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Weekly advice column, Always Anonymous. Receiving questions until 1900 PST 4-7-17

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Be mindful of how you treat people. Be mindful of how you handle things. Be mindful of your intentions. Be mindful.

Alex Elle (via deeplifequotes)

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something that is always worth remembering!

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Full article under the cut! 02.24.2017

Dear Oracle, any tips on not sleeping with an ex? Dear Ex-Lover, This one, in theory, is simple. If you don’t want to sleep with someone the easiest way to accomplish that is to say no, but I suspect that you aren’t asking for the simplest solution. The best method here is to ask yourself why your ex is your ex and no longer a ‘current’. There’s a reason, or several reasons, why you two aren’t together anymore and the longer you keep those in mind the easier it will be to get over them. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t play a little devil’s advocate her: If the reasons why you’re no longer sleeping together aren’t important enough to keep those illicit thoughts out of your head, maybe it’s worth another shot. A good relationship isn’t built on a foundation of sex, sure, but you can get good sex anywhere. If you’re forgoing the buffet to go back for seconds of same-old, maybe it’s not as over as you thought it was. Food for thought.

Dear Oracle, how would you recommend breaking up with someone you aren’t actually dating? Dear Chicken, I’m sorry for the harsh nickname here, Chicken, but I think it’s appropriate in this case. I’ve said it time and again: COMMUNICATION. Mind readers don’t exist and no one can know what you feel through osmosis. The one and only method for getting your point across clearly and concisely is to face your apparent fears head on and speak. I know that’s asking a lot of some people, so I’ll give you some benefit of the doubt that you’ve tried this method and it hasn’t worked quite like you’ve hoped. If your not-an-ex is persistent even after your honest attempt to end things, I recommend one of two things: an intervention, or a restraining order.

Dear Oracle, have any advice in terms of building deep friendships? Dear FriendFinder, Building friendships is much the same as building any kind of relationship. You need communication, honesty, shared interests (the opposites attract trope is so old) and it certainly doesn’t hurt if you both want the same things out of the friendship. That all starts with YOU, dear FriendFinder. If you’re open to the possibility of friendship and put in the time and effort to make it meaningful, it will be. The depth of your relationships will be only as deep as the work you put into them.

Dear Oracle, got any study tips? Dear Studious, If you’re like me, you’re bogged down preparing for midterms and at the end of your rope. Hopefully these tips will help you on your way to a more productive study session: • Set goals and have a plan - lay out exactly what you want to accomplish each study session, be it a number of chapters, a certain amount of notes taken, or how long you plan to continuously work. Write it down on a post it and keep it close as a reminder that no, studying doesn’t last forever. • Don’t just read, write - the process for writing things down on a piece of paper helps us remember things that would just be dumped from our brains the minute we’re on to the next paragraph. Find a method that works for you and take down as many notes as you can. Pare it down to what you still have trouble remembering and focus on those things only. • Take care of yourself! Your brain doesn’t just need knowledge to survive, it also needs food, water, sunshine, and sleep. Put it in your plan to take breaks during marathon study sessions and keep plenty of snacks and water on hand. Even a short walk can do wonders when you’ve been cramming in the library, remember to take in some fresh air every once in a while. • Embrace positivity - you’re only as good as your attitude. Every student knows that it’s easy to be discouraged when faced with the sheer amount of information we have to learn. Remember that thousands of people have done it before you and made it to the other side just fine. You’re going to be great!

Dear Oracle, my friend has been acting strange lately and I’m beginning to get a little worried. He’s been more detached than usual and has been spending a lot of time keeping to himself. At first I thought he might just be upset with me, but now I am seeing him withdrawing from his other friendships as well. I want to make sure he’s okay and that he knows I’m here for him, but I’m not sure about the best way to approach the subject. Your advice is much appreciated, -Concerned Dear Concerned, First, let me commend you for being an excellent friend. Not everyone would have the compassion to ask for help when they notice something wrong with a loved one, you’ve successfully restored our faith in humanity. People withdraw from socializing for a lot of different reasons. Is your friend simply an introvert at their limit for interacting this week? Is he maybe overwhelmed by the high-stress lifestyle that this school can sometimes demand? No matter what the reason, it’s a good idea to let him know outright that you’re there to listen and understand. When in doubt, straightforward is always a good option as it’s difficult to misunderstand. If he has other friends who care about him the way you do and this is very out of the norm for him, you may try getting them on board with helping him see that you’re all a part of his life and that he doesn’t have to isolate himself from his support group. Sometimes those of us who get a little wrapped up in our own heads just need a reminder that we don’t exist on an island. At the end of the day, he’s lucky to have at least one person who cares about his welfare and I’ll cross my fingers that he recognizes it. Best of luck, Concerned.

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Full Article under the cut! 01.27.2017

Dear Oracle, Help! I have such strong feelings for a guy I’ve just met… how do I show that without looking desperate or clingy? Dear Romantic, Strong feelings aren’t a bad thing, even if you two have just met! Plenty of people hit it off right away and go on to learn more about each other later. The important thing is that you pay attention to what level of affection he is or isn’t comfortable with. It’s fine to feel the way you do - great, even! - but not to push it on someone before they’re ready for it. Listen, and have patience.

Dear Oracle, do you have any advice on someone who needs to work on their self control? Dear Control Freak, Set some reasonable goals for yourself. No one climbs a mountain in a day, and no one convinces their brain not to want something in a day either. Try to replace what you want with a healthier alternative and always keep in mind WHY you need that self control in the first place. When in doubt, though, removing yourself from temptation should do the trick.

Dear Oracle, I want to lose my virginity but I’m scared. any tips? Dear Scared, I’m a firm believer that virginity is a societal concept. But, you know, we happen to live in society and that doesn’t really help us change our minds on it, does it? Take your time. I can’t stress this enough. Take your time getting there, there’s plenty of fun things you can do to build up the enjoyment without diving in headfirst. Take your time during the act itself - it’s not a race, but everyone should be a winner when all is said and done. Make sure everyone is enjoying themselves and that you are as happy and as comfortable as can be. Good sex, the best sex, is when everyone is enjoying themselves. If you’re not yet, don’t sweat it, but don’t settle for sub-par.

Dear Oracle, do you have any good pick up lines? You’re so fine you could make an impression on Monet.

Dear Oracle, I like someone but they’re dating a friend. What do I do? Dear Third Wheel, It may be time to evaluate your friendships if you’re coming to me for advice instead of going to the source. But, I digress. Weigh all the possible outcomes and what will be best for you in the long run. Are you happy for them and wish them a long and fulfilling future together? Pretty sure they’re not into you? Fantastic, leave things as they are. Do you want the object of your affection all to yourself? Talk to them, play your hand, and see where the chips fall.

Dear Oracle, what do you do when you like someone you shouldn’t? Dear Shouldn’t, It depends on why you shouldn’t and if the consequences outweigh the benefits. This is terribly vague, Shouldn’t, but I’ll give it my best shot. Is it societal? Ignore society, love who you love, as long as equality and consent are at the forefront. Is it unethical? Well, there’s something to be said for subjective ethics, but the consequences might be more dire. Again, consent at the forefront. Write me back next week with more details if this didn’t cover it, Shouldn’t. I’d like to help you out.

Dear Oracle, do you have any ideas for someone dealing with a creative block? Dear Blocked, Creative block is the worst! You have all of our sympathy, Blocked. There are plenty of tried-and-true methods for getting through a block, but the one I’ve found that works for me is taking a step back. Sometimes lots of steps back, all the way out of town where I can escape the bubble and find something new to inspire me. A new perspective can be helpful, especially when you’ve been stuck for a while without any end in sight. Hit up a new town or a natural wonder you’ve never been to, talk to someone new about their life story or if your travel and social options are limited you can watch, read, or listen to something completely different than your norm. Hope that helps, Blocked. Best of luck!

Dear Oracle, It’s been a while since I’ve been with someone, sexually, but there’s a person in my life right now that I want to be with in that way. Any advice on easing myself back into that kind of intimacy? Should I just go for it, like ripping off a band-aid? Or do you think it’s best I dip my toe in the waters first? Dear Frustrated, It sounds to me like you’ve waited long enough to mess around with toe-dipping, but only YOU can decide what pace is going to work best for you and your would-be lover can help with that more than I can. Open communication is going to be your best bet here; talk to your partner and let them know that it’s been a while but that you want to take that next step. It can be scary to delve back into intimacy after a long hiatus, but try not to overthink it. Sex has worked just about the same way for millions of years, and I promise it hasn’t changed since the last time you went the distance. You’ve got this!

Dear Oracle, I’ve met someone and things are moving very fast, but I think I might be more interested in a real relationship with this person than just a casual hookup. How do I slow things down without seeming disinterested? Should I even try? Dear Misunderstood, Of course you should! If you want more than just a hookup, speak up and let your partner know how you feel. If you’re clear and concise in what you want out of them then the worst that can happen is they say no. If you’re not on the same page, at least you gave it your best shot and you definitely wouldn’t have come across as disinterested. If the hookup option is still available, take it and see where it goes from there. Speak up and be heard, Misunderstood!

Dear Oracle, I get made fun of for the way that my clothes look but I don’t know if I should change wardrobe or stand up to them. Dear Fashion-Forward, As much as I love a good makeover, I hate a bully more. Wear what makes you most feel like “you”, Fashion-Forward, and stick it to the haters. Anyone who mocks someone for being who they are isn’t worth your time. Keep on doing you.