mossythemush

[mossythemush]

When you love a creature so much you kinda wanna eat them

I think it has already been established that I'm a... Peculiar individual, at the very least.

I'm strange! Not better than anyone, significantly worse than many, but that's not the topic of today's chunk o' text. No, today we're gonna talk about my weird fascination with fictional cuisine.

I'd say this all started back in 2020, with the release of Minecraft's nether update.

Never been much of a foodie myself. But if there's one thing I love to much n' chew, that's mushrooms.

What's not to love? Each kind tastes differently, feels differently, smells differently... A feast for all the senses!

And don't even get me started on their biology, they are such bizarre organisms. So imagine my surprise when they added unique mustrooms to the nether.

The crimson and warped fungus caught my attention for multiple reasons. As stated, given my general love for mushrooms it's no wonder why I'd focus so much on them.

But asides from looking cool, they made a question pop up in my head.

How the hell are there mushrooms on the nether??

I know, I know, Minecraft is not the most realistic game ever (and I don't wanna imply it should be), but I'm passionate for biology!

Most people have head-canons about characters, their relationships, their hobbies, stuff like that.

I, on the other hand, like to imagine how fictional creatures would internally function

There's no denying that real world animals are, as some would describe, "cool as fuck". Yeah, a lot of them look cool, but some of them have absolutely wild adaptations that you'd think would only be possible in a fictional setting.

Now imagine applying those to something that doesn't exist, in an entirely fabricated environment with different rules than the world we live in. The possibilities are endless! Alien creatures from a bizarre planet, fantastical beasts from an arcane forest, beings from an alternate dimension... All of them could be realistically explained, in some way or another.

So I take a creature, imagine how their organs would be arranged, their senses, their adaptations, alla that stuff. But this begs the question:

How would they taste?

How would the existence of such a creature impact the local cuisine?

We humans are no stranger to eating everything that moves. Sometimes they taste great, sometimes they kill you, it's all part of our overall investigation of "how to live"

This brings us back to the nether fungi from Minecraft. If there's one thing a fungus always needs to prosper, it's moisture. But, at least at first glance, the nether has none or, at the very least, a minuscule amount of it.

Assuming that this is the case, they would wildly differ from real life mushrooms in so many ways, but what i wondered the most about it would be their texture and, most of all, their taste.

Think about it. Moisture is what gives mushrooms their... well, mushiness, but also their taste. Without it, their flavor would be much more concetrated.

I won't discuss them in this post, as i'm already getting sidetracked. Let's just continue with the next thing: the headcrabs from Half Life.

I have a fondness for ugly animals, i don't know why. None of my pets are... particularily pretty. I mean don't get me wrong i love my rats but one of them is fat and the bald one just looks like a testicle.

This, of course, also applies to fictional species, and i think headcrabs have got to be among my favorites.

They're extremely unappealing. They have no discernable facial features, they're highly aggresive (and quite mean) and zombify humans through absolutely horrendous processes. But ain't they kinda cute?

I don't know, i guess i find the whole "wanting to kill me" thing they got going on sort of endearing.

But again, I digress. They kinda look like a chicken? Like not a living feathered one, the one you buy on the market to cook. And that makes me think, what would they taste like?

They have been established to be edible. Sure, their meat is yellow and there probably isn't much of it, given their size it's probably all muscle and organs.

In half life Alyx, apart from receiving some tweaks to their design, several headcrabs are caught and cooked with by a vortigaunt. Sure, it's an alien species eating it, but even Russel, a human character, has a headcrab kept in his fridge.

Heck, now that I remember, in the second game you can see a couple vortigaunts chopping and preparing a headcrab for consumption. For both vortigaunts and humans! So while probably just a last resort option, they are definitely edible.

A weird choice, I know, but if I could try any fictional food, I would probably choose to taste what a headcrab stew tastes like. Maybe you could even roast their hind legs like if they were some sort of weird alien drumsticks!

Let's cut to the chase. Surprise! This is not just me rambling for no reason, this is actually an announcement! I've been thinking of doing this for a couple years but couldn't decide where to do it, and this seems like the right place!

I'm gonna start writing about my headcannons for multiple Minecraft creatures. Their biology, their behavior outside of the seen gameplay and, most importantly, their culinary capabilities! I have yet to decide the format, as there's many ways of tackling this, but I hope you'll look forward to read it!

Beware though, knowing myself each entry will probably be longer than this post. Yeah, even longer. Brace yourselves.

See ya then!

[mossythemush]

What do you rather drink. Pepsi, Cocacola or Blood 0-?

Ok I'm not a vampire but genuinely I just really, really don't like coke. Or Pepsi. If I had to choose between these two I'd choose Pepsi, but from the three? Yeah I'd drink a bit of blood

But like it also depends on the quantity I'm not gonna drink like a whole can of blood or stuff like that

[mossythemush]

Today on "New things i've tried": Strawberry monster energy drink

Y'know, i don't really like soda. In general. It's the gas that ruins it for me, the fizzyness just takes over any flavor it could have.

As with everything, there's an exception to this. A couple of 'em, actually. Mountain dew is pretty good. Same goes for dr pepper. But today I'll be talking about energy drinks.

Battery acid is the closest thing I can compare them to. Only god knows what these cursed concoctions contain. They're the unhealthiest, most unnatural thing that you can put on your gut.

And I love 'em.

Ironic, isn't it? As naturally energetic as I am, one would think these would turn me into a human bullet, bouncing all over the place, but in a weird twist of things, they do nothing for me. Again, exceptions exist, but overall they have no apparent effect on me.

For me, they're like candy you can drink. I don't drink them for the effects, I drink them entirely for the flavor. And speaking of, the one in particular that concerns us today has a very interesting one.

I can's stress enough how unhealthy they are. And they know, they're always so aggressively labeled. And don't even get me started on the shitty off brands, they're an absolute gamble. They usually taste okay, sometimes pretty good, but they tend to have wildly different results. Most of the time, they do nothing on me. But in some rare ocassions they just decide to fuck me up entirely for no reason at all!

I have no clue what they're putting in these god forsaken cylinders of doom, none of the things in the label are mentioned in the bible, but they are NOT consistent. At all. Sometimes they make me feel sleepy and tired, other times they make me feel energetic, and worst of all, sometimes they fill me up with so much energy that i start to smell the sound of colors. I feel my flesh revolting, my muscles craving to disperse. It is NOT a good feeling, so i drink these quite rarely.

And they tend to make my stomach feel weird. It's to be expected, but y'know it's something to point out.

The one exception to this is Monster. And it's apparent why. 

Don't get me wrong, this is not dickriding. I don't buy every new flavor they release, I don't have any merchandise of the brand, probably won't ever have (well maybe a keychain of the logo would be kinda cool) and don't really follow them on social media.

But what they do, the product itself, they do greatly in so many levels.

First off, variety. There's a lot. A shit ton. They have so many different flavors, divided in so many... Lines? Collections? No clue how to call them, but there's a lot. There's gotta be at least ONE for every person out there.

And the cans themselves, oh the cans, so masterfully crafted. All unique with their own identity, their artwork, even the textures on the surface! I would be lying if I said I haven't bought a couple flavors not for the content, but just because they looked pretty. Even I have my moments of weakness.

Aesthetic is a huge part of a product. But, while important, when it comes to something you're gonna pour into your gut, the flavor is the whole point of it.

This is when I stop rambling and actually talk about what brings us here today.

Ultra strawberry dream is NOT what I expected.

Here's a good look at the artwork. Great as always.

Strawberry, as a flavor, is a tricky subject. I'm not talking about the fruit and its taste, I'm talking about strawberry flavored products.

Y'know how bananas and banana flavored products taste completely different? This is because the flavoring we reproduce comes from an extinct banana variety. 

The same happens for strawberries, but not for the same reasons. I think this comes from an "idealization" of what strawberries are.

Strawberry flavored candy, or anything in general, is always completely sweet. That's not how strawberries taste. They are sweet, yes, but they always have that bit of sourness or acidity to them, and that's one of the reasons I like them so much (specially with whipped cream). It's not just the sweetness, it's the great pair it makes with that acid aftertaste.

Given how the can looked, and, well, the strawberry flavor and theming, I expected it to have the generalized taste we all know (and maybe love)

But oh my god

They got it right.

I can't believe this. It's a stawberry flavored thing... that tastes like an ACTUAL strawberry!

And yeah you can say that there's always been "acid strawberry" flavored stuff but that's not what i'm talking about. Those, while i like them a lot, prioritize the sour over the sweet. Which is cool don't get me wrong, but it's strawberry inspired, if anything.

Is this my favorite drink? Far from it. It's great, it's awesome, it's not my cup of tea. While sour, it's still very sweet and gets a bit "repetitive" after a few sips, if that makes sense. 

Although it fits me quite well. Ont hing i should have mentioned is that very rarely i drink a whole can in one go. A single one could last like 3 or 4 days in my fridge. I only take a couple sips per day, so it's great for that, but to drink a whole one? Probably not great for that.

I was very greatly surprised by this one. I could talk more about strawberries, their symbolism and taste, but i've been babbling for way too long, y'know?

Overall, a solid 8/10. Would buy again, give it a try!

[mossythemush]

Welp, this is it. Been thinkin'bout doing this for a while. I have a lot of thoughts, ideas, opinions and shit like that that just don't fit on twitter, y'know?

Blogs were all the craze back then! Everyone had one, I remember back in computer class or whatever it was called when they taught us how to make a blog. Most just filled some entries and then vandalized their own work after getting a grade from it, but some others continued posting for a while. I wonder if I could find any of them...

Prolly not. I remember it was in pairs, and a friend of mine and I made it about five nights at Freddy's, of course.

We made some theories, some entries for a bunch of characters... It was fun. Where is it now? Where is he now? 

It's been years since that. He was... A tragic guy, I'd say. His life was hard, he had issues with his family, and he got rid of his anger by bullying others. But at heart he was a good person, he just needed a real friend. He came and went, but I always forgave him because I knew he had a kind soul.

I stumbled upon him a year or two ago. We chatted for a bit, he told me about his life. He got a job, had a bike, he had some stability and seemed very grounded and mature. I gave him my number... But he never texted. 

Rude, I know, but I remember him. I know him, he most definitely had a reason.

But hey, I'll probably find him again when I least expect it. That's just how life goes, y'know?

For me though, I'll be vomiting my thoughts over here. Few will see these, I know, but honestly? I don't care. I want somewhere to place my thoughts so I don't have to carry them all the time, somewhere people can visit at any time, if they so desire.

To be fair, I don't care about people seeing what I do at this point. I used to, but now? Eh. I went into twitter looking for online friends, and that I found. I don't care how many people see what I post, I only care about my friends seeing it. And hey, if someone else stumbles upon my posts, that's a plus.

Let's see how this thing goes!