moshakausu

[moshakausu]

honestly i just think we all need to slow down

[moshakausu]

completely untested theory but

i think social media not only has eroded ideas of privacy (”if you have nothing to hide why do you care?”), but in a much more harmful way it promotes the notion that there should be no difference between public thoughts and private behaviour. But this is totally bogus because people behave differently according to different situations, and this isn’t being “fake”, it’s just what navigating social situations in a proficient manner is like. 

The way I behave with my friends and my family, the way I behave in private, is not for public consumption. Nor should it be. Publicness is a matter of choice, it shouldn’t be mandatory. People are not entitled to anyone’s private thoughts on anything. People have a right to decide what they wish to show in public and what they wish to hide.

[moshakausu]

wait now I'm curious. if your mutuals could come visit you right now what would be the first thing you'd show them from your town/city?

[moshakausu]

going for long walks while an album plays through feels good, so does walking along the river, waking up without looking at your phone first thing, keeping your water cool so you remember to drink it, taking it one step at a time, accepting things as they are, meditating, doing inner child work, having follow through, trying a new hobby and finding out it’s not for you, trying a new hobby and finding out you love it, skipping rocks, getting to know the flowers that grow in your neighborhood, healing so well that there’s a new you to learn to recognize

[moshakausu]

“…how senseless it is to separate living beings, to divide up living things from each other and from yourself, for everything occurs in one single time and one single place, and the path to the comprehension of this leads through the correct understanding of the present, one’s own experience is necessary, and then you will understand, and every person will understand that something cannot be separated from something else, there is no god in some faraway dominion, there is no earth far from him here below, and there is no transcendental realm somewhere else apart from where you are now, all that you call transcendental or earthly is one and the same, together with you in one single time and one single space…”

László Krasznahorkai, Seiobo There Below (tr. Ottilie Muzlet)

[moshakausu]

‘What would it be like, I wondered, to live with that heightened sensitivity to the lives given for ours? To consider the tree in the Kleenex, the algae in the toothpaste, the oaks in the floor, the grapes in the wine; to follow back the thread of life in everything and pay it respect? Once you start, it’s hard to stop, and you begin to feel yourself awash in gifts.’

Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and The Teachings of Plants

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Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score

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You break patterns by responding differently.

[moshakausu]

I’m committed to understand myself. I’m committed to creating better relationships. I’m committed to being a better and healthier me. I’m committed to learning.

[moshakausu]

Once you stop trying to entertain this imaginary audience and start living for yourself things should get a bit better

[moshakausu]

The most discernible difference between me and the people I admire is that they are going for it. Whatever it is. The thing that they love doing, that they prioritize doing, I see it happen. I see the way the world opens up for people who are decisive. So I know it works. I’m still unsure of how best to use my array of skills, but the conversation is happening and I’m dusting out the cobwebs in my imagination. Listening for what feels good. I want to be someone I admire. I know the universe is giddy with opportunities for me, but I have to step outside my bubble of lethargy to access them. I haven’t seriously embraced the responsibility that is my own life, and, instead, living has been this passive experience. The people I admire are actively involved in their overall satisfaction with their lives. I want to be someone I admire.

[moshakausu]

🤍💭 ig: piletrae

[moshakausu]

good emotional skills to know 4 college but also in general

this is stuff that i’ve found helpful and am in the process of working on. they may not be achievable for you without help and may not work for your specific circumstance, but this is a list of suggestions that you might be able to think about. i am also not a mental health professional so please do feel free to contradict me!!

self soothing.  having a toolbox to take care of yourself by yourself. bc sometimes nobody else is available and you just gotta put some lotion on, listen to a tune, and go to bed early. 

checking in. checking in with yourself to see if you’re okay. knowing how to alter your strategies when your strategies aren’t working. knowing when your strategies aren’t working. this is just taking some time every day to reflect on what goals you didn’t meet and why and what you can do to fix that.

there’s nothing you “should” be doing. if you get caught up thinking “i should be doing x” that’s false! stop that! “should” be doing better implies that you have some obligation to do whatever it is that you “should” be doing. you don’t owe anybody except yourself. analyze why you think you should be doing that thing and change that into…. “i want to be doing x because…” or “doing x will make me happier, because…”. overall, more productive and less self-shamey. 

disconnecting from the crowd. eating in a crowded dining hall can be stressful! knowing how to be alone in a crowd and stay calm is helpful

being okay with being alone.  tbh college is kind of… being alone a lot, in my experience. even though you’re surrounded by people, a lot of time is spent alone. making friends is hard. your friends have different schedules. you’re busy. shit sucks. we make the best of it.

knowing yourself. this relates to a lot of what i’ve already said but like. knowing your emotional state and knowing what helps trick the monkey brain is helpful. stop repressing your feelings, friends.

talking to strangers. ordering from a menu! paying library fines. going to office hours. asking for a cashier at the register if there isn’t one. ya this is hard. ya you gotta expose yourself. sometimes i just try playing a persona. like this isn’t me ordering a sandwich. this is a cool me who knows how to talk to people who is ordering a sandwich.

you don’t have to be friends with your roommates. you just have to live together in a way that doesn’t make you two hate each other. ideally, you two will coexist in a way that doesn’t interfere with the other’s daily life.

give and taking. on the topic of roommates, sometimes your roommate can be a shitty person, but sometimes you are the shitty person! give a little but if they’re negatively impacting your life, communicate.

communicating during disagreements. explain what your emotions are instead of blaming them. “i feel hurt when you…” or “i feel frustrated when” or “i feel unappreciated when.” if things get heated, ask if you both can take a ten minute break and then come back. and don’t bring up disagreements when the other party is preoccupied or going somewhere. you can legitimately schedule a discussion.

it’s okay to apologize. learning to swallow your pride gets easier each time.

knowing that people work differently than you. some people are not gonna click with you and it’s gonna seem like they have this whole brain process up there that is totally unlike yours. and yeah! that’s how it is. and that’s chill if they aren’t hurting anyone else. work with them and be flexible!! 

comforting people. you will probably/definitely see someone cry! hell if i know how to comfort people. someone please help. but some things i’ve learned are: 1) different people need different things. different people need different things! 2) people need different things at different times. 3) you can ask them what they want and it won’t be weird. 4) apparently a lot of people like hugs? but ask. and it’s okay to not want a hug. 5) just show that you care in some way if you don’t know what they need. i used to think that if somebody needed to tell me what they needed it was a sign that i just didn’t know them well enough and we weren’t compatible or i wasn’t being a good friend. that’s fake! friendship isn’t based off of fitting naturally in every way and making an effort to be good for them is important.

knowing it’s okay to not be liked by everyone. it’s okay if strangers think you’re dumb because you said something dumb in public. you know you’re not dumb. it’s okay if not everybody you meet likes you. it’s okay if you do something cringey. everybody has their own shit to deal with and you will not shatter their world.  grow and move on!

forgiving yourself. i’m trying this new thing where when i feel embarrassed about something i say. out loud. “i forgive myself.” and then i just try to grow from that and move on without getting caught in a spiral of shame.

knowing what you need vs what you want and what is better at the time. what you need: a shower. what you want: to not do that. solution: take a shower! or maybe what you actually need is to go to sleep? but guess what. you probably know what is good for you. the hard part is actually doing it.

realize that building habits is less work than discipline. emotional effort is expended every time you have to make yourself do something. just make it part of your routine and you’ll just think it’s normal to do all the good things! like, for example, i’m trying to make it a habit to eat structured meals instead of a “eat when i’m hungry” thing because i know that makes me skip meals, which is bad!

you won’t be able to do everything. forgive yourself for that. write down  things that are top priority and focus on them. everything else is not important right now and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being able to do them.

your health is important. i’m not saying health will solve all your problems. it won’t! but health will cause a lot of your problems to go away. because let’s face it. not sleeping causes a lot of problems. 

it’s okay to ask for help. we say this a lot but it’s hard to internalize it. here’s a thought: there’s so much shame and hesitation about asking for help so by doing that you’re actually being proactive (which is respectable) and mature, and therefore… not weak or stupid. ask for help even before you need it! most people love to help others. and especially take advantage of people who are OFFERING help. for example: counselors at school or TAs. it’s literally their job. they want to do it. and if you don’t want to talk to anybody in real life, my inbox is always open.

[moshakausu]

nurture your inner child!!! play games, explore, run through a field, laugh loudly and joyfully, make art just for the fun of it, try new hobbies not as a new side gig but as something to make you smile and calm you down; you’re not too old you’re never too old to start learning how to skateboard or ride a bike or go ice skating or eat a giant ice cream cone or play hide and seek or color in coloring books or watch cartoons or make silly faces or sing at the top of your lungs and dance badly. there is so much in this world that can cause pain so embrace JOY when it moves you, don’t be afraid

[moshakausu]

people should view reading as a developed skill in the same vein of artistic ability. i think most people on this website understand that artistic ability is cultivated - it’s largely a skill. a trait that is the consequence of effort and practice. not some mystical gift of innate talent bestowed by the gods upon certain gifted individuals, rigid and unmalleable.

attention span and reading comprehension are the same!! they are malleable. and you just have to consider, which way are you molding them? and are you doing so purposefully or inadvertently?

you are not unique in having an attention span destroyed by social media. you are not unique in having adhd. or many other extenuating circumstances. and this is good news! this means that you too can improve and develop your attention span, via deliberate practice. successive approximation and clear contingencies work for people, too.

try reading just one page a day. or just one article a day. or listening to an audiobook for ten minutes a day. or whatever! ANYTHING that helps strain the muscle of your attention span, anything that gets you consuming heftier chunks of information than a tweet or tumblr post. set a small and achievable goal, and create a strategy to get yourself to do it. and then incrementally increase the goal.

consider how you can arrange your environment and antecedents for success. you can have a specific spot where you sit solely to read. or you can relegate a delicious drink to when you read, or you can have a special scented candle you only burn when you read. read a page or an article while you are waiting for the kettle to heat up or the microwave to ding. schedule it for the same time each day. whatever specific iteration works for you - whatever encourages you and creates a clear contingency.

you know how dogs can learn, “this is my walking harness,” and “this is my pulling harness,” and so on? so that they know what to expect and will easily fall into the practiced ritual? WE ARE THE SAME… you just have to choose and condition yourself to a contingency (and the options are beautifully customizable), and over time it gets much much easier.

personally, i focus better when both my hands are occupied. specifically, when they are both grasping the book, or i’m clutching a pen for underlining. i don’t know why, i just know that this is so. it helps me when i am reading a book to have my phone in a completely different area. it helps me to sit outside (though Happy is not always helpful when she interrupts my concentration for a ball throw).

when i read ebooks, it helps me to sit in a hard chair and have my phone propped up in front of me (and thus create a dissimilar situation from when i scroll social media). or to pace as i read. i read an article on my phone when i am brushing my teeth and it is hard to scroll. i rotate among books. coffee drinking is relegated to reading for me. i like to save and share quotes from what i’m reading, and discuss it with friends. the social aspect creates a further layer of motivation for me.

those are just my specific contingencies! while my attention span isn’t where i wish it was, yet, i’ve gotten much better than i used to be. i used to struggle to stay focused for a page, and now, time permitting, i read a couple hours every day. it is WORK to develop your attention span - it is a muscle like any other. but by straining it regularly, your endurance and ability WILL increase.

if you are not consuming in-depth information, you can’t have in-depth understanding. when you get most of your information from bite sized chunks, it creates a real danger you are being told what to think! vs actually understanding and agreeing with concepts yourself - developing your own takes and opinions. not to mention, you are missing out on SO MUCH. the world is just BETTER when you are engaging with in-depth information.

i truly believe it is damaging to accept “oh i just have a shitty attention span” and use that to justify forgoing any deeper interaction with material. it is a disservice to yourself! you may have to set goals so small they seem silly. you may have to brainstorm and testrun concentration mechanisms that are odd. but the average person on tumblr and twitter can ABSOLUTELY raise their focus. i have faith in you.

[moshakausu]

the cure to self-sabotage is to anchor yourself to the universal truth that you are worth it. you are worth the effort. you are worth the difficulty, you are worth the time, you are worth the consideration. there is never a point in your life, in time itself, that you are not worth it. return to this truth when you feel yourself slipping. do not let it go.

[moshakausu]

may you find the courage to let yourself be vulnerable long enough to be truly seen, held, healed and protected