moracai

[moracai]

I need the strength and courage to get out of my own head and just do the thing

[moracai]

I have to practice my skills and become my own boss

[moracai]

The new job is cool and all but I kind of wish I was just an artist... I don't want a boss anymore

[moracai]

Today was hard and I am now back home with my bf. I can't sleep so I'll rant my thoughts away...

I took her with my mom in an uber... she was in a large tote that said "the best is yet to come" lol... it felt awkward holding her on the ride and inside the vets.. everyone there heard me ask about the cremation service.. so they could tell my bag contained her body.

I got a couple of stares...

They took everything.. her body bag and blanket and the tote.. I paid 700 something for a private cremation, cement paw imprint, and an urn.... i chose a black one with white decorative pawprints but I intend to replace it with two other urns..

The larger will be for my family and the little urn pendant will be for me... so I can take her on walks everywhere I go

The ashes will be ready in about a month I think... so I pray for her safe journey back to me.

I have her fur in a tiny box.. so I went on a walk with her and I visualized her in front of me... exactly how she would have.. running far ahead then looking back then running further.. she liked to stop and stare at little things in the grass

Right now her little box is beside me and I am recalling how it felt to have her nap beside me.. her little piggy snores and her breathing and the way she spread out leaving me no room lol...

My eyes have never been so swollen omg

[moracai]

They thankfully brought her body home... I was able to steal some fur... she would have given me a bite otherwise... she never liked me messing with her hair lol...

Everyone is either asleep or out of the house so I spent some time talking to her and holding her...

We'll take her to get cremated when my mom comes home..

She just looks like she's resting with her eyes open...

I am memorizing her weight and the feel of her snout under my hand... her little princess paws and wiry fur... her ears... everything

[moracai]

Happy being a puppy felt like it was only yesterday

Watching her fade was so hard... she still feels like a puppy to me

I wish I had more time

I wish I got a lock of her hair

I wish I had the courage to hold her but she seemed so fragile I felt like I would break her

But I told her that I loved her over and over again and spent her last hours with her before she was taken

Idk

On my way to see her I saw 2 instances of her name... I mean Happy is a common word

I had 12 years with her... thinking of her little piggy snorts and her sass... how she mellowed out in her old age and given me so much love... I love her so much

I don't even know if she's dead yet my parents are taking her to be euthanized

I feel sick

[moracai]

I have a strong desire to start all over again 😅

[moracai]

I didn't take pictures yet, but I just gifted my mom a prop of my baby rubber plant! I can't wait to see how it thrives under her care 😊 I truly believe its her loving energy that makes them so luscious

[moracai]

I posted about this one before 😊 a joint effort between my mom and I.. since giving this to her it's living it's best life!

[moracai]

You can't really tell from the photos, but when I first gifted this plant to my mom it fit inside a container smaller than a yogurt cup, and now it's huge! I'm happy I forced my mom to get into my hobby uwu both my mom and brother have way better green thumbs than me

[moracai]

From the secluded spot

[moracai]

Some progress

Uniqlo mirrors make me look stumpy as hell why

I got myself an oversized mofusand sweater and a shirt with a built in bra

I want a big fishing hat now.. Tilley hat

I haven’t been in a consuming kind of mood for a long time I��m getting carried away

[moracai]

I promised myself not to bitch without a piece of artwork lol

[moracai]

Too lazy to take good pictures or scan

Boss liked what I had so far, and I learned that I only have to paint one side of the box... so that simplifies things for me a lot and cuts down on time

I have a kind of unifying style for 3 of the 5 that I need to make.. struggling with 2 but I have to trust my gut and run with the ideas I have

I had to do all this and my lesson plan stuff with steps for tomorrow I'm exhausted... bf will take me out for a movie date and fried chicken tomorrow before my first shift teaching again 😊

[moracai]

I've added some of my art to the walls since then but here is the new and improved space before boss destroys it

[moracai]

An assignment for my keedz

[moracai]