mortallyclassypizza

[mortallyclassypizza]

situation dire. i've been saying 'huzzah', 'alas', and 'tis unironically for like a year now. harmless so far.

however. i hath noticed i now mark half of my goodbyes with 'i must away'. it's spreading

[mortallyclassypizza]

Main issue with being a man-hating lesbian is that whenever I like a post of a pretty fictional woman, tumblr immediately starts recommending me twinks from the piece of media she's a part of. Why is it so hard to understand that I do not like men, tumbler

[mortallyclassypizza]

i desire you carnally

you’ll have to solve the cipher of my puzzle penis

[mortallyclassypizza]

Who would win in a fight, furby or labubu?

they are both ridiculous creations of the capitalist mind and would fall to any cloth doll or homunculus made with any real heart. that said, the furby

[mortallyclassypizza]

a deeply underrated part of the gay taylor swift conspiracy theories is that if they're right and she really has spent over a decade sending subliminal messages based on minute details for people to decode then she's uuuuuh. I mean she's insane. she's jigsaw. she's the riddler. her dad bought her career because if she didn't have music to distract her she would have started building deathtraps.

[mortallyclassypizza]

why is bass so expensiveeeeee

[mortallyclassypizza]

if my liege lord looks at another soldier vassal in fellowship I'm going to *remembers suicide is an affront against the almighty* take a common grain rat as a wife

[mortallyclassypizza]

[mortallyclassypizza]

[mortallyclassypizza]

and when i close my eyes at night, i am a chaste knight sworn to a beautiful, rebellious princess.

every night, i stand at her chamber door, guarding her from anything that would dare to even think about coming near her, regardless of intent. one day, when i have my guard down as we are talking, she playfully steals my helm and runs into her chamber, saying she won't give it back unless i come get it from her. that is how she tricks me into getting closer to her, and before i can realize what she's doing, i feel her lips on mine. i can't reciprocate. i can't think. i can't breathe. all of my senses are overwhelmed by the feeling of heaven her soft lips bring, a kind of heaven i know i would never be allowed past the gates, yet the feeling of it travels as the vibration running through my body and attaches itself right between my ribs.

i watch without moving a muscle as her delicate hands start to disassemble my armor, removing piece by piece, and with it my self control to fight the primal need i have for her.

when i am completely exposed, she starts undoing her garments. silk dripping out of her body like it was only ever put there to be taken off, and with every inch of her angelic skin that is revealed, i feel my ability to care about the fact that if i proceed, it means turning my back on everything i have ever believed to be sacred dissipating, because i know in my heart the only actual God sent thing in this world is standing right in front of me.

so when she kisses me again, i don't have it in me to deny her any longer. my entire being belongs to her, my obligation is to serve her. to keep her the safest and happiest she could possibly get. so i finally take her. i bury myself so deep into her, because i know in my soul she is the closest to a home i'm ever gonna have. i love her over and over again, with all my devotion. i don't take for granted even for a second the gift of being able to touch her, knowing i hold the most precious being this world does not deserve in my arms, as if she would ever belong to me as i belong to her and, for just a second, i actually let myself believe it.

[mortallyclassypizza]

knight who sees no value in herself unless she is useful to others. knight who cannot see herself as a person, only as a tool forged for the kingdom's use. knight who doesn't believe she deserves kindness because everything her touch meets, she destroys. knight who is constantly trying to prove her existence is not worthless by drawing blood, because she has never known any kind of love that did not hurt.

[mortallyclassypizza]

i’m curious what arbitrary and specific flavors people dislike are. rb and tag a Taste you simply don’t fuck with. for flavor reasons not texture reasons. for me? i do not like elderflower or caraway for whatever reason

[mortallyclassypizza]

theyre making morging real soon, pretyy awesome

[mortallyclassypizza]

i played model employee good game! cant wait for @ofthedevil :)

[mortallyclassypizza]

cage

[mortallyclassypizza]

[mortallyclassypizza]

torturing the hellfire princess by showing her out of context yuri screencaps and then revealing that they’re actually all from hetslop