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[moonschildsworld]

I am not (a serie)

featuring: itoshi brothers x fem! reader

⚠️warning: heavy topics, major character death, mentions of mental instability, mentions of sh!, heavy angst

summary: Y/n, Sae & Rin became friends as if they were destined to after y/n moved into the neighborhood from the city. God had more in plans for them rather than an everlasting beautiful friendship. A love triangle happens, then everything else went downhills.

Chapter. 1 "I am not him"

Y/n, Sae and Rin, the trio that no one hasn’t not heard of, well around the neighborhood at least. It was as if destiny was the one who arranged the three kids fate to aligned; It all started on one eventful evening. It was raining cats and dogs as if showing a sign to something, Thunder clashing, elders often said it's to mark the start of an ill-fated story, it's just an old saying though, right?

Two little boys and a strange girl who has just moved from the city ended up sharing warmth under the playground as they share a shelter from the rain, shivering from the cold, they tried their best to comfort each other pretending that they weren’t scared of the thunder and lightning themselves, nevertheless even with the gloom evening, a very beautiful friendship bloomed within the three little kids.

Therefore begins, the flowery and loving friendship. You would often spot the three together at any time of the days. Most often, the two brothers would be playing soccer together as the girl is left on the sideline watching them, (and contradictorily to what she says, she would often be cheering for a side that she does a lucky draw every morning to decide)

Adolescent attacks, as cliché as it may sound, romance seem to inevitably bloom within their circle too. Though two feelings are mutual, and one is left hidden forever? Now can you guess which two among the three? Here’s a hint, y/n and sae are the same age, thus study in the same grade leading them to spending almost every single minutes of the day together aside from when they part way to get some sleep. Rin is often seen trailing along behind the two after school.  

Who knew that a lifetime peace wasn’t in god’s plan when he made their fate aligned? There’s been ups and downs. For instance, when Sae was set to go to Spain after discovering his passion for soccer and the “humble” skill of his wasn’t suitable to waste it by playing only for the school’s team nor as an everyday hobby. Thankfully, as if god answers the little ones’ wish for Sae to come back, he did. But maybe there were some sacrifices that had to be made because he came back as an entirely different Sae. He became colder, more impatient and he rarely ever look at anyone at their eyes level, his brother no exception. Rin was heartbroken of course, he had only known despair after, despair turns into desperation. Desperation to do anything just so his brother would look at him with the same kind eyes he once did again. He made his resolve to beat his brother in his own career. Not accepting the brotherhood that had fallen “temporarily” or at least Rin thinks so, until he beats his brother at least, he created another situation for him to still be connected to his brother.

One exception to his coldness was you, instead of the relationship turning sour between the two of you, it turned even sweeter. You remember how he rang the door bell of your house the minutes he came back, with sweat dripping along his temples, his face still looks as blank as ever, one thing that was different was his eyes, those aqua orbs that were staring right into your already shocked self, “I like you” he spits it out after a few huffing to catch his breath. After years of denying both of your feelings for each other, both afraid to ruin the friendship that you both had built over the past decade. Though it’s all useless now that you jumped into his arms right after, there’s nothing more to conceal the feelings you both had for each other.

After that, as if all your worries about what would happened if something goes wrong with your relationship all seem useless, it is a smooth sail. You both were inseparable, The love you both had for each other was phenomenal, to stretch it-- out of the world. You don't see yourself loving anyone other than Sae, so does he. The Sae that you had was the Sae nobody had ever seen, the endearing and loving Sae. The Sae that cater to you and you only. The only minor problem was that— Sae often have oversea schedules that would last to a week to at least a month, it is really no big deal though as Sae would remember to video call you or text you often. You could imagine your future with him really clearly, no matter where you go, he's always in your future. It was a given that you both would last together forever.

Rin, on the other hand, had grown rather distant after everything. One thing was that it was awkward enough for him to face his brother, or more like Sae didn’t want to even spare a glance at him. Another thing was that, it hurts him more than he thinks to see you both stuck like glue to each other. It hurts him that he sees not a slightest chance with you, he had always known. From the moment he accepted his feelings to the moment where he catches how you both were looking at each other. He'll always be Sae's younger brother, his tag along that over the time, it seemed normal for you to call him little bro too. There was once a place for him whether in between or on the sideline with the both of you. You often reach out to Rin out of concern, you adored Rin after all— nothing more than a younger brother to Rin’s disappointment. He was out of your way, for your goods and his own too.

That is until, a devastating news reach his ears, “your brother is in the emergency room, Rin” rin could hear how her mother sniffling her cries as his father was beside her, trying his best to comfort his wife while he’s breaking down inside himself. “t-the plane crashed mid-way as it took off…” Swallowing her sniffles, she tries her best to explain the situation but soon broke down as rin could hear the sound of the phone dropping hard on the ground from the other line.

Rin has never recall any moment that he has been panicking like this, there were many things running through his head.

‘what the hell happened?’

‘how could this happen?’

‘has she heard the news yet?’

Clenching hard onto his phone, he dashes out of the training center not bothering to change from his practice clothes full of sweats. He rushes to his car, and there he took a few deep breathe, his eyes full of tears that were threatening to fall as he hit the wheel exasperatedly a few time before stepping on the gas and charged toward the designated hospital.

His body stumbling as he ran as fast as he could upon exiting the car, his body shut down as his eyes lay on the sight of the professionals pushing a bed out of the emergency room with grim faces. Part of his head was praying, he came to the wrong emergency room, maybe the right one is at the other side of the hall. Though the crimson red hair proves him otherwise. He was watching everything unfolded, all his body senses left him, his body not moving an inch as he watches his parents bolting to the doctor as they ask them frantically about Sae’s condition only for their last hope to be shot down by a sullen head shake from the doctor. Only when his mother fainted as she heard the news that Rin body started to move toward his mother and hold her.

The nurses that were on stand by rushed quickly to escort Rin’s mother into a secluded room to check on her condition. It was the first time ever that Rin had heard his father wail out of loud as his body collapsed up front as he punches the hospital floor until his knuckle bleeds. Rin watches all the scenes unfold with eyes that were seemingly drained out of color. His eyes then shot up as he spots a familiar figure crouching in front of the emergency room, her face buried into her knees. Rin knew at once who that woman is, and his body moves on its own as its jolt up sloppily, he bolts to her— almost crawling on four. Rin takes one big gulp before calling out to y/n “Sis..” the familiar nickname and one that leaves a painful stench in Rin's chest slide out of his mouth out of habit.

Silence, no response from her. It was as if her whole body stop functioning. Panicking, rin glances at her from the side, her chest seems to rising up and down in steady motion meaning she’s stable in that sense thankfully. Rin didn’t give up and try to call out to y/n a couple more times, to no avail and not a single sound uttered from her back. Rin felt his heart clenching, he knew that y/n wouldn’t be okay at this moment. Not when Sae had been with her half of her life, she wholeheartedly depends on Sae. Everyone could see that. She’s the most at peace when she’s with Sae. With Sae, her smile could outshine the sun. Now that Sae is..

Rin bites his lip, finding his calling out to her was useless. He infuriated himself, couldn’t he make one person happy? No, it doesn’t matter how many people he could make happy, all that matters is her. His fingers inadvertently sink deeper and deeper into his thighs as he stares at y/n helplessly. Sae would’ve made her smile in a heartbeat, Sae would’ve know just the right thing to cheer her up. Maybe it’s just Sae himself. I've known that, I've come to accept it long ago. I can’t do anything, I am not him.

To be continue.

author note: hello! i got a great idea for a series, i am not quite sure if i can pull it off but i'll do my best! i hope you enjoy the first chap that serves as a light introduction :) feed backs are always welcome and well appreciated!

p.s: i love when people associate my works with songs, so if any songs remind you of this work, make sure to let me know. i always appreciate a good song rec<3

[moonschildsworld]

Omg I’d love a Nagi POV for Regrets 🥹 Only if you’d love to do it though!

author note: I'm sorry, it look so long T^T but at last, here it is! i hope it doesn't disappoint :<

☆ p.s: i got another great plot idea but I'm worried I can't execute it properly but i'll try my best. hint: it's about itoshi brothers wink wink.

♡ for new readers, before you read this, make sure you read the main part!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

We lost. I lost? Me?

I could feel my hot blood running through my vines as I collapsed, my hand fisting the grass my fingers dig into the dirt trying to hold onto something to keep my sanity from slipping away, as the whistle screech out signaling the game was over in our opponents’ victory, ending it with a close call of 3-4. What’s more regrettable and got me feeling like shit is that I was going to propose to her on the interview I was suppose to go on after I win this match. I could finally gather up my courage to do troublesome thing like that, just for her.

I was suppose to win the match, coach said that team was the easiest target, I almost got another goal in and we’d get to do penalty kicks and we’d smash them up then. So what went wrong?

My forehead was facing downward to the grass field as tears surge out of my eyes in frustration. Seriously, what the fuck went wrong? How did I lose? I could taste the bitter metal flavor as my bottom lip was bleeding from my front teeth sinking on it too hard.

I was so stuck on the idea that I was the best, I was unbeatable, the prodigy, the most promising player of the next generation of world class player. Nothing could’ve gone in my way. Nothing should’ve gone wrong when I’m on the field.

“come on man, coach said to gather everyone up” I got snapped out of my hellish thought reo’s voice rings into my ears. I took one deep breathe as my eyes suckle back up the tears. I got on my feet in slow motion and walks to the meeting in the locker room.

As expected, coach was furious. Silence fell as I walk into the room along with Reo when coach was just yelling. The silence and stares were suffocating, it was as the gazes were yelling, ‘it’s your fault’ ‘you were supposed to be the one who got us through dilemmas’ ‘the prodigy lost his touch?’

I couldn’t do anything but bite the inside of my mouth and get seated. After a few more minutes of silence, the coach clears his throat, “what’s up with you, nagi?” my stomach drops upon hearing the question , what’s up with me?, nothing is ever wrong with me so how am I suppose to answer this.

Another suffocating silence as no response were given from me as I kept staring at the tiles floor, the coach lets out a big disappointing sigh, he paces back and forth for a while in the room before he announces, “cancel any prior engagement or schedule, we’re staying here for a month for special training” with that, he storms out of the locker room shaking his head furiously.

Murmurs of complaints, groan and sighs were pour out as soon as the coach steps out, “only if someone had done their job properly” a benched player spoke out loudly in spite. “I know right, that’s why you shouldn’t have love to interfere with career” another spiteful comment follows. “what’s your career? Warming up the bench?” Reo hisses back to them as I kept my mouth shut, my eyes still glued on floor.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

The special training and my pride getting smashed was the least of my worries right now but I couldn’t bring myself to open her message, I wanted to text her, “I won” to her good luck text, how can I face her now? My hand clenches my phone hardly as my head hangs down.

I know she wouldn’t eat me alive, nor tear my down just for one lost, and I don’t know why my feelings are this stubborn to run away from her. I know she would try her best to attempt to comfort me. So why do I want to run away?

I spent hours staring blankly at the phone before I made up my mind to shut the phone off and store it in the cabinet beside my hotel’s bed. I just need a day.

A day turn into days, days turn into a month. The anxiety bubbling up inside me never left and I just want to pierce myself and take it out, whatever is making me feel stuffy.

Training was hell, the constant backhanded comments and spiteful backlashes behind his back, from online and my teammates were really getting to me.

Coach pushing me more than he ever does, the gazes that were once admiring and praising me now turn into something more like a civilian camera that are waiting for me to trip again so they can all jump me.

She would never done that or let anybody do this to me.

Time passes quickly with the training that lasts almost the whole day with 8 hours to spare for mandatory personal business, eating and sleeping. It’s finally time to go back to Japan to continue the usual training and another match coming up in 2 months, I need to be on my best behavior so they won’t catch me tripping.

I am now alone again with my thoughts in the hotel room, I reach out for the phone in the cabinet for the first time in a month.

She must’ve been worried right?

I turn the phone back on, my heart thumping in anticipation for what she has to say.

..Nothing..? No new messages since that day..?

I could feel something snapped as the overwhelmed emotions that has been piling up over the past month came spilling out, I throw the phone across the room as my breathe grows heavier and quicker.

Does she not care about me? What’s the point of this relationship huh? When I’m away training my ass off, getting attacked verbally everyday, she hasn’t checked up on me once? Not mentioning, I haven’t answered her for a month, a month!

I sat down with my arms laying on my spreaded legs, my head hung down low. No, I directed my anger at her. She probably just didn’t want to get in way of my work here. I know that so, why..?

I raise my head up as my eyes turn blank and cold, no emotions found as my heart feels heavy out of the sudden, a voice suddenly flashes into my ears, “that’s why you shouldn’t have love to interfere with your career” it was the fleeting comment one of my teammate made.

That’s right.. She’s not necessary, is she? My mind is already heavy from soccer, why bother carrying any more unnecessary weight..? Come to think of it, she would understand. She probably can live, with her career and things, it shouldn’t be a hindrance to her, right..?

Yeah, she’d understand me. Y/n always does.

That’s how I selfishly broke up with her for my own career under a façade that I think she’d understand when I know she would break down even if she understands.

I broke up with her with a promise to never to lose again in any match, neither friendly—nor a serious match.

The result came to fruition as I have a come back in my career in the next match and I continue to do great the match after and the match after that. I buried myself in my career because that’s all I knew to do, it’s what I throw away everything for and I had a promise to keep, 3 years of full success, no loss.

It’s going great again, people that were waiting for my downfall click their tongue and turn away in defeat. People are again looking at me with praises and admiration. I had move up to join a more prestigious club and many others are offering million to get me, Isn’t this what I wanted? It is.

Strangely, now that I don’t feel heavy anymore, there’s a great amount of void in me. Of course, I have a slight idea of what is it but I choose to live in denial. She has been well, I keep watch on her, secretly of course I know much at least that she wouldn’t want to see me after all of that, at random times and she’s still the same, calm and composed. Going to work and going out with her friends once in a while. I do notice smiles are rare to come by for her. But she’ll get over it right? She’s y/n after all. That’s what I selfishly convince myself so I could look away, for my own benefit.I chose it myself so it’s a given that I chose to live with the void.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

That is until, today after 3 whole years, on a coincidence that I stepped out to get drinks, my eyes spot a familiar build standing outside of the stadium I was suppose to have a friendly match at today. I felt like the world had stopped moving as my eyes laid on her figure.

Before I knew it, my feet brought me to stand in front of her, without permission my voice calls out to her. She looks up in a slightly shocked expression but soon calms down. That’s it? Seeing me after all of this time. I could feel something poking at my heart.

I knew I shouldn’t be acting so familiar to her after all of that but my heart, my mind, they crave her more than I thought. She’s still as calm as ever, why am I the only one whose heart is thumping like some high school boy meeting his crush? This is so unfair. I asked her what she was doing here, I pray to gods that existed in all direction hoping for a slight chance that she’d say ‘I came to see you’

Our conversation was cut short by one of the guy in the opposition team I’m up against today, my heart drops seeing him acting so familiar with y/n, my y/n.

I didn’t know what my expression is shown on my face as I watch them. So she found someone after all..? They act like I wasn’t standing there in front of them, I just want to yell at y/n to keep her attention on me, what rights do I have..?

I bite the inside of my mouth as I try to keep myself in check. y/n finally turned her attention back to me, like a puppy, that much attention had me wagging my tail at her if I had one. That unsettling feeling attack again as she introduced the muscle blonde head as her boyfriend.

I just want to rip my body and scoop out the intestine that keeps developing that feeling. “are you playing against my boyfriend today?” I know I am probably just imagining it but it seems like she emphasized my boyfriend to spite me. “…yeah” was all I managed to get out of my mouth. I soon come to realized that it made things awkward, fuck I didn’t want it to be this way with y/n, after all these years, after finally she can meet me eye to eye again.

The blonde muscle man decided to steal her away again, in excuse of guiding her to her seat. I could feel my heart tightened at how she smiles at him, how she talks, how she jokes, the way she gazes at him. Those all used to be mine, It should’ve been forever mine.

He grabbed her hands and guide her away. No, she can’t go just like this, I need to come up with something— “do you think I’ll do well today?” the question spills out of my mouth before I can think about it thoroughly and I wanted to dig myself into a hole. Seriously man? In front of her boyfriend?

Though to be frank, I couldn’t care much because she turned to me again and flash one of her smile at me, “you always do well, don’t doubt yourself” I could feel myself choking up, that’s what she always used to say but it’s not the same anymore, where’s the loving tone she always uses?!

Before I could say anything more, the blonde almost dragged her away. I could only watch their backs as they disappear among the crowds.

There it is again, the same unsettling feeling but this time, I had nothing to throw away anymore, I have nothing..

My head was hazy, eyes are blurry. It feels like all of senses had been lost. The match starts and ended before I can realized. I had only realized when the same gruel some screeching sound of whistle signaling the match had ended,,, in the opponent’s victory.

It felt like déjà vu, it felt like that day. That day I felt like I had lost everything but no, I had my everything back then. I dropped to my knees as tears spill out of my eyes, the tears blocking my visions as some teammates came forward surrounded me and frantically comfort me and ask me what's wrong.

My eyes were stuck on the two of them as she runs from the sideline and he picks up her and spin her mid-air. I see it, her genuine smile, she’s happy, she’s genuinely at peace. And he was the one who makes it possible..

There’s no me in the picture anymore, I am not involved in her life anymore. It makes sense now, she wasn’t unnecessary. She never was, what she was is an essential, I couldn’t figure that out. I was blinded by guilt, pride & anger.

This unsettling feeling here and back then, it’s regret. Back then, I regret not being able to win the match for her and regret not being able to continue with my plan to propose to her on national TV. Right now, I regret now knowing and understanding the feeling of ‘regret’ until it’s now too late to know.

But one thing that I don’t regret is that, if one of us can be happy, I always had prayed that it would be you.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

[moonschildsworld]

a quick lil something for barou eventhough he's a bitch

your boyfriend is clean freak, he can't stand a single dust in sight or messily arrange stuff, not even a mismatch color section in the closet. he HAS to organize white clothes in their group and other colors' to their destinated place.

you on the other hand, well it's not like you're lazy but compared to him, you're more of a throw things around and coming back to it later, which you never has the chance to eventually clean them since barou would get on it the moment he set his eyes on your mess, he'd clean every speck and dust while cursing all the words existed in the world under his breathe, and of course nagging the hell out of you.

it was pretty annoying at first since you've never even asked him to do it, he does all out his own accords but after a while, being nagged is a small price to pay for having your own personal maid and coming back to your vanity being organized, not a dust in sight in your room, you swear you see the room sparkling at some point. (you both have different rooms aside from your shared room so you could have your space, and barou couldn't stand the mess you make seconds only after he had just cleaned up.

which is why you're trailing him around the house with your hands clasps together to your chest with pleading eyes, "please barou, i know you find her cute too" your voice comes out as high-pitched as you're desperately begging him to let you adopt the golden retriever you saw from outside the window of a pet shop you both walked past a few hours ago while going grocery shopping.

"no is a no, y/n" barou replied firmly trying to keep his anger under control, he's been trying to not lash out at you after the last time he made you tear up. "but-" he turns around and cover your mouth with his palm.

"bawouu" your voice comes out muffled from your mouth being covered, but you were far away from giving up, you're determined to do anything to get that babygirl home.

barou let out a frustrated sigh as he takes up one hand to comb through his hair back, "no one's going to take care of that little shit" he tries to reason out. barou was really against the idea because clean freaks' biggest enemies are pets, especially puppies they make hella mess and barou wasn't going to willingly sign up for that.

"i will i promise" you push through, "bullshit, you can't even clean after yourself" he grits through his teeth trying to not make his voice louder since he knows you're sensitive to loud noises.

"i do! you just do it before i do" you defends yourself, your brows now furrowed from being falsely accused, barou let out another deep sigh and turns back around to think for awhile.

he knows you're lying, and he knows he'll be the one responsible after but how could he ever refuse anything you ask for?

he was pondering for a while and you got bored from waiting so you decide to pull out your final weapon, you sneak your hands around his waist and push your head through his arm gap and stare up at him, "baby pleaseeee" you were pulling out your most doe-yest eyes and the pitchiest voice.

barou looks down at you and his face froze, he was staring daggers down with a scary expression, during the early dating stage you were scared that you might've pushed his boundaries, but no this is actually his face when he's vulnerable to your touch. it is the biggest weakness you've found of him.

your mouth curl up to a small smile knowing that you had him, "fuck" barou murmured under his breath with a look of defeated.

you beam up at his vague approval and you run around him and cling on his neck as you plant million of kisses on his faces and him just standing there and taking it all, "thank you babyy" you cheered happily.

the puppy was brought home safe and sound, you bought everything needed to ensure the puppy has a comfortable stay and to prove barou wrong about you not being able to take care of a puppy let alone yourself.

you did an amazing job until a month later, "y/n the little shit pooped again" barou yelled across the room to you while covering his nose with a disgusted face making sure to stay far enough to not let the stench bother his nostrils.

"mhm" you stir uncomfortably in your sleep as you hear a faded sound coming from the living room, and you had no intention to wake up to check what the commotion was about, or you knew what the commotion is about but is trying to get out of it.

i mean you can't really be blamed, taking care of a puppy is reaaaally hard work and you could appreciate a break sometimes, maybe someone to take over just for a day...?

"y/n??" barou voice echoes throughout the house again, hearing no response from you, he storms into your room and pull down the cover that was covering you revealing a messy hair sleeping beauty, "hey, did you not hear me?" barou asked trying not to falter to the sight before him.

as the sunlight hits your face, you hiss like a vampire being exposed to sunlight and try to steal the cover back from barou, "missy, you said you'd take care of the brat" a slight irritation can be heard from his tone.

failing to get a hold of the blanket, you reach for his hand and pull him slightly to crouch so that you could hug his hand, as your eyes pry to open, "just for today pleasee" you beg with your lip slightly pouted as your voice comes out a little raspy.

barou froze a little from the sudden attack, and you take advantage of that short moment to snatch the cover from his hand and return it to its rightful place covering your entire body up to your head.

"you-" barou was left speechless at how shameless you are, you could hear him let out a frustrated groan before storming back outside, ensuring your peace for today, you let out a slight smile before drifting back off to dreamland.

you finally awaken, as your eyes glanced at the time, "3:35pm" you do a little stretch in bed as you try to wake up.

"barou?" you yawned before calling out to see if he's home or is out running an errand, the house was strangely too quiet, it has never been this quiet after the little shit came around.

stretching your arms and waist as you strut into the living room, the sight there melted your heart. barou passing out on the couch and the little shit snoring peacefully on him.

you glance at the huge bag full of goods at the front door, carefully not to wake them up, you check the bag to unexpectedly see a full bags of different toys and snacks, even chewing toys good for puppies who are growing teeth.

you chuckled a little to yourself before walking up to them, you bring out your phone and snaps a few pictures of them.

there's your new wallpaper, you admire your newly taken pictures and breaks into a fit of quiet giggles as a thought pop in your head, they remind me of the dad who opposed to getting a pet and the pet who won him over somehow.

☆ author note: hiya! i just finished semester exam, here's a quick something since I'm on a block, I'll try to write more hard-core stuff when i'm back in the zone •_–☆

[moonschildsworld]

FOREIGNER // ITOSHI RIN

a quick idea I had thinking about rin being fluent in english ^^

— in where you were hanging out in a café with your friends as the Japanese boy beside your table caught your eyes and you started thirsting over him without knowing he's actually fluent in English.

featuring: pro player!itoshi rin, x fem!reader

warning: uses of vulgar languages

rin was enjoying a break at a fairly quiet and peaceful café somewhere in the central of paris, he had some free time after his training and wanted to spend time somewhere alone and far away from his 'lukewarm' teammates.

that is until, his peace was cut off after you came in with your friends and take a seat right beside his table, eventhough there were many other free seats. rin scowls and curse mentally in his head, then he decided to just put up with it as long as you aren't disturbing him physically.

of course, to his misery you and your friends is a giggly bunch, giggling about everything and anything as you lean to whisper to each other and back up to let out annoying giggles. rin felt his blood pressure rises up the more you giggle, you were especially louder than others.

to make things even worse for him is when you started to notice him, and after, he could see from the corner of his eyes that you kept first taking glances at him then it escalates to a full checking him out, not even caring that you would be in risk getting caught staring at him. your stare was enough to make him self-conscious, like the itoshi rin, self conscious?

rin was baffled, he felt his pride slipping through as he starts feeling self conscious with your stare, it was making him feel uncomfortable when making everyone feel uncomfortable was always his role. he was about to turn to you and tell you off until

"bro, that guy is so fucking hot, I'd ride him like a cowgirl" he froze as he heard you, he couldn't believed his ears. what kind of non sense were you sprouting about some stranger you just met in a café?

disbelief was written on his face as he listens in further, "his abs must be insane, you can even see the shape from the outside" you squeal as you ramble on to your friend, rin head snaps down to glance at his abs, somehow he felt proud and smug.

"ugh bitch, I'd jump on his dick in seconds" you say dramatically with hand gesture and fluttering eyelashes. "you horny dog" rin can hear one of her friend respond to her with a disgusted tone.

rin gulps as he finally look over to you, you weren't ...bad, no he felt his breath hitched as his eyes land on you, you had the most dramatic expression on and hand gestures all over the place as you kept going on and on about how you'd 'wish to bury your head in them man-titties' 'giving the best gawk gawk 3000'

though rin was considered fluent in english you spoke of some phrases that he couldn't figure out, but he figures it would be some nasty shit considering the things you had said in the past hour. rin felt heat rushing to his face as he listens on and on about you worshipping his body and what you're trying to do with him.

after a while of listening still, he had gathered his courage to go up to you, to stop this madness. he clears his throat before walking up to your table to stand in front of you, "i could give you my number if you ask nicely"

silence... you had the most shocked expression rin had ever seen on anyone, eyes wide opened and mouth dropped open as you stare at him, "..y-you can speak e-english?!" you stutter your words out as your face flushed a bright red.

rin stares at you baffled as you bury your face onto your friend's neck to hide your face as you keep repeating, "oh fuck fuck fuck fuck i'm so fucking embarrassed I'm gonna die" as your friend hit your shoulder saying, "you crazy bitch"

rin rolls his eyes but he had a lowkey smug expression seeing the girl that was just spitting a tons of vulgar things is now too embarrassed to even face him, he snatches your phone that was on the table and type in his number in the emergency phone, "maybe you could jump me in my hotel tonight" with that, he turns his heels to exit the café without sparing back a glance.

that was 3 years ago, the fateful meeting between you and your boyfriend, he still teases the hell out you with the incident, bringing it up everytime he's losing in a battle of wits, and it never fails to leave you a blushing and embarrassed mess.

rin never understood why he did that, not to mention to a pervert weirdo like you who's dumb enough to assume someone can't speak English when they're traveling in a foreign country. But they do say, you do what you never do when you're hit with a cupid's arrow and his match just had to be a weird foreigner.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

[moonschildsworld]

REGRETS — NAGI SEISHIRO

— featuring: pro player!nagi seishiro, pro player!rensuke kunigami, x fem!reader

— summary: in which nagi seishiro broke up with you to focus on his soccer career, went out of contact for 3 years just to be reunited at the match where he is playing against your current boyfriend's team.

— warning: slight angst, mention of self-harm, fluff (puppy-like boyfriend), happy ending for readers

☆ song association: ghostin' by Ariana Grande

you were typing out your report for the company's progress this week, but your mind is barely focus on whatever your fingers are typing out. how could you when your boyfriend of 4 years has been ghosting you for almost a month now, I'm talking about full straight on ghosting, the last message was your message left on delivered 'goodluck for the match', not even fucking seen.

sure it was normal for you both to apart due to his oversea schedule, the longest was 3 months but he kept you updated atleast once a day even if his schedule is packed, he'd steal a quick moment to text you a simple 'busy' so you know what's going on.

you were worried sick, but you weren't letting it show on your face, probably only because anything hardly shows on your face. you weren't about to go on a frantic search for your boyfriend because the last time he updated you, he was in Spain for a match, so how do you even find him? not to mention, the first thing he'd always do after flying back from his schedule, is to crash in your apartment, clinging onto you for the entire night as he said to be 'effective for recharging'

it was just silence since you were working alone over time to finish the report and the sound of repeated taps of keyboard and your mind running long and wild imagining what could've happened to the worrisome boyfriend of yours. your body jolts up as you were being snapped out of your thought by a sound of notification alarming someone had text you, your hand immediately reached out and check the notification, like an answer to your prayer it was a text from nagi.

sei♡:

i'm at your apartment.

sent 8:24pm

it was as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you see his text confirming he is actually still alive and well, you type out a simple response, 'be right there' smiling slightly as you shut down your phone and can finally focus on finishing your report in a lightning speed, ka chow. ⚡

you unlocked the front door of your apartment, entering while sliding off your heels, "sei?" you called out to him softly. Not hearing a response, not even a tired "mhm" he usually drags out of his mouth to let you know he's there. anxiety bubbling up in your chest as you starts walking toward your living room, there you see him different from his usual 'laid down on the couch drowning in a fluffy blanket' pose, instead he was sitting there slightly croaching, arms rest on his thighs, his face raised on his palms with a serious expression.

as he heard your footsteps approaching, he raises his head up to look at you, "you're back" he mumbles, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts not to even hear you calling out to him just a minute ago. you nod as a response and went to take a seat at the edge of the couch rather than crashing on top of him to nuzzle into his embrace like usual, you weren't dumb and you could read that the mood wasn't for what you'd usually do.

you both sit in silence, waiting for each other to start talking first. as usual, you were the one to break the silence, "what's up?" you finally asked, trying to conceal the anxiety that is bubbling all over your chest.

silence once again, for awhile you just sit there staring at the floor, your head trying to figure out what this is all about and what will it leads to, your thoughts were cut when nagi finally speaks up, "i want to break up"

that sentence makes your stomach drop, your heart skips a beat, not in a good way obviously. a million of "why?"s and your brain digging up past memories to see if you had fucked up at some points, any kind of reasons that would lead to this. you part your lips to speak up, wanting to bombard him with questions, but nothing comes out, you were too shocked. out of the sudden? after ghosting me for a whole month? what the hell happened in Spain?

nagi tried to study your expressions as he speaks on, "I want to focus on my soccer career" he explains quietly. your head drops hanging down trying to avoid his piercing cold gaze that you once loved staring into. huh? it hasn't gotten in your ways since the start of your relationship, hell you were supportative the whole way, there are leftover scars on the back of your hand from you digging your nails deeply into your skin trying to stop yourself from spamming million of texts asking where he was for the past month, just so you wouldn't be disturbing him. you tried to bring all the patience you have in you to never text him unless he texts you first, you avoid anything that could get in his career's way.

you had things you wanted to say, but you bite your lip and sit in silence, knowing that the words you want to say wouldn't come out gently, you'd be yelling it out and you don't want that, you don't want things to escalate, you don't want him to look at you in different light after.

once again silence, even the ants are holding their breath with the tension, "I've started to really get into soccer, I don't think my natural talents is enough at this point, our last opponents made it very clear" your eyes bloodshots, your chest gets more and more stuffy as he explains on, your ears are ringing and you're finding it hard to even breathe, his explanation are going in one side of your ear and exiting the other side, "it gets me thinking that our relationship is unnecessary so‐" with the last sentence, you feel something snaps, "okay" you cut him off hurriedly.

you stand up with your head still hanging down, you weren't gonna let him see what kind of expression you had, you weren't even sure what kind of expression you had on, "I get it so" you pause for a bit to take a deep breathe, "you can leave the spare keys on the dining" you barely finish off your words before hurriedly walk into your room as tears were threatening to fall out, you slam the door shut and locking it before sniffles start spilling out as you cover your mouth trying to not be loud, you could finally spill everything out loud once you hear the front door being opened and closed. you spent the whole night crying your guts out with your body collapsing against your bedroom door.

of course you had hopelessly wish when the morning comes you would open your eyes to see nagi snoozing next to you all peaceful like it was all just a bad dream, or he would come over the next morning to apologize and try to make things right, but as you hopelessly wish, it's just a hopeless wish. Nagi disappeared from that day on, and you go out of your ways to try to avoid anything related to him, anything at all.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

That was almost 3 years ago, now here you both are, standing in front of each other in front of the game stadium.

You were scrolling on your phone waiting for your boyfriend to come escort you until your ear catches an overly familiar voice calling out to you, you raise your head up from your phone to meet nagi's gaze that was burning into you, with a sense of longing, regrets, and remorse. In that moment, you felt like the time stops between the two of you, you were there standing and staring at each other not caring about crowd of people trying to squeeze into the game stadium.

"...sei" you finally open up your mouth. nagi ears perk up from the sweet sweet voice that he used to love hearing his nickname from, the voice he had been longing for, he felt goosebumps all over his body and a tug at his heart. nagi was standing straight awkwardly after hearing you call out his name, like nothing had changed, as always you were the one breaking the silence, "are you playing?" you automatically formed a forced smile from the awkwardness.

"yeah..what are you doing here?" his eyes are filled with anticipation, like he wants to hear a specific answer. "oh, i'm-" you were about to reply when your words get cut off when you feel a huge weight hugging you from behind, "baby, did you wait long?" a deep voice chimes out to you, you turn your head head to look at kunigami already staring down with a sweet smile.

"i was thinking about taking a nap waiting for you come" you retort sarcastically while rolling your eyes playfully earning a small chuckle from kunigami as he bends down to kiss your eyelid as in a way to ask for forgiveness, "coach took too long" he says with a pout, what an ironic expression from a guy that looks like he could kill just by staring at someone.

you snort at his pout, then you snaps your head back to nagi who were watching the whole thing with an unreadable expression, "oh sei, this is my boyfriend" you turn your attention back to nagi, "wait are you playing against each other today?" you asked once you notice their jerseys are of different clubs.

"...yeah" nagi took a while before answering, somehow his blunt answer made things very awkward. kunigami kept clinging onto you from behind and planting small kisses above your head the whole time, "let's go baby, i'll take you to your seat" he says as he grabs your hand from the side and turns back to guard you away after nodding toward nagi as to saying 'excuse us'

you were stopped when nagi asked out, "do you think I'll do well today?" you stopped walking at the unexpected question, well not unexpected, he had always asked you that for assurance the night before his match, but at this scenario it's very unsettling.

you turn your head back slowly toward nagi and flash a small smile, "you always do well, don't doubt your skill" is what you've always repeatedly say to reassure him but this time, it sounds different to him, nagi knows you're sincere but there was something missing in your usual tone. you turn back and continue walking off with kunigami.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Kunigami escorts you to a vip seat above the stadium that has a view of the whole stadium. You notice that he has a gloomy expression as he sits you down and place some extra pillows and blankets to make sure you're comfy when you watch.

"since when you were such a mastermind?" your questions make his head snaps up, his eyes widen with your question and a guilty look flash on his face, "you noticed?" his tone is low and guilty.

you scoff at him, "i guessed, but you confirmed it just now" kunigami drops on his knees in front of you and sneak his arms around your waist as he plants his head on your thighs, "you're so mean" your hands move to his head and caress his hair softly.

nagi wasn't a stranger to kunigami, obviously because they work in the same industry and had competed against each other, whether in friendly matches or important ones. but we're talking about knowing nagi fairly well from you calling out his name in your sleep as you sniffle, you crying alone in the bathroom when you lock yourself in there as kunigami helplessly wait for you outside the door, he coulldn't do anything but wait patiently there to help you any time if you would just utter a single request of help. all he could ever do was hug you tight when you had reoccuring bad dreams from your past memories.

you were in a bad, I mean really bad place after the break up, you were doing everything and anything to distract yourself from your thoughts, or flash back memories of nagi's face, even those happy memories would haunt you every night, you'd slam your head onto the wall multiple times till your forehead bleeds if your head dares to flash his face or any kind of memories associate with him at all in your mind, after you pretending to be all fine and casual in front of your friends, somehow they could see right through you this time, that's how you know it's really fucking bad.

you'd come home from work just to immediately drop your facade as well as your body on the apartment's floor and bawl your eyes out, it went on for like forever. you felt as if there was no way out of this misery, that you would always be stuck with it. you had desperately prayed for a pill that could make you forget all the memories you had of that man.

he's not especially forgettable, he was your first love, you were high school sweethearts, even if he didn't go to college with you, he was pretty well known around there for his growing fame as a prodigy athlete, especially for being your boyfriend, power-couple was what they'd call you both. your friends would always gush out on how you both are so similar and how you were a perfect-match, soulmates. those sure were praises to your ears back then but after the break up?, it would've been better if we weren't so alike, if I could be the opposite of him and tried to cling onto him, would he have stay?

the next stage of grief was anger, you were mad, fuming, after all that sacrifices you've made for him? sure it was all of your own accords but he benefitted a tons out of it, you were dedicated to living a fun, perfect life to show him that you are better than okay being without him, that's how you drunkenly met the love of your life on the first day of 'flipping your life around' , thinking back he was probably a knight in shining armor, your hero. he stopped you from getting into even more trouble if you had continued going clubbing.

you ended up hooking up with him drunk on the first day after all, that should've been the end of it as you both were out of your mind, you could've moved on with your life but no. that sneaky kunigami put on a sob story on how you had taken his virginity in a drunken state and you had to make it up to him, he tagged himself around you on his day off and you couldn't really shake him off since he'd bring up 'that night you took his innocence away'

tagging along with you outside turns into staying over at your place to hang out during the day to staying overnights, as days went on and on, you had noticed nagi stays out of your mind everytime you're with kunigami's company until he slowly dominated your mind as a whole, and atlas you've finally opened your heart to him just around the end of last year's new year eve, wait maybe he had always been a mastermind? needlessly to say that he was over the moon when you had decided to accepted him officially. he had been so patient, helping you heal to his best ability. you've put this sweet boy through more than one ever should. that's why you're set on doing anything to make him happy as long as he sticks around.

it couldn't have been a coincidence that he purposely not tell you who his team is up against today, you thought that he might've forgotten but after seeing nagi, the puzzle pieces came together. he must've wanted nagi to feel bitter about it, to grovel over he had missed out on, a little childish on his side since you only need your hero by your side to survive anything right now.

"you're not really good at being one" you tease him and the pout that was already on his lips grew even bigger, he then bites your thighs roughly, you winced in pain and slaps his head, "what the hell ren!"

he raises his head close to your face staring up at you, "..you said he'd play good as always" his tone clearly showed that he was sulking. your eyebrow raised up and you blink your eyes multiple times before bursting into laughter.

"it's not funny..." he grumbles after seeing you laugh, "I said he'd play good as always, not that he'd play better than you" I tap his nose with my index finger. His eyes light up after your assurance and he then snuggles onto your neck and leaves small kisses on your collarbones, 'what a puppy'

he clings onto you for a few more minutes before dragging his feet to leave with a sullen face since he had to do another round of routine before the match starts, you giggle at his dejected puppy look. you finally had to time alone with your thoughts after he had left.

you let out a big sigh as you recall back what happened in the past hour. you had always imagine how it'd be or how would you act if you come across nagi again since that day, contradictorily you were calmer than in any of the scenarios you had imagine, probably because you have kunigami now. As kunigami pops inside your head, your lips unknowingly curled up to form a smile.

it's been a while since your mind had gone back and thought about your past relationship. it wasn't an exaggeration to say you were a major pushover, not that nagi wanted you to be one, you were one by nature, like they all said you and nagi were similar, and you thought so too.

whenever nagi did something upsetting, you'd get mad but calm down once you try to understand it from nagi's point of view, and always end up doing things his way and go out of your way to justify his actions, since 'that's what I would want me to do if I were nagi'

there weren't just downsides to the relationship of course, the best thing out of it was that you both understand each other so well, you both have the same ideals and principals making it super comfortable to stay by each other's side, that was probably why you wanted to remain 'understanding' until the end, you didn't want to lose the only best part of the relationship.

kunigami is the exact opposite of you, not in a bad way, well he was pretty annoying at first but once you get comfortable, he had, without your acknowledgement, became essential in your life. his straight forward and blunt nature brought out a positive change from you, he tells you to speak your mind, communicate literally everything with you, doing the most absolute ridiculous shit if he knows it would put a smile on your lovely face.

'you look better when you're smiling'

'get mad more, you look hot'

'the hero will always obey his princess'

without batting an eye, he says the cheesiest out of the chessy things, his willingness to show himself nakedly to express everything is what you've always admire and been learning from.

now you're showing a lot more of your expressions and thoughts you're used to hiding. he used to need to force it out of you but you're getting quite comfortable with it now, even your friends have pointed out that you look much brighter now.

you weren't gonna disregard the love you had toward nagi and definitely DO NOT regret all the love you had given, it was most authentic and purest you could've given. it just couldn't work out since you were the only one giving things up all the time.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

everyone has a specific suitable 'love' for them, you aren't really sure yet to what kind of love suits you, but you're comfortably getting used to kunigami's and adapting yours too. It's safe to say you'll be happy for a whole while, perhaps your entire life?

author note; hello<3 this is a work of mine after taking a break from writing for a loooong time, I'm not really sure how to feel about it so please lmk what u think T^T

p.s i want to write a nagi pov of this, what do you think? ~☆

NAGI'S POV IS OUT!