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Blog part 5

and he said wait you have a secret i then about died from panic cause now he knows i am keeping something to my self after some word smiting i got out of telling him while calming his nervs he will still refer to it as my demons but i know he would not care he would only mildly judge he is family to me after all closer than my real siblings even but i feel it would be wrong to put him and his kiddo through that and the last thing i need is him slipping up and outing me to my family or whats left of it anyway the more i think about it the more i wonder if i am doing the right thing i am trying to protect others even at a loss to my self something i got from my mother and i am on HRT and have managed to keep everyone hidden from the painful truth but as i continue on my path how long can i keep up my walls how long before all that i have protected is gone or worse turned on me i am at a loss as i don't know what to do and for the first time i don't know who to ask  

thanks for reading my woes it feels good to get this off my chest

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Blog part 4

he said to me one morning as we started are drive to work that we needed to have a distraction free talk now he was referring to some issues that his kiddo had with school and such but i read Greg as meaning one of two things, no two fears i had and as we are as close as we are i worked up the and said okay but as you don't want to talk right now let me ask if it is ether of my to feared conversations with you now we are at the same level of nrev at this point he replies in a tone similar to mine what are your feared conversations to which i said one) you don't want me in your life anymore and he said no that's not whats on his mind so choosing my words carefully i said two) you have found out my only dark secret and you WANT to talk about it and he said

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Blog part 3

I have minimized what i talk about with my nerdy birdy of a friend as i remember what happened with the last friend that i told everything to and nerdy knows i am holding back my words and the reason why and thankfully he gets it and it doesn't bug him now back to my childhood friend lets call him Greg. Greg and i have been friends since 03 or 04 and we are close down to predicting what each-other would respond with in a conversation man that freaked one of my coworkers out good times anyway Greg's car broke shortly after i started the new job so he would ride with me to work as we had the same shift and it's about a 40 min drive one way so we would talk a lot now Greg has a kiddo that kid thinks i'm his blood UNCLE to this day i mean he has had at least ten gifts from me under the Xmas tree for the last three years running he is family i tell you this because one day i misread Greg.

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Core blog part 2

during that time my trans-phobic father had insisted on taking care of me util i was able to take care of my self again and as i had lost my mother only 4 months prier i didn't have much choice in the matter as i was healing i told my  friend everything that happened i have not herd from her since. i started HRT shortly after. fast foreword 9 months my childhood friend got me a new job and i will come back to him in a bit but one of my coworkers and i become nerdy friends we still are actually now they are on the fence about being trans and i had found out by listening at the right time so i vary timidly offered him my doters business card he is still on the fence but at least wont tell my secret as again my childhood friend works there with us all be it in a different room now

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The core blog

I decided to start from the beginning so here is the first of many entries

this is not easy for me especially after building up metaphoric walls my entire life, but, I feel that i need to share my story more for my own mentality than any validation  that said any advise is welcome. I have been trans for a very long time  like 22 to 23 years out of the 30 under my belt and i have told only 2 people both had came out to me first and even then it took a great effort to allow my guard down to tell them the first friend i told re-leaved a great knot from my chest and i told her everything no holding back even about my self destructive tendencies and she seamed intrigued by my ambitions until the night i almost died from my own hubris the details are graphic so i will spare you the nity gritty but i will say despite healing 4 times faster than the doctors thought possible it still took almost two months till i was able to return to work

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Hardware mix up

I got a good laugh when i went to the hardware store. There was a mislabeled tool and two employees where trying to help me one male and one female. The lady kept referring to me as she/her at the same time as the guy was calling me him/he, mean while i was grease covered half shivering with twigs in my disheveled hair. and then they called the manager over and the back and forth started to get a little louder. From she is needing this to we are out of what He needs and She, needs it tonight. I would of loved to be a fly on the wall after I left.

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Accidental blog first entry

this is where it started: it twas a reddit post by u/cassythesassy: It reads "Great" christmas,

So guys. This Thanksgiving I came out to the youngest of my older sisters and almost instantly she outed me to my mom. Which is okay I guess if my mom was actually cool. She sat me down today and was telling me she didn't support anything I was doing and once I leave for military not to bring any of it back if I go through with my plans

Sooo... guess she can just enjoy a present that I got her while I hide in my room.

to witch I reply

Thats tough, but look at it this way you will not have to wonder what she will say. I never told my mom and now I can't, I mean she knew there was something about me she even tryed to get me to come out as gay (I am asexual) so I know she would of excepted me, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. Now that i'm balling like a baby, just remember do what makes you happy and try not to have regrets cuse you never know when you'll lose the chance to corect them and have a merry Xmas ether they will be happy with you or it'll piss em off win win.

and then the lightbulb and now we are here and i must say that was fucking therapeutic

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so i had an insperational moment

i was passing time on reddeit and i had responded to a post in my own kind of way then Lightbulb! lets make a blog and while i am sure most people will give less fucks than a brothel full of Eunuchs i said why not

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fucking tumbler

fucking tumbler, being the dumb asses they are forced me to go threw my fallowing tab and it turns out i'm an ass hole as i had no clue that i had fallowers let alone over 500 beautful people so as the platform commits to it's self destructive acts i shall atempt to stay a float.

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How are you so cute?

Thanks so much for the compliment, but I never think highly of myself in the looks area. I never even like to look in the mirror when dressed up. My wife says its just my insecurity when girly. But to put it in perspective my wife see this when she looks at me: 

I see this whenever I look at me:

Well maybe not that much but you get the point. But thanks for the compliment anyway, I appreciate it. :P

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just my cute trap ass ;3

What all trap items do you own? (posters, figures, etc....)

Well since all my stuff is getting reviewed, i will answer some questions. Here is all the trap stuff i own

Not much but its a start. If anyone has questions let me know 😊

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💜

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Source: @cumkittycat

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