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Princess: The Dirty Word

Why is being called a princess an insult? What gives the word the sting? The backlash that sends people running to their keyboards and pounding out riots?

The answer is simple, it is associated with weakness. Girls are the weaker sex, the gentle people who sit at home and nurture the children. While the men go out and wage war with their guns and their swords. Hunt with their bows and arrows, return a hero bearing meat on their backs.

It also puts in mind the image of the classic damsel in distress. The stupid girl sitting on her castle window in a tower somewhere, praying for a prince to come along and save her. Making friends with animals to pass the time and falling in love the second anyone bothers to say a grand hello.

In essence, the word princess is meant to invoke a feeling people have felt for centuries. Powerlessness, weakness, being thrown down under the bus and screaming as you watch the tires rip up your face. It makes us feel powerless and broken down, as if the only useful thing we could do is sit there and do as others tell us. That is what princesses do, after all, isn’t it?

No.

Princess has become a victim. Not of her own doing, but by the people all around her. Men, women, people who have come along and poured crap all across her good title. She has been put in a prison where there are only two categories she could fall into. Classic age, or modern day. Someone who sits in the window waiting for prince charming, or someone who slashes his throat and proclaims she doesn’t need anyone but herself. Many people would be inclined to believe that the latter is the better of the two. But I propose we analyze both stereotypes of the princess, and think on what each means.

The classic princess for certain is the very reason the term has been allowed to become derogatory. For far too long, men made princesses weak. In European countries princesses were treated, more or less, as baby machines with a giant sack of money attached to her. Dowries used to sell girls away into a life of servitude and, often, abuse from her lord and husband as well as a double standard of infidelity. Of course there will always be exceptions to this. Queen Elizabeth, for example, lived a long and proud reign as the Virgin Queen. An independant woman in her own right, someone who didn’t look to a King for every decision she made. Mary Queen of Scots was renowned for her affair with James Hepburn, otherwise known as the Earl of Bothwell, granted their circumstances were far from ordinary in the cases of royals. But in stark contrast, there are thousands upon thousands of records of kings and princes having ‘favourites’, ‘mistresses’, and ‘concubines’ and all sorts of sexual contact outside marriage...Yet no backlash.

In comparison, the modern day princess is someone who does not, bluntly, take shit from a man. She can wield weapons just as good as anyone else. Stand up to her enemies for herself without a touch of fear. Look that attractive prince right in the eye and tell him she doesn’t need his romance. She is a proud and independent force whose only support she needs is herself. Examples in modern day culture, let us focus on the infamous case of...Disney princesses. Moana has made records in recent media for being what many people consider to be the first truly independent disney princess. She fights, she stands up for what she believes in, is of equal power to her fellow protagonist, Maul. Whatever comes at her she bounces back and doesn’t let anything keep her down. And in so many ways, she is grand and inspiring for little girls all across America. But she also represents something else, a modern day classic that I believe is highly troubling. Part of the reason people love Moana so much is a very simple fact...she has no romantic interest.

Here, my readers, is where I see the issue.

Why, in order to be considered revolutionary and feminist approved, is there a requirement to be single?

Of course women need to be able to care for themselves, there is no question in that. Every person, whatever their gender is, has a right and a need to be able to exist without a romantic partner. You need to be able to understand and care for yourself before you should ever consider sharing your life with another. And when it comes time to meet that person, they need to be just right for you. Whatever that means to you and not anyone else. This does not mean you should disregard the advice of others, but they are not the ones who have to exist within the relationship. If there is not a threat within it, you feel safe, happy, and secure every day with that person, whomever they may be, I would think it is safe to assume you have found your match.

That being said, there is always going to be someone who prefers the company of themselves. That is okay, I am in no way trying to attack the people who are single and proud. Currently, I myself am one of these people. But someday, personally, I would like to share my life with someone. This is not the case for all people. But for those who do, I know I want to live in a world where this is accepted. Where I do not have to sit and listen to other women, and sometimes men, tell me that because I am in a relationship, I am not feminist. I want to live in a world where a princess can have a romantic interest, and still be considered a powerhouse who can fight for herself. Because true love has no limitations, it does not hinder your ability to defend or live for yourself. True love only add to that gratification you get from yourself, and it will come in the form of another person. That does not mean you depend on them, it means you love them. You can stand life without them, but you prefer your life to exist with them as long as you are both healthy and happy.

This is why I question this common belief, that you can only be an independent woman if you are alone. That is not true, nor will it ever be. You can always be your own person, it is a matter of choice. Choice of who you love and who you associate with, or who you chose to be in your daily life on your own. And your partner can be the very same way, woman, man, agender, whichever they are. You can always be able to care for yourself, and still have a healthy relationship.

So why are princesses with love interests degraded? Because, unfortunately, often times in media we are confusing real romance with theatrical romance. The ‘love’ you see on movie screens is not often what real love looks like. Though of course, as with everything, there are always exceptions to this rule. And people love to put up the classic image of a woman giving up everything for her love. Or her love giving up everything for her. But is that love? Or is that a good plot devicey way to make people burst into tears in the theatre. Think about it. “Oh he loves her so much, he gave up his entire career for her!” “He would give up his life for her!” “She would die for him!” So on, so forth.

Looking at another example from Disney, Belle gave up her entire life for her father and lived as a prisoner with the Beast. Of course, in the end he ends up changing and becoming her Prince Charming(Prince Adam). Their love affair has always been a sore spot for many people, for several different reasons. Abuse, beastality, anti-feminist. And as it stands, some of these claims are very true. As much as I love, and always will, the Beauty and the Beast films, there is no denying that the instant Belle fell in love with the Beast she was quick to give up her idea of “More than this provincial life”. Even though I would like to think that in the end, after their ballroom scene, they go and galavant the world just like Belle wanted, introducing the Beast to everything he had missed during his trapped state...Reality is that they likely stayed in the castle, had children, and lived the typical monarchy life.

Now, it is time I addressed something many people have thought, does being a housewife, or living the stereotyped role of a woman make me Anti-Feminist?

No. The entire point of Feminism is that women are equal to men. If, in your relationship, your say and right is just the same as your partner’s, then you are not Anti-Feminist. You are just living a life that is not considered to be the classic Feminist role nowadays.

Again, the typical Feminist ideal forces women who are comfortable living a different way to think they are hindering the cause of their fellow women. Isn’t that the exact opposite of what feminism intends? Isn’t the driving force of the movement to be accepted for who you are, whoever that is, and being given the rights and privileges just like anyone else?

Yes.

Then why have we been brought to this point? There is nothing wrong with single living, there is nothing wrong with being a single mom, a housewife, someone without children, an independent ‘boss ass bitch.’ Women are women. Men are men. People are people. They can live however they chose to, as long as it does not hurt or demean others.

Then why does the term princess still cut? And why, now, in a time where women have more rights than ever before, are we limiting our ideal ‘princess’ to a single woman? There are all kinds of women around the world. Of all different circumstances and races, manners, thoughts, and bodies. No woman should ever have to feel Anti-Feminist because she fell in love. And no princess should ever have to be degraded, and thought less of, because she fell in love.

Love does not hinder, it makes you grow.

The term princess refers to someone who has a royal title, the negative connotation comes from people who have made her seem weak. Who have limited her in her life, and changed her to a cut example out of a sheet of paper and plastered her on the walls and said “This! This is a princess, because I say it is!”

But now is not then, and I propose to everyone that we rethink the term princess. Like how other groups have reclaimed their names in the past, why can women not do the same for princess? Princesses can be strong, they can be weak, they can be anything and everything in the world because she is a person. And people are not limited to what people believe they are, or should be. People exist because they are unique, and princesses are just the same. People, a name. They only have whatever power it is you chose to give them.

Picture a movie, if you will, of a princess who is independent and strong, but also has a love interest. Also proud and strong of who they are. They do not hinder each other, they complement one another and build them up to be a better person because of the love they share. Two people, in one relationship, striving always to be better not just for the other but for themselves. When the giant crushing moment in the movie happens, they both collectively rise each other up because two forces working together can overcome challenges. Just as a single one can.

Picture a world in where girls say they are princesses proudly, and everyone looks and them and says “Yes, you are a princess.” Without assuming damsel in distress, or pink lace bows and fancy dresses. But whoever that person is, just with the title princess before their name. Something that makes them happy, and proud of who they are.

That is a princess. Someone who can be anyone they want to be, with whomever they want to be with, or not at all. They are themselves. Not a derogatory word that tears them down. They are proud, and they are strong, even if not physically, mentally, or whatever strength you want to be.

They are a princess, and nobody has the right to take that away from them.