mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll - Tumblr blog

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

good choice. Big chapters can be... intimidating :P

Future installments in my stories will be in the 4,000 to 5,000-words range. Easier to read, easier to digest.

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

(Workard)

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

I adore Ellie so much :3 Hope that you have a good time writing this ^^

Little preview of "Pricefield Family Christmas"

“Why were you and momma cryin’?” Ellie asked as Max helped her get dressed, green hair still a little damp as she slid her legs into the new jeans Max and Chloe had helped her pick out. “Aww, sweetie, we weren’t sad. Your mommies are just happy because we make a wonderful family, y’know?” Max said, picking out a pair of blue Chuck Taylors for Ellie to wear, “Momma and Mommy weren’t always so lucky, so we’ve learned to count every blessing. Especially on Christmases, yeah?” “Ye. I’m lucky to have my mommies, too,” Ellie said as she Max helped her into the small flannel shirt, black and green, “Do I need to cry, too?” “Naw. You just be happy and giggle, ya goof,” Max replied, ruffling her daughters hair, toothy grins on them both. “Ready, babe?” Max heard Chloe ask as she poked her head into the doorway. Classic beanie and leather jacket, Chloe was sporting a button-down shirt and ripped jeans with her boots. “Yeah, just get her jacket and mine and we should be all set. The presents already in the car?” Max replied, getting up, “She’s really gotten into dressing like Ellie from that game you played. “Damn Clickers!” Ellie cried out, getting a chuckle from Chloe. “Please, please, do not say that at grandma’s house, pipsqueak,” Chloe said before heading into the hallway and shortly returning with a peacoat for Max and a hoodie for Ellie, “Momma will get in hella trouble, m’kay? No ‘Damn Clickers” at grandma’s.” “Okay,” Ellie replied as she pulled on the hoodie, “No hewwa trouble for Momma. Would Mommy get in trouble, too?” “…Probably,” Max said with a slight grimace, “Grandma doesn’t like bad words.” “I said a bad word!” Ellie said, hands to her mouth.

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

Even a straight person would one of Chloes sweaters!

Writing those puns was painful. I hope reading them is too. :)

edit: @thehaakun came up with the sweater idea btw!

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

loved the game! Wish there was more to it >.< 

Loan Wolf fanart

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

This has me more tensed up than the election lol

My lawyer thinks that I won. I won't find out for a month or so, but yeah he thinks I won.

Thanks to everyone who wished me well at my hearing. It meant a lot.

🙏💯❤️

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

My Social Security disability hearing is hours away and I need some love and affection to reassure me that'll I'll make it work and win...

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

There’s never enough of those two. Please just never stop drawing them :D

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

I won’t “like” this post... 

keeping my fingers crossed for ya!

Journal Entry

Hey, everyone. Rowan here.

HRT is plodding along, per usual. Boobs still sore as they continue to slowly grow, body fat continues to redistribute as it will while using HRT. Hair and skin continue to soften.

But aside from that, I’m not doing well at all.

Last week…I thought of taking my own life.

I’m not usually one to go this in-depth online, even with the Author’s Notes in my stories, but I’m hella depressed right now. My back has gotten worse and I’m actually diagnosed with fibromyalgia and arthritis of my entire spine, now. I have a handicapped placard for my car and the VA gave me a walker as well as doubled my Tramadol prescription to 400mg. That’s the max dosage, and it’s crazy.

I just feel like my life is in shambles right now. I try to write and fail. I try to do anything that would usually give me some relief, make me smile some, and find myself apathetic to it. I am truly and wholly in a massive funk. I don’t know if it is the HRT that is amplifying my depression or if it is an added result of my worsening physical health but I am not well.

I am receiving counseling for my depression and suicidal thoughts. I am trying to force myself to do the things I once loved doing. It just all feels so pointless sometimes.

That’s pretty much the past two weeks in a nutshell. I’m miserable.

Stay hella for me, Cinnamon Rolls.

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

This is such bullshit  that you need to struggle so much through all of that bureaucracy stuff... (it has it’s reasons to exist but shouldnt stop people who really need help) 

I’m pretty happy that I live in germany where we have at least a better health system... Still keeping my fingers crossed for ya!

HRT Journal Entry

Not much changed since last entry.

Boobs still growing, changing and shaping into actual boobs. Also, they still hurt (in a good way, as the soreness means they’re growing).

Body fat distribution continues as my butt is starting to look like an actual booty, lol.

My hair is getting nice and long. It’s softer and has a nicer feel to it when I comb through it. Wish the meds would work their magic and get the shedding to stop, but at least it is slowing down.

In other news, my Social Security hearing has been scheduled for next month. Seeing as a lot of future planning rides on my getting approved for disability benefits from them, I ask you all to wish me positive thoughts regarding this. It’s a BIG deal for me, getting approved, as it means a better quality of life, possibly a better apartment, and also money to save toward transitioning surgeries.

The VA is prescribing me a walker because of my back, and I’m doing paperwork with my doctor to get a handicapped placard for my car and disability forgiveness for my student loans. Seeing as I’ll never be employed because of my disabilities and medical status, it’s only fair I try and get that monetary debt dissolved.

Hope you’re all having a great week!

Stay hella, Cinnamon Rolls! ;)

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

“Fuck your selfie.”

Sorry couldn’t resist...

Me…in my Spirit Hood. #selfie #firstselfie #transgender #transwoman #transgirl

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

Excited for it! Gonna watch it now :3

Ahhh, The Exorcist premiere episode!!!

It got me in all the right, spooky places 🙏👍💯😁

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

This is such an interesting journal even for someone like me who is straight it’s very fascinating to see how a person really feels while undergoing transition, so thanks for sharing your experience!

HRT Journal Entry

Well, another week down! Almost two months into prescribed transitioning and wow, am I starting to feel it.

My boobs are still sensitive to the touch - putting on a t-shirt is an interesting experience. I can’t wait to get my estrogen increased, see what else happens as the dosages get higher and higher, but my doctor is right that I have to give my body (and mind) time to adjust. I DID, however, get my Spiro doubled to 50mg so there’s some additional progress there AND I am now on progesterone as well. Bring on the additional testosterone blockers and whatnot!

My body is starting to get a little curvy - got something of a booty starting to take shape. If it weren’t for my back pain, I’d try and hit the gym again to do my physical therapy - until the doctors figure out exactly what is going on, though, I’m going to hold off on that as the intense pain that follows each work out lays me out for hours afterward. It isn’t the “good” pain, the soreness and exertion, that you feel from working out. The pain I get after exercise is like my entire back being on fire and that’s a definitive no-go. It’s a shame, as I’d like to do some stuff to work on toning my changing body as much as I am able.

Aside from that, not much else is changing up top. Downstairs is a different story, lol, but I’m not going to talk about that on a public Tumblr post.

Overall, I just continue to try and be more positive. I’ve got a lot of roadblocks and obstructions in my life right now, but all I can do is continue to put one foot forward and take things one day at a time. It’s bad when your life’s mantra is a cliche, but that’s the best I can do for now.

Take care, and stay hella, Cinnamon Rolls! :)

EDIT: It’s interesting how I’ve only been on HRT for just under a couple of months and yet I get so many asks and messages for advice regarding transitioning. I have no problem answering the questions, but I’m on this journey just as much as any other MtF transgender person so to me it means a lot that someone would reach out and ask me questions. I love you all, too

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

Never had a good connection to my whole family so all I can say is don’t depend on them to much even if it hurts

Posting this before I hit the sack. Meds make me hella tired.

Okay, so most of you know my situation. Transitioning.

Well, if…IF I get my Social Security case to go in my favor I’ll get Medicare.

Medicare covers transgender surgeries. I don’t know the exact ones, save bottom surgery (SRS).

Bombshell, right?

So I call my mom to tell her the good news and it’s like all the support I’d been getting from her just diluted.

“Just…Just think about it”

“Weigh your options”

“Don’t jump into it”

I get that she’s concerned, that she worries about my health, but this isn’t that. This is the curtain being pulled back to show that she’s not as supportive as she lets on. I get that it’s still a process, that it’s still something to get used to, but she’s known that I’ve been transitioning, that I’ve been transgender, for nearly half a year now.

The fuck, amirite?

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

Just... Don’t do anything rash. Idk this sounds... Let’s just say hurting yourself will only do exactly that. Hurt. You and also your friends.

Idk if I’m wrong with my assumption and I honestly hope I am.

Have a good one!

My back has felt like shit for years and I finally get an appointment on Wednesday where there are MRIs and X-rays that aren’t 5 years old for the VA to go off of. I am bedridden or confined to my apartment most days because of either the pain or the pain medication I am on. I also suffer from migraines 1-2 times a week, on top of depression, PTSD, and arthritis in both knees and one shoulder.

This is not a life. This is barely even existing. Most people aren’t aware of this, but there have been many times where I’ve felt completely hopeless and worthless. It’s like I have no meaning anymore. I put on a brave face and smile and laugh when I’d rather be crying or pouring my heart out, but I don’t want to bother anybody. Last year, I wrote a ton of stories that helped get me through some of the darkest shit of my life and it’s as though everything is just repeating itself.

I am not healthy.

I am not okay.

I just needed to say this stuff because being alone in the apartment makes my mind go off in places I would rather it not. That’s all.

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

Good guy! 

A little letter four you :)

[mr-hyde-and-dr-jekyll]

I always say quality> quantity 

If you need time to do whatever you need to do, then just take it! It’s your life we’re talking about after all ;)

FINALLY.

God fucking damnit.

In the past…what, 6 years? I don’t think I’ve ever had a chapter of fiction take me this fucking long from the day I started working on it to the day I finally finished it.

Chapter 9 has been in production since fucking April.

And it’s finally done, or at least done enough.

Time to just stick it up there.