mourning-deer

[mourning-deer]

RIP to these pants

First date fit you givin me hole or nah?

[mourning-deer]

Martial industrial, a book, the threat of a tornado looming overhead as I sit in the grass reading. This is truly a blessed life.

[mourning-deer]

Got this done yesterday

[mourning-deer]

Every time social media suggests a person named hope in my people you may know/suggested follows it's always either a midwestern mean girl nurse or the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and there has yet to be an in between. I've got to hit up indiana/Illinois/Ohio more often damn

[mourning-deer]

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the last and only serious time id attempted to take my own life. Last year i spent the evening making phone calls, saying my goodbyes to friends, writing letters, chasing bar after bar of xanax with heaven hill vodka (at this point id missed so much work i couldnt afford anything else), watching the original nosferatu and listening to di6 with a noose lying beside me. The intention was to go out the same way ian curtis had because im a pretentious self absorbed self stylized tortured poet. Id ended the night messaging one of my longest friends as i got more and more drunk with the intention to hang myself while listening to unknown pleasures. Again, a dick. I wound up blacking out from the combo and woke up middle of the next day on my living room floor and the first thing i did was scream. The next thing i did was crawl to my bedroom and put a rifle to the roof of my mouth. But my moment had been ruined, my poetic theatric sendoff was past and it gave me enough pause to realize just how fucking stupid i was. So i took a week off work, went to olop, got help and began my on and off again struggle to get sober, get medicated and get into therapy. A year later i can happily say that life is still shit, my health isnt that great and im always stressed out. But i get to be those things, i get to kiss people i love and share music with my friends, i get to enjoy the simlicity of a cup of coffee and a book about the musical history of a gay nazi. Life rules so hard and im so glad mine didnt end. Thank you to those of you whove been along for the ride and remember, today sucks. Tomorrow probably will and the day after. But it might not and the only way to know is to be there.

[mourning-deer]

@noshowjones still alive

[mourning-deer]

i don't care if it's rude i'm smuggling a gun into the concert

[mourning-deer]

me and the democrat i pulled by going to the pet store and asking for their most toothless animal

[mourning-deer]

@noshowjones answer my question

[mourning-deer]

im going to push you down the well so everyone knows what a wellslut you are #well kink #wellification #nsft #well breaking

[mourning-deer]

Nya

Me: i am against modern society and the focus on tech, the separation of man from community and nature and i feel like we're too focused on ab intangible idea of a future that cannot exist to serve us

Also me:

[mourning-deer]

Me: i am against modern society and the focus on tech, the separation of man from community and nature and i feel like we're too focused on ab intangible idea of a future that cannot exist to serve us

Also me:

[mourning-deer]

Do you have a piece of media you like that constantly shows up in DNIs that you never post about on here in fear of people starting shit with you over it?

I'm 34 years old. If I still care about any of this, I should kill myself.

[mourning-deer]

I was tagged by @noshowjones to do something with the first 10 on repeat idk. It should have all the pretty little horsies on here but for some reason i couldnt link it. Idk im not tagging anyone my music taste is better than yours.

[mourning-deer]

Been actively suicidal again for a few days and its all crashing down on me. Ill be ok. I just want to blow my brains out.

[mourning-deer]

Got a new guitar today

[mourning-deer]

You're not a revolutionary, You're a mentally ill addict in denial with questionable boundaries and even more questionable morals hiding behind your queerness as a way to deflect critique.