there again but I was pissed and said fuck that guy I’m not going to let the loud cockiness of one guy ruin what I liked most at the moment. So I sauntered over there and started practice we got introduce. And you corrected a few things. I was getting into it and finally did something right and you said atta kid to me and had this smile this crooked smirky smile and these eyes that were burning into me that were like hot emeralds with molten melting gold pools that were just staring into me. And I felt like he knew what was going on in my life. He held my gaze with out even flinching and I smiled. I truely smiled for me for the first time in a long ass time. As the season went on we exchanged glances and I was flirting. And before I knew it I was loving this man. This funny kind man that knew me even though I never told him anything. It was amazing. I spent three years trying to spend as much time as possible and falling even more I love with this guy. And trying to impress him and make him proud to have coached me. At the end of it all I let him down I choked and failed and I knew he was so disappointed in me I couldnt even look into my favorite set of eyes. A few weeks later I graduated Highschool I knew he was happy with the girl of his dreams and a beautiful family so I tried my best to avoid anything that reminded me of him. Well I moved to Oregon back to Montana got married and back to Oregon. I saw this guy a few times through the years and I realized I was still in love with him. But he was happy and that’s all that mattered. While life went on and seven years after I left the town I was raised in I came back. I got close to a man I had loved for more than ten years. He was going through a hard time. The most difficult time in his life. And I loved him more than ever. I decided to try and act on my feelings and he kissed me back. And everything I knew and loved about him I got the incredible opportunity to explore growing love with him. His personality floors me. He’s funny he can make me smile and laugh no matter what mood I’m in. He’s kind he cares more about being fair to customers then making a buck. He cares about me and knows me more than anyone else including me. He’s kind he puts everyone else he knows before himself. He is entirely selfless. He’s everything you could want in a friend. But to go with that he is fucking sexy. His arms are strong and could hold me through the worst times. His torso is muscly and shaped and tight. His legs are sturdy and strong. His smile is smoldering and I want to jump him when he does when he laughs my heart beats faster. And his eyes. Holy fuck I could talk about them forever. When he’s really turn on he shakes his head and acts a little loopy. He gets shaky when he’s turned on. He caresses my face and I could cry happy tears with how safe it makes me feel. The way he twitches and his eyes glow like green fire when I do something he likes. I man that I loved more than ten years. I finally got a chance. Except I didn’t. Because I was too late. There’s only two things you need in love chemistry and timing. & timing is a bitch

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there is a point in your depression where you just give up on getting better but you still won’t kill yourself. you just float around in this state of nothingness and don’t notice anything around you because you’re just so numb and you just don’t want to anything about it anymore

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"People leave you because you're sad all the time"

— My former best friend used to tell me this.

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Hold me like you are afraid of losing me. Kiss me like you wanna stop the time. Grab me like I am the one your life depends on.

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“When I hear your voice, I feel safe.”

— Quelle: takethisride

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